by Calia Read
“Benji, you live with Tim. I don’t think even I could handle him right now.”
“I’m happy to report that he is moving out after this semester. Going to his frat house.”
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Severine added dully.
“Don’t be. I almost did the fucking worm, I was so happy.”
Severine glanced between the two and laughed. “So it’s just the two of you? Aww! You’re like a little married couple.” Even though Severine was kidding, it was fun to see Ben choke on his sandwich. “Relax, I’m just kidding, Benji.”
Ben cleared his throat and chugged down his water before talking. “To clarify, I’m getting a new roommate at the end of Christmas.”
“Cool.” Severine nodded her head, but she had already stopped listening.
Lily and Ben talked quietly to themselves, and Severine polished off the rest of her sandwich. God, it’d be amazing to be one of those girls that couldn’t muster the strength to eat after heartbreak.
There was no better payback than looking amazing in front of your ex. Instead, Severine ate everything in sight. She was an emotional eater. Always had been, always would be. She paid the price by occasionally stepping foot in the gym.
Lily snapped her fingers in front of Severine. “You never answered my question.”
“What? About staying with you guys?”
Lily anxiously nodded her head.
“You don’t think that will be awkward for everyone?” Severine asked. “You guys canoodling in the next room would be the last thing I’d want to hear.”
Lily threw the rest of her pickle in Severine’s direction. “Why do you still call it that? I hate that word.”
“I love that word.”
For a moment, Lily paused and pursed her lips in thought before she flashed her blue eyes at Severine. “Do I need to pack your stuff up?”
“Eh. It would be great not to be stuck alone in the dorms,” Severine disclosed thoughtfully.
“You’d be closer to the gym and all the restaurants,” Lily said in a luring voice.
“That’s great. The last thing I need is the torture of greasy food.”
“The best thing of all? You’d be next to me.”
It seemed like the opposite of what Severine should do. Going to a friend’s house because she was lonely? It was what she wanted, but Severine knew it wouldn’t work in the long run. This whole problem was something she needed to face by herself.
Chapter Thirty
Severine hopped back and forth anxiously. It was seven in the morning, on a weekend. She should be studying for finals, creeping on Facebook, calling her mom. Instead, she was pounding on Anne’s door.
After Severine’s tenth pound, she answered. A blanket was tossed around her shoulder, part of her black hair was sticking straight up, and she had a serious case of morning breath. “What. The. Hell. Do. You. Want?”
“Go to the gym with me,” Severine said anxiously.
Anne groaned and leaned her body against the doorframe dramatically. “Screw you, Severine. It’s what, four in the morning?”
“It’s seven.”
“What’s the difference?” Anne grumbled.
It was time to be in bed, sleeping the morning away. But Severine needed a breather—from everything. “Can you just get dressed and go with me?”
“Why now? Are you Rocky? Are you training for a boxing match?” Anne peered closer, and checked Severine’s eyes. “Did you take speed or something? No human should be awake at this time.”
“I agree, but I finished studying a few hours ago, and I can’t sleep.”
Anne nodded groggily. “You know you’re screwing up my REM cycle, right?”
“Meet me downstairs.”
“Bite me, Severine.”
* * * * *
Severine had never been a good runner on a treadmill. Was it just her or did everyone feel at some point they were going to fall off the damn thing and bust their ass? It made her nervous.
Next to her was Anne, who was walking as slow as a snail. She said she was walking off her sleep hangover. Severine wholly believed her. But Anne hadn’t complained once the entire two hours they had been there. Anne knew why Severine was up. They didn’t have to say anything; she was just there for her.
The screen flashed: three miles. For once while working out, it was a fast three miles. She slowed the machine to a cool down and stared up at the flat screen mounted in front of her.
Her muscles burned in pain. It was helping, though. The anger rolled off her in waves and down to her feet, pounding away all her hatred. Severine pressed stop and chugged a bottle of water.
“I thought you were gonna run the belt off.”
Severine kept her expression neutral and turned around. In front of her, Thayer stood in a pair of basketball shorts and a cut off. He looked at her with no sympathy. Severine could’ve kissed him for that.
“You feel better?”
She shrugged her shoulders but smiled. “I’d feel better if I could rip your brother’s eyes out.”
His lips went into a thin line. “Ben told me that Lily wants you to stay with them.”
Severine walked in step with Thayer. “Benji has-”
“Oh, don’t worry about me,” Anne shouted behind them. “I’m okay over here!”
Severine turned back to look at her friend. Her head was inches away from Thayer’s bicep. Even sweaty, he smelled good. “I’m waiting for you!”
“Hardly. I’m gonna head out early. I think you kicked your anger right in the ass. Adios, Severine.” Anne halted in front of Thayer and craned her neck up to his face before looking at Severine. “No one should look this good after a workout.” She walked away but shouted out, “No one!”
“So, Anne still likes me.”
“Anne likes no one. And why would anyone dislike you?”
“Because of the whole...”
“You didn’t cheat on me.” Severine looked around the gym as she waited for the awkwardness to kick in or for Thayer to find an excuse to leave. It never arrived.
“Have you talked to Mac?” he asked quietly.
Severine motioned for him to follow her. “Barely. When I do, none of my questions get answered.”
Thayer nodded his head. “So you’re really not going to take him back?”
It was the tone of his voice that made Severine stop walking. He stopped with her but stared ahead with a frown on his face. “No, I’m not. Do you find that hard to believe?”
“Maybe I do.”
“I can’t persuade you to believe it. There’s really nothing left to salvage.”
He opened his mouth, looking like he wanted to say more, but he quickly shut it. “I don’t think he’s going to give up, Blake.”
Severine looked down at the ground. “Does it really matter anymore? Besides, it’s not like we were together for years or even a year. Hell, Thayer, it was only a few weeks. Kids in middle school have longer relationships.”
“People fuck up, though.”
Severine looked up him at sharply. “Are you standing up for him?”
“I’m the last person that will stand up for him. But what are you going to do in your next relationship? What if the next guy does something stupid?”
“Simple. I’ll just stick to my serial dating. My graphical chart has proven that going on a few dates and moving on has been a statistical success.”
“Because you get to know none of them,” Thayer muttered.
Severine huffed and placed her hands on her hips. “Really? You’re going to give me advice? You do the same thing.”
He smirked, but his eyes were serious. “Because I know from date one who’s worth my attention and efforts.”
“You can tell that quickly?”
Thayer snapped his fingers. “Just like that.”
His face was pensive as he waited for her to speak. Severine thought over her words and avoided his gaze. “I think you’re right about one thing.” Thayer me
rely raised his eyebrows. “I’m realizing that I knew nothing about Macsen. I thought I knew who he was, but there’s another side of him that I’ve never seen.”
“You have no idea,” Thayer said seriously.
She wanted to suddenly blurt out how sorry she was for judging him so quickly. Funny how she saw the side of Thayer no one ever did. How much she preferred it to the snarky, quiet one that every girl sighed over and loved.
“I didn’t, did I?” Severine asked him. “That’s my mistake. I won’t make it again.”
Thayer looked at her and stepped closer. “He’s one guy, Severine. Don’t place the rest of us in that light.”
“I won’t.” Severine didn’t know if she could keep true to her words. Once you’ve been burned, it was possible to forget, but a scar would always be there, reminding you of the one mistake.
“Hey.” Thayer nudged her lightly on the shoulder. A part of Severine wanted him to keep his hand there. “You looked like shit running on the treadmill.”
“Thank you for that.”
“That’s why I wondered if you’d want to run with me upstairs.”
“Upstairs?”
“Above the court, there’s a small track for people to run.”
Severine automatically looked up to the ceiling. “Since when?”
“Since forever. Follow me—it’s on the opposite side. You would’ve noticed before, by the magic of sight...”
Severine aimed a kick at his calf, and he dodged out of the way with a boyish smile playing on his face. “Come on, Blake.” He grabbed her hand in his, without asking, and without caring what they’d look like.
Severine held tight and followed him to the opposite side of the building. When they reached the basketball court, sure enough, a set of stairs was right next to the entrance. They walked up the stairs, and Severine’s legs were already cringing in pain. “So this has been here the whole time? Am I the only one that has been clueless about this?”
“Nah. If you venture this far you’d notice it, but you’re not a true gym rat.”
The small track came in sight. Only one other person ran quietly. It was a perfect place for Severine to run off all her stress in silence.
“So you want me to go? I’ll run with you.”
Severine riveted her gaze at Thayer.
He shifted forward on the balls of his feet. “If you want me to. You just seem...” his eyes glanced at her thoughtfully, “lonely.”
She was, completely and wholly. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
Severine watched him nod and look away. She didn’t miss the slight smirk on his face as he went to stretch. She was finding more reasons to count on Thayer—more reasons to depend on him when she wanted to break down and fewer reasons to care about having feelings for him.
Chapter Thirty-one
“Severine!” Her mom shouted. “Severine, can you see me?”
Severine cringed. “Yes, I can. You don’t have to shout, Mom. Is this your first Skype call ever?”
Severine watched her mom nod and smile. “Actually, it is. Your Aunt Rachel helped me download it.”
Rachel shoved her face close to the screen. “Your mom knows nothing about technology. It’s scary.”
“You’re preaching to the choir. I’ve tried to get her to Skype with me forever.”
“Well, now she has it. There’s no excuse.” Rachel moved away from the screen and dragged a chair up next to her mom.
“Severine!” her mom shouted. “I’ll be back. My casserole is almost done.”
“Okay.”
“Rachel will keep you company.”
Aunt Rachel winked at the screen as her mom moved out of the computer chair and out of the room. “Soo,” Rachel drew out, “your mom mentioned a boy…
The wound was healing, but it still hurt to think about. “Ah. That didn’t go too well. We broke up a few weeks ago.”
“I heard about that. But I’m not talking about that scum, Severine. I want to know about this other guy.”
“The other guy,” Severine pronounced slowly.
“Severine!” she hissed out. “Are you with his brother already?”
Her eyes bulged wide. “What the hell? No, no.” Severine shook her head wildly. “No, I’m not with him.”
Even with miles and miles separating them, she could sense her aunt’s interest. She was watching Severine’s every move, every fidget, and blink, and it was all taken in account. Sometimes she read into everything Severine didn’t want people to see.
“Okay...you’re not with this dude-”
“Thayer,” Severine interrupted.
Rachel raised her eyebrows. “Sorry. You’re not with Thayer, but I’ve seen that look. Hell, I remember having that look. He must be something to have you squirming like that.”
Severine groaned and placed her forehead against her keyboard. “If I say anything, you’re just gonna judge.”
“I can hardly judge. Last week I went out with a guy name Ceecee. I thought I could get over the name. But clearly, we can see that didn’t go anywhere.”
Severine glanced up at the screen and smiled. “Ceecee?”
“It was a nickname, okay! I’m not judging, you don’t judge. That’s the deal here.”
Severine nodded. “What are you asking? Am I attracted to him?”
“Yes. But remember, I’m your aunt. I want to give you advice, but give me the clean version.”
Severine batted her eyelashes playfully at the screen. “Why yes, I’m attracted to him. Just last week we were at the gym, and I wanted to jump his bones.”
“TMI!”
“I’m just kidding.” Not really.
“So how badly do you want to jump his bones?” Rachel asked with narrowed eyes.
Severine held both of her hands in front of her, palms up. “Macsen and I,” she lifted her right hand slightly. “Visions of Thayer and me,” the left hand pushed itself high in the air.
A grin played on her aunt’s lips. “A little attracted then, are you?”
“Oh, just a little,” Severine said back dryly.
“You really wanna know what I think?”
Severine stalled for time and crossed her legs. “Depends,” she finally uttered.
“I think that you need to stay away. Sounds like you have a major spark with this one. And if I were betting, I’d say the feeling is mutual. But he’s Scumbag’s brother, Severine. Imagine if you dated or were together for a night. It would change many things. And you’re bouncing back from a breakup, which let’s admit, is not the best feeling in the world.”
Severine knew that. Those reasons had popped up in her head more than once. Every time she’d agree with those thoughts, they’d quickly start to fade away. Every time she talked to Thayer on the phone, at the gym, or walking across campus, those warnings faded until there was absolutely nothing holding her back.
With her head pressed close to her screen, Severine whispered, “I don’t think I can stay away. It’s messed up.”
Rachel nodded and whispered back, “Then go for it.”
“Okay,” her mom announced breezily, “I’m back.”
Rachel gave a subtle nod of her head. Severine knew their conversation would be between the two of them. “So, Severine,” her aunt called out conversationally, “before we got on here, I was trying to talk your mom into taking a trip with me.”
Severine raised her eyebrows. “A trip, eh?”
Clacy scoffed, and Severine smiled at her mom’s discomfort. She wasn’t a traveler. In fact, you never wanted to travel with her mom. By the end of the vacation, you’d lose the will to live.
“Rachel, we all can’t have your...free spiritedness. I can’t just take time off from work.”
“Sure you can! This will be amazing!” Rachel chirped out.
“When is this trip?” Severine asked.
“Well, that’s the thing,” Rachel paused uncomfortably. “It’s during your break.”
“And you want me to go, or
you don’t want me to go?”
“No!” Rachel rushed out. “We want you to go. The two of us just doubted whether you’d want to spend time with two middle-aged women while they ogled the cabana boys.”
Severine laughed at the thought. “No, it’s not exactly on my to-do list.”
“Severine, I won’t go if you want to spend Christmas with me. I know you’re still hurting from Grandma’s loss. If you want me to be home, I will be.”
“You need to go,” Severine said instantly. The mention of her grandma urged her to encourage her mom to go. She’d miss her grandma forever, but knew her mom and aunt suffered from the loss even worse. If this trip with her sister would cheer them up, they should do it.
“But-”
“So,” Severine interrupted her mom quickly, “where do you want to kidnap her ?”
Rachel answered instantly, “Scotland.”
Severine’s jaw dropped. “There’ll be no cabana boys there. You know that, right?”
“Okay, so guys in kilts. Same thing.”
Not even close. Severine let it slide. “Mom, do you even own a passport?”
“Yes. I just don’t see the need to travel all over the Earth.”
Severine frowned, and Rachel supplied an answer to Severine’s confusion. “Since your mom was a teenager, she has refused to travel overseas. I think she thinks the ocean will swallow her whole or something.”
“No! That’s not it. I will remain in the good ol’ US of A!”
“Come on, Clacy! I’ve seen the grandmas on those Norman Rockwell pictures live more wildly than you! Severine, tell your mom she should go.”
“You should really go.” Her mom gawked at her, and Severine explained her answer in greater detail. “I think we’ve gone on two vacations my whole life, and the entire time you whined.”
Rachel squealed and hugged her sister. “You see? You need an adventure. It’s only for a week! It will be amazing!”
Severine saw the indecision on her mom’s face but knew she was cracking slowly. “And you’re okay spending all of your Christmas break alone?”
