by Calia Read
“What?”
“When I play tonight, I’m gonna smell you on me.”
* * * * *
Severine could play with the best of them.
Sneaky was her middle name in high school. Her mom used to say that when she was quiet, that meant she was up to no good. Severine smirked and looked down at her coffee. This past week had been filled with nothing but Thayer. It was a good kind of quiet.
“You’re here before me.” Lily held her coffee in between her hands and stared down at Severine. “This must be serious.”
Severine shut her book and scooted over. “We haven’t seen each other since school started back up.”
Lily shrugged off her jacket and draped it over the edge of the couch. “It’s only been a week.”
“For us, that’s like a lifetime,” Severine pointed out.
“That’s why you should’ve agreed to stay with Ben and me for a while.”
“That would’ve been too much.”
“So...what’s up?” Lily finally asked.
Severine pushed her book aside and laughed at Lily’s calm demeanor. “I can’t believe this!”
Lily paused, her drink held mid-air, “What?”
“You’re not begging to know how my trip with Thayer went?”
A wide smile transformed Lily’s face. “My New Year’s resolution was to be...less nosey.”
“And how’s that working out so far?”
Her coffee slammed onto the table in front of them. The brown liquid sloshed over the rim. “I’m dying over here! Just tell me what happened before I piss my pants!”
“It was fun.” Severine couldn’t keep her grin off her face for longer than six seconds.
“Just tell me, did you..?”
“Did I what? Meet his parents? His older brother, Mathias? Yeah, I did.”
“He has an older brother?” Lily’s jaw popped open before she tightly shut her mouth and scrunched up her face. “I’ll get back to that later. I need to know the good stuff right now. I wanna know about you and Thayer!”
Severine gave Lily a stare that said everything she couldn’t and sipped her coffee.
Lily’s jaw practically dropped to the floor. “Holy. Shit. If I didn’t know you, I’d kind of hate you right now.”
“You have Ben, you freak show.”
“I’m not blind. That is prime real estate right there.”
“Never use that phrase again.”
“It’s the truth,” Lily anxiously stated. “If anyone finds out about this, the female student body is going to light up torches and stand outside your dorm, just waiting to light your ass up! Right now I’m really glad I don’t live with you.”
“You’re not going to say anything. No one is going to know.”
“Oh.” Lily made a look of disgust. “Ugh. Don’t tell me you’re going to pretend that it never happened?”
That would be physically impossible. Severine’s heart sped up at the thought of pretending. She couldn’t go through with it. “Why would I do that?”
“Thank God.”
“We’re just being quiet about everything,” Severine finally admitted.
“And what is everything?” Lily prodded bluntly.
“Just quiet.” Lily opened her mouth, and Severine covered her friend’s mouth quickly to finish her sentence. “I don’t want anything to fall apart. So we’re going about this calmly, with both our heads on straight.”
“This is all because of Macsen, isn’t it?”
“What else would it be?”
A gentle expression crossed over Lily’s face. She placed a comforting hand on Severine’s leg. “You have to break away from all of that.”
“I’m over it.”
Lily gave her a doubtful look.
“I mean it,” Severine insisted. “It’s like that time in fifth grade when Cody stabbed your hand with a pencil. You bitched about it forever.The pain went away, but you were left with a really strange scar.”
“I didn’t bitch. That hurt. Badly.”
It was Severine’s turn to look skeptical.
“If you’re going to use any of my wounds, use the door slam.”
Severine stared down at the floor in thought. When the memory came to her, a look of horror came across her face. “Gideon slamming your hand in a door at church and your nail falling off, is not something I want to think about.”
“Now I cried like a bitch over that.” Lily conceded.
“Your brother was evil then.”
Lily nodded her head in agreement. “I agree. I give him slack now. He’s just trying to survive our parents.”
“Which brings me to my next point…where the hell were your parents during all your accidents?”
“I’m a church kid. I spent more time running around pews and in Sunday school rooms than anything else.”
“You Partlows are psychopaths.”
“Enough about my wounds that you weirdly used as an example. I understand that you’re cautious. But sneaking around?” Lily looked apprehensive. “How does that help?”
Severine’s expression showed her indifference. Nothing was for certain. But there was always the voice in the back of her head that warned her to remain careful. The same thing that happened with Macsen could happen with Thayer. “It doesn’t. But the last time I jumped into a relationship, it was a disaster.”
“I’ll say it again, it wasn’t your fault,” Lily firmly stated.
“I know that. But you can agree, having any type of connection with someone has the potential to eat you alive.”
“Well, yeah. Unfortunately, your past relationship had a nasty appetite.”
“It’s over, and I’m not gonna think about it.” Severine turned her attention to her book but she could still feel Lily’s focus on her.
“I can’t freaking believe this. I mean we all thought it was going to happen, but I was doubtful.”
Severine turned her head back to Lily. “Who’s we?”
“You know...Ben, me, Chris. A few other people.”
“I’m not even going to ask what was said. You just need to keep your mouth shut and tell no one about this.”
“Mmm...” Lily nodded her head and looked away. “Sure.”
“Seriously," Severine pleaded, "for now, this stays between you and me. Not even Ben needs to know.”
“Is this always going to be a secret?”
“I don’t know.”
Lily’s foot tapped against the coffee table as she stayed silent. “You two can only stay a secret for so long. Someone’s going to uncover you. Just don’t sabotage yourself.”
Severine saw the merit in Lily’s words. She gave a brief nod. “Thanks for listening.”
“Anytime, my friend. Anytime.” She rubbed her hands up and down greedily. “Now, tell me about this other brother!”
Chapter Forty
Anything that was delicate had a chance of breaking.
Severine kept her mind ready for the time when she and Thayer would break apart.
Only two weeks had passed since Tennessee. It wasn’t long at all. Her mind raced forward for the next time they could see each other, but time dragged by like someone stuck in quicksand. There wasn’t enough time in the day—not enough moments with Thayer to keep Severine sated.
“You’ve spaced on me again.”
Severine jerked her head in Anne’s direction. “Huh?”
Anne exhaled dramatically and dully glanced at Severine. “If you’re gonna make me take a walk with you, at least listen to me. Idiot.”
“I’m listening now!”
Anne tucked a short piece of her coal black hair behind her ear. “Barely. What’s going on with you lately?”
Severine kept her face neutral as she glimpsed at Anne curiously. Her friend could see too much. “What do you mean by that?”
“I’m saying you just seem different.”
“I changed face powders?” Severine provided. She’d say anything to keep them off course f
rom what Anne really wanted to talk about. Anything but that. “I think this shade gives me a natural healthy glow,” she rushed on, “compared to blending in with walls. I can’t wait-”
“I’m not talking about the weather,” Anne impatiently huffed. Her breath came out and appeared in the cold air. “Or your makeup products. Your attitude is different.”
There was no way to know what her face looked like or what her energy projected. This had been the most carefree Severine had felt in months. Capturing her feelings so they wouldn’t show made her heart speed up in protest. “I- I’m just happy,” Severine stuttered out.
Anne turned her shoulder to stare directly at Severine. Her eyebrows slanted down in disbelief. “Really happy?”
“Yeah.”
“For yourself?”
“Why are you asking me so many questions?”
Anne shrugged and kicked at a rock on the sidewalk. “I talked to Lily today.”
“Are you kidding me?” Severine threw her hands up in the air before placing them on her waist. “She can’t keep a secret!”
“You might as well have called the local newspaper,” Anne calmly said.
“I know she gets diarrhea of the mouth sometimes, but I didn’t think she’d flap her jaw over this. Did you get her drunk or something?”
“Nope. We were at the library studying.”
Severine looked at her doubtfully.
“Seriously.” Anne held her pinky out and smirked deviously. “You want me to pinky swear? I promise we started out studying, and then the last hour we talked about you.” Anne’s blunt honesty sometimes came in handy. That time was now.
Severine stopped on the sidewalk and tucked her scarf more securely around her neck. “Anything else?”
“Relax. She didn’t have a microphone held to her mouth. No one else heard her.”
“I doubt that. I know when she really gets into a story, she talks like she’s in a stadium.” Severine started walking again. Anne’s short little legs caught up with Severine’s steps quickly.
“Can I tell you what I think?” Anne asked.
“No.”
“Well, I’m going to anyway. Then I’ll leave you alone.”
Severine groaned. “Don’t.”
“Sorry. I’m going to.” The two walked in silence before Anne finally spoke her thoughts. “I don’t know if you two together is messed up. Is it awkward? I’d say, probably.”
Severine wasn’t a crier, but Anne nailed her thoughts on the head. It felt good to have some of her thoughts validated. “But if Thayer knows your true self, and if bullshit comes your way and he still wants to be there, then it’s something to really think about. If he wants to invest time with you, to see inside your soul, then I say hold him tight. I can’t say I blame you for keeping this a secret. I think I’d do the same.”
Severine’s smile quivered as she bumped shoulders with Anne. Her words were too accurate. “That was a really thoughtful speech.”
Anne snorted, “Don’t get used to it. That about took it out of me.”
“Thanks.”
“Just don’t let it go to hell, or I might snatch him up.”
Severine laughed while Anne barely cracked a grin. “Totally serious. His voice has the potential to turn even me on. You know, he could make a killing off voice recordings. I’d buy an audio book just to hear him talk. Completely change my nonexistent zest for reading.”
“You concern me sometimes.”
“It’s the truth. You even have to admit that.” Anne wiggled her eyebrows and gave a quick wink.
Severine agreed. She was just thinking of him yelling her name.
Anne stopped walking as she glanced ahead. “You know, my ass is freezing and I’m tired of walking. I’m going back to the dorms.”
Severine looked in front of them and saw Thayer walking toward them. He smiled and Severine returned the gesture to him. Every step closer made Severine’s skin tingle in excitement. She wanted to touch him, wanted to have him all to herself. “You can stay, you know.”
“Yeah, right.” Anne turned around and hurried in the opposite direction.
Severine stared greedily at Thayer and waited for him to come to her.
She’d never share. Whatever was hers would always remain that way. When Thayer sauntered closer, Severine knew he was strictly hers.
Mine, mine, mine...her mind called out.
She wanted to wrap herself around him and hang tight. It wasn’t the place. Not with people walking on the sidewalk around them in the middle of campus. But she was close to not caring.
They stood across from each other, only inches separating them. Thayer smiled down at her and leaned forward on the balls of his feet before moving closer. “I want you to come to my game,” he declared.
“A game? Yeah, that’s probably not gonna happen.”
“You don’t want to see me play?” Thayer asked. He knew her answer. He knew every single time he asked.
“Didn’t you ask me this awhile back?”
“I did,” he confirmed. “But I’m gonna keep asking until you agree.”
“I’m picturing all the annoying people and the uncomfortable seats. Sad part is...I think I’d be the person carrying one of those huge bleacher pads around.”
“That’s okay. You could just tell people you were sore for other reasons.”
Severine punched him in the arm. “That’s nasty, Thayer.” Even so, she couldn’t get rid of the thoughts running through her head.
Thayer stopped walking and gave her a double take. He knew what she was thinking. His hands reached out toward her but quickly pulled back. He looked away, and Severine was given a glimpse at his profile. The sharp line of his nose, curve of his lips, the firm line of his jaw—it was all too much. It was starting to feel like torture, standing so close to him and not making contact with him.
“So do I get anything if I win?”
The wind picked up around them, and Severine brought her hood up to block the wind. “Do I have to reward you for playing good?”
He bent down close to her. His cologne wafted toward her, and Severine wanted to bury her face into his neck. With his cheek next to her own, he spoke in a hushed voice. It still rumbled through her and gave her chills. “I’m not above begging. If you don’t come to the game, meet me afterwards.”
Severine stood on her tiptoes to speak closer, as Thayer leaned his head down to help. One move of her head, and they’d be kissing. His eyes fixated on her lips and Severine could feel her lips tingling. “Where?”
“I’ll think of somewhere.”
“I’m not meeting you at your apartment,” Severine warned.
Thayer’s lips thinned slightly. “Hell, I wouldn’t ask you to.”
“Good, then we’re on the same page.”
“Our entire situation is messed up. But I’m dead on about one thing—you can’t get me out of your head as much as I can’t get you out of mine.”
Her eyes glinted back at him, and her lips slowly curved upward. “Sometimes I think together we are the worst kind of calamity.”
Thayer grinned back. Severine’s lips burned. “Then I’ve never wanted to be destroyed so bad.”
Chapter Forty-one
“What does one wear to a game?”
Lily spun herself around on Severine’s computer chair. “Well, not a clubbing outfit. I’ll tell you that much.”
“You’re not helping.”
Lily stopped spinning and pointed to Severine’s body. “Just wear that. It might be Thayer’s best game to date.”
Severine didn’t even bother looking down at her bra and jeans. Her fingers rifled through each hanger as she talked. “You’re in a chipper mood.”
“Correct! I am. And you know why?”
Severine turned and raised an eyebrow.
Lily hopped off the chair without falling over, “My best friend, who, by the way, has sworn to never attend any sport activities, has now decided to go to a basketball game.
It makes me more than curious.”
“I never swore not to go to games. I just said I’d rather not.”
Lily moved next to her and started moving hangers around. “I think your exact words were that you’d rather watch the Antique Roadshow than ever go to any game. Ever.”
“What. Do you record our conversations secretly or something?” Severine asked sarcastically, and held a black turtleneck against her body.
“Uh, please don’t wear that. Are you going to a poetry reading after this?” Severine took Lily’s brutal advice and hung the sweater back in her closet.
“So you’ve lifted the ban of attending sports games. You don’t think I’m just a little curious?”
Severine silently held out a white v-neck, button up sweater. Lily nodded her approval. “Please. Let’s not pretend there’s any other reason for me going other than Thayer,” Severine finally muttered.
“Wow. I didn’t think you’d admit it so quickly.”
Severine lifted both shoulders in a shrug and sifted through her makeup. “Well, I’m evolving, ever-changing, if you will.”
“And soooo...when the game ends? You’re just going to leave the game and be on your merry way?”
Severine shook her head no and paused to stare at Lily. “I would tell you, but you flapped your jaw to Anne.”
“It was an accident! It came out of my mouth before I could stop it.”
“I’m not telling you anything anymore.” It was a weak warning. Severine knew she’d tell everything to Lily.
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I just need to know what’s going on.”
Severine sat down on her bed and put on her ankle boots. “He wants to meet after the game.”
Lily slowly grinned. “And are you gonna?”
With one shoe still in her hand, Severine pointed a finger at her. “Okay. That! That right there!”
Lily’s eyes went wide, and she smiled curiously. “What are you talking about?”
“That smile. When I mention Thayer and me together, you’re supposed to tell me that this is completely messed up and that I need to walk in the other direction.”
“Maybe I don’t think that you should walk in the other direction,” Lily pointed out.
