Tonight, though — tonight, we’d decided to go farther. All the way, in fact.
I was ready.
And it was so obvious that Ethan was ready. I was sure I wasn’t his first, but that didn’t matter to me.
Like I said, I’d do anything to keep him.
I wanted to show him how mature I was.
With a racing heart, I walked out of Algebra, leaving him sitting at his desk. I could feel the heat of his gaze all the way to the door but I didn’t look back at him. I was careful. Always.
Both of us knew we’d probably have to keep our relationship a secret a little longer than we wanted, but Ethan was so sweet about it, always telling me he didn’t mind.
That didn’t mean that I didn’t have to go out of my way to make him at least feel like he wasn’t dating a little kid, you know?
I needed to show him I was mature.
So, I pushed away the feelings of nervousness and forced myself to be excited about tonight. Those little voices in my head that argued with me would just have to shut up when the time came.
In the meantime, I rushed through my day, itching for my classes to be over so I could go home and get ready.
“You’re quiet today, Maddy,” Larissa said as we sat in the back of the bus on the way home.
I shrugged, flashing her a smile. “I’m fine.”
“I don’t know,” she said, looking at me suspiciously. “I think something’s going on with you.”
“Nope,” I insisted, shaking my head.
“If you say so,” she replied with shrug, as we approached her stop. “Text me later.”
“Okay,” I said. “See you tomorrow.”
She hugged me and jumped off the bus, and in moments at the next stop, I did the same, walking down our little driveway toward our house. Mom wasn’t home yet, which was a little weird because I knew she wasn’t working today, but I was thankful for it.
A few moments alone were just what I needed. I was done arguing with her, at least for today. I needed to mentally prepare for tonight, even though I had no idea how I was going to do that exactly.
I waved at Finn, our neighbor, who was in his front yard throwing a ball for his yellow lab, Sunshine. She was only a few years old, and had the energy of a puppy. She jumped ten feet in the air, caught the ball and landed gracefully on her paws.
“Hey, Maddy,” he waved back.
“Hi, Finn. How’s Sunshine?”
“Energetic as ever,” he replied, with a smile.
I nodded and let myself into the house, locking the door behind me and heading to my room. I spent the next hour staring up at the ceiling over my bed, my head spinning with the enormity of what I was about to do.
CHAPTER TWO
SAGE
“How do you have time to date?” I asked my best friend, Corinne, as we sat at a quiet table at the back of the library at Oregon Health and Sciences University. Corinne and I are both in our final year of classes at OHSU before we begin our residency. Her thumb flew over her phone as she continuously swiped left and right.
“I only date other med students,” she replied, her copper curls bouncing around her head. “And I wouldn’t exactly call banging in the supply closet dating. None of us have time for anything more than that.”
“That’s my point,” I said. “How do you have time to actually connect with anyone?”
“It’s easy. Tab D goes into Slot V. Instant connection,” she giggled.
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
“You need to lower your standards, Sage,” she said. “You’re going to explode if you don’t get a little release.”
“I think I’m okay,” I replied.
“Are you though?” She protested. “Look at you. You’re a tangle of nerves and anxiety.”
“The career path we’ve chosen isn’t exactly stress free,” I replied, dryly.
“I’m just saying it could be a little less stressful if you —.”
“— If I what? Let Andy Forrenti sweat all over me? No, thank you.”
“I just did him once,” she said. “The others aren’t so bad. I could hook you up? Give you a referral? Actually, you should see Charlie Parker’s dick, you’d change your mind in a hurry.” She laughed, her entire face lighting up, her bright green eyes sparkling under the fluorescent lights of the library.
“I’ll let you know if I do,” I said. “I’m not quite at that desperate point yet.”
“Hey!” she cried, mocking outrage. “I’m not desperate! I’m just practicing good self-care. Think of it as getting a massage.”
“With a happy ending?” I asked, raising a brow.
“Exactly!”
We laughed, and I got back to studying while she got back to swiping.
I hate to admit it, but she’s probably right. I probably do need…something. Some sort of escape route when things get too overwhelming. I’d wanted to be a pediatrician all my life, and I knew it would be hard, but I never imagined I would be this bone tired every single day. No matter how much I tried to get enough sleep, there were never enough hours in the day to actually do that.
Since I couldn’t get enough sleep, there certainly wasn’t time for a social life. I couldn’t blame Corinne for doing things the way she was doing them. Casual hookups have apparently become the norm in the modern world, with everyone and their mother, literally, on Tinder or Bumble or whatever the latest dating app was.
Except for me, of course.
I was the lone hold out, evidently.
I just couldn’t do it. I’d considered it. There was even a nerdy young intern that I worked with last week that I thought was mildly attractive, but the thought of getting from point A to point B just seemed excruciating. I couldn’t imagine just jumping into sex without at least a little small talk and the thought of making time for small talk to actually lead to having sex was also something that took time.
And time was something I absolutely did not have to spare.
The truth was, I guess, that I’d rather sleep.
Sleep was easy, uncomplicated, and so very satisfying.
I couldn’t imagine that a quick romp on a rickety cot in a dark supply closet would satisfy me in quite the same way.
So, I chose sleep each time I was tempted to hook up with someone.
My phone buzzed on the table, and Corinne and I both looked at it in surprise. Rarely did I get a phone call.
“Oh, it’s Maddy,” I said. “What time is it?”
“Almost eleven,” Corinne said.
“Weird,” I said, as I picked it up and answered.
“Hey, Mad,” I said.
“Sage, um, something’s weird.”
“What do you mean?”
“Mom’s not home,” she said. “She wasn’t here when I got home from school and she’s still not home. She’s not answering her phone.”
“Oh,” I said, my brow wrinkling. “Well, what was she doing today?”
“She wasn’t working, but I don’t know what else.”
“I’m sure there’s a good explanation, Maddy, don’t worry,” I said. “Let’s just think.”
Corinne looked over at me inquisitively and I put my hand over the phone. “Mom didn’t come home.”
Corinne’s eyes widened with concern.
“I don’t know, Sage, I have a weird feeling,” Maddy said. I could hear the fear in her voice.
“Let’s not jump to conclusions,” I said. “Are you at home now? Are you locked in?”
“Yeah,” she replied.
“Okay, good,” I said. “Listen, I’m going to try to call Mom’s cell, and I’ll call you back, okay?”
“Okay, but it’s going right to voicemail.”
“Let me try,” I said.
“Okay,” she said. “Call me right back.”
“I will,” I said, hanging up and looking over at Corinne.
“Shit.”
“She just didn’t come home?”
“Maddy sai
d she wasn't there after school and she hasn’t heard from her all night.”
I dialed Mom’s number, my stomach sinking in fear as I heard the click of the phone and then her voicemail greeting ringing in my ear. I waited till it beeped. “Mom, call me. Maddy and I are worried about you.”
“Damn,” Corinne said.
I sat there, stunned with confusion.
“What should I do?” I asked.
“Well. You could call the cops. Or her friends. Maybe her job? What else…”
“I should go be with Maddy,” I said.
“We have that test tomorrow, Sage,” Corinne reminded me.
“I know,” I said. “Fuck!”
“But you know what? You’re right. You should go. If Maddy’s alone…”
“Yeah…”
“I’ll tell Dr. Jordan what’s going on. She’s cool, she’ll let you make it up.”
“Yeah, okay,” I said. I dialed Maddy back and told her to call all of Mom’s friends and see if anyone answered at the law firm she works at. Then, I told her I was on my way.
“You’re going to come tonight?”
“Yeah, sweetie, it’ll take me a few hours, but I don’t want you to be alone.”
“Thanks, Sage,” she said. “I’ll call you if I hear anything…or if she comes home.”
“Maddy, don’t worry,” I said. “I fully expect her to walk in the door any moment.”
I was lying.
I’d seen all the reports of missing women all over the country the last few years. I wasn’t sure of anything, except the fact that anything could have happened to her. I tried to ignore the fear gripping my heart as I walked out to my car. I needed to be strong for Maddy right now.
If anything happened to Mom, the only thing we’d have left was each other.
“Shit!” I said, starting up the car and heading out of the parking lot. As soon as I got on the freeway, I decided to be productive during the drive. There was one place I didn’t tell Maddy to call and that was on purpose.
“Hey Siri,” I said to my phone. “Call Columbia Memorial Hospital in Astoria, Oregon.”
“Calling Columbia Memorial Hospital…”
CHAPTER THREE
MADDY
The two hours that passed since I talked to Sage seemed to drag by. I’d called everyone I could think of to see if they’d heard from Mom. I checked in with our neighbor, Finn, and he said he hadn’t seen her since this morning. Her friend Beth, Larissa’s Mom, hadn’t heard from her all day, which wasn’t really unusual, since they only spoke a few times a week. At this late hour, the phone at the law firm where she worked as a paralegal kept going to voice mail.
I racked my brain trying to remember if she’d told me anything about any plans she may have had for the day, but there was nothing. I knew she wasn’t going to work because she wasn’t in her work clothes when she dropped me off at school.
I sat alone in the house, the lights mostly off, my trembling fingers clutching the phone in my lap.
She’d never gone off like this before. She’d never left me alone for this long.
I looked at the time on my phone and sighed. It was after midnight.
Quickly, I texted Ethan.
I can’t come. My Mom is missing.
The last words I’d shouted at her kept echoing in my mind.
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
Over and over, I heard my voice, followed by the slamming of the car door, my words haunting me. How could I have said that to her?
And now, she hadn’t come home. Was she trying to teach me a lesson?
I picked up my phone and called her number again, waiting for her voicemail greeting to finish. When I heard the beep, the words rushed from my lips.
“Mom, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I didn’t mean anything I said. Please come home. Please. I’m so sorry.”
By the time I hung up, tears were falling down my cheeks.
Maybe it was time to call the cops. Sage called me when she was halfway here and told me to wait till she got here to call, but I was beginning to believe with each passing moment, that we shouldn’t wait.
What if she had a car accident and needed help?
What if she was abducted?
What if she just got tired of my shit and left?
Guilt tore through my stomach, and I jumped up, pacing around the room endlessly. Finally, the flash of headlights caused my heart to skip a beat and I ran to the door.
“Mom!” I shouted, as I flung open the door. My heart sank in disappointment as I spotted Sage’s car coming down the driveway. I took a deep breath and shoved my phone into the back pocket of my jeans as I waited for her to park.
Finn must have been watching and waiting up, too, because he opened his front door, his hopeful face seeming to fall just as mine did a few seconds previously.
I ran down to Sage’s car and threw my arms around her.
“Hey, sis,” she murmured, holding me tight. “We’re gonna find her. Let’s go inside and talk and make some calls, okay?”
“Okay,” I nodded.
We walked up to the door and Finn came down his steps, walking up to us.
“Still no word from Frannie?” he asked.
“No,” we replied, in unison.
“Well, that’s troublesome, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Sage replied. “We’re going to go inside and figure out what to do. Do you want to come in Finn?”
“I’d be happy to help, Sage,” he nodded, following us inside.
We went in and sat on the couch, Finn sitting across from us in Mom’s lazyboy.
“When’s the last time you saw her or talked to her, Maddy?”
“When I got out of the car at school this morning.”
“What time was that?” Finn asked.
“About eight.”
“Okay,” Finn said. “I saw her right after that. About 8:15. She came home. Was still wearing sweats. We chatted for a few minutes and then she left again about an hour later.” He pushed his glasses up his long nose and ran his fingers through his floppy hair.
“Did either of you see or talk to her after that?”
“No,” I said. Finn shook his head.
“Okay, so about 9:15 a.m. was the last we heard from her. Shit,” Sage said. “Did she say anything about where she was going, Finn?”
“Something about errands, that was it.”
“What should we do, Sage?” I asked, turning to her, so thankful she was sitting next to me. The last few hours alone in the house had been harrowing.
“Well, I guess we should drive around town and look for her and call the cops, too. They’ll want to come over and talk to us, probably. Or, maybe we should go to the station.”
“Tell you what,” Finn interjected. “I’ll go drive around, take all the main roads, check around the grocery store and the bank and the outlet stores. Maybe her car broke down or something. You can stay here and call the police. If they need you to come in, go ahead and I’ll call you if I see anything.”
“Thank you, Finn,” Sage said, relief flooding her voice. She didn’t really seem to know what to do, either, but I felt so much better with her here.
“My pleasure,” he nodded, standing up and walking to the door. “I’ll be in touch asap.”
He closed the door behind him and Sage took me in her arms again.
“It’s going to be okay, sis, I promise.”
“I know,” I said, taking a deep breath. “We gotta stay strong.”
“Exactly!”
“Sage?”
“Yeah?”
“I need to tell you something,” I said, my voice shaking.
“What is it?”
“This morning, when Mom dropped me off at school. We had a fight. A stupid fight, it was all my fault really. But I said some really mean things to her.”
“And?”
“And maybe — well, you know. Maybe she left. Because of me. Because I was m
ean…”
“What?” Sage replied, shaking her head. “No way. Mom wouldn’t just leave because she was mad at you. She loves you, Maddy.”
“We’ve been fighting a lot lately.”
“Well, that’s just part of life. You’re bound to butt heads while you’re growing up. That’s just how it goes.”
I put my head down, shaking my head. “I don’t know, Sage…”
“Well, I do,” she insisted. “There’s no way Mom just up and left. Are you sure she didn’t tell you she had some plans?”
“I’m sure,” I replied, shaking my head.
“Well, I bet she meant to. I’m sure this is all just a miscommunication and she’ll be home soon and we’ll be laughing about this before you know it.”
“I hope so,” I said.
“In the meantime, just to be safe, I’m going to call the police, okay?”
“Okay,” I said, a deep sigh of relief. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me, too, sweetie. Don’t you worry,” she said, as she lifted the phone to her ear.
“Hello, I’d like to report a missing person,” she said, flashing me a reassuring smile as she spoke into her phone.
CHAPTER FOUR
SAGE
The woman on the phone told me she’d send over a unit and within five minutes, there were flashing red and blue lights bathing my mother’s front yard. The cops that knocked on the door were somber and professional and as soon as they asked to come in, the seriousness of this situation hit me with the force of a hurricane.
One of the officers was completely bald, his husky frame reminiscent of a muscular pit bull. The other was as tall and broad as a linebacker. Their uniforms and guns were instantly intimidating, and the thin, firm line of their mouths did nothing to put us at ease.
They peppered us with questions and asked for a recent picture of Mom, which Maddy fetched from her bedroom. When she handed it to the husky, bald cop, he stared at it a long time, before handing it to his partner. He pulled out his phone and took a photo of it and handed it back to me. I looked down and my breath caught in my throat.
CHASING SUNSHINE: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK THIRTEEN) Page 2
