by Beth Reekles
He led me out through the mostly empty lot to his car, and we both got in. The tension was almost unbearable. I didn’t know what to say or how to act now. I’d kissed him. And it had been a pretty intense kiss too. Not even a drunken one. What was I meant to do now?
‘Do you mind if I stop by my house on the way?’ he asked. ‘My dad bought a video game he thought Brad would like. I’m supposed to give it to you.’
‘Oh, sure,’ I said, nodding. ‘No problem.’
‘Okay.’
After another couple of minutes he asked, ‘So how much did your booth raise in the end?’
‘Six hundred and fourteen bucks.’
He gave a low whistle. ‘Wow.’
‘I know. We made even more than the hot-dog stand.’
He nodded, and then the silence returned. I nudged the radio volume up a little in an attempt to diffuse the tension. It didn’t really work.
Everything just felt so weird. Strained.
I stole a peek at Noah from the corner of my eye. His head was bobbing slightly in time to the music and the sun hit the left side of his face, throwing shadows over the side closest to me.
The kiss probably didn’t mean anything to him, I tried telling myself. He was a player, so what was one kiss to him? It was only a kiss. I was probably imagining all the awkwardness and tension in the air, making a big deal out of this because it had been my first kiss.
Although . . . He was the one who’d turned it into a French kiss. And afterward he’d looked just as dazed as me. But maybe it was because I was a terrible kisser and he didn’t say anything to save me the embarrassment?
My mind was going a mile a minute. I was confused, I was worried, I wanted to kiss him again—
No. That’s not going to happen. You won’t be kissing Noah again, Rochelle, because he’s Noah. He’s Lee’s big brother. He’s the jerk who’s responsible for your non-existent love life and who told you he only sees you as a sister. Remember, you’re supposed to be mad at him for being so overprotective and annoying and interfering? You’re not meant to be thinking about kissing him. You’re mad at him . . . right?
It didn’t really help, telling myself that.
I still wanted to kiss him again.
The car journey stretched on for what seemed like an eternity – and we weren’t even halfway yet. I sighed. I felt him glance over at me, but I was too busy with my internal battle to pay him any attention.
I wanted to kiss him again – to reassure myself there hadn’t been any fireworks, I told myself. I shouldn’t do it, though. I bet he still thought of me as his kid brother’s friend, the little girl he grew up with . . . But what about that time after his and Lee’s party, when we fell off the bed? I was sure there had been something between us; but maybe I was deluding myself.
And I was also probably deluding myself that he had been checking me out when he’d walked in on me in my bra.
But maybe there was something between us and we just didn’t know it yet. Maybe just one more kiss – to prove myself wrong. Or right. Would that really be so bad?
No. I couldn’t kiss him again. I couldn’t do it . . .
Could I?
I sighed again as we drove up his street. What was I going to do?
We finally pulled up at his house.
‘I’ll come in and get the game for Brad,’ I said. ‘I’ll walk from here.’
The truth was, I didn’t want to spend any longer with him in this car than I had to.
‘Sure, whatever.’
We got out and I followed him into the kitchen and hung around near the doorway while he rifled through a pile of papers on the counter, biting my lip nervously.
He turned around with a new Mario game, and handed it to me. He wasn’t even a whole foot away from me. A couple of inches of air separated us.
Before I knew what I was doing, I went up on tiptoe and pressed my lips against Noah’s.
Immediately I realized what a fool I was being and stepped back, my cheeks burning and my heart racing.
Noah looked at me, blinking in shock, it seemed. He stared at me, his expression unreadable.
‘Oh God,’ I babbled hastily, feeling beyond humiliated, ‘I’m sorry. It’s just – I mean, I just – Oh man, I—’
Noah took strode forward and shut me up very effectively by crushing his lips against mine. Any resistance and tension went gushing out of my body (whether from shock or something else, I wasn’t sure), and my arms curled around Noah’s neck.
I forgot what a fool I’d just made of myself and kissed him back. His hands were on my back and in my hair, squashing me against him so it seemed like every inch of our bodies was touching.
And for the record – there were definitely fireworks of some kind going on.
Hands on my hips, he lifted me up onto the kitchen counter so my legs were either side of him. He moved on to kissing my neck, and that was when my head began to clear a little, and I realized just exactly what we were doing here.
‘Noah, we – we can’t do this,’ I said breathlessly, shakily.
He sighed, stepping back and running his hand through his hair. I had no idea what he was thinking; his expression was indefinable.
He met my eyes again, and I got the feeling he wanted an explanation.
‘I – I’m not going to just be another girl you sleep with and don’t call back in the morning,’ I said, sticking my chin out. ‘I’m not risking my friendship with Lee just for that.’
Noah looked at me for a long moment. ‘That’s what you think I’d do, really?’
‘W-well . . .’ I trailed off. Wasn’t it?
He came closer, so there were only a couple of inches between us. If I could have moved back, I would’ve, but I was still sat on the counter.
‘Let’s get one thing straight here,’ he said quietly and firmly. ‘Two things. First off: do you have any idea how many girls I’ll kiss at a party who, the next day, claim they’ve slept with me? And second: despite what all those girls think, they never actually want to date me. They say they do, but think about it. Who wants a serious relationship with someone who has a reputation for getting into fights, or just a fling?’
I studied his face and quickly decided he was totally serious.
Noah could be a jerk, sure – but he was never big on lying.
I saw his point. Even if girls didn’t want anything long-term, they might not mind just having a fling with a hot guy with a history of violence. I had always thought it kind of weird how so many girls said they’d slept with him when it had looked like he’d spent the night alone; Lee and I had never really wanted to question it too much, though.
‘You see my point, right?’
I nodded. ‘Yeah. But – but you’d never do something to a girl. You’re not like that.’
‘Yes, but that doesn’t seem to factor into it for them.’
‘So hang on – what are you trying to say here?’ I said, putting my hands up, palm out, and feeling more than a little confused. ‘It’s not your fault you’re a player? Or, at least, that you’ve got a reputation as one?’
‘Right.’
‘And . . .?’ I prompted.
He bit his lip. Did Noah Flynn actually look . . . nervous? No, I had to be imagining it. The only time I’d seen him looking like this was when I caught him in those Superman boxers and made him blush.
‘I just mean,’ he said slowly, looking down at the counter rather than at me, ‘that I wouldn’t treat you like dirt, as you seem to think I would.’
‘I still don’t know what you’re trying to say, Noah.’
‘I don’t either,’ he said with a sudden chuckle, rubbing a hand over his face. ‘But . . .’ He came closer still. Now there was about an inch between us, and his hands were resting on my thighs. My breathing suddenly turned shallow, my heart pounding in my ribcage. ‘I do know I want to kiss you again.’
Part of me wanted to say no, to push him firmly away. I wasn’t going to risk my friendship
with Lee just to carry on kissing Noah. Besides, I couldn’t really see us as a couple.
Not to mention, I was hardly the kind of girl to be randomly kissing boys. I was the hopeless romantic.
Or I thought I was, anyway.
But when Noah lowered his head slowly to mine, giving me plenty of time to shove him away, I didn’t. Instead, I let him put his lips against mine, kissing him for the third time today. I was making out with Noah Flynn, of all people. Just this morning, I’d never even kissed a boy.
Noah wrapped my legs around his waist, and I put my arms around his neck, toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. I suddenly couldn’t get enough of him – his taste, his touch. I couldn’t understand why he had such an effect on me.
He lifted me off the counter, carrying me out of the kitchen. I really wasn’t sure if this was a good idea, but the feeling of his lips on mine clouded my mind, and I couldn’t focus long enough to think it through. It wasn’t until we both fell onto something soft and springy – a mattress – that my dormant consciousness seemed to wake up.
‘Noah,’ I said, trying to pull away. I knew where this was leading now. ‘Noah . . .’
‘Yeah?’ he murmured, and started nibbling on my earlobe. It sent sparks all through my body and for a second I forgot what I was saying.
‘We can’t . . . I’m not . . .’
‘Hmm?’ He drew back only far enough to look me in the eye. I still couldn’t remember what I was about to say. He seemed to understand, though, since his eyes went wide and he said, ‘Oh, no, I didn’t mean for . . . you know . . . I wasn’t . . .’
‘I – I can’t do this,’ I stammered. I wriggled away, standing up, making my way to the bedroom door and straightening my top. I couldn’t think straight when I was that close to him. I had to get out of here, think it through properly.
A hand on my arm pulled me back, and another hand moved past my head to shut the door. Noah was pressed right against me. I had no space at all – the door at my back, the handle digging into me, and Noah in front of me.
‘Noah,’ I said firmly. ‘I’m not going to do this. Nothing is going to happen between us because we just don’t go together. All we do is argue. You scare guys away from me. And I’m not some – some plaything you can just use when it’s convenient. Got that?’
Noah sighed softly, his breath blowing on my face. It still smelled and tasted of spearmint and cotton candy.
‘I never thought you were something to use when it’s convenient,’ he mumbled, looking me in the eye.
‘Okay. But tell me honestly – would you date me, Mr. Player?’
He sighed again, leaning his forehead against mine. ‘You tell me.’
I groaned in frustration. ‘You’re not making this any easier, Noah! We argue and you’re such a jerk, not to mention you’re Lee’s big brother, but—’
‘But . . .?’
Humiliating as it was, I blurted, ‘But I felt something when we kissed. I don’t know what the hell to do – but I’m not going to make out with you if we’re just hooking up.’
‘You want the truth then, Elle?’ Noah was starting to sound really frustrated now, and his eyes were level with mine. ‘You’re the one girl who is herself around me, and I like that. But the fact that you don’t want me back is sending me crazy. You’re the only girl who didn’t fall at my feet and it is driving me insane. I haven’t so much as looked at anyone else because of you – did you know that? You’re all I can think about.’
Whoa.
Okay.
So it wasn’t like he’d just confessed he loved me and had done for years . . . But hell! Who would have guessed that I, Rochelle Evans, the girl with no experience whatsoever in the boy department, would be the one to drive Noah Flynn crazy?
I was stunned. ‘And how long have you felt like this? Just out of curiosity.’
He shrugged. ‘A couple of months.’
I nodded, trying desperately to appear steady and collected. ‘I thought you said you saw me as a little sister.’
‘That was until you grew up,’ he said simply. Then, ‘I made you blush.’
‘If that’s true, why did you tell me I was like a sister to you?’
He averted his eyes. ‘You didn’t want me back. I’m not the kind of guy to tell someone what I’m actually feeling. You know that. You know this whole conversation is torture to me?’
I smirked slightly, then blurted, ‘I wanted you, believe me.’
He looked like he’d just won a million dollars or something. He tilted his head so his lips brushed against mine. ‘Just . . . I don’t . . . I don’t want you to think that I’m only interested in one thing here, okay? I’m not. That’s one of the things I like about you. You’re sweet, and innocent. Different. It’s cute.’
‘You think I’m cute now too?’ I raised an eyebrow and he smirked against my lips. ‘And here I was thinking I was just your kid brother’s annoying best friend.’
‘Well, that too.’
I giggled and traced a finger across his chest.
Then he said again, ‘I’m not just interested in you for that, okay?’
‘If you were, I’d seriously question your judgment,’ I mumbled, making him chuckle. But I suddenly felt warm inside.
He placed a finger under my chin, tilting my face up. The look on his face, the crease in his forehead . . . he looked cautious more than anything else.
I wouldn’t think of him as Lee’s brother, or as that jerk who could be too protective of me. I refused to let all the horrible repercussions of this situation enter my mind – plenty of time for those later.
Right now, he was just Noah. And I leaned up to kiss him.
And, naturally, with me being so inexperienced, I clashed teeth with him. I never thought people actually did that. Go figure I would manage it. ‘Sorry,’ I muttered, biting the inside of my cheek.
His lips tweaked up against mine. I felt his chest reverberating with suppressed chuckles under my hand. ‘Practise makes perfect.’ And that time, we didn’t knock teeth.
We stayed on his bed making out for ages. We talked a little about school, about where he was applying to college (he was thinking of going to San Diego, since it was closest), and had a minor argument about how All Time Low were so much better than Linkin Park. (Noah was a big fan of Linkin Park’s newer music, while I hated them.) I found I was actually enjoying being with Noah even when we weren’t making out. I actually liked his company – even when we argued over music.
But we didn’t talk for more than a few minutes at a time before he started kissing me again. And when that happened, I forgot what we’d just been talking about; forgot that I really should’ve left by now. I just got caught up in the way his kisses made my stomach fill with wild butterflies.
It was just that he was a good kisser, I told myself. I mean, it’s not like we had a ‘connection’ or anything. We were far too different for that. There was no guarantee that he’d still want to be with me in a week or so, when he’d never been in a long-term relationship.
‘So what exactly,’ he said after a while, propping his elbows behind his head and looking me in the eye, ‘are we doing here?’
‘I’m not just going to hook up with you,’ I replied firmly.
‘I told you,’ he sighed, touching my knee, ‘that’s not all I’m interested in.’
I shouldn’t like him. I couldn’t like him. We were too different; this was too wrong. Not to mention how I could ever face up to Lee and tell him I was with his brother.
But . . . I enjoyed being with him like this. I liked the way it felt to kiss him; the feel of his arms around me; the smile in his eyes when we argued over bands. It felt nice to be like this with Noah. Like it was natural.
Was that worth hurting Lee for, though? I couldn’t do that to him, could I? He’d already made it clear that it’d be weird for him; that it could potentially damage our friendship – and nothing could be worth that. Right?
‘I . . . I don�
�t know,’ I admitted after a while. ‘It’s just . . . we shouldn’t, and – and Lee . . .’
‘I see.’ Noah was quiet for a moment. His fingertip traced circles on my knee, and I watched the movement, waiting.
He spoke haltingly. ‘Well . . . maybe Lee doesn’t have to know.’
I let that sink in a moment. ‘You mean I should lie to him?’
‘Maybe just not tell him the whole truth . . .’ His mouth twisted a little, like he was struggling to word it properly. ‘Until we figure out what to do.’
I nodded. If Lee didn’t know, it couldn’t hurt him. If things didn’t work out between Noah and me, then Lee would be none the wiser, and things could stay as they were between us. And if things did work out with Noah . . . then I’d cross that bridge and tell Lee when I came to it.
I heard him sigh, and I looked up. He gave me a wry smile. ‘I told you girls didn’t want to be with a guy who’s got a history of punching things.’
I shoved his arm lightly. ‘It’s not that. And besides, I know you’d never lay a finger on a girl. You’re not like that.’
And before I could think about it any more, I said, ‘Okay.’
‘Okay?’
‘But just promise me you won’t let Lee find out.’
Noah nodded. ‘Of course I won’t.’ Then he sat up and leaned forward far enough to kiss my nose. Smiling, I moved my head so I could kiss him on the lips instead. I felt his lips curve up against mine, and when we pulled apart, there was that dimple in his left cheek that only appeared when he smiled.
Then I looked past him and saw the time, glaring at me in red from his digital alarm clock. I gasped; I had to be home for dinner in twenty minutes. Where had the afternoon gone?
‘I should get going,’ I said urgently.
‘Oh . . .’ If I didn’t know better, I might have thought he was disappointed. ‘Do you need a ride home?’
I turned to raise my eyebrows at him. ‘I can walk. I have legs. Two of them, actually.’
He smirked. ‘Have it your way, then. I was just trying to be nice . . .’
‘It’s okay. Really.’ I wanted to clear my head a little, and this would not happen if Noah was with me.
