by Alina Boyden
I noted that she was wearing a turquoise chaniya choli, the blouse and skirt festooned with tiny green-tinted mirrors that served as the scales of embroidered acid zahhaks writhing their way across the surface of the fabric. I thought Karim had said she was Yaruban, and while I had never been to Yaruba, I knew that they didn’t wear clothes like these. She had adopted Mahisagari fashion herself. So did that make her recommendation the sort of friendly advice an older wife might pass to a younger one, or was it something more?
“I do, your majesty,” I replied, bowing my head to her, forcing myself to smile. “I hope you will forgive me, but I had no time to prepare for this journey, nor to procure suitable attire.”
“There is nothing to forgive, dear,” she assured me, smiling brightly. “We’ll simply have to bring tailors to the palace to see to the matter.”
“I’d be most grateful, your majesty,” I lied. The last thing on earth I wanted was to dress up like a Mahisagari bride, but if it would keep their suspicions at bay, then it was a small sacrifice.
“Akka, you should see my new room, it’s so beautiful!” Lakshmi exclaimed from her place beside Sakshi.
“It really is,” Sakshi agreed, smiling at me, though I saw the concern in her red-brown eyes as they searched my face for some sign of how I was feeling. “We’re very grateful to have been given such magnificent chambers.”
“Nonsense, you are my daughter-in-law’s sisters,” said Asma, waving away Sakshi’s words of gratitude with a swipe of her palm. “I wouldn’t dream of giving you anything less than the very best this palace has to offer. Though once we return to Rajkot, your chambers will be more glorious still.”
My eyes perked up, but I fought to keep my alarm from showing through on my face. “Are we going to Rajkot?” I glanced from Asma to Karim, searching their faces for an answer.
“Not right away,” Karim said, placing his hand over mine, the heat of his rough palm on my skin making my insides twist. “But as soon as the marriage is concluded, we will discuss it. Though I might prefer to have you with me here in Kadiro, or even in Ahura. Much will depend on how Shah Ismail reacts over the coming weeks to our presence there.”
“Well, if he decides to fight, we stand ready to defend you, cousin,” the young man I didn’t know told Karim.
“Thank you, Rais,” Karim replied, and he seemed to realize that I didn’t know who Rais was, because he said, “Razia, this is my cousin Rais, my uncle Nasir’s firstborn son.”
“The emir of Jesera?” I ventured, hoping that I’d remembered Karim’s lineage properly.
“That’s right, dear,” said Asma, looking quite pleased with me for knowing the name of the city. “My brother is the emir, and my nephew Rais was kind enough to join us with a few of his friends, to help keep Kadiro safe.”
That explained the fire zahhaks. Yaruba was a great, vast desert land, richer in fire zahhaks than almost any other nation in the world. And Jesera was the most prosperous and powerful of Yaruba’s many competing city-states. Much like Registan, Yaruba was a land divided among a large number of kings, known as emirs, but one that came together to oppose outside threats. I didn’t think even a man of Nasir’s prominence would be able to convince the other city-states of Yaruba to join him in fighting for Mahisagar, but the prospect of facing Yaruban fire zahhaks changed things. Now, even if Arjun was able to bring a substantial number of men from Registan, they would merely offset the numbers Karim could call upon from Jesera.
“Akka, can I fly Mohini after breakfast?” Lakshmi asked. “I want to practice dogfighting with Nuri again today.”
It was the perfect chance to ask Karim for permission to do some flying of my own. I smiled and said, “I don’t know, sweetheart, that’s up to Prince Karim.” I looked to the man in question and asked, “Would it be all right, your highness?”
“Of course it would be,” Karim answered, looking directly at Lakshmi with a smile that made me want to slap him. “Someday you’ll be called upon to fly in Mahisagar’s defense, just like all of our other acid zahhak riders. So you’ll have to be very good at dogfighting.”
Lakshmi nodded eagerly, rushing to eat the rest of her breakfast so she could fly as soon as possible. The idea of her flying for Mahisagar made my blood boil, but how could I blame her? From her point of view, Karim had given her back her beloved zahhak, he doted on her, and I had brought her to this place, in effect giving it a mark of approval.
“Sakshi also needs to work on her skills, your highness,” I informed Karim. “And I was hoping that I might supervise matters with Hina, to make sure that Lakshmi and Nuri are staying safe.”
Karim raised an eyebrow. “We talked about all of your sisters flying at the same time, didn’t we?”
“We did, your highness,” I allowed, dipping my head in acknowledgment, “but I was hoping that you and your cousin might fly with us, and perhaps your mother too, if she is amenable.”
“Me? Fly?” Asma asked, and I noted a flurry of competing emotions flickering across her face. There was genuine surprise, followed by suspicion, but also eagerness. She wanted to go up almost as much as Lakshmi did.
“Well, I don’t know what saddles Rais has brought, and I certainly don’t want to make any offers on his behalf,” I replied, bowing my head to the Yaruban prince and keeping my eyes carefully downcast, “but before I recovered my Sultana, I would often fly in a double saddle with Prince Arjun of Bikampur atop his fire zahhak, Padmini. I thought perhaps if you hadn’t flown in such a fashion before that you might enjoy it, your majesty, though I wondered if perhaps you hadn’t done such things in Yaruba before your marriage to Sultan Ahmed.”
“My brother used to take me up on flights when I was little,” Asma recalled, a bittersweet smile playing at her lips. “We would fly through the canyons west of Jesera together on daredevil flights that would have made my father furious had he ever found out about them. He taught me to handle his zahhak, Zahira, though I think my father would have killed me had he ever caught me taking her out alone.”
“I learned to fly with Father on Zahira’s back too, Auntie,” Rais told her. “If you’d like to come up with me, I have a double saddle, and I’m sure Farida would be honored to bear you aloft.”
Asma looked hopefully at her son, realizing after an instant that I had brought her around to being completely in favor of a flight over the lagoon that permitted me and my sisters some measure of freedom. Her kohl-ringed eyes narrowed slightly, but I thought I detected in her smile some measure of reluctant admiration for the way I had handled things.
Karim stared at me for a long second, as if he was trying to work out what angle I was playing, but after a moment he shrugged his shoulders. “Yes, I think that sounds like a lovely idea, Razia. I’ll bring Jamshid and a few others along to serve as adversaries for your sisters, and to give them whatever advice they can.”
I knew that the real reason for the extra fliers was to keep us from trying to run off, but since I wasn’t trying to run away today, I didn’t care. I was able to say, “Thank you, your highness,” with such genuine enthusiasm that Karim couldn’t have mistaken it for anything else. It didn’t exactly get him to lower his guard, not yet, but I had definitely won this battle, and I didn’t think he even realized it.
CHAPTER 14
You pleased me today,” Karim said, his arm wrapped tightly around my back, pulling me close beside him, his fingers absentmindedly rubbing at the sleek, soft fabric of my peshwaz’s silk sleeve.
The heat of Karim’s body against mine, the feeling of his hands on me—it was enough to make bile rise in the back of my throat, but I was already getting better at fighting it down. Another day or two, and I’d probably not feel it at all, though I knew that nothing would change the sense of dread I got in the pit of my stomach whenever we were alone in a room together. Standing there on my balcony, watching the sun set behind desert hills, framed per
fectly by the twin forts that guarded the entrance to Kadiro’s harbor, I tried to pretend that it was Arjun’s arm around me, his body pressed close to mine, but my heart wasn’t so easily fooled.
“I am glad, your highness,” I said, hoping that I managed to sound sincere.
I must have missed the mark, because he asked, “Are you?”
A ripple of uncertainty ran through my body, and I knew he must have felt it, but I thought that hiding my fear and my dread was the wrong move. One day wouldn’t change our relationship. He wouldn’t believe that. And anyway, I had reason enough to be afraid beyond our past history. It was normal for a girl dragged into a marriage she hadn’t wanted, whatever the circumstances. And besides, I thought, the more uncertain and helpless I sounded, the more easily I would be able to shed Karim’s suspicions that I might be planning to undermine him.
“I thought you just said that I had pleased you, your highness . . .” I whispered, my voice quivering with anxiety.
He rubbed my arm a little harder, not painfully so, almost like he was trying to reassure me. “You did. But it makes me wonder why.”
“Because I don’t know what else to do,” I replied, letting my shoulders hunch a little, my body shrinking in his grasp.
He arched an eyebrow, his lips forming an unreadable line beneath his curled mustache. “Do you really expect me to believe that you’ve given up so easily?”
I stared down at my slippers and said nothing. That was what a cowed woman would do, wasn’t it?
“You will answer me when I ask you questions, Razia,” he said, and I couldn’t have missed the warning note in his voice.
“I don’t know what you want from me, your highness,” I replied. “You’ve said many times now that you’ve outmaneuvered me, that you have planned for all eventualities, that you won’t be beaten by me. And you said this very morning that the sooner I realized those facts and accepted them, the better it would be for both of us.”
“That’s all true,” he agreed, “but I know you. You would never give up so easily.”
“Why not?” I asked, looking up into his eyes—helplessly, I hoped. “If I can’t see any way out, then why should I keep fighting? Why should I risk something horrible happening to me, or God forbid, to my sisters, if it’s hopeless?”
Tears welled in the corners of my eyes. I’d expected that it would take some effort to conjure them, but with Karim’s arms around me, with the tension of my first attempt at passing messages before me, it took no effort at all. They just appeared, and began streaming down my cheeks. I looked away from Karim, like I was afraid that crying would upset him. I hunched my shoulders, like I was expecting him to hit me for them.
I felt the uncertainty in Karim’s hand on my arm. It had stopped moving, like he didn’t know whether to grab me or pet me to calm me down. After a moment, his grip tightened. “This is a trick.”
“Please don’t hurt me.” I breathed the words, letting my body tremble in his grasp. His hand loosened once more, and I knew that I had him confused, that I had to really sell this. “If you don’t want me to try to please you, then please tell me what it is you do want from me, your highness.
“Shall I try to escape?” I asked, looking up at him with tears streaking my face and blurring my vision. “Shall I try to sneak to the zahhak stables with my sisters? I’d only have to pass through two courtyards filled with servants and guards, after all. Child’s play for someone like me,” I scoffed.
“Or shall I try to kill you?” I suggested, encompassing with a gesture the way his body engulfed my own, the way he towered over me. I nodded to the firangi he wore at his hip. “I killed a sleeping guardsman once with my katars, so I’m sure killing you barehanded would take me no effort at all.”
“Razia . . .” Karim sighed.
“Or maybe I’ll send messages to my allies through all the loyal servants and courtiers I have in this palace,” I said. “And I’ll bide my time and wait while all the maharajas of Registan rise up to fight a bloody battle in defense of a hijra who helped Bikampur once. I’m sure they’ll be appearing on the horizon any day now to rescue me, when my own father wouldn’t do the same.”
Karim shifted uncertainly, my words having some effect.
“Is it a crime to not know what to do, your highness?” I asked him. “Because if it is, then I’m guilty, but that is the only thing I’m guilty of.”
He held me close to him, one hand pressed against my lower back, the other stroking my hair gently.
“Four years . . .” I whispered.
“What?” he asked.
“That’s how long I spent living as a whore in Bikampur.” I buried my face in his chest, my body shaking with genuine sobs. “Where were my brilliant plans then?”
“Forget about all that. You’re safe here now,” he said, with none of the bitter irony I felt on hearing those words. “I’m sorry that I’ve been so suspicious, but how can you blame me with the way you acted in Shikarpur?”
“I loved Arjun, that’s all,” I told him, careful to use the past tense. “I’ve never made a secret of that.”
“But you expect me to believe that you don’t anymore?” he asked, sounding completely unconvinced.
“Of course I do,” I replied. “But I love my sisters more. Keeping them safe has always been the most important thing. I’m not going to get Sakshi and Lakshmi killed over a man. And even if I wanted to, I can’t. You and my father have made sure that there are no options left open to me. So, I’m going to do my best to survive, like I always have. And maybe that’s not the honorable thing to do, maybe it makes me pathetic, and weak, but you were counting on it, weren’t you?”
“I don’t think your talent for survival makes you weak and pathetic,” Karim said. “It’s the reason I wanted you to be my wife.”
“Well, I’m sorry to be such a disappointment, your highness,” I told him. “I know you must have been expecting some brilliant plan to overthrow you. I’m sorry I couldn’t deliver it.”
He gave a snort of laughter. “I forgive you.”
“Thank you, Karim,” I said, my voice softening with feigned relief, my body sagging a little against his, like the tension was finally draining out of it.
He kissed me on the top of my head. “You should get some sleep, my wife-to-be. These past few days have been trying for all of us.”
“I’ll do that,” I lied.
He stroked my hair one last time, and then let me go. “I’ll be back in the morning.”
“Thank you for being kind to me, your highness,” I replied.
His mustache quivered as his lips offered me the briefest of pitying smiles. “You’re welcome, Razia.”
I waited until I was sure he was gone before sighing with genuine relief and wiping at my face to clear away the tears.
“Well, you had me convinced,” Hina quipped as she joined me on the balcony. With Sikander watching Lakshmi’s chambers, she and her celas were my makeshift guards now.
“Good,” I said. “He’s not a complete idiot. His suspicions won’t be banished by one conversation, so we have to make sure he never gets wind of our plans.”
“Which means no one can see you tonight,” Hina warned.
“I’m aware,” I said, and I managed to smile in spite of everything. “I’m accustomed to that kind of danger anyway. When I used to steal from clients for the dera, I was always risking execution.”
“Well, here it’ll be our necks on the line,” she reminded me.
“I know,” I said, looking her right in the eyes to show her the determination in my own not to fail her. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t fulfill my promises the way I meant to, but I’m not going to let you down. We will get through this.”
“Let’s get you ready, then.” She motioned for me to follow her back into my bedchamber, where her celas were waiting for me with f
resh clothes and a very interesting pair of slippers.
Hina handed me the shoes, saying, “We managed to reinforce the soles the way you asked, but I’m not sure if they’re going to be very comfortable to wear, or if they’ll even work.”
I examined them, noting the subtle curve to them, the stiffness in the toe and the arch of the foot, the reinforcement at the heel. They weren’t exactly proper climbing shoes, but they were far better than the soft slippers I was wearing. They wouldn’t be comfortable for walking long distances, but I could take them off while sneaking through the city and put them back on when I needed to climb something.
I slipped them over my feet with some effort, because they were tight, just like I’d asked for. “Where did you get the materials?”
“We asked Lady Asma for them,” Hina replied. “We said we needed to mend our clothes and our shoes, and she was happy enough to provide everything required.”
“Did she see you working on them?” I didn’t know if Asma understood climbing shoes, but I didn’t want to take any chances.
“No, we were careful,” Hina assured me.
I stood in my new shoes and found that they were definitely too curved to make for comfortable walking, but when I approached one of the columns near my veranda, and put my toe against a tile rosette, I grinned. “Oh, these are good . . .” I scampered up the column much faster than I had the day before, feeling like a mountain goat thanks to the way the reinforced toe of the shoe hooked each and every crevice in the stonework.
I dropped down, and hurried to trade my peshwaz and fine silk trousers for a simple cotton shalwar kameez, the ajrak pattern consisting mostly of dark indigo dye, with splashes of lighter blue, white, and saffron. Ordinarily, I didn’t like wearing white at night, but I thought the little irregular patches of it would actually help to make me harder to see, because it would break up my silhouette, and I’d look less like a human-shaped shadow to prying eyes.
