by Rachael Wade
“If you brought me here for another quickie, I’m sorry but I’m really not in the mood.” I cross my arms and a pout forms on my lips. Under most circumstances, I’m never opposed to a quickie with Tanner. But I’m extra edgy today, and my nerves are a mess.
“That’s my girl.” Tanner shuts the door and grabs my chin, planting a kiss on my lips. “Mind always in the gutter.”
“Wait. You didn’t bring me here to fuck me?” My arms drop to my sides and my pout turns downright pathetic.
“Sorry to disappoint, Miss Banks.” He shuffles forward and his eyes drift down, devouring me from head to toe. “I can always rearrange my plans, if you wish.” Trailing his fingers over his lips, he lowers them to my neckline, grazing along the fabric, along my cleavage, then drops them to the hem of my dress. They slither up my inner thigh, brushing gently against my skin.
“What is this place?” I ask breathily, leaning into his touch. He presses his lips to the corner of my mouth, a cocky smile springing up as he takes pleasure in my body’s reaction.
“More of my father’s belongings. No one has access to this room. It’s mine.”
“It’s yours?” I glance around, vaguely disappointed when Tanner pulls his hand from my thighs but curious enough to redirect my attention. “But this looks like a miniature library—I thought you said you don’t read much.”
“I don’t. Not all of them. Not the ones in my office. Only these. These are my favorites. They were his favorites.” He begins a slow crawl around the room, eyeing the shelves as he strolls along. I can’t help but watch him as he studies the spines of the books. They’re all old, each one with character. Some hardbacks are in better shape than others, and some of the paperbacks are encased in plastic laminate, but each one tells a story. And from the sounds of it, each one was deliberately chosen by Tanner for his own personal library.
As I stand there in the dim, quiet room, I realize it’s a tomb. A tribute to his father. The man he hated and loved all the same. A brisk wave of sadness creeps over me as I watch Tanner Christensen dwell in the midst of his father’s memories. They’ve become his memories, too, and I suddenly feel the true weight he feels, understand the need for him to save and preserve the legacy of the Trident Voyager.
“You admired your father more than you realize,” I say quietly. It’s a simple observation, but it’s one I know he can’t deny.
“He didn’t let go. Never gave up. I’ll give him that.” Tanner stops at the shelf closest to the antique desk and runs a thumb along one of the spines. “When he wanted something, he fought for it, even to the detriment of everything in his life. But he always fought. I suppose that’s something commendable, right?”
“Of course it is.” I step forward and link my fingers with his. “You spend a lot of time here?”
“Not lately. It used to be a haven of sorts. Now it only makes me angry.”
“Why’s that?”
He squeezes my fingers and shifts his body to rest against the side of the desk. His gaze lingers on the books before us, on a shelf filled to the brim with literature. It’s the most packed shelf in the room, with books lodged tightly from left to right, top to bottom. “Since he died, this ship has been a blessing and a curse. A burden, and the best thing that’s ever happened to me. This room used to bring me some solace. Now when I’m down here, all I can think about is Jade and the merger and what it all means. It reminds me of my father’s faults, the things I hated about him, instead of the good. And there wasn’t much good to begin with. I’ve had to fight to focus on the little bit he’s left behind. This merger…” He bites his bottom lip and a shadow passes over his face, heavy and barren. “It’s taken something from me.”
“Have you ever considered—?”
“No.”
I swallow. “You didn’t let me finish.”
“I know what you’re going to say.”
“Do you?”
“That maybe it’s not the answer. Maybe this isn’t the way to honor my father’s legacy.” He glances at me, my silence confirming his guess is right. “Of course I’ve considered it. More than you know.”
“I can’t pretend to understand what this ship means to you. You’re the one who has to walk this path. It’s your fight and no one can tell you the best way to walk it, but I do know one thing.”
Tanner’s contemplative gaze shifts toward me.
“It’s never too late to change your mind. About anything.”
“I wish that were true.”
I wiggle my way in front of him, wrapping my hands around his waist. “Do you need me to remind you of some basic Tanner Christensen 101?”
“Don’t get fresh, Miss Banks.” His lips quirk, but his eyes remain hard.
“You have the power here. You have control. You run this,” I lift a hand and gesture to our surroundings, “like you run this.” My hand finds the seam of his fly, stroking firmly up and then down. His hardness urges me on, and a desperate sound deep in his throat begs my gaze to drift up to meet his.
“You’re playing with fire,” he whispers, voice dry.
“You know I’m right. You, more than any man I’ve ever met, know how to take charge. Don’t let this woman, this ship, your memories—none of it—steamroll over you. This merger might have some power right now, and this ship might be weighing you down, but you’re the anchor. Don’t wait for me, or anyone else to release you, do you understand, Mr. Christensen?”
He licks his lips and cups my ass, pulling me tightly against him. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a woman more than I want you right now.”
“Please don’t say things like that.” I close my eyes.
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“Anya, look at me.”
I look.
“It’s my turn to remind you of some Anya Banks 101. If there’s anything you know how to do, it’s face the things that paralyze you. You proved that to yourself the second you stepped foot on my ship for the first time. When I tell you I want you more right now than I’ve ever wanted a woman, you have to choose to face the words or run. And you don’t run.”
My voice is feather light, afraid to break free. “I want to.”
His lips come down and kiss the fear away, nipping softly as he pulls me to the edge of the chase. “Come here, baby. Ride me. Slowly.” He sets me on his lap and slides my dress up, working on the delicate buttons of my blouse. I’m immersed in breath and sensation, so deeply that I don’t register the sound of his zipper, only feel him glide inside of me, filling me completely. We both exhale as I push down, accepting his offer, his expression of love.
That’s when I panic.
I realize it, in that moment, that his touch, his affection, this expression…this is what it’s become. A form of love. I’m not sure either one of us can define it just yet, let alone admit it and call it what it is, but it’s most certainly a type of love, and that’s worlds away from what stretched between us just a few weeks ago.
“Anya,” he whispers, mouth grazing along my jaw, “tell me you want this.”
I tip my hips and roll steadily, back, then forward, riding him slowly, just as he’s instructed. “I do. I do want this.”
He nips my chin and his tongue slips lazily into my mouth. “Do you taste it?”
“Mmmhhmm.”
“This is all yours, baby. Every inch.” He rolls his hips up to fill me deeper, pressing his groin harder and harder against me, seeking me out. My head and heart begin to swim, frantically searching for the surface.
“I want you, Tanner.”
His baby blues find my gaze in the dim light as he bites down gently on my bottom lip. “I love you.”
My hips roll to a stop. My body stills and a broken breath cracks free. His warm fingertips grip the nape of my neck, their command firm and tight.
“You don’t have to say it back,” he says gruffly, voice slipping into the darkness around us. “I just think you should know. I do.”
<
br /> “You shouldn’t say things like that.”
“Stop telling me what I should and shouldn’t say.” He sends a light thrust upward and his thumbs roll over my hipbones. “I want to fucking say it, so let me say it. You can’t run from this. I know you want to, but you can’t.”
“Tanner—” His lips catch mine, silencing them. The sudden urgency of our need bears down on us. The weight is smothering, but I don’t want it to lift. I cover every inch of him and he welcomes me, spurring me on until we’re shouting into the dim light, our cries concealed from the outside world by the tomb surrounding us.
Minutes pass as we drift down from the high. I stare up at the ceiling as I catch my breath, then roll my body to the side, peeling myself from him. Silence crackles and I move from the chaise, adjusting my dress. “I should go.”
“Don’t.”
“I should. I have work to do.”
His baby blues burn me and he nods firmly. I look away and move to the door.
“I’ll see you later?”
“Yes. Sounds good.”
“Good.” There’s a tickle in my throat as I choke on the word, but I manage to extinguish the roadblock and continue. “Um…have a good day.”
“You too, Miss Banks.”
My lips purse and my body strides forward, slipping out the door. I need to talk to Lana, and I need to talk to her now.
***
“Thank God!” I shout into the phone at Lana, biting into an orange slice. I have an entire tray of fruit stationed on my lap as the morning sunshine rains into my cabin through the porthole window. I didn’t sleep last night. After I left Tanner in his father’s tomb, I retreated to my cabin and holed myself up again. My intention was to cut off each and every distraction and get to work on my first feature for the Trident Voyager, but every time I attempted to begin an outline, my brain was kind enough to remind me that I was no longer writing for Ted and Ted alone.
Now Jade was just as much my boss as Ted.
“It’s about time you called; I’ve been freaking out.”
“I just boarded yesterday, An.” Lana lowers her voice. “But I do have news.”
“Already? That was fast. Spill. Is she smuggling drugs in the cargo hold? Does she run an international escort service or something? Come on, what’s the dirt?”
“Well, that’s the thing…” Something creaks. The sound of a door closing on its hinges, I think. “I hate to speak too soon, but…”
“But what? Come on, Lan. Out with it.”
“I started digging the second I got onto the ship. Before I even boarded, actually. I was talking to everyone—and I do mean everyone. I made my rounds in the reception area and sparked up conversations with repeat customers, bellboys, customer service reps, anyone willing to chat with me for a few minutes.”
“And?”
“They all love Jade.”
I chuck the half-bitten orange slice back onto the silver tray and slump against the headboard, releasing a long sigh. “Of course they do.”
“It gets worse.”
“Great.”
“Once I boarded and checked into my cabin, I spent the rest of the afternoon and half the night sneaking around. Everything is immaculate. And I don’t just mean the décor and the cleanliness. I mean everything. I’ve been researching the hell out of her history with the Crown Jewel, her ties with Tanner’s family, all of her business dealings within the past five years… and I’ve come up with nothing. She’s a saint. Literally. She’s like freaking Mother Theresa, only with fangs and Prada heels. She’s involved with a shit ton of charities and is heading a project with one of them to provide clean water for third world countries. Apparently, she’s also very passionate about saving the polar bears. Do I really need to continue?”
“Son of a bitch.”
“I’m not giving up yet. I’m determined to keep digging. The woman’s forcing Tanner into a sham marriage. She hijacked your career. Her viciousness knows no bounds. She can’t be as squeaky clean as the press claims her to be. I don’t buy that shit for a second.”
“Lana, I think you should let it go. I was going to tell you to call it off anyway.”
“What? No, Anya.”
“Listen to me. Write your feature. Enjoy the cruise. Enjoy Aruba. Then go home, turn the piece into Ted and pretend this never happened. Let me handle my own mess, okay? I should’ve never let you get involved in this.”
“I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet. I just thought you should know. Things aren’t looking very promising over here. Not at all what I was expecting.”
“Please. Throw in the towel. I’m begging you. I would never be able to live with myself if you lost your job over something so trivial.”
“I told you, I’m not going to lose my job. Trivial? You call what this bitch is doing trivial?”
“You know what I’m saying.”
“Just give me a few more days. It’s not over until Daryl Dixon loses and the Walkers win.”
“Wait. Is this another Walking Dead metaphor?” My brows draw down in confusion.
“Daryl Dixon is the definition of badass. He’s the best character in the show. He’s a survivor. And he never goes down without a fight.”
I bite my lip and scrunch my nose. “Still lost, Lan.”
“Daryl doesn’t lose. Ever. Even when he loses, he’s not a loser.”
“So, what you’re trying to say is…”
“Hope!” Lana pipes up, and I can almost see her expression, feel her sunshine reaching through the phone. “There’s always hope. It’s not over.”
“Fine. There’s no talking you out of this, then.”
“Nope.”
“Well, Tanner’s lawyer is working on a way around this merger. I’ll keep you posted as he updates me. Oh!” I set the tray on the sheets and swing my legs off the side of the bed to reach for a notepad and pen from the bedside table. “What’s your cabin number so I can call you if I need you?”
“32601. If you can’t reach me, just call concierge and leave a message with them. They’ll make sure I get it. How are things going with Tanner?”
I jot down the cabin number and rise to walk to the porthole window. I look out at the sea, admiring the Alvita shoreline. “It’s been a minefield.” Jade’s face floats into my mind, and then her body, reminding me of each and every perfectly sculpted curve. “Jade walked in on me and Tanner the other day. In their beach house.”
“Please tell me you’re kidding.”
“I wish I was.”
“Damn it! Why do I miss all the good stuff?”
“Lana!”
“I mean, I’m sorry for your misfortune and all—I’m sure you and Tanner were having a grand old time—but seriously? She walked in on it? I would give up the last croissant in the universe to see her face!”
“You would’ve been sorely disappointed. She didn’t even care. Just strolled on into the bedroom and headed for the shower. Undressed and made a snide comment about Tanner joining her. Even threw something in there about having a threesome.”
“Ok, the croissant is nothing. I’d give up my entire chocolate stash to witness that!”
“It was awful.”
“It sounds fabulous.”
“Only because you thrive on drama.” I laugh for the first time this morning as it dawns on me just how much I miss my best friend.
“No, because I’m certain it got underneath the Governor’s skin.”
“The who, what?”
“A villain from Walking Dead. He’s an ass. Deserved everything he got.”
“You really have to stop that.”
“Sorry. Addiction is a serious problem. The struggle is real.”
“Anyway,” I giggle, feeling the weight lift again, “Tanner told me he loved me last night. And I freaked. I’ve been tucked away in my cabin all night.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! He what?”
“He was just in the heat of the moment and all that. Nothing to get worked up
over.”
“He dropped the L word and you freaked and ran. That is not nothing!”
“I didn’t run…not right away, anyway.” I press my forehead against the porthole window, soaking up the sunshine as it penetrates the glass. “I didn’t say it back.”
“Thank God.”
“What?” My head lifts.
“You’re not ready. You’ll say it when you’re ready.”
“I didn’t say it because I might not feel the same.”
“You definitely feel the same. I bet my Aunt Gertrude’s secret red velvet cake recipe on it, sweetie.”
“Why does everyone seem to realize this before I do?” I whisper to myself, dropping my forehead back to the glass.
“Because we can see what you can’t. Tanner knows you love him. Trust me.”
“Okay, can we just fast forward to the part of the call where I ask you about Brie, you tell me how pale I am, and then boss me around and tell me to go get a tan?”
“And then we hang up?”
“Yep.”
“Fine. You are so pale, you put vampires to shame. Now go get a goddamn tan, woman.”
“And Brie?”
“She’s great. Eating everything, as per usual. If things don’t work out with men soon, I just might ask to have her babies. She’s kinda awesome.”
“Yeah,” I smile into the phone, “she really is. Okay. I’m hanging up.”
“And getting a tan!”
“Yes. That too. Love you.”
“Love you more. Keep me posted.”
“Will do.” When I hang up, I don’t give myself time to linger. I’ve stuffed myself away for long enough. Lana and Tanner are right. I should enjoy this cruise. At the very least, I owe it to myself to get a tan.
I change into my bikini, collect my things, and head out of the cabin. I start for the elevator, intent to sunbathe on the top deck, but quickly change my mind. We’re still docked on Alvita, and while I definitely don’t feel comfortable going back to Tanner and Jade’s beach house, I wouldn’t mind exploring the island a bit more before we head back out to sea.
