by Rachael Wade
“Not now, girls,” I mumble, as I squeeze past them.
I’m right on with my theory. Tanner jumps on the task, heading straight for my friends. “Ladies, please let me escort you to your room. Anya has some business to tend to. She’ll meet us upstairs shortly.” He sweeps them aside and cuts me a glance, then delivers his mother a warning glare. “Won’t you, Anya?”
“Oh my God.” Lana breaks free from Tanner’s grip and hops toward me and Margaret. She staggers in front of us, bowing in a pitiful curtsy position. My eyes squeeze shut. It’s too painful. I can’t watch. “You, madam, are quite the talk of the town, you know. All that stuff your husband put you through—oops! I mean, late husband—and now that hussy Jade Simmons swooping in, stealing your son, too?”
Brie snorts behind her, wobbling on her high heels. “Yeah, wasn’t your husband enough? She had to have ‘em both, huh?”
Margaret’s body turns rigid. Her eyes find Brie’s and hold them like a heat-seeking missile. Before any of us can blink, she flies forward and smacks Brie clear across the face. The sound permeates the lobby’s bustling noise and echoes off the tile, drawing every eye in the room on us.
“Tanner,” Margaret says, tone biting, “you will not escort these women to any room on this property. Get them off the property. At once!”
“Mother—”
“Now, Tanner. Or I will have management take care of this…spectacle.”
“Lana.” My breath is just a whisper. The wind is punched out of me. Lana’s laughter trails off and she sobers up, her eyes popping wide in Brie’s direction.
“Anya, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you yet. I just found out and I wasn’t sure—”
“Don’t say another word, Lana! Margaret, let’s go.” I storm past my friends, past Tanner, and charge toward the limo that awaits us beneath the hotel awning. Margaret is right behind me, sliding into the seat next to me. She slams the door and snaps an order at the driver, and I’m left staring out at Tanner, Lana, and Brie in pure disbelief. I’m not sure what to process first. It’s all such a mess. I only know that this realization only further confirms the fact that I’m making the right decision. The very best thing I can do right now, for everyone involved, is to get the hell out of Aruba and away from the Trident Voyager altogether.
Tanner stands there on the sidewalk dumbfounded, yelling something into his phone, while Lana waves her hands wildly in the air in Brie’s direction. Brie’s crying, cupping her flushed, red cheek. It’s a frantic scene, and it’s all my fault. Margaret hollers at the driver and I force myself to look away. My hands rest numbly on my lap.
The car is quiet until Margaret decides to break the silence. “Did you know about this?”
Shock sends my head snapping in her direction. “Didn’t you?”
She stares straight ahead. She doesn’t blink, doesn’t move.
“You didn’t know.”
“Spare me your pity, Miss Banks.”
“Margaret, I—”
“I refuse to discuss this with you.”
“I didn’t know, either.”
She huffs and curses, shaking her head. “What does it matter? The man is dead.”
I gulp, both unable and unwilling to accept her reaction. “You don’t honestly think that makes this okay.”
“It doesn’t change anything.”
“It changes everything!” My outburst gets her attention, but she’s still lost in thought, lost somewhere in her mind. I don’t know if anyone can reach her right now. I certainly can’t, but my heart and mind insist I try, anyway. “Well, Jade isn’t dead. She’s alive and kicking. She had an affair with your husband and went after your son.”
“This merger means everything to Tanner. It means everything to me. What’s done is done.” She shoots and annoyed glance in my direction. “Why am I even talking to you about this? None of this is your business.”
“I know, I know. I’m nothing, I’m no one. I’ve heard all of it already.”
"Good," she nods satisfactorily, "then this topic is no longer up for discussion."
A frustrated sigh breaks from my chest and I drop the subject, resigned to get back to Alvita and get the hell on with this train wreck. It isn’t long before we’re boarding Margaret’s jet and heading back onto the Trident Voyager. The flight was a blur, a quiet, tense ride that felt much longer than it actually was, but by the time it’s over, I’m already thinking clearer. My mind is ready to tackle the task at hand. My focus is sharp. I’m ready to do this, although I know Tanner is going to put up a fight every second of every way. I’m ready for that, too. When all is said and done and I’m back at Four Corners Elite, when this whole nightmare is over with, I’ll be glad I stood my ground and even happier that I made it out in one piece. My heart might feel differently, but if I can convince it to listen to my mind, I just might make it out of this unscathed, just as Margaret suggested.
When we return to the Trident Voyager, I maintain tunnel vision and head straight to my cabin. No more words are exchanged between Margaret and me. We both know what we have to do. We know what we’re agreeing to and what the final outcome needs to be. It’s time for me to get to work. My laptop case is unzipped and my coffee is hot and fresh. I cozy up in a pair of my favorite PJs and settle into the reading nook against the cabin window. My fingers fly over the keyboard, pounding out every word as if it’ll disappear if not written right that moment. The urgency to write this piece is overwhelming, but it feels good to work. It feels certain. Dependable.
Final.
Two hours into my writing marathon, there’s a knock on the door, as determined as the urgency fueling my words. A frustrated sigh pours out as I close the laptop and stand. Resolve washes over me and my shoulders turn to steel when I answer the door. Tanner’s face is anxious, as expected, and his eyes are hard. Unblinking and unwavering.
“What did you agree to?” He steps past me into the cabin. I leave the door open and cross my arms. “Tell me, Anya. What has my mother done?”
“You left Brie and Lana in Aruba?”
“Yes. I flew back right away. They are fine. I made sure they were taken care of. Now, tell me what happened.”
“Your mother’s done nothing,” I say softly. “This was all me.”
“None of this is you. Getting in that car with her? Leaving me in Aruba and flying here with her? With no explanation? After—” he swallows a lump that’s formed in his throat and looks away, “after what happened back there between us? After what was about to happen? This is killing me, Anya. Don’t you understand?”
Suddenly a sharp, defensive streak pangs at me, sending my head snapping up. My eyes meet his. “Excuse me. Killing you?”
“Yes. You know how I feel about you.”
“This is killing me, Tanner.”
“Then why are you letting my mother run you off? Why are you allowing this?”
“Because this was never supposed to be capable of killing me!” The outburst surprises even me, although it makes perfect sense, considering the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been riding since stepping foot on this ship. “This was supposed to be nothing. It should have been easy! But you wouldn’t let it be easy. You pursued and pursued, until you got what you wanted. You had to be all sweet and charming and handsome and…damn it!”
Tanner’s eyebrows rise and there’s a ghost of smile forming on the corner of his lips. I hate that subtle smile. It’s too damn endearing.
“And that!” I point at his lips and his hands rise in defense as he tries hard to wipe the amusement from his face. It’s not working. He’s failing miserably, actually. “That stupid grin. You had to come along with that stupid grin. And the way you lead me into a room. The way you freak out over me touching your desk—even though it’s entirely warranted—only pulls me toward you, not away from you. You’re a player. You’re not a commitment man. You’re everything I should be running from! Which made you the perfect candidate for a fun fling.”
“But I wen
t and fell in love with you, and you expect me to feel badly about that? You want me to feel bad for loving you? Well, I hate to break it to you, Miss Banks, but I don’t. I don’t feel bad about any of it—in fact, I’m pretty damn pleased with myself.”
“Of course you are, you arrogant arse.”
He glides forward and reaches for my face, but I back up. My hands clamp tightly over my elbows, strengthening the guardrail my crossed arms have created against my chest. “The only thing I regret about any of this is dragging you into this mess between Jade and me. I regret not telling you the truth about her, about our history and our business arrangements. But you weren’t the only one surprised by this, Anya.” Any remaining amusement dissipates as his face turns grave. “You were supposed to go home and stay there. But you left and you took me with you. You couldn’t just let me be. Instead you haunted every corner, every crevice of this ship. My sheets still smelled like you. Your face was everywhere, from the second you left. So, yes. I showed up at your door. And I’ll never apologize for that.”
“I’m not asking you to apologize.”
“No, you’re just trying to punish me for falling for you.”
“I’m trying to protect myself.”
“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”
His words send my flashes flying up. I’m forced to meet his gaze again. “You’re right. It’s much too late. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. So now I need you to listen.” I step forward and gently cup his jaw. “You can’t have it both ways, Tanner. You have to know when to let go.”
“We don’t have to let go.”
“You cannot carry on running your father’s ship this way. You cannot preserve his legacy if you keep down this path. Jade will make it too hard. Your mother will make it too hard. And it’s not worth it—not when you’ve worked this hard and have come this far to be Tanner Christensen, owner of Trident Voyager. Add to that my own career and all I’m putting at stake, here. It’s all too much. We have to choose, can’t you see that?”
“You’re choosing for us. That’s not fair.”
“Someone has to choose, or we’ll both drown.”
“Why can’t we throw each other a life preserver? Let’s continue our plan. Let’s let Lana finish her sailing and—”
“No. This is about so much more than what we want right in this moment, Tanner. It’s about more than eliminating this mess. This is about your future and mine—and Lana’s. It’s about the bigger picture. I don’t belong in your world, and you don’t belong in mine.”
“You do belong.” He takes my hand and places it over his heart. “What can I do to convince you?”
A sad smile paints my face and I rub his chest. “Whether you realize it or not right now, I’m giving you a gift. I want you to have everything, Tanner. I want you to have it all. And from the moment I met you, I could tell you do have it all. You have everything. You had it before you had me. It’s time to say when.”
A cloud of defeat overtakes him and his shoulders slowly sag, as if a balloon has deflated somewhere inside of him. “I am good at many things, Miss Banks. Giving in is not one of them.”
“I know.” I sniffle and catch a tear as it falls from the corner of my eye. “You just need a little practice.”
“It sounds so petty. So empty. But I have to say it anyway.”
“Say what?”
“I want you.”
“I know.”
“If this ship wasn’t responsible for turning me into the man I am, if I had no chance to save it, I’d—”
“I don’t see this as a choice, Tanner.”
“But you have to know. I’m not choosing this ship over you.”
“No. I’m choosing for you, remember?”
He lazily smoothes a thumb over my bottom lip and catches the remnant of my tear. “I hate it when you cry.”
“Then leave now, before the dam breaks.” A tired laugh floats up and I give him a playful shove. I don’t know where I find the strength to put on the act, because I truly do feel as if I’m about to collapse, but I manage to do it with my humor intact.
“You’re absolutely certain about this.”
“Yes.”
“What has my mother asked you to do?”
“Just write the feature I’ve been assigned and then leave when the ship docks. I’ll go my way and you’ll go yours. It’ll be as if this never happened.”
“We both know that’s impossible.”
“Yes. But it’s smart. It’s the best option. You might not want to admit it right now, but you know it’s true.”
He gives me a solemn nod and takes a purposeful step backward, allowing my hand to fall from his chest. I resume my position with arms crossed, holding my insides together. No matter what, I have to hold it steady.
He turns for the door and quietly slips out, and only then do I let it all fall apart. I curl up in the reading nook, resting my head against the edge of the porthole window. The waves are restless, just like my mind, but the ship is firm and steady, like my heart. The tears come and then sleep overtakes me, urging me to give into the rest. I’ve made the right decision, and only time will cement the peace I crave.
NINE
“Jade says you haven’t run a single thing by her,” Ted’s voice whines in my ear, breaking my concentration. I’ve been sitting in a pile of paperwork—contents of the file Bernhard gave me—since the sun came up, and my eyes have been glued to my laptop screen ever since. It’s taken everything in me to redirect all of my energy and focus on this piece and away from Tanner, but I’ve succeeded. It doesn’t change the hole I feel growing in my chest, or the harsh reality that I know awaits me when this cruise is over, but it’s momentarily helped lessen the blow. At least I will walk away from this with my job, with no more answering to Jade Simmons.
“Ted, I’ve been writing all morning. Yesterday was…eventful. I’m playing catch up. Just give me a few more days.”
“A few more days? Anya, Jade wants to see what you’re working on now.”
“I understand that, but Miss Simmons is just going to have to understand that creative writing doesn’t work that way.”
“You’re well acquainted with the concept of deadlines, Miss Banks. This shouldn’t be an issue.”
“I’m used to answering to you and Lana for deadlines, Ted. Jade Simmons is unreasonable and...very difficult. I’ve been thrown into this assignment with very little notice, and I think I’ve handled it pretty well thus far. All I’m asking for is some patience. The feature will be finished before the end of the sailing. You have my word.”
“Very well. But the minute you have the first draft, it needs to be presented to Miss Simmons immediately, are we clear?”
“Crystal.” I grit my teeth and click my pen. If this man would just let me off the phone, maybe I could actually get back to work. We hang up and I dive back into my research, skimming the documents that surround me. Bernhard was right. Everything I could have wanted to know about him, Tanner, and the Trident Voyager is in this file. From the history of the club’s building in Aruba to newspaper articles on the origins of Bernhard’s friendship with Tanner’s father, the contents of this file are a travel feature waiting to happen.
I’m completely absorbed with the story and am confident it will be a good fit for Four Corners Elite. Not only will it highlight something special about Tanner’s father’s legacy and its ties with the ship, it will also bring attention to the men behind the scenes, like Bernhard, who helped make Mr. Christensen’s company what it is today. I’ve learned that Bernhard was instrumental in advising Tanner’s father on which properties to invest in both on Alvita and in Aruba. It turns out that Alvita never would’ve even been purchased as the Trident’s personal, private island had it not been for Bernhard’s insight on the value of the land and its convenient location.
My eyes and heart are heavy from my lack of sleep and split with Tanner, but a small smile creeps up as I stare at the open d
ocument on my laptop. Bit by bit, slowly but surely, a solid, inspiring piece is being orchestrated. I just might bring some honor to Tanner’s father and to Bernhard’s kindness with this feature. I don’t have much time to revel in this little victory, though, because there’s a hesitant knock at my door. It’s not a Tanner knock, and it’s definitely not a Jade knock. I’m not sure who that leaves, but I stand anyway and move toward the door in quick stride.
“Uh…hey, Anya.”
“Jonah? What—what are you doing here?” I blink and look from left to right. He stands there in board shorts and a light blue button-up, looking every part surfer chic. His hands are in his pockets, where he taps the sides of his legs.
“Yeah, about that…”
“You never mentioned you were going on a back-to-back sailing.”
He smiles and his brows knit together. “You didn’t, either.”
“Okay, so…”
“It was a last-minute decision. I had such a good time, I figured why the hell not. I have the time to spare, so, yeah.”
“What about school?”
“I’m still on break.”
“Ah, okay, I see.”
“Besides, I can always use the excuse that this is research for one of my classes.” He laughs good naturedly, but there’s a nervous flutter in his tone. “International Communications, remember? You can’t get any more international than traveling with people from all over the world in the Caribbean.” Another nervous laugh breaks free, and it’s kind of cute, but sadly, more than anything, I’m annoyed. I don’t know what he’s doing knocking on my door, and I have a feature to write.
I feel some of the irritation seep into my features. “Jonah, I’m not sure what I can do for you, but—”
“I know, I know,” he holds up a hand, “you made your position very clear the last time we spoke. But I couldn’t help myself. I was in the lobby and when I overheard the receptionist mention your name to the owner and found out you were still on board, I had to ask about you. She said it was against their policy to give out guests’ room numbers, but the owner stepped in and gladly gave me your cabin number.”
