by Mia Ford
This is going to be harder than I thought. I need a moment to get over that.
“…yeah, I’m telling you, he’s here!” the girl outside cries. She sounds younger, like a teenager. “He was seen in the supermarket. There are even pictures of him. Look.”
“There is no way that’s Jace Fairs,” her friend shoots back, causing my heart to stop a beat. Am I really imagining things? Going mad because the date is going so badly, imagining things about my ex. “You can’t even see him really. And what would the lead singer from The Puppeteers be doing here?”
“He’s from here, do you know nothing? And he’s back.”
“Why? Why the hell would he be back?”
“Who the hell knows? The tour has just finished. Maybe he’s visiting family.”
They giggle girlishly, thinking that they can claim a piece of Jace. And I suppose in a way they do. He’s famous. Everyone holds a bit of him, but not like me. I really do… or I did. Before he cheated on me.
“I’m going to find him while he’s here. I’m going to see if I can become one of his girls.”
“He’ll never go for you!” the other one screams. “You’re too young.”
“Hey, I’m nineteen. Old enough, thank you very much.”
My heart twists. I was nineteen when I was with Jace, nineteen with the idealism that comes with youth and the thought that everything was going to turn out wonderfully. Now these idiot girls feel the same way. I want to burst out of the door and to tell them that the world isn’t what they think, that Jace isn’t who they want him to be, that they should focus on their jobs instead because their careers will never let them down.
But I don’t. Mostly because I’m so sad. I’m overwhelmed by waves of heartache. The thought of Jace being anywhere near me is horrifying. Seeing him on TV is bad enough but, in the flesh, will kill me. I’ve been lucky, I suppose. I know that his mom still lives here. I almost ran in to her the other day but I managed to duck my head and run away before I got stuck in an awkward conversation with her, but he hasn’t been back as far as I know. I’ve managed to escape him in that way.
But maybe not anymore. He might be here now and I may have to see him. Fuck, as if my night wasn’t bad enough. I want to scream with frustration, this is so annoying!
The girls exit. I hear their voices get quieter and quieter which leaves me by myself with no more excuses. I just need to get out there and to face it so I can go home. See Luci. I just need to move. I don’t know why I can’t, why I’m stuck here in this toilet cubical frozen in fear.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
“Shit.” I hit the answer button quickly. “Hey, Luci, sorry I’m still in the bathroom.”
“What the hell are you still doing in there? He’s going to think that you have a dodgy tummy. Actually, that could work in your favor. Maybe that could be a good reason why you need to leave all of a sudden.”
My heart stops beating, is that really what he’s going to think? Oh, why do I care? It doesn’t matter, does it? Who cares what he thinks? I’m never going to see him again anyway.
“Some girls were in here,” I say thickly. “I couldn’t get out of the cubical.”
I should just tell her. I should let her know what I overheard, Luci will know what to do with that information. Yet, for some reason, I don’t. The words remain stuck in my throat, almost as if I don’t want her to know. Or perhaps I’m just not ready to tell her right now. While I’m here in this cubicle. I’ll tell her later.
“Right okay, well… do you want me to call again or are you going to go with the tummy issues?”
“I… don’t worry about calling me. Just meet me at mine in a bit.”
I haven’t got a clue how I’m going to get out of here, but I’ll work it out somehow. I’ll figure out something to tell him and then I’ll turn my back on him and never see him again. It’s been one hell of an experience but I’m done now. It’s never to be repeated. Even less so now that I know he is here.
Jace never fought for me, I remind myself, focusing on the wrong thing. He didn’t fight he just let me go. He cheated on me and let me go. It’s time for me to let go too.
I push the door open, my eyes wide and determined, and I stomp back into the restaurant knowing that I’m going to end this right now…
“Oh!” The table is empty. Max has gone. He’s paid the bill and left the moment I was in the bathroom, like I’m the one who’s dreadful to be around. I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to feel about that one. Not good, that’s for sure.
I dart my eyes around to see if anyone is staring at me. It feels like they are but I can’t see anyone. Still a heat flames inside of me and I run. Luci is going to have to be a miracle worker if she’s going to make me feel better after this.
8
JACE
I shift uncomfortably in my seat under the piercing gaze of the receptionist. The lights in here are too bright, I feel like I’m under a spotlight, but I’m not comfortable with this one.
She knows who I am, I think to myself, irritated. She’s probably online already, posting about me.
No, that’s silly. This dating agency is all about privacy, I checked before I came here. I don’t want anyone to know what I’m doing. Especially not Addie, not that I’m crazy enough to think she keeps up with my life like I do hers. Since she’s the one who walked out on me, she probably hasn’t ever looked back.
“Oh, Mr. Creek,” the receptionist calls out, in a disbelieving voice. Yep, she definitely knows who I am. “Hayley is ready to see you now. If you’d like to follow me into her office.”
“Right, sure.” I dust off my hands as I stand, showing how awkward I feel. “I see, yes.”
Her heels click along the floor, for some reason making my heart beat faster, and soon she leads me into a small, but very clean room. The woman sitting behind the desk has a nice smile and kind welcoming eyes.
“Ah, Mr. Creek, is it?” She extends her hand out for me to shake, which I do. “Nice to meet you.”
I don’t know if she knows who I am but I decide to tell her the truth. I’m sure it will help me on my journey.
“Actually, I’m Jace Fairs, sorry for the pseudonym. I just need to protect my identity, that’s all.”
“Ah, you’re from that band, I see. So, what are you doing here?”
I smile thinly. I can’t tell her the whole truth; it just wouldn’t do. I know she won’t like it. “I am from here, actually. I might live in LA now but this is my true home.”
Hayley takes a few notes. “I see, and you’re planning to come back here all the time? I know that might be a strange thing to ask but I do need to know what your intensions are with my clients.”
“Yes, of course. Well, I think I am.” I shake my head. “I’m not quite sure. I… yes, I think I will be back.”
Shit, is that true or am I just saying that to get on Hayley’s good side? I don’t know anymore. I’m all messy.
“Okay right, so things with the band are…”
“I don’t know,” I cut her off. I can’t get in to that right now. “That’s all up in the air right now.”
“I see.” She doesn’t see, I can see it on her face. She isn’t totally sure if she can trust me right now.
“Look, I know this isn’t typical, but I’m hoping that you’ll keep me on your files anyway. I will be honest with anyone I go on a date with, I’ll let them know that my future is uncertain, I just want to…”
“Why are you here?” she asks curiously. “Surely, you have your pick of women.”
“I want something more, something deeper. Not just a physical connection.”
“Right, of course. So, you’re looking for love?”
“I am.” I smile a bit more genuinely this time. “And because of who I am, I was wondering about your privacy policy. I know that you said all your data is locked down, but…”
“Oh, of course. You will need extra. I mean, we take privacy very seriously, but for you
we will go the extra mile. We won’t keep your picture on file or anything that could identify you.”
“Actually, would it be possible to not have a profile for me?” Since I only want one person, there isn’t any need. If that doesn’t work out, then I will leave this crazy idea behind. “Can I just look through the profiles and pick?” She doesn’t look certain; I need to offer more. “I will pay higher. I know this is crazy.”
She pauses thoughtfully for a second before bursting in to a smile. “You know what, I will. We don’t have clients of your caliber here usually so I am willing to work things a little differently for you.”
I breathe easier, relieved. That’s perfect. “Great, thank you very much.”
She tentatively reaches for a file and hands it to me. “Here are all the women we have on file. If you would like to look through it now, then I will give you some time with the profiles.”
“Great, thank you.” Inside here is Addie and I cannot wait to find her.
“Would you like some coffee? I can make you a nice one, we have a great coffee machine…”
“Perfect.” I need her to leave now before I lose my freaking mind.
As soon as the door closes behind her, I hurry through the file that Hayley has given me to find the one and only profile that I want to see. Thankfully, she has small pictures attached to each one, not that I’d need it. As I run my eyes over what Hayley has written about Addie, I would know it’s her right away.
“Oh, Addie.” I run my eyes over the picture, my heart melting as I do. “I have missed you.”
Now that she’s so close to me, almost within touching distance, I realize that it isn’t closure I want. That isn’t what I really came here for. I can tell myself as much but it isn’t the truth. I want her back in my life. I want to go back to that wonderful place we were six years ago before she ran away.
“Ah, Jace,” Hayley says happily as she comes back in to the room. “You are working your way through the profiles. Do you have a list of people you would like me to set you up with?”
“Erm, just one actually. I hope that’s okay? Just for a start. While I… find my feet.”
“Right, sure. That sounds fine to me. However, you want to do it, Mr. Creek.” She winks at me. “Let me see… okay, I can send off an email to this young lady and let you know what she says.”
“Will she know who she’s going out with?”
Hayley giggles more girlishly than I ever thought possible. It seems like she’s coming over a little star struck with me. I should be used to this by now, but every so often it strikes me hard. This is why I would like a normal life. I would like to just be me without being recognize.
“No, I can keep it a secret. See if she will go in blind, sometimes our clients don’t mind that. I might send her a couple of details about you, just so she knows that you’re a good person. I won’t do anything identifiable.”
“Perfect, thank you. So, what do I do in the mean time?”
“Wait and I will let you know when we have something set up.”
We shake hands then and say our goodbyes. I manage to leave Hayley’s office feeling even better than when I went in. Somehow, by actually putting this plan in to action, it feels even less crazy. I will just happen to go on a date with Addie, neither of us need to have manipulated this, it can just be a chance meeting. Fate. A bit like the first time we met. That felt like destiny as well…
My heart stopped beating the first second I saw her. It was like the world had fallen out from underneath me and all I could see was her. My friend was by me at the time, I can’t even remember who it was now, he barely even features in the memory. I just know that someone was talking to me and I could barely hear him. There was a buzzing in my ears that was all about her. My heart pounded hot blood all through me.
The beautiful blonde, with hair spilling down her back, that wide smile that lit up the whole student bar, the eyes that twinkled as she talked to her friend. I think it was Luci, but again I can’t remember. The rest of the world had dissolved in to nothingness. All I could see was her gorgeous heart-shaped face, her pretty aura, all I could feel was the shift within me. I knew that nothing would ever be the same again.
That’s the one, I thought to myself. She’s the girl for me.
I was drawn to her. There was a powerful magnet between us, and it drew me to her. It wasn’t just me that felt it though, she turned like she was being pulled to me too and our eyes connected. A jolt shot through me, like a bolt of lightning, shaking me all over. I held out my hands to her and she just took them, like this was normal. We smiled at one another and something magical was born.
The touch of her skin sent electrical fizzles everywhere and I knew that she felt it too from the way that she nearly jumped backwards. We laughed together, sharing our very first joke.
I think I might have fallen in love with her there and then. I knew that she was different, that she was the one.
“My name is Jace,” I told her. “What’s yours?”
“Addie,” she replied with a blush in her cheeks. “Actually, Addison, no one calls me Addie. I don’t know why I said that. Sorry, I’m just…”
Her nerves were adorable. I just wanted to hold her, to comfort her, to love her. It took all of my strength not to grab her then and to squeeze her tight. I only resisted because I thought it might send her away. I didn’t want her to go anywhere. Ever again.
“Addie.” I laced my fingers through hers, interlocking the part of our body that’s acceptable for now. The rest would come, I knew it. I could sense that sizzling chemistry bubbling already. “I think I like Addie.”
“Then, Addie it is.”
“Right.” She nods and smiles. “Yes, Addie. You might be the only one to call me that, but it’s fine.”
We got to know one another quickly, mostly because it felt like we’d known one another all our lives. I lapped up every detail about her, I wanted to know every little part, it was incredible. And she wanted to know everything about me as well. I haven’t ever had anyone like that since. It seems that the bigger my fame gets and the more that people think they know about me, the less they care about the truth. She wanted to know about the real me.
And then we kissed. We kissed like there was no tomorrow. We kissed passionately, our hands all knotted up in one another’s hair, clutching at each other needily. It didn’t go any further than that, not on that night, but it didn’t have to. I was already head over heels.
I thought that feeling would last forever, I assumed that was just the start of our long and amazing love story. One that culminated in a happy ever after. I didn’t know that we would be cruelly torn apart by god knows what. If I can figure it out, then I can maybe make it right again. I’m willing to do whatever it takes.
I need her back, I thought to myself determinedly as the fresh air washes over me. So badly. Whatever it takes.
I wasn’t sure if she would agree to the date, I wasn’t sure how she’d react when she saw me, but I was keen to find out. Whatever it was, I could fix it, I was sure I could. Somehow. After all, we were destiny. Fate. Meant to be. I’m sure we still are. I don’t think that sort of thing can change.
9
ADDISON
O ver a week, I tell myself. It’s been over a week.
It has been a week since my date with Max and I still don’t feel totally over it. Luci keeps trying to push me to go out with Harrison next, she thinks he will be my best bet, but I just don’t feel ready for it. I can’t shake off the bad stink that I now associated with dating, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to recover from that.
“Stop thinking about him,” I remind myself as I look at the stacks of paper that I need to read through. I have to check the edits before I can send this latest paper to print. “Stop thinking about dating.”
Luci will back off eventually, I’m sure of it. She’ll realize that this isn’t right for me and all will go back to normal. I’m not sure I like the whole dating ag
ency thing anyway. Yes, it’s less seedy than the apps as Max highlighted, but it isn’t romantic, is it? It isn’t fate. It’s not destiny. I kinda like the idea of just meeting the love of my life at random. It just comes from nowhere and knocks me off my feet, changing my life.
A bit like when I met Jace… not that it’ll ever be like that again.
Maybe I just won’t bother anymore. Maybe I’ll just put that whole mess behind me and continue to focus on work. After all, this is what I’m best at. This is where I shine.
I grab my stack of stories and check over them, focusing solely on the task at hand, before I send them off to the layout and formatting team to get put together. After which, it will come back to me for another run through. I have to check everything as many times as I can because ultimately the shit always falls on my head. Every spelling mistake lands on me, every incorrect name falls on me, every faux pas is my fault.
But then it goes the other way too. Whenever it goes right, it’s me who gets the good stuff as well. Of course, that is just normal and isn’t as highlighted as the bad stuff, but I still feel the celebration.
Luci might not get it, she might think that I’m just a workaholic, throwing myself into my career because I don’t have anything else to focus on, but I do need to be here to make sure everything goes right. Yes, it’s a bit all consuming, but sometimes I like to be consumed in what I’m doing. It helps the day to go faster and it pushes all the anxious unhelpful thoughts to the back of my mind.
My email bings. It’s been doing it a lot but this one grabs my attention and I don’t know what it is about it, but my eyes meet the computer screen and I see a name that I’m not ready for.
“Hayley Spraggon?”
I should ignore it. I know I should, but I don’t. I’m drawn to the computer and before I can even think about it, I click the email open to see what she’s had to say about it all.
