by Mia Ford
“What do we do now?” I giggle breathlessly. I feel like this is a conversation that we’ve had once before.
“In a moment, as soon as I get the strength, I’m going to scoop you up in my arms and carry you to bed. After that, we’re going to have the best night of sleep ever. Then in the morning, you are going to head to work as normal, while I try to sort out all my affairs.”
“Affairs? What do you mean by affairs?”
“I need to work out what I want to do with my life. You were right about that, I do need another job, and I’m quite excited to work out what that will be. Also, I need to make sure my place in LA is sold…”
“You’re selling your house?” I don’t know why this shocks me.
“Of course I am.” He laughs as if this is obvious. “I’m done with LA; I’m never going back there. It didn’t ever feel like home anyway, and I’m into the more anonymous lifestyle now.”
“If you can achieve that.”
“Oh, I will.” He nods, full of confidence. “It might take a while, but I will soon become irrelevant.”
“Aw.” I stroke my finger down his cheek. “You will never become irrelevant to me.”
“And that’s all that matters to me.” I rest my hand over hers. “Plus, we need to afford our house by the ocean at some point. Not now, I know you have a lot that you need to do here first, what with your job, and I want to stick around for a while as well, but that’s the dream isn’t it? I still want to make that happen.”
I warm up, I surround myself in the glow that he’s created. Maybe I’m more done with my job than he knows, there might be a chance that our life by the ocean will come sooner than he thinks, but I keep that information to myself for now. Jace and I have been through enough, we should save it to one life crisis at a time.
“I think the money from your mansion will pay for our whole life, never mind the cottage.”
“Hey, you didn’t even see my mansion.” He pinches me playfully in the side. “You can’t judge.”
“No.” I shudder. This time with displeasure. “And I don’t want to. I don’t have any interest in that side of your life. But I can just imagine that it’s ridiculously huge and worth a lot of money.”
“Yep, you would be right about that. It was dumb. And I’m no longer interested in that side of my life either. I’m just looking forward to what you and I might have next. It’s exciting, isn’t it?”
I bask in how thrilling it is. The possibilities are endless. My future which seemed bleak not so long ago is now full of color and fun, excitement and love.
“It is. And I can’t wait to get started, but first, I need you to make good on your promise and carry me to bed. My back is really starting to ache here…”
“Now who’s being the diva!” he laughs. “Come on then, let’s get on with it.”
32
JACE
Standing in front of a class filled with children having all their eyes upon me while they expectantly wait for me to say something profound is very different to being on stage. It brings up a whole set of nerves that I didn’t know were possible. In the spotlight, I can’t see the eyes piercing right through me, but here they are all over me, searching me, needing something from me that I’m afraid I cannot give.
Come on, Jace, I warn myself. Just can get through this. The first day is always the worst.
I don’t know if teaching is for me, but after spending three months applying for all kinds of jobs, it’s the only one I felt comfortable in accepting. I know that the school is as anxious as me, hiring someone who is still somewhat in the public eye, but I promised them that I would make it work, and I intend to make good on that promise. Somehow, I’m going to have to do what I said I would.
“Hello, class.” I cough, trying to clear my aching throat. “My name is Mr. Fairs…”
“You’re Jace Fairs.” Instantly, the class troublemaker makes himself known. “You were in that band and you left. You didn’t leave to come here, did you? Because that’s the wrong way around.”
I can’t help but laugh. “I know, my dreams are backwards, but everyone is different.”
“So, this is real?” he continues. “This isn’t just some side class. You’re actually going to be our teacher now? Our music teacher will be a bona fide rock star.” He looks around at his classmates. “That’s so cool.”
I lean back on the desk and look around at the kids. This is the best environment for me to actually embrace who I am. I will get more out of the children if I just lead with my life in The Puppeteers and go from there. Eventually, that will melt away and I will just become me, but until then this is fine.
“Okay, so I guess a lot of you have some questions?” I ask. “You want to get those out of the way first?”
Immediately all their hands go up and I smirk. I guess we aren’t getting anything productive done today, but that’s that. What I will get out of the children in the end will over shadow everything.
“What was it like, being in a band? Is it the best thing ever?”
“Did you really go out with that YouTuber, Callie? What is she like?”
I will have to remember how much kids respect YouTubers these days. They are almost more like celebrities than us. I still have to have respect for Callie for using what she needed to, to get where she is.
“Did you make a lot of money being a rock star? Are you mega rich? Do you even need this job?”
“Okay.” I nod slowly. “I will do one class of answering questions then we will get on with work.”
I start talking about life in the band, telling them the fun parts without over glamorizing it, and by the end of the class I have to focus of everyone. They are enraptured by me, which is a good place to start…
I leave the school feeling refreshed and happy, like I’ve actually achieved something. This is good, much better than being in the band felt for a very long time. I’m happy. Actually happy. I smile up at the warm sky, knowing that the real Jace Fairs has made his way back to me, which is all I even wanted.
“Jace!” the dean of the school yells out to me. “Jace, could I talk to you for a second?”
“Oh, sure.” I pause and wait for him to catch up to me. “Everything okay?”
I’m nervous, I can’t help myself. I feel good but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ve done well…
“I just wanted to let you know that the children are all buzzing about you… in a really good way.”
“They are?” I pull my bag tighter around myself. “That’s good, right?”
“Oh yes, I haven’t never known any of them to be so excited about music before, so this is wonderful. I really wasn’t sure when I hired you, but if today is anything to go by, then we are on the right track.”
“Oh, thank goodness.” I beam happily. “I wasn’t sure how it would work out.”
He pats me on the shoulder and takes a step back from me, indicating that our conversation is about to come to an end. “We will keep checking in for a while, see how things are going, but it’s great so far. I’m very happy. I’m thinking about putting on a school show if all goes to plan. Give them something to look forward to.”
Ooh, my mind starts spinning, plans fill my brain. If we’re going to do a show, then that gives me ample opportunities. Students will show their talents, everyone can have fun, it’ll be great. Teaching might well be my calling in life. I don’t know if I ever would have thought it, but it is. I already love it.
“Thank you, that would be awesome. I will see you tomorrow then.”
“Great, thank you, Jace. This has been brilliant. I will see you tomorrow. Bright and early in the morning!”
I turn and continue to walk away with my head in the clouds, and my thoughts darting everywhere. Since I’ve finished a little early, I might even go to Addie’s work to meet her there. See if she needs anything. She hasn’t said anything as yet, but I sense that there’s some unrest there. I don’t know how much she’s enjoying it these day
s, which must be hard for her because she has always been a workaholic, but just like everything, we will work it out. We have faced greater challenges and come out the other side. We can face anything together.
“Jace?” This time the voice is different, but it grabs my attention just as hard. “Do you have a moment?”
“Luci?” I narrow my eyes with confusion. “Is everything alright?”
I know she isn’t too keen on Addie and me, I don’t know if she ever has been, and we haven’t crossed paths since I’ve been back, I guess I kinda just assumed that her friendship with Addie would always be separate to her and me. It wasn’t an ideal arrangement, but it has been working… until now.
“Yeah, sorry, this isn’t something to do with Addie. I just wanted to talk to you.”
“Right.” We can’t just continue to stand here awkwardly. “Do you want to go for a coffee?”
“Er, yeah that might be a good idea. I think we need to have a chat.”
We walk towards the nearest café in silence. I don’t know what the hell is going on in Luci’s mind, but all I can think about is the last time we crossed paths. She yelled at me, telling me that I was toxic, that Addie and I could never work. Her words were the ones which sent me running in the opposite direction.
Of course, it worked out well in the end, I won’t deny that, but I’m still anxious.
We end up in a café and I head to the till to buy us both a coffee. Luci’s eyes flicker towards the window over and over again as if she’s searching for an escape. It wouldn’t surprise me if she jumped up and ran.
But she doesn’t. And by the time I get back to the table, her eyes are focused only on me.
“Thank you for this, Jace, I really appreciate it a lot. I know this is awkward…”
“It doesn’t have to be.” I smile wildly, trying to make her feel comfortable. “It can be okay.”
“Yeah, that’s kind of what I’m hoping for here. I want to make things okay again.” She sighs loudly, sadness flickering across her face. “It’s got awkward because of what I’ve said.”
“Honestly, Luci, I don’t blame you. I know you only had Addie’s best interests at heart…”
“But I told her that you cheated, and now I know that you didn’t…”
“Luci, I was focused only on the band anyway. I neglected Addie without even realizing it. If we weren’t growing apart then you saying that would never have left me behind.”
Luci looks a little blown away, like she hadn’t considered it that way. “I still should have talked to you…”
“Luci, we were all young and stupid. I’m sure it would have ended badly anyway.”
“But then I interfered again. I called you all those names…”
“Luci, it’s fine. I get it. I understand it. I’m not mad. It was a mess, Addie and I were both confused about what we wanted. I needed to leave for us to figure out what we wanted. You didn’t do anything, you never caused anything. It was Addie and me all along. You don’t need to blame yourself for anything.”
She smiles weakly at me. I can tell that she isn’t too sure about my words, but that’s okay, she will get there. Maybe this is the start of an unexpected friendship. I wouldn’t mind that at all.
“I have wanted to say sorry to you for a long time,” Luci continues. “I just haven’t had the courage. Plus, I suppose a part of me wanted to check that you and Addison were going to work out.”
“You still weren’t convinced?” I smile cheekily.
“I guess not. But it really does seem like you’re solid now. I haven’t seen Addison so happy before.”
I sip my coffee and peer over my cup at Luci. I wonder if she will know more than me about Addie.
“Has she said anything to you about her job? She doesn’t seem too happy about it, but she hasn’t said anything yet. I don’t want to talk behind her back or anything, I just want to help her…”
“She isn’t how she used to be with work. She was always there before, but is that to do with you? I guess I just assumed that she had found something else to channel her energy into.”
“Hmm, yeah maybe you’re right. That might be it.”
“She’ll talk to you when she’s ready. You know how Addison is.”
“Yeah, that’s true. I just need to be patient.” I sigh loudly, knowing how hard that is going to be for me… but then it isn’t about me so what can I do? “Wait until she’s ready. That should be simple enough.”
“I guess that isn’t your strong point?” Luci chuckles teasingly. It’s nice to have her mock me, it means we’re heading into a new place where anything can happen.
I shake my head no. “It isn’t, but I’m willing to give it a try.”
“That’s all you can do.”
We finish our coffees and eventually exit the café, a new understanding between us. I don’t know what Luci and I will be from here on out, but at least we no longer need to avoid one another. We can spend time together. She hasn’t said much about it, but I know that Addie will be happy this happened.
I head to her work, a giant grin on my face, and I step inside to find her, but Luke catches me right away and tells me that Addie went home sick earlier today which zaps away my positive mood. She’s sick and she didn’t tell me? I know it was my first day at work which she probably didn’t want to get in the way of, but still… I don’t like the idea of her home alone throwing up. I don’t know what’s the matter with her so I rush to her apartment to find out. My heart races, my stomach churns, worry becomes all of me.
33
ADDISON
T he ice cold of the bathroom floor bursts through my underwear and leaves my butt freezing, but I don’t move. I can’t. I’m in too much of a state. I just cannot believe what I’m seeing, I’m stunned to the core. Feeling sick earlier today was bad enough, heading to the pharmacy and grabbing everything I might possibly need sucked, but this… this is something else. It’s unbelievable.
“This was only supposed to rule out the doubt,” I moan. “I wasn’t supposed to get this. A blue cross that changes everything.” I clap my hand to my hot, aching forehead. “What am I going to do?”
I don’t even know what made me pick up the pregnancy test, I just did it on impulse. Admittedly, in the heat of the moment, Jace and I haven’t always been safe, but I still didn’t think I would have this to deal with. I mean, Jace and I are only just in a good place. We’ve finally worked out how to be together in a healthy, positive way, and he’s just got himself a new job which I really hope he likes. Yes, my career isn’t exactly where I want it to be these days, I’m not fully content there, but everything else is so incredible that it doesn’t matter.
But this curve ball could destroy us again. An unexpected baby is a pressure for anyone, never mind Jace and I who have been through enough already. I don’t know how he’s going to take this.
Despite all of that, I grab my belly and glow inside. I can’t help feeling a rush of love for the baby growing inside of me. It might not be planned or anything, and it certainly might be too soon, but it’s a baby born out of love. Jace and I do have a lot of love for one another, and our baby is created from that. I have a piece of the man that I love inside of me which is incredible. I’m definitely happy about that.
“What am I going to do?” I ask myself quietly. “What is going to happen now?”
I can’t imagine that Jace would walk out on me again, he isn’t that sort of man, but it’s still terrifying. Everything is going to change yet again. For six long years, my life was the same, it was predictable and easy to manage, but now it’s all over the place. I can’t seem to keep track of it, no matter what I do. Every time I wrap my head around where everything is now, something changes up again. It isn’t bad but it’s scary.
“I need to… to call Jace.” I stagger to my feet. “He should be finished with work now. I need to tell him…”
I stagger in to the living room and scrabble around for my cell phone. My thoughts
zig zag all over the place as I do, I can barely even think straight. I just need him here to calm me down…
“Oh!” The door swings open and in he comes, worry plastered across his face. “Jace…”
“Are you okay?” he gushes. “I went to your work and they said you were sick…”
His eyes fall down and he spots the white plastic stick in my hand. It takes him a couple of minutes to realize what it is, but as soon as he does, his eyes widen in surprise.
“Is that…?” He points, his hand shaking. “Is it positive?”
“It is.” I nod and gulp. Somehow, telling Jace has made him feel a million times worse.
“We’re…” He grabs his mouth hard. “We’re having a baby.”
“I know. It’s too soon, isn’t it? This shouldn’t be happening, what are we going to do?”
“What do you mean?” He steps closer, closing the gap between us. “This is good news.”
“You aren’t scared?” I search his face for fear but I don’t seem to find it. Maybe it’s just me.
“No. I’m not scared. I’m excited. You and I are going to be parents.”
“But it’s a bit up in the air, isn’t it? This is going to change things.”
He wraps his arms tightly around me and leans down to kiss me gently. “Of course it will change things, but it just takes us one step closer to our dream by the ocean. We’ll just have the kids before the cottage. That’s all.”
I toss my head back and laugh. I knew that Jace would be able to make me feel better. “I guess so.”
“This is wonderful. And it isn’t soon, is it? We’ve been together for a long time… on and off.”
“On and off?” I chuckle, liking his point of view. “That’s one way to put it.”
