by J. P. Scott
Omar looked at his watch. “I do have to get to an appointment, but I can cancel it, if you need to talk some more.”
“No, thank you. You’ve done your part. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“Maybe do a little less thinking, and a lot more doing.” Finally, some advice that Patrick could relate to.
Fourteen
Patrick felt better after Omar left. Being able to talk it out was exactly what he needed. He felt like he had better control over his emotions.
How was Aaron doing? Patrick wasn’t sure what time Aaron had hit the road, but he most likely was arriving in Flagstaff. When could he sit down with his mother and as her questions? She ran a business and would probably have a busy day planned. Stopping everything to dig up the past wasn’t on her agenda for the day.
Patrick sent him a kissing emoji and wrote, “Thinking about you. I love you.”
Regardless of what happened between them, Patrick knew he did love Aaron and always would.
Patrick thought about what his life might be like if after all of this, they decided to go their separate ways. Would they ever see each other again? Would they keep in touch? Or would they become just memories?
In just a couple days, he had reconnected with two former boyfriends. When they had dated, he had thought the relationship was going places and wouldn’t end. He had found love. But seeing each man now had not sparked any feelings or caused any regret that they were not still together.
Both were good guys and appeared to be happy with where they were in their lives without Patrick. Devin was with someone else. And Omar? Patrick didn’t know if he was dating anyone, but he presented himself as content with his life, whatever the circumstances. He was very much an old soul, and it would take someone pretty special to be his equal in a relationship.
Patrick was grateful that he interactions with both men had gone well. He had witnessed many former boyfriends cause drama in bars because of some grudge deeply held from a relationship long ago. Someone cheated. Someone spread rumors. Someone never paid back money borrowed.
Without meaning to, Patrick had paired up with two good guys who had taught him a lot about life and love. He could compare what he was feeling for Aaron against his experience with both of them. He could remember having intense feelings for each of them, but those feelings paled in comparison to what he felt for Aaron. This was different.
There was one more man in his life that at one point had meant everything to him. Ryan. What was he doing now? Not much time had passed since they fought and broke up, but it felt like an eternity ago.
What would happen if he ran into Ryan today? Would they have an amicable chat? Would Ryan impart some wisdom that would help Patrick with his current situation?
Something about their dramatic end at the bar told Patrick that the chances were slim for there to be any goodwill in between them.
Of all of his boyfriends, Ryan was the least mature. Patrick had found him attractive not just for his looks, but for that youthful nature. He wanted to go out and experience things, be places, see people, be constantly in motion. If there was a great song playing, he wanted to be in the middle of the dance floor moving his body. Those moments shook Patrick from his routine.
Was that a conscious thing on Ryan’s part? Was there a moment when he made a decision to throw caution to the wind so that he didn’t miss out on something special again? Maybe, but Patrick doubted that Ryan had that much depth.
Is that fair?
Ryan did give off an air of recklessness and impulsivity, but was that really a bad thing? On an impulse, Patrick had gone to the bathhouse. It was probably not a great decision to make all of the time, but he had met Aaron. Instead of just having a hook up, they had exchanged numbers and met for a date. Something good had come from going on instinct.
It had not gone by any sort of plan. Again, this was jarring to Patrick’s notion of creating a regimen and sticking to it.
Maybe Ryan was a lot like Omar, just younger and less experienced. A younger gay age.
He hoped Ryan was going okay. However, he did not feel like it was a good step to reach out to him to say hi. There had not been enough time to let emotions mellow. If Ryan was still hanging on to feelings and thinking there might be a chance they could get together, Patrick worried a text would send the wrong signal. He also did not want to hurt Ryan by letting him know that he had found someone else almost immediately.
Patrick took it as a good sign that Ryan had not tried to reach out to him at all. No drunk texting. Nothing to indicate that Ryan was sad or missing him. Maybe he had moved on with someone as well.
Reconnecting could wait for another day.
There was someone else that Patrick knew that he needed to sit down and talk with. Someone who was a little closer to all of the details to his current situation.
Patrick scrolled though his contacts and hit the button to call. “Hey, Dad. I was wondering if you were free for lunch today.”
Fifteen
Having lunch alone with his father was not something that usually happened. The two of them got along just fine, but there was not ever much to talk about that they needed to spend that much time alone. His mother was always guaranteed to keep conversation going and could talk for hours. His dad tended to keep things simple and to the point. There was not much need for add extra detail or expound on anything. He kept busy with work and reading something he wanted to study about.
Patrick fully expected his dad to look at his work schedule and say that there was too much on his plate that day and could they meet up later in the week. He would need to move some meetings around, but he would try to make it work. When he said he was free and suggested a restaurant near his parent’s house and not close to his office, Patrick was caught off guard.
Taking days off was not a habit his father was into. He worked if he was healthy. He took vacation when Patrick’s mom made him go somewhere. Otherwise, he followed the routine of getting up, reading the paper over coffee, driving to work, getting his tasks down, and then heading home to pour himself a bourbon.
Patrick knew the routine. He had been doing it for as long as Patrick could remember.
Getting him out to lunch today was too easy.
Had his mother given his dad a heads up about what she confessed yesterday? If so, it would make the conversation a lot easier. But as Patrick entered the restaurant, he was still nervous.
His father was already there and had found a table in the back corner. He gave a slight wave when he saw Patrick. He noticed that his father was dressed as if it was the weekend: khaki pants and a blue striped button up shirt. That was about as casual as he got.
Did this look like someone who had an affair? He wouldn’t even cheat on his taxes.
“Patrick. Have a seat. I’m surprised you aren’t at work today.”
“Likewise.”
“It’s rare, but it happens.”
Patrick wondered just how often it happened if it wasn’t connected to the opening of a new exhibit at one of the museums where he was a member.
They didn’t say much as they looked over the menu and gave their orders to the server. The knot in Patrick’s stomach was getting tighter as the seconds ticked by. This was not going to be an easy conversation to have, and as time passed, he wondered if he was truly springing a surprise on his father. And, if he was, what was his reaction going to be?
“Speaking of work, how are things going?”
Patrick didn’t know how to respond. Yes, work was going well and he appreciated the interest, but this was not the conversation he needed to have with his father right now.
“Things are good. Staying busy.” Patrick squeezed the lemon wedge into his iced tea and swirled the tea with his spoon. “There’s actually something else that I need to talk to you about.”
He might as well get right to it. He didn’t really want to, but he knew that he had to.
His father nodded. “You’re right. There’s
much more that we need to cover. I just don’t know how to do this.”
“Mom told you that she told me?” It was obvious, but Patrick just wanted to confirm that they were on the same page.
“She did. I wish she hadn’t done what she did. But what’s done is done.”
His father seemed angry with is mother which caught Patrick by surprise. Sure, she revealed a secret, but it had huge ramifications on Patrick’s life.
“No doubt, you’ve been going through a lot of emotions since she told you.”
“That’s one way to put it.” What had been worry in his body was now changing to anger. He had expected to find his father apologetic, but he had an air of annoyance that Patrick and his mother were rooting around in his business. Did he not think they had a right to know?
“It’s not easy for me to talk about what I did when I was younger. In some ways, it is over and done with. The affair was when you were a kid and you’re a grown man now. It took some time, but your mother and I have worked on our problems and committed ourselves to each other and our marriage.”
“Maybe you should tell me what happened from your perspective.”
“It’s probably not much different than what your mother already told you. I traveled for work, and we were having problems. I found myself being very lonely. I didn’t have many close friends. Even when I was home, I rarely hung out with friends of my own. We had dinner parties with neighbors, and I was cordial to the husband, but the true friends were the wives. I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about what I was feeling.”
Patrick knew that his father liked to keep to himself. He never thought that it might become a problem if he needed a trusted person to turn to.
“I started expanding my territory in Northern Arizona and used Flagstaff as my home base. I stayed at the same hotel, went to the same restaurants, and in my free time, started visiting the same antique shops in my free time.”
Didn’t Aaron’s mom own a shop? Had his dad visited her shop on his work trips and started a relationship?
“Is that how you met Aaron’s mom?”
The wrinkles on his father’s forehead deepened. “Aaron?”
“Yes, Aaron. You met him at my party.”
“Oh, nice young man. Is he from Flagstaff? I’m confused why you would bring him up?”
Patrick was also confused. Hadn’t his mom told him about her suspicions that Aaron was the product of his father’s affair?
“Well, mom was a little surprised when she met Aaron. She, and other people I know, see a resemblance between Aaron and me. Based on his age, where he grew up, and even what his mom did for a living, she believes he’s your son.”
His father looked down at his coffee mug, his fingers lightly touching the outside of the mug. “I do have a son.”
Patrick’s heart sank. It was true. Aaron was his step-brother.
“I did spend a lot of time looking around in shops and talking with the owners about the pieces they had and the history. I even have a few pieces from an old Arizona mine in my study. You’ve probably seen them on the shelves.” To be honest, Patrick had never spent much time in his father’s study. It was dark and filled with books and antiques. He never really had any interest in any of it.
“It was at one of the shops that I made a friend with a young woman who was often shopping and looking around. I started seeing her everywhere. Shopping, at dinner, on walks in the park. Over time, we started chatting and growing close.”
As his father continued to talk, Patrick thought about a piece of what he just said. The woman was also shopping. He didn’t say that she owned the store. When had Aaron’s mom started her business? Had Patrick gotten the timeline wrong?
“I’m ashamed to admit it, but I really liked spending time with her. Even just sitting on a park bench made me feel like I was cheating on your mother, but I couldn’t wait to see her again. She would listen as I poured out my heart, she would give me advice, and she would just be there for me. I usually hated to travel, but when I knew I was going to be headed up north, I could barely contain my giddiness.”
Patrick wondered what it looked like for his dad to be giddy. He was normally reserved. Was it just a feeling inside? Or did it manifest itself in a physical form? If so, hadn’t that been a giant clue to his mother that something was going on?
“She came to my hotel one night. I don’t know how she figured out my room number, but I guess it wasn’t too hard to track down. I requested the same room.” Her showing up had to have thrown him. He did not really like things to go outside of his mental plan. There were rules, and a woman coming to a man’s hotel room uninvited and alone had to surprise him and throw him off kilter.
“We were only together that one night. After that, I refused to see her. I couldn’t believe what I had one with her and how much it would hurt your mother.”
Patrick didn’t like what he was hearing. He didn’t want his father to treat this woman with such coldness, even if she was his mistress. She was a person and deserved to be treated well. No doubt she was confused by his sudden change and then left to carry the burden of having and raising a son all on her own.
“Did you ever know that she was pregnant?”
“I’m sure she tried to tell me early on. If I saw her in Flagstaff, I refused to speak with her. Eventually, I got my territory to change, and then worked for promotions that did not require me to be on the road. I did get a letter from her once, but I burned it, scared that your mother might find it. I had told her what happened, and I did not want her to think there was a chance that I would restart the affair or leave her.”
“But you do know you have a son?”
“A few years ago, I received a message online in my messenger. A young man wanted to meet with me. I had lunch with him, and he told me that he was my son. I had a son who was a senior in high school.”
Patrick’s eyes narrowed. That didn’t make any sense. Aaron didn’t know Patrick’s dad until Saturday. They had only just met on Saturday?
He thought about them chatting as his mother and he watched them across the backyard. They had chatted a long time and with ease, which was rare for his father when meeting new people. Had they met before? Had Aaron known all along that they were brothers?
If he knew they were related, why had he had sex with him and started a relationship? That didn’t make any sense. Their meeting at the bathhouse was a chance meeting, wasn’t it? He had only gone because Ryan had left him. How would Aaron have known he would be there? And that the two of them would hook up?
“Wait, are you saying that you met Aaron before?”
“Patrick, why do you keep bringing up Aaron? No, I haven’t met him before.”
“But you just said that your son reached out to you…that you had lunch with him. That…that wasn’t Aaron?”
His father was starting to piece together what Patrick was saying. “Why do you think that Aaron is my son?”
“People say that we look alike. He’s from Flagstaff. He was raised by his mother. Mom was certain that he was your son after seeing the two of you together.”
His father looked out the window, not responding to what Patrick said. Instead, his eyes got watery and he used a finger to wipe away a tear before it fell down his cheek.
Patrick didn’t know what to do and just looked down at his plate and the remaining French fries that were sitting next to the remnants of his ketchup. He didn’t understand what was going on. Who was the young man that had met his father? Did he have two sons out there from affairs? Based on the story of how the affair came about, it did not seem like his father was much of a player. He had been pursued versus being the pursuer in the relationship. What were the odds that it had happened twice?
Finally, his father picked up his cell phone and opened an app and typed in something. He was searching for something. When he got what he was looking for, he set the phone on the table and pushed it over to Patrick. “This is your brother.”
P
atrick reached for the cell phone, his normally steady hand was shaking. He picked up the phone and looked at the screen to the profile picture of a young man. It was a high school graduation picture and reminded Patrick of his own.
If he was two years younger than Patrick, he would have graduated high school many years ago. It was strange that his current profile picture was from so many years ago.
It was also not a picture of Aaron. The name was Jacob.
Patrick used his thumb to scroll through the profile. Some people had posted to his profile last January. “It never gets easier. Love you and miss you.” “I’ll never forget you, bud!” The date lined up with his birthday.
He looked at his father. “Did…did he die?”
His father nodded, “He went water skiing with friends the summer after he graduated from high school and had an accident.”
Patrick did have a brother, but it was a brother that he would never know.
But what about Aaron? Why did he look so much like Patrick and his dad?
“Dad, I’m sorry. That’s awful.”
“I wish I had known him.”
His father signaled for the check and pulled out his wallet. He pulled out some large bills and put them on the table. “This should be enough. Let me know if it doesn’t, and I will reimburse you.” He was scrambling to get up and away from the table.
“Dad, don’t go.”
“I’m sorry, Pat.” His father moved at a speed that Patrick didn’t think he had ever seen. His father was upset and wanted to get out of the public eye.
Patrick was left alone to take in all of the new information. He didn’t know what to think. His father had indeed had an affair, but it had not been with Aaron’s mother. Unless there was a second affair that he wasn’t ready to come clean about. When Patrick put that on the table as an option, his father had seemed genuinely surprised.
The waiter brought the check and Patrick saw that his father had left more than enough money. The waiter would get a really good tip.
