by C. Hallman
I knew from the way she moved her body against mine being free of the chains of this life was exhilarating. For once, she could breathe without restriction.
I want to be mad at Eli, but the truth is I have to thank him, yet again. First, he saved my life, then he freed Amara, and now he calmed her down after I pushed her away. I don’t want to think about what would have happened if Eli hadn’t found her and taken care of her last night.
As she’s sprawled out on our bed in Jared’s house, my mind wanders. I wasn’t lying to her when I said I wasn’t sure I could be the man she wants me to be. I have a soft side, especially when it comes to her, but under it all, I don’t think I can let the harshness go. Yes, I’ll change for her, but I can’t go as far as she thinks. I can’t be normal. I was born this way, made this way, and hardened by the cruel aspects of my life.
She wiggles around on the mattress, pulling the blanket down, then immediately curls up and shivers. Smiling, I pull the blanket back over her body, and I’m rewarded with a soft moan of appreciation. Leaning down, I place a gentle kiss on her shoulder before heading back downstairs.
“You found her?” James questions, as I take a seat in the living room. I’m not ready to go and crawl into bed next to her. It would just make me want to fuck her into submission over and over again.
No matter how pissed she was, running from me was stupid, so fucking stupid.
“Yeah, I did,” I mumble, running my hands through my hair. “Well, technically, Eli did.” I’m exhausted. The truth is I’m not used to all this, all I ever had to protect was myself. Having to think about more than just myself—well, it’s fucking exhausting.
“I’m assuming from the look on your face it wasn’t somewhere you expected to find her?” What’s with all the questions?
Arching an eyebrow, I ask, “What do you mean?”
“You just look slightly amused and slightly pissed.”
“Well, your daughter is a spitfire. The last thing I expected her to be doing was getting drunk and dancing out on the crowded dance floor.” I expel a deep breath.
He lets out a deep, almost contagious laugh—contagious if I had something to laugh about.
“Must’ve gotten that from her mother. She was definitely a get drunk and take off her clothes kind of gal, I remember the one time—”
“No. No. I don’t want to hear about it.” I stop him with my hands, really not wanting to hear about how Amara came into this world.
“Still, the woman was feisty as hell. Clearly, Amara got that from her mother,” he comments, smiling at me, his eyes glazing over. I know that look well—he’s scouring his mind for the one memory he’s most fond of. I do it, too. Every time I think of my mother.
“I’m sure she did.” I was never given the chance to meet her mother. Had I met her, would things have been different? I think so.
“You know, you and Amara aren’t that far off from the same kind of people. She’s lost just as much as you have. Maybe you guys can find the happiness missing in your lives through one another. I love her to death, but I don’t think Jared and I loving her will be enough to hold her together…” James talks as if he has experience with this whole ordeal. I’m not sure I even want to ask.
“Well, it can’t just be me,” I say without thinking. There’s no way, after everything that has happened, I would be the person to hold her to the earth.
“Give yourself more credit, son. We all make mistakes and have a long past of shit always creeping up on us. You made choices and did things because you had to. Killing John wasn’t easy on you, but losing your mother wasn’t either. You have lost your whole family to death.”
This man knows more about me than I give him credit for, and suddenly, I feel something I rarely do—fear. Fear of the unexpected—of the future, and for Amara.
“You seem to know a lot about my family,” I blow out an uneasy breath. “More than I was aware of.”
Smiling, he says, “Yeah, you know I used to work for your father. Nothing serious. I never had to bury any bodies. He wasn’t just my boss though; he was my friend as well. If he were alive now, he would be very proud of you, Lorenzo.”
“Proud?” I stumble over the word. That single word isn’t something my father would’ve ever said. Even at the ripe age of five, I remember him being hard on me. Screaming and pushing me. A five-fucking-year-old kid… Like I knew better.
“Yes, proud, he would’ve loved the young man you hav—”
“That I’ve become? The person he wanted me to be?” I’m angry, and as the air filters into my lungs, I still feel as if I’m not getting enough of it.
“Well, yes, in a way…” All I can do is stare at him, shaking my head. I’m overwhelmed with the urgency to slaughter someone or something. Anger isn’t something I know how to handle well. Lately, I’m never in control, which makes my life harder.
“This is the man my father would’ve wanted me to be, I’m sure…” I laugh.
“All I meant is he would be proud—”
“Proud of what?” I bite out.
“You. The man you have become. I know your father wasn’t a good man, but he loved your mom. Almost the same as you love Amara. He never looked at that love as a weakness, he valued it above all. Something not many men in his position would. He would have been proud of you embracing the love you have with Amara.” Dazed and confused by his admission, I sit there slightly shocked.
“My father loved my mother, even I saw it when I was just a child, but he didn’t love her enough to end his behavior. In the end, he ended up dead.”
“Listen to what you just said very carefully,” he emphasizes the last word like it holds all the meaning in the world. Then he gets up and slips from the room.
Amara’s words from the diner linger in my mind. “Everyone has a choice, Enzo. Everyone has a chance to change things for the better. Your past doesn’t define you, and without a future path outlined, you’re free to do whatever you want.”
It seems James knew I needed someone to talk to, and he knew just the right thing to say as well. It’s as if he knew my father’s death could’ve been stopped had he made the right choice. Now it’s my turn to make the right choice. I can make the same mistakes my father made, or I can be better.
Letting go of the mafia was never a choice before. I haven’t even considered the possibility. What would I even do? Where would I go?
I try to imagine a future without the mob, and I come up blank. The only constant thing in my mind is Amara. No matter what I do, she’ll be there, I’ll make sure of it. The question is, how happy will she be if I stay? My heart knows what it wants, but my mind tells me something else. The day was coming…
My phone ringing in my pocket pulls me from my own thoughts, and as I stare down at the caller ID, my mind takes a different turn.
“Eli,” I growl. I’m still pissed about what he and Amara did. I knew he wouldn’t hurt her, but the fact he knew where she was for hours before contacting me is not easy to let go.
“Lorenzo, you don’t sound all that happy,” Eli mocks. I can tell from the sound of his voice that he has a smile on his face. Asshole.
“What the fuck were you thinking? You should’ve called me right away.” I all but yell into the phone.
“Chill out. It’s not like you came barreling down the street for her. She needed time to breathe. Even I could tell that,” he replies in a manner that makes me uneasy. What has she told him?
“Fuck, I know. Why do you think I wasn’t right behind her? That doesn’t give you the right to just take her wherever. I was losing my shit, you’re lucky you didn’t find yourself on the receiving end of my blade. On my way over there, I was contemplating murdering you.” My hand is running through my hair so fast, I fear I might be bald by the time we hang up.
“Tsk, tsk, Enzo. Don’t forget, I’m the one helping you out. I had the right to do whatever I wanted. I didn’t hurt her or tell her anything she didn’t need to hear.”
> She didn’t need to hear? What’s that supposed to mean?
“What are you talking about? I haven’t lied to her about anything, asshole, and don’t fucking talk to me like you own me. You don’t. Yes, you’ve helped me more than once. Yes, you saved my life and possibly Amara’s, but don’t forget that I’ve done a lot of things for you over the years. I saved your ass more than once, didn’t I?”
“I’m grateful for all you have done, but you need to relax. I took her out, let her have some fun, and that was it. She deserved it. After all, she’s going to be put through the wringer next week.”
“That doesn’t fucking matter. Just know that she is mine. She belongs to me, and whatever the hell happened tonight will not happen again.”
He laughs into the phone, and I’m two seconds away from crushing my cell phone.
“From the way you fucked her against the hood of the car, it didn’t look as if you didn’t want it to happen again. I gave her the freedom she needed at that moment and time, so put the caveman antics away, and pull your head out of your ass. If you want to take Mack down, you need to focus on him. If Amara loves you, she’ll be here when the smoke clears.”
His words slowly start to clear the fog from my mind, but it only helps a little bit. The jealousy I’m feeling runs hotter than the sun. He watched us have sex. Fucking dick. I also didn’t forget how Amara used to be uneasy around him or how she told me he was rough with her in the basement.
She didn’t seem uneasy around him yesterday, quite the opposite, in fact.
“Still, you need to leave her alone. As for her and I fucking, watch us one more time, and I’ll gouge out both of your eyes with my hands.” It’s not a threat. It’s a promise.
“Whatever, Enzo. Here is the deal. I will come by and get Amara in the next few days. Mack is on the lookout for you two. Hell, if he could get his hands on Jared or James, he would be splendid as well. I told him I found you, but that I need a few days to lure you out.”
“Yeah, yeah… Get to the plan,” I say impatiently.
“I’ll come in the middle of the night, we’ll scuffle, you’ll cut me, punch me a couple times. Amara has to have some type of damage done to her… then I’ll take her.”
The idea of hurting Amara at all causes my stomach to flip. My mother had raised me better than that. Even if I was a stone-cold killer, it was never my idea of fun to beat on women.
“Where are you taking her?” My voice comes out gravelly. It’s already after one in the morning, and sleep pulls heavy on me.
“Don’t act dumb. I’m taking her to Mack. I’ll make sure he doesn’t touch her or anything.” Eli sounds convincing, but nothing is more important to me than her safety. In the end, if I don’t pick the right path, she’ll have to pay the price.
“I’m not acting dumb, I just want to fucking know where she’s going. A fucking location, not a vague answer.” I want to snap his neck for talking down to me. He isn’t above me, and we both know it.
“You’ll find out. Just make sure she’s prepared. After talking to her tonight, she’s not nearly as naïve as I thought she would be. Seems you have trained her far better than the other women you are known to be with.” The way he compares her to other women I slept with causes my chest to hurt. She is nothing like those women. There is no comparison.
“You’re right. She’s nowhere as dumb as those others. She can stand on her own two fucking feet. Now, if you would like to keep that tongue of yours in your mouth, I’d shut it. As you know, I have a habit of cutting tongues out,” I threaten before hanging up the phone.
It hits the floor with a thud, and I have no intention of picking it up. My mind is all over the place, anger and uncertainty rushing through my veins.
Clutching my head in my hands, I bend over… I’m disappointed with myself for feeling as if I’m strong enough to do this. It’s more than just a war with Mack or John. It’s a war with myself. To be the man I need to be–be the man she needs me to be. At the end of our story, I’m sure we’ll live happily ever after.
I involuntarily kick the table with my leg, anger and frustration boiling over. I can’t do this. Never in a million years did I ever think I would be weak, that, I, Lorenzo King, would fall to my knees. When you live a life like mine, you know nothing but strength and power, and without either, I feel lesser than less.
With all my strength, I shove from the sofa, my mind blazing with things I can’t control. Is loving her making me weak, or is it me bringing myself down?
“You’re what you make of yourself, Lorenzo,” My mother whispered in my ear as she ran her fingers through my hair.
I can’t do this, Mom. I can’t fucking do this… My chest was heaving, and as I whipped open the back door to run, I realized I had nowhere to go
“You’re stronger than this, Figlio… You can do this. I believe in you.” Her voice was a mere whisper in my mind, rattling my heart so much so making me feel as if I would pass out at any point in time. Instead, I sunk to my knees in the back yard. The darkness encompassed me, and it was a welcoming feeling.
“Come on, Lorenzo. We must be going now,” my mother yelled… She was always telling me what to do. Sometimes I wore the wrong shoes, or the tie I had on didn’t look good. She wanted me to be perfect… but for what?
“Mom, I don’t want to go,” I bellowed. Whining never did me any good anyway. Why I was trying it now, I didn’t know.
Looking me straight in the eyes, she smiled. It was breathtaking, beautiful in its own way.
“We all do lots of things we don’t want to, Lorenzo. That’s the lesson in life. Sometimes things are hard, and it’s impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel,” she said, adjusting my tie like I knew she would.
“But, once you reach the end of the tunnel, you can look back and say, ‘that wasn’t so hard, now was it?’” she added.
I pondered what she said for a moment before asking my own questions… “Have you ever had to do something like that?”
Her head tipped to the side as she examined her work, and for a second, I thought she wouldn’t answer me. Then she bent down to my eye level and stared at me for a moment.
“We all have things we don’t want to do. I have done my fair share of things I never wanted to do, as have many of the people around you. There will come a time in your own life when you have to make choices and do things you don’t want to do. When the chance arises, grab it and hold on. You will come out a new person in the end.”
The memory spirals out before I can finish my thought, and I come to my senses, feeling the plush carpet beneath my hands. Tears stream down my face, and as I wipe them away, more appear, like they are mocking me.
There is no other way around all of this. The woman had my heart from the start, and I know there is no going back. In the end, I’ll give up the mafia for the woman I love.
16
Mack
“You had a chance to take her, and you didn’t?” I shout, pounding my fist on the table. The bitch was right within our grasp, and yet he allowed her to slip away, yet again. He better have a good fucking reason.
“Amara and I became well acquainted at the club before Lorenzo had the chance to interrupt things.” Eli smirks like he is just delighted with himself. His eyes are shining so bright, I know exactly what he is thinking about. The idea of getting my hands on her has been running through my mind as well.
“That doesn’t explain why you let her fucking go.”
“I have a plan, Mack. Let me worry about working it all out, and you worry about how you’re going to kill Lorenzo.” The way he is talking to me has me wanting to put a bullet through his head. I have to stop the impulse to pick up my gun and pull the trigger. The satisfaction of making Lorenzo bleed will be well worth it though.
“I have to earn their trust to make this work. Still working on Enzo, but I have Amara wrapped around my finger already.” He snickers. “She let me feel her up and everything. Even got a little show. E
nzo won’t know what hit him. Just trust me, revenge will be much more satisfying this way.”
“You better be fucking right, and never talk back to me again, do you understand? I’m your boss now.” I look him straight in the eyes, so he knows I’m serious. I might need him breathing, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be injured.
“Yes, we’re clear,” he says, smoothly taking the seat across from me.
My mind drifts back to Lorenzo, my hate for him stirring the fire in my chest. I hate him with a passion nothing could rival. He has everything I didn’t; he took from me without a word, a simple thank you never passing his lips. I don’t want just what he has. I want so much more. I want the empire, the money, the authority, the women, and once he is dead, it will all be mine.
“Did you decide when you’re bringing her?” I ask Eli again, wondering when he will tell me the rest of this plan he’s devising up.
He smiles smugly. “I had to do a little storytelling to Lorenzo. He’s a bit shaken up with everything taking place. He killed John, Amara’s uncle…”
So, who cares? What’s the point of being a ruthless killer if you have a heart? That alone is why I would make a better king to the empire than he ever was.
“I see he’s gone more than soft then. Bargaining for his life now, is he?” The thought alone has me wanting to scream to the heavens. The man expected us to praise him while he did things like this. No fucking way.
“Not so much bargaining for his life, but for his lover’s… I think he loves her more than he let on. Taking her will close the deal indefinitely.” Eli sounds full of himself, and I just hope he is right.
“You could have already taken her.”
“Yeah, but don’t you think it will be way more fun if she comes with me willingly? If she chooses me over him?”
I stare at him for a few seconds, making sure I’ve actually heard him right. When I realize I did, I throw back my head and start laughing.
“That would be more than fun, but we can’t just assume things, Eli. We have been sitting and waiting for a decision to be made. Your job is simple. Go in, make a deal, and bring her to me kicking and screaming if you have to. If you fail to follow through, I will kill you.” My voice is cold, and I mean every single word.
