by Leigh Bale
He lifted a hand for her to precede him as she stepped out into the sunshine. As she stood beneath the barren branches of a tall elm tree, the frosty wind sent a shiver through her that made her gasp and wish she’d grabbed her warm shawl on her way outside. Before she knew what was happening, Jesse had doffed his warm frock coat and swept it over her trembling shoulders. She instantly caught his scent, a warm clean smell of hay, horses and peppermint. He was gazing at her lavender dress and she looked down, wondering if she had spilled something on it.
“That’s a nice color on you. I’m sorry to bring you out here on such a cold day. I’ll try not to keep you very long,” he said.
She stared up at him, blinking in stunned amazement. All rational thought skipped right out of her head and she didn’t know what to say. Had he actually paid her a compliment? Maybe her ears had deceived her. “I, um, danke, but that really isn’t necessary.”
She forced herself to hand his coat back to him. Though she really was freezing, a glance at the house told her that Aunt Naomi and Sarah Yoder were both staring out the kitchen window at her. To make matters worse, they had most certainly watched as Jesse offered her his coat. No doubt it would be all over the Gmay by early evening that she and Jesse King were an item. And having been the focus of romantic gossip back in Ohio, that was the last thing Becca wanted here in Colorado.
Seeing the smiling women at the window, Jesse inclined his head and seemed to understand her dilemma. “I’m sorry if I’ve created trouble for you. That wasn’t my intention. I only wanted to ask if you know what is wrong with Sam.”
She folded her arms tightly as he put his coat back on. Licking her dry lips, she tried to concentrate on the subject at hand. “I’m not an expert but I believe he has what is called selective mutism.”
She briefly explained what she knew about the disorder and that she didn’t think Sam had any choice in the matter.
“His anxiety is so strong that he is literally scared silent. He’s not trying to be rude or mean or cause you problems. He couldn’t speak even if he wanted to,” she said.
Jesse frowned. “You think he’s too frightened to talk?”
She nodded. “Exactly. I know it must be a sensitive subject but I believe something about his mother and sisters’ deaths has created so much apprehension in Sam that he literally cannot talk anymore.”
Jesse looked down at the ground, scuffing one toe of his black boot against a small rock. “I was afraid of that. When I was in the library yesterday, I came across a couple of books on this topic but I haven’t yet had the opportunity to read much about it. I was planning to start reading the book you checked out for me later this evening.”
So. Maybe he really did want to help his son after all.
“From what I understand about the disorder, such children usually talk at home, where they feel more comfortable,” she said. “But at school or in other social situations where they feel uncomfortable or nervous, they are silent. And punishing the child or making him feel guilty for not speaking would only exacerbate the problem.”
Jesse’s forehead curved in a deep scowl. “But Sam doesn’t speak at home either.”
He sounded so forlorn that Becca didn’t have the heart to point out that Sam obviously didn’t feel comfortable inside the walls of his own house. She figured that was possibly Jesse’s fault. The boy must fear his own father. And whether that was because Sam felt guilt over his mother and sisters’ deaths or for some other reason, Becca couldn’t say.
“If you’re amenable, there are a few techniques we can try to help Sam.” She then launched into a rapid description of what those methods were. Last night, she’d done a lot of reading on the topic and put a great deal of thought into how they both might assist Sam with his problem. She’d even written up a plan of action last night. Things each of them might do to help Sam and techniques to measure Sam’s improvement. She was eager to share her ideas with Jesse in detail and hoped he wouldn’t refuse.
He listened politely to her explanations but made no comment.
“That all sounds like a huge time commitment on both our parts,” he said.
She nodded. “Ja, it will take a lot of time. But I think Sam is worth it.”
He hesitated, looking skeptical. “I do too but I’ll have to think about it. I want to make sure I’m doing the right things for my sohn.”
“I understand but I’d like to get started as soon as possible. The longer we delay, the worse the situation might become. It would be ideal if Sam could stay an extra hour after school several days each week so I could work with him one-on-one,” she said.
Jesse frowned. “Since I’m alone and have to pick up Sam from school, that might not be possible. I’ve got my hands full already. Couldn’t you just send extra homework home with him? I can make sure he does it.”
She shook her head, thinking Jesse didn’t understand. “More homework won’t help Sam talk. He needs some intense interaction with other people. He needs to feel comfortable around us so we can help him speak and we need to provide opportunities to teach him how to speak again.”
Jesse stood there looking down at her, his eyes unblinking as he considered her ideas. She didn’t interrupt, allowing him time to digest and mull it all over in his own mind.
“I understand what you’re asking. Let me think about it. And danke for your help. I appreciate your efforts.” Turning, he walked away, heading toward the barn where the other men were lounging and visiting after their noon meal. Bishop Yoder and Dawdi Zeke hailed him over.
And just like that, Jesse was gone. Becca longed to call him back or chase after him to make him agree to her proposal. But something held her back. She felt almost desperate to help Sam. As if an unknown force were pushing her forward and her future happiness depended on it. But Jesse would have to decide. And she resolved then to offer a prayer to Gott that Jesse made the right decision.
Chapter Four
Becca set the last plate from supper into the dish drain. Sinking her hands into the hot, soapy water, she rinsed out the dishcloth before wiping down the counters and kitchen table. Supper was finally finished. Dawdi Zeke and Jakob were out in the barn finishing the evening chores. It was Monday evening and her mind whirled with all the lesson plans she still needed to review before school in the morning. Maybe she could grade some papers during recess tomorrow. And then she needed to assign some readings for the scholars to memorize for the end-of-year program. So much to do.
“Have you spoken to Bishop Yoder about Caleb’s behavior at school, yet?” Aunt Naomi picked up a glass to dry off with a dish towel.
Becca slid the butter dish inside the gas-powered fridge, giving an absentminded shake of her head. She had explained in detail the troubles she was having at school. “Ne, I’m not even sure he’s the culprit. I have no proof, just an instinct that he’s the instigator. I’ve already separated him and Enos Albrecht. When the two of them sat together, they seemed to egg each other on. Besides, what gut would it do to tell their eldre? The bishop would just think I can’t control the school.”
Abby Fisher, Jakob’s wife, stood across the room, cleaning and sorting the eggs Becca had helped her gather before dinner. Becca knew they would sell the eggs in town to help supplement their household income.
“It might help to tell them what’s going on. Then they could speak with their sons,” Abby said.
“Ja, the bishop wants the school to succeed,” Naomi added. “Especially since Caroline was injured in that horrible buggy accident last month. Without a teacher, we feared we’d have to send our kinder to the Englisch schools. It’s a blessing you were able to komm here so quickly. I’m sure Bishop Yoder would be mortified to know that one of his own kinder is causing so much trouble.”
Becca understood very well why the Amish didn’t want to send their children to the Englisch schools. She listened to her aunt’s advice, th
inking over what she said. In the short time she had lived in this home, she’d become quite close to these two women and she valued their opinions. But maybe she wasn’t cut out to be a teacher. Though she enjoyed her profession, maybe she had made a mistake by coming here to Colorado. If she couldn’t even control her school, she wouldn’t be able to make teaching a lifelong career.
“I hope Reuben hasn’t been participating in any shenanigans.” Abby looked at Becca and paused, her forehead creased with concern.
“Ne, he’s been gut as gold. In fact, he tried to stop the trouble last week when I pulled the toy snake out of my desk drawer,” Becca said.
Naomi showed a relieved smile. “Gut! There was a time when Abby first came to live with us that I was mighty worried about his behavior.”
“Ja, I remember when I first came to live here, he put cracker crumbs between my bedsheets and dirt in my shoes.” Abby laughed at the reminder.
Becca gasped, hardly able to believe her cousin’s sweet, polite ten-year-old son would do such a thing. “Behiedes? He actually did that?”
Abby nodded. “He certainly did.”
“But why?”
Abby shrugged. “He felt threatened by me. He thought I was trying to take his mudder’s place after she had died.”
Becca could hardly imagine Reuben being so obnoxious. Now, Abby was Reuben’s new stepmother and they seemed to love each other very much. Becca just hoped Caleb and Enos didn’t try such mischief on her.
“What did you do to get Reuben to stop?” she asked.
A smile curved Abby’s lips, as if she were remembering something good. “I put uplifting notes in his lunch pail every day for school. He hated it at first, because the notes were from me. But finally, I convinced him I wasn’t trying to usurp his mamm’s place and I just wanted to be his friend. It took time to convince Jakob as well.”
“Jakob?” Becca had known her cousin was brokenhearted when his first wife died in childbirth but she hadn’t known he’d been resistant to the idea of marrying Abby.
“Ja, he wanted nothing to do with me, at first.”
Becca snorted. “I can hardly believe that. You’re so wundervoll. What man wouldn’t want to marry you? Besides, he’s obviously crazy in love with you now.”
Leaning her hip against the counter, Abby paused in her chore, holding a white egg aloft as she glanced at Becca. “Ach, he didn’t always love me. It was a very uncomfortable situation. Here I was, living in a strange place, thinking he had proposed marriage, only to discover that it had been his vadder’s idea and Jakob knew nothing about it.”
“Hmm. That would be difficult. I doubt uplifting notes will work on Caleb and Enos, though,” Becca said.
“But a stern talk from their vadders might do the job.” Naomi lifted her eyebrows in a severe expression to make her point.
“I’m not so sure. Caleb’s older brother and sister have been getting after him for some of the tricks he pulls and I suspect they’ve already told the bishop what’s going on. Yet, Caleb continues to misbehave. Tomorrow, we’ll start practicing songs and readings for the end-of-year program. Maybe if I ask for their help, Caleb and Enos might become vested in the school’s success. I might even ask Caleb to start reading with Sam King. Maybe if Caleb feels needed, he’ll behave better.”
Abby slid a carton of cleaned eggs into the refrigerator. “Ja, that might help. You are very wise. Is little Sam still not speaking?”
Becca released a pensive sigh. “Ne, and I’m quite worried about him. His vadder doesn’t seem concerned at all. He said he thinks Sam will start speaking on his own when he’s gut and ready.”
“But you don’t agree?” Naomi sat at the table and folded clean laundry from a basket resting on the floor.
“Ne, I don’t.” Becca spoke rather harshly, trying not to feel angry at Jesse’s neglect of his son. But it still rankled her that he seemed a bit insensitive to Sam’s needs. “Jesse King is an odious, contrary man. I realize he’s lost a lot and been hurt but he should set aside his own pain and put his sohn’s needs first. I think Sam is suffering badly from the trauma of his mudder and schweschdere’s deaths.”
A thud and then the sound of the front door opening came from the living room. Becca figured the men must have finished their evening chores.
“Ach, the poor dear,” Abby cooed in a sympathetic tone. “And his poor vadder too. What a horrible thing for both of them to go through. I know how hard it was for Reuben and Ruby to lose their mamm. I don’t think they’ll ever get over the shock. And neither will Jakob. Sam is blessed to have you to comfort him.”
Becca didn’t agree. She didn’t know what to do for the little boy. How she wished she were more experienced and knew more about special needs like Sam’s. But her eighth-grade education didn’t provide much insight on such things. The boy was obviously traumatized. Perhaps Jesse was too. And right now, she felt as though she were the blind leading the blind.
“Ach, what that little boy needs is a mudder. And Jesse needs a frau. It would do them both a world of gut if Jesse were to remarry,” Naomi said.
Maybe so but Becca wasn’t in the running for either role. Not after the way Vernon had broken her heart. She couldn’t even think about marriage now. Not without feeling nauseous and trembly all over.
“I’ve heard Jesse has already made a huge difference at that run-down farm he purchased. Jakob drives by there almost every day and said he can see improvements already. And you must have noticed he’s quite a handsome mann,” Abby said.
Of course Becca had noticed. She’d have to be dead or blind not to. But that didn’t matter. Not to her. Vernon had been good-looking too, but he’d turned out to be disingenuous. She’d rather marry an earnest, hardworking man who loved the Lord as much as he loved her than be shackled to a handsome, shallow man who didn’t really cherish her.
“I’m not interested. I’m simply his sohn’s teacher and nothing more,” she insisted.
She slid into a chair and reached to help fold the socks. As she did so, she felt Naomi’s gaze resting on her like a ten-ton sledge. She didn’t look up, hoping the older woman didn’t notice her flaming cheeks.
“Becca?”
All three women looked up in unison. Jakob stood in the doorway, still wearing his heavy winter coat and black felt hat. He’d obviously just come in from the barn.
“There’s someone here to see you,” he said.
She tilted her head, thinking it quite late for an evening caller. “Who is it?”
Jakob lowered his head, but kept his gaze pinned on her. “Jesse King.”
Becca went very still. Her heart skipped a beat, then sped into triple time. What on earth was Jesse doing here at this late hour?
* * *
Jesse waited patiently for Becca to appear. Standing just inside the closed front door, he held his hat between his hands and gazed at the clock on the wall. He was grateful to get his son out of the cold night air. Sam fidgeted nervously beside him, his eyes wide and filled with apprehension.
This was a nice, spacious living room, with a huge rag rug covering the wooden floor, a plain but comfy-looking sofa, two soft chairs, a simple but serviceable coffee table, and a rocking chair. A set of brown curtains covered the dark, cold windows. The walls were painted white, clean but simple. A black woodburning stove sat near the central wall, emanating enough heat to warm the entire house. It felt nice and cozy in this home. The way he wished his house could be. With time, he hoped he could make a comfortable place for him and Sam to live again. But they’d always be lonely.
Dawdi Zeke beckoned to Sam, enticing the boy to sit on the couch beside him. The elderly man held out a piece of peppermint candy. Sam took it into his hand but didn’t say thank you.
A subtle movement across the room caused Jesse to lift his head. Becca Graber stood there, wiping her hands on her apron. Jakob stoo
d behind her with his wife and mother. Jesse could see the curiosity in their eyes. As a new widower, he was highly aware of his marriage eligibility. In fact, Bishop Yoder had just reminded him at church that they had several attractive young women in the Gmay who needed husbands. Becca was one of them. But Jesse wasn’t interested. He knew as an Amish man that it was his duty to remarry and bring more children into the world. To work and live and raise a good familye who loved Gott. But Jesse didn’t want to marry again. He couldn’t even think about replacing Alice. Not when his love for her was still so strong.
Naomi Fisher eyed him like a hawk eyed a field mouse. He knew they were all wondering what he was doing here. It was already dark outside and he should be home, putting Sam to bed. In a glance, Jesse took in Becca’s flushed cheeks, startling blue eyes and flustered expression. Tendrils of golden hair had escaped her kapp. She looked beautiful and a warning tingle slid down the column of his spine. All his senses ratcheted into high alert and his common sense told him to leave right now.
Becca stepped over to one of the soft chairs and sat down before smoothing her apron over her knees. “Mr. King, what can I do for you?”
Here it was. The big question.
Jakob and Abby still hovered near the open doorway with Dawdi Zeke still on the couch, and Jesse was suddenly at a loss for words. They could hear everything. Maybe he shouldn’t have come here. Maybe he should have waited to speak with Becca until he picked Sam up from school tomorrow afternoon. But he feared by then he would have lost his courage.
He cleared his throat. “Miss Graber, I’m sorry for the interruption. I was hoping I could speak with you for just a few minutes about Sam. In private, please.”
Okay, he’d gotten that much out. But his words caused another stir as Jakob and the other two women sought to move away from the doorway.
“I’ll see if Reuben and Ruby are ready for bed yet.” Abby climbed the stairs, her skirts swishing as she went.
