by Sherry Lewis
“There’s a lot that’s changed, that’s for sure.” Gabe nodded toward the hillside, where a ski trail of pale green grass cut through the trees. “That new ski lift almost makes this place look like the big time.”
Carlos glanced toward the chairlift and nodded. “We’ve lost a lot, too. Businesses have closed. People have moved away. We even had to close one of the elementary schools a couple of years back.”
“My mom mentioned that.” Gabe looked at the kids on the lawn and tried again to connect them to Carlos. “Were your kids affected?”
“Not directly, but they had to put those kids somewhere. Class sizes got bigger all at once.” Carlos loosened a bolt and dropped the parts into a upturned hubcap at his feet. “Things around here aren’t what they were, that’s for sure.”
“I suppose that’s only natural.”
“I suppose.” Carlos glanced at him over the cycle’s seat. “Speaking of changes, how’s the new job going?”
“Different from what I’m used to,” Gabe admitted. He didn’t want to offend Carlos by elaborating about just how different it was. On the days when he felt healthy and strong, the job didn’t bother him. It was a temporary comedown. A way to connect with the old man. But when the fever came back, even slightly, a deep fear clutched at his chest. What if he never fully recovered? What would he do then? Shaking off the fear, he forced a grin and added, “The toughest thing I do all night is try to stay awake.”
Carlos laughed. “You gonna stick with it?”
“That’s my plan.”
“You don’t think it’s going to make you crazy?”
“It’s only for a little while,” Gabe said firmly. “I’ll be out of here again in six months at the latest. I think I can stand it that long.”
Nodding, Carlos fell silent for a few minutes as he worked. “So what happens in six months?”
“If all goes well, I’ll get back to Ecuador. If not, I’ll be traveling around trying to find a new sponsor.”
Carlos tossed aside one tool and reached for another. “So why wait six months?”
Gabe could have told him about the illness, but he didn’t want word to filter back before he had a chance to tell his parents. He stood and pretended an interest in the tools hanging on the garage wall. “It’s complicated,” he said over his shoulder, “and not very interesting.”
“Diana will be disappointed. She’s hoping you’ll decide to stay around.” Carlos grinned. “I told her not to get excited. Everybody knows how much you hated it here.”
“It wasn’t the town I hated,” Gabe said. “Or the people.”
“You stayed away for a long time.”
“Yeah, but that was a mistake.”
Carlos nodded. “Everybody makes ’em, I guess.”
“Not you.” Carlos was one of those lucky guys who met the woman he loved early in life, knew just what he wanted and got it without ever having to search for it. Like Peter. A little surprised by the flash of envy, Gabe sat again and crossed one ankle over his knee. “Things seem good between you and Diana. You don’t regret getting married so young?”
“Hell no. I’m too smart to let her go, and she’s too sweet to kick me out. We’re a perfect pair. What about you? Did you ever bite the bullet?”
“And get married?” Gabe shook his head. “That was never high on my list of priorities. Not sure if it ever will be, either.”
Carlos reached into a cooler at his feet, tossed Gabe a soda and cracked open one for himself. “You’re missing out, buddy. A wife. Kids. A place to call home…there’s nothing better in the world.”
“Now how would you know that?” Gabe asked with a laugh. “This is all of the world you’ve ever seen.”
“You find anything better out there?”
He wanted to say yes, but the words stuck in his throat. “I’ve found plenty that’s just as good,” he said, but he sounded defensive, even to himself. He tried to laugh it off. “I hate to tell you this, but ‘father of four’ makes you sound pretty damn old.”
Carlos chuckled. “What can I say? We had Mikey when we were twenty-three, and the rest came along like clockwork. Mikey’s nine, and the baby will be two in October.”
“And you’re happy.”
The screen door banged shut and Carlos checked over his shoulder for his wife. With her spiky brown hair and trim figure, Diana didn’t look like someone who’d given birth to a handful of kids, but then Gabe wasn’t exactly an expert on that, either.
“Yeah, I am,” Carlos said with a smile. “Go figure.” He let out a sigh full of contentment and turned his attention back to Gabe. “So what have you been doing with yourself?”
“Exactly what I left here to do. I did my postgraduate work at the University of Virginia, got an internship to help pay the bills, joined the professor down in Ecuador the following year, and the rest is history. The people down there got under my skin, I guess. It’s where I spend most of my time.”
“So then why’d you come back?”
“I heard about Peter.”
“That happened a while ago.”
“Yeah, I know, but Mom’s letter just caught up with me a couple of weeks ago. I came back as soon as I could.”
“And your father? How has he been handling having you back?”
“Better than I expected him to,” Gabe admitted. “I’m not under any delusion that he’s glad to have me around, but Mom’s determined to make sure we don’t fight. He gets around her edict by refusing to speak to me.” Gabe picked up a nail gun and turned it slowly in both hands. “Like I said the other night, he’s different than he was. I thought maybe you’d know why.”
“It’s been a while,” Carlos said with a shrug. “Nobody stays angry forever.”
“It’s more than that,” Gabe said. “It’s like the life has gone out of him.”
“Well, it probably has. His kid died. How do you expect him to react?”
“Is it just that?”
“That’s not enough?”
“More than enough,” Gabe agreed. “I’m just trying to figure out how to approach him, that’s all. I know how to deal with him when he’s angry, but this sadness is something else. I don’t know how to get past it.”
One of the kids, a little girl of about five, let out a howl and raced across the lawn toward them. Without missing a beat, Carlos scooped her onto his lap and did daddy things—checking where she was hurt, nuzzling her with his forehead, and finally teasing a reluctant smile from her. When she raced off again, Carlos returned to their conversation.
“I don’t know that you can get past what he’s feeling. Your dad’s grieving. It might take a while.”
“It would help if I knew more about Peter’s accident, about what led up to it, how it happened…”
“You don’t know how it happened?”
Gabe shook his head. “I guess everybody figures somebody else has told me. Neither Mom nor Dad seems ready to talk about it, and it doesn’t seem right to ask Siddah.”
Carlos looked up from his work. “You know Siddah?”
“I’ve met her.”
“And? What do you think?”
“What do you mean, what do I think?”
“I mean, what do you think?” Carlos abandoned his tools and stood. “Diana thinks I’m crazy,” he said, lowering his voice slightly, “but I never did think she and Peter were right for each other.”
That surprised Gabe as much as anything he’d heard since he came back. “Why not?”
“Uh-uh. Answer my question first. What do you think?”
“I think she has a lot of spirit, why?”
“That’s it?”
“I’ve barely met her. I haven’t had time to think anything else.” When he recognized the expectant look on his friend’s face, he protested, “She’s my brother’s wife. What else can I think?”
Carlos barked a triumphant laugh and leaned closer. “I knew it!” Realizing how loud his voice was, he lowered it and said again, “I k
new it. Look, don’t get me wrong. You know how I felt about Pete. He was like a kid brother to me. But she wasn’t right for him. From the minute I met her, I knew it. Nobody else did, though.”
“I thought they were happy together.”
“They were. She was just with the wrong guy, and sooner or later, Pete would’ve figured that out.”
Gabe recoiled as if he’d been gut-punched. “Are you saying there was someone else?”
“No. Not at all!” Carlos leaned closer, resting both arms on the picnic table. “It’s just that I always thought she was more…your type.”
“My type? Are you crazy? Don’t even think a thing like that.”
Carlos waved off his objections with a wrench. “Look, I’m not saying you should do anything about it. Just that she always seemed more like someone you would have dated than Pete, that’s all.”
Gabe checked the open door to make sure nobody was listening and dropped his voice even lower. “She’s not my type,” he insisted. “And you can’t go around saying things like that. The old man would have a stroke if he heard you.”
“He’s not here.”
“No, but your kids are, and Diana…your neighbors…” Gabe took another look around and satisfied himself that no one seemed to be paying attention. “Look, maybe your dad would find that funny. He’d understand that you’re just talking hypothetically. Making a point. But mine could hear something like that and decide that I’m planning to move in on Peter’s territory. Being back here is tough enough without adding that.”
Carlos actually looked regretful. “Sorry, man. I didn’t mean anything by it. I didn’t realize things were still so touchy at home.”
“Like I said, I can count on one hand the number of words the old man’s spoken to me since he gave me the job. We’re not arguing, but the silence is deafening.”
“It’ll get better,” Carlos predicted. “Just give it time.”
Carlos had always been an optimist, but Gabe had never wanted to believe him as much as he did tonight. “I hope so. I want things better between us before I leave again.”
With a sly grin, Carlos reached for his soda. “I still want to know who says you have to leave?”
“You’re full of it tonight, aren’t you? You know as well as I do, I can’t stay here.”
“Why not?”
“And do what? Be a night watchman the rest of my life?”
“Your dad isn’t going to keep you in some dead-end job forever. If you’d just make a commitment, he’d make you my boss in a month, maybe less.”
“Now you’re dreaming.” Gabe tried not to let himself become irritated. “Nothing’s changed since I left here the first time. I still feel the same way about what the old man does. It’s globally irresponsible.”
“Maybe so, but it’s a godsend here in Libby. It pays my mortgage and puts food in my kids’ mouths. That’s all I care about.”
They were on dangerous ground. Gabe returned the nail gun to its hook and tried to steer them back on course. “I didn’t come here to dig up old arguments. The fact is, there’s still nothing here for me.”
“Except friends and family. Or aren’t those important to you?”
The question cut. “Of course they are.”
Carlos gave his head a shake. “No offense, but it’s kind of hard to believe that, all things considered.”
Heat rushed to Gabe’s face. “I realize that,” he said evenly, “and that’s why I’m here—or did you miss that part?”
“I didn’t miss it. But I didn’t miss the past ten years either. All I’m saying is, it took a long time to get your life where it is, and you can’t expect everything to change overnight. It may take a while for people to figure out they can trust you.”
“Including Siddah, I’m sure.”
Carlos stopped working and quirked one eyebrow. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about Siddah.”
“We’re not. Not the way you want to, anyway. But Mom tells me that Bobby’s been having a tough time since Peter died, and she thinks I can help him. I’ve spent a little time with him out at Mom and Dad’s, but I don’t think Siddah’s very happy about it.”
“Yeah? Well, that doesn’t surprise me, either. She’s great, don’t misunderstand me. I like her a lot. But she’s… Well, it’s like she’s always holding something back, you know?”
“Some people are more private than others.”
Carlos shook his head thoughtfully. “Yeah, I know. But that’s what I mean about her not being right for Peter. You can deal with that. I don’t think he could have. I’ll bet if they’d stayed together a few more years, things would have gone sour.”
Feeling disloyal to his brother, Gabe hung the nail gun in its place and glared at his friend. “That’s a helluva thing to say.”
“It’s just the truth.”
“It’s speculation. It’s gossip. And it’s ugly.”
Still blissfully unconcerned, Carlos shrugged. “All right. Whatever you say. When you get to know her better, then you can tell me what you think.”
Again, Gabe struggled to keep his irritation in check. “Why don’t you just tell me what I came here to find out and forget about all that?”
Carlos’s smile faded. “Okay. Sure. You want to know about Pete’s accident?”
“Yeah. All I know is that it was an accident at work.”
“That’s right.” Carlos looked away and mopped his face with one hand. “It was one of those things, you know? They happen. It’s a dangerous business.”
Between the equipment, wood dust, and exposure to other noxious elements, foresting was one of the most dangerous jobs around. That didn’t make it any easier to hear. “Where was he?”
“Right in the yard. They were unloading a shipment of logs and something happened. Chains broke. Whatever. The whole load came off that truck.” He stopped, letting Gabe fill in the rest on his own.
Bile rose in his throat, and his eyes burned. “Was anyone else hurt?”
“Bill Wiley ended up with a broken leg. Thatch Granger had a couple of crushed ribs and lost a finger. A couple of others were hurt, too. They all survived, though. But Pete…well, he was right there, front and center. No matter what anybody says, he never asked anybody to do anything he wasn’t willing to do himself, and that included taking the risks.”
Gabe swallowed around the lump of emotion in his throat. “And the old man? Where was he?”
“In the office, but he came running as soon as the shouting started.” Carlos wiped the corner of his eye with the back of a hand. “I’ve never seen anything like it, and I hope I never see it again. He went crazy, Gabe. Threw himself on that pile of logs like he was going to pull every one of them off Pete himself. Took three guys just to restrain him. We were hoping Pete was still alive and we didn’t want the logs to shift.” He lifted his eyes and the sadness there almost matched the ache in Gabe’s heart. “It was too late, though. The coroner said he died instantly.”
Gabe knew he should find comfort in knowing that Peter hadn’t suffered, but it would be a while before he could do that.
“I don’t think things are going well at the mill,” Carlos said after a few minutes. “One of the families filed a lawsuit. They eventually settled, but I think it cost your dad a sizable chunk.”
“A lawsuit? For what?”
“Negligence is what I heard. Some people are claiming that Peter was careless.”
“Peter? That’s nuts. He was always a perfectionist.”
“Yeah, but he was also into trying new things. He’d been reading trade magazines, doing research, talking about changing things around the mill…” Carlos shrugged and turned his attention back to his bike. “I don’t know, man. Things have been quiet for a while, so maybe they’re starting to forgive and forget.”
Maybe. But something was bothering his dad, and Gabe wanted to know what it was.
He looked away out over the yard, at the kids shouting and laughing together, oblivious to
the pain he felt and to the horrors of the world. He and Peter had been like that once. They’d been just as carefree and happy as Carlos’s kids were now. Their biggest problem had been a scraped knee or a cut finger, and a little attention from their parents had fixed everything right up.
It had been a long time since Gabe had looked back on his childhood with longing, but since coming home it seemed that’s all he did. He’d have given anything to turn back the clock, to undo the wrongs and make everything right again. But maybe there were some things that just couldn’t be made right.
No! He refused to believe that. He knew the whole story now. The healing could begin. And, by damn, he intended to make sure it did. His family had grieved enough. They’d hurt enough. He wanted to see his mother smile again. God only knows if it was possible, but he’d love to hear the old man laugh.
As for what Carlos said about Siddah… Gabe made a silent vow to make sure that never became an issue in the family. She was his sister-in-law. That’s all she’d ever be. It was for damn sure all he wanted her to be. And he wasn’t about to let Carlos’s stupid suggestion make him start feeling uncomfortable around her.
The next time he saw her, he’d treat her just as he’d treat a sister. And he’d do it again, and again, and again until it felt normal.
A WEEK LATER, Siddah still hadn’t found a permanent sitter for Bobby, and she still wasn’t sure how she felt about him spending so much time at Helene’s. She had nothing to complain about, really. Every time she picked him up, Bobby seemed a bit more animated, a little more interested in the world around him. He even shared stories about things Gabe did and brilliant things Gabe had said as they drove back to town.
Slowly but surely, Bobby was crawling out of his depression, but why did it have to be Gabe who brought about the change? And why did she still have such trouble accepting Gabe’s presence in their lives? Helene was changing before her eyes, too. She smiled more. Laughed sometimes. Siddah had even heard her singing as she approached the door at the end of the day. What kind of person was she to resent that? Not the kind of person she wanted to be, that was for sure.
Maybe she just hadn’t had time to really deal with Gabe’s return. She’d been buried with the new case at work, putting in long hours, even taking work home with her. She was short on sleep and even shorter on patience, and her protective instincts still warned her to keep Bobby from growing too close to Gabe. She just wasn’t sure she could stop it from happening.
