Now it waken in my mind, how Soledad talk of Jesuses. Sure, she steal Pasha to this. Want to rule her people somehow. But she said, was clear to this, she cannot be Maria.
Then it realize cold, she talk of my opossums. My apostles. I be choosing twelve. This fool Maria be myself.
All this go frozen in my head, while I stare on the kneeling Armies. They looking past, lost interest in me. Can comprehend, I cannot help them. Got no use.
Ya, Soledad come back. Come to Carlos, grab his arm, and make like she will swing upon. He laugh and touch her head. Say some loving Panish, and she go on toes to kiss his cheek. He turn away, go off with rifle balance in one hand.
Then Soledad back smiling in my face. ‘You thought?’ I smell her boozen breath again, sharp like the stank of fear.
‘This be something … like you say about Maria?’
‘There you be.’ She laugh up bright. ‘You got some quicker brains, you thinking.’
‘Yo apostles, how this working? What this going to mean?’
‘Be your people. Like you choose your selfish town. Ya, Carlos been apostle to myself, in time.’
‘Your people ain’t hurt these apostles?’
‘How they hurting them?’ She shake her head. ‘You heed my word, you and apostles better than no luck. You cherry.’
‘Right.’
‘Hurt them,’ she muttern underbreath. Shake her head admiring, like she preciate a joke. ‘Last they ever do, hurt no apostles.’
Look at her madness eyes, and behind I see the green-cap jones who guard the Armies, small in detail. Cap push back on his head, his hair show fuzzy brown. I take my breath and say, ‘Is Crow been by.’
‘Crow?’ Soledad’s face change nerviose.
‘When we find Pasha. Crow been by.’
She look mistrust. ‘Yo sho, he been your Sengle. See this.’
Then some anger brighten in me. ‘Ya, and Mamadou been by.’
‘Cannot be.’ Soledad’s eyes gone cold. ‘Ain’t right.’
‘I saying, Mamadou been.’
Her face set tight, her scars stand in my eyes. ‘You need some trusting people. Ain’t be right.’
‘I giving twelve.’
‘What you trying?’
‘Give you twelve. Is all I do. Yo First Runner been, she by.’
Soledad shrug angry. ‘She be bone. What you like.’
I try to see the Armies again. But Soledad dodge in my vision, raise her hand into. ‘Ain’t try this, Ice. You going to need this choice. Ain’t games.’
‘Ain’t games to me.’ My mouth feel dry and sick. ‘Why you doing this? Is madness.’
‘Nay. You going to comprehend.’
‘What becoming to my Sengles, there in camp? They free?’
‘Yo, I see them right. Can trust me, got no harm to them. Lowells, all they children bone.’
‘Pasha safe?’
‘Pasha, foo. He precieuse to us, be sure.’ Then her eyes look tired upon me. Smile gone beggarish, is like her earlier self come through.
‘Need some time for this, goddamn.’
She twist her mouth and shrug. ‘They do your papers now. Is sticky on these matters.’
‘Papers?’
‘Ya, the papers. Got to fix this now.’
I bite my lip and cough somehow into my mouth. Try to think. Look to Pasha, where he sit against the car. Someone given him a cigarette, he smoke this with no hands. Talk around it, and the cigarette dip and jerk with motion.
Then it frighten in me sudden, this be real. Ain’t going back to camp. Be some future to me I ain’t recognize.
I say nervy, ‘These apostles ruling, how you said? They do jones work?’
‘There you thinking. Yes, they is. You need them well, ain’t going to choose no Mamadou.’
I shake my head, grit to my need. ‘Ya, El Mayor been there.’
‘Right, now you figure better. El Mayor.’
‘This make eight.’
‘Eight.’ She huff her breath. ‘Eight with Mamadou. You stubborn something. Think who you going to work with, treasure. Need no sentiments in this.’
‘Nay, Mamadou been there. Yo Hate You, and … ain’t know.’
‘Best they be males,’ she say. ‘Eighteens or like, you easier set.’
‘Bone, take First Electric. Ya, and First Contractor. Right.’
‘Sugar, you done. Be well.’ She smile and leave her hands from me.
‘Nay, this eleven.’
‘And be myself.’ She frown simple, like she teaching facts. ‘Truth, you going to need me real. Someone who will know.’
Then greed fix in her eyes. Can feel, this be the matter’s heart. She cannot be Maria, so she want to be apostle, for whatever worth this be. I want to say it angry – how she steal us for her selfishness. But I swallow my unliking. ‘Sure, you good. I value this.’
She look behind, can see she think of leaving. I say quick, ‘But how you making me Maria? Cannot be.’
‘How it is.’ She wave back to her Carlos, waiting by the Citgo. ‘Got to stand your proof before. But you be good.’
‘Be good? Be some insanities. Ain’t know your people nothing. Nor I want this.’
‘Sure you thinking so.’
‘And if I ain’t? Can we go back?’
She call some Panish over shoulder. Hold up one finger. Then she looking back at me, her face show glad relief. ‘You found a Jesus, Ice. Ain’t be no other definition.’
‘Pasha ain’t no Jesus,’ I say flat. ‘Be things, but he ain’t that.’
Soledad laugh, and shake her head. ‘Told you, Ice. He representing this. Know he ain’t Jesus.’
‘Damn, answer me. If I reject this?’
She look by, distract. ‘Ain’t going to be.’
A new jones biggen up from nowhere. Shift his rifle to useful posture, stand unwanten close. Then Soledad be gone, is passen with her skitty haste. The new jones say some courtesy and grin, spread out his fattish face.
I grimace and turn my head to watch how Soledad walk in the Citgo. Children there all ware to her, is sudden conversation. Then they bend back to the spreaden papers. Inkle in me, be my papers. Whatever definition this be.
Then I look back to the Armies. Recognize another feather, be their old Hamid. Is twenty years, been start his coughing posies. Other feathers I only seen in war, ain’t known their names. Then it remember how me–Pasha gone to murder these same children. I grimace my unliking, look to Pasha. He sat back to the car, scratch his face against his shoulder. Be only one guard on him now, child standing bored with lazy gun.
I say to my own fat-face guard, ‘I going to see my child.’ I point to Pasha by the car.
Guard frown. Nod at Pasha questioning.
‘Yes. Right.’ I nod some twenty times, like this will help his knowledge. Then I start off careful. Fat-face follow curiose.
Pasha see me coming, he raise eyebrows. Face grow sarcasty looks as I crouch by. The fat-face jones stand smiling friendly. Hold his rifle upon, like this be favors that he do for us.
Pasha say, ‘The simper safe.’
We both laugh our nerves, like this ridiculous as any humor. Then he say, ‘Roading people,’ and we laugh this laugh again.
I say, ‘Yo sho, I listen to you soon. I going to learn this wisdom.’
‘We finish,’ Pasha say. ‘Ain’t no soon for us.’
‘Ain’t lost your misery. Bone to hear.’
He shrug. ‘Got cigarettes. In pocket.’ He nod his head toward.
‘Ho, you in my ruling now. Cannot smoke without.’
‘I trust.’
I find his cigarettes while Pasha smiling up to fat-face. Say some Panish words, and fat-face grimace. Point his rifle sharper.
I say, ‘What you told him?’
‘Say you robbing me. Is joke, he got no humor.’
‘Guess he ain’t.’ I take a cigarette myself, put one to Pasha’s lips. Light my zippo for us. Pasha breathe his cigarette hungry, squint against the
rising smoke.
I say, ‘I got some news.’
He look a question, breathing smoke.
‘They ain’t want to kill you.’
He mumble past his cigarette, ‘Gratty to them.’
‘Hold, you got to hear the reason.’
‘Reason?’
‘You be Jesus Christ.’
He shrug. ‘Ain’t comprehend.’
‘Nor myself. They stupid as a hat.’
Be hot to tell my gripes on Soledad, require his thoughts. But then Pasha ware behind me. Bite his cigarette.
I look back. By the Citgo, where the Armies kneeling, come out Soledad. Her big Carlos waiting by, show a petty pistol. He hold this careless into Mamadou’s face. Talk angry down.
Around, can see the rifle children rouse. Some go off in haste, while others linger with all staring eyes.
I stand up sharp. Be thinking desperate how I shout, claim my apostle. What I going to try. But then Mamadou stand. He look uncaring past the pistol, past this Carlos, to myself. Carlos shove him somehow, and the NewKing smile and turn. Pass into the Citgo room.
This perform again with Crow, while I be breathing in my sweat. Crow never look to me, he walk by hasty. Then the green-cap jones take small First Runner by the arm. She stand up duteous, still be staring to her sorrow nothing. Green-cap go in the Citgo with her, close the door behind.
Then Carlos reach to Soledad. She catch hard on his hand and put her head against his shoulder. Now can see, she weeping bad. Got a bottle in one hand, she turn her head to drink from this. Go sobbing back.
Carlos pet her head, he talking to her seriose. Feathers watch up, like this be some teaching done for them. They watch how Soledad stand back from Carlos, shake her fattish braids. Look round herself into the clouden day. Low and busten houses looking murky in this light.
Then she take Carlos’ pistol. Gun silver prettieuse. Is like a jewlerie, like candy. And Soledad stand hunchen, looking at this shiny gun. Her pitchy voice rise up. Come strange with distance, changing in the wind. But can hear, is sad complaint.
Then, second’s thought, she point and shoot a feather in his knee. Only when he scream, I shut my eyes. The scream wail out, catch with breath, wail again. Another shot come loud. The scream go weaken into sobbing.
She shoot again. She shoot again. Every shot repeat in me, screams panic in my blood. Be thinking how I yell into this, but I ain’t got words. Confuse with Panish and these strangers, got no starting thought. Then all the screaming hush, the shooting halt. I look up dizzy.
Two feathers to the left be lying dead. Their blood grow on the concree ground.
Next feather in the row be old Hamid. He talking low, his eyes on Soledad. Talk constant, smiling, while she put more bullets in the gun. Hamid’s face spatter bloody from the murdern child beside. And Soledad be crying still, her shoulders tremble as she work. Carlos keep one hand upon her back. Ain’t he nor Soledad be heeding to the begging feather.
She point again, her mouth grit like she frustrate. Shoot Hamid in his talking mouth. He knock back to the wall, a struggle passen through his arms. Then he slide down sideways, leave a ragged smear of blood behind.
Ain’t think to close my eyes again. I watch while Soledad aim on a fourth, who break and jump into her, running panic off. Is shot down by some unseen rifle easy, before he take five steps. Child go to his knees, like he tire sudden. He lie himself polite onto the road, while his blood come out in generose wash. Then he shiver and rest with mouth yawn open.
Last feather sitting hunchen, eyes is shut. Soledad wipe at her face with her pistol hand. Face wetten awful, all her body sob. She speak to Carlos, and he nod. He take the pistol, touch her shoulder. Then she turn and stumble to the feather murdern in the road. Kneel by his feet and close her face into her arms.
And Carlos crouch beside the shut-eye child. Talk in quiet voice. Seem he explaining, though can guess is Panish, feather cannot heed. Feather begin to shake his head. Speak from his closen eyes, cringe blind.
I step forward now, is like I wake. I call up, ‘Soledad?’ Then my fat-face jones take hold across me, talking in a rush. All his grinning pass, he talking like he beg some help. I panic, scratching at his arm, but he hold to. Pasha call my name behind, and all this be like nothing happening while big Carlos point his pistol down with angry joy.
He shoot the feather in his gut. I weaken dull. Watch stupid while the boy curl on his side. Is ducking his head to see his hurt. Carlos now return to talking, and it almost hope, he done. Feather going to live somehow. Like Mamadou from his wound, can live.
Carlos look back to Soledad. Then he turn sudden and kick all his weight into the feather’s gut. This bring a birden screech, and Carlos kick and kick again, until it come like wonderful when he go shoot the feather dead.
I ease back, heart struggling in my chest. Then it notice, in the Citgo window, be a scramble fight. It realize, this fight been on some time, and then I see like natural facts, is Mamadou. He war his one good arm against some struggling children. I nod to myself, is right. And I push free from the fat-face jones. Sit down careful. Find my cigarette almost finish. Suck its last breath and throw it by.
Look back to Pasha, he be whiter white. His face show beaden sweat.
‘They ain’t going to hurt you,’ I say frighten. ‘Ain’t be.’
He shake his head. Blink where sweat gone dripping in his eye.
‘Nay,’ I say, ‘we living yet. I be soldat for you, you good. You good.’
He make some fever smile. ‘You my soldat.’
‘Nay, they ain’t going to hurt you.’ I look around for Soledad, but she still crouchen in the road. Her hand be forward in the feather’s blood. My eyes flinch back from this, I say more desperate, ‘Truth. I got word, Pasha.’
He lick up at his sweat. Face settle into misery again, he staring at the blooden Citgo wall. The feathers lying various dead. And he say quiet, ‘You ain’t know, Ice. You ain’t know.’
36
TO MARIAS
Our farther hour be hurtless fear. Two rifle children come with angry faces, unloose Pasha’s handcuffs. Then Pasha–me be put into a car. Ain’t like the carten car before, this one be closen with glass windows. Seats be fat and soft.
Once the doors be shut, this car become a simple trap. Doors got no opening handles to, nor pushing budge them any. Ya, between the front and backward seats is screen with netty wire. Can see how this been staplen in the roof, the seaten back. I tug thoughtless at these staples, sans no strong intention. Is only bellious mood without no hope.
In the forward seat, drive Carlos, Soledad beside. Ain’t talking, both is sorrow dull. Soledad got her window open. Lie her head onto this windy space. When I call to her, she only nay her hand. Ain’t stir to look. Ya, this hand still red on all its fingertips with blood.
And we go on the number highway. Car drive almost easy, like it skating on a floor. First minutes, Pasha–me talk low, is counseling together. He calmer somewhat, heed me well about this Jesus nonsense. But he add his misery: ‘Know how this Jesus story finish.’
Soon we drift to separate glooms. I stare sideways in the window, and the trees become a fuzzy storm, all losing hasty back. In this, a snow begin, and Soledad raise her window up. Car remain in closen heat, while this snow float its millions on the other world outside.
Then it be hours and nothing. We fly sorry through the snow. Around be forest, whitening on its arms, like all our walking woods. Yo, sometimes a farm appear – fields looking scrappish after harvest, cows in sleepy hunch. Then my heart go strange to see this life, beyond all worlds beknown. Notice carren vehicles by, and I begin to guess, these farms belong to Soledad’s mally people. Then be dizzy feeling, how we flying every miles of distance, and all land be theirs.
Once we pass a broken city. Got tower buildings higher than no Lowell edifice, but ain’t a child to see. Some buildings lost their walls. Can see the inside partments in their grid; or be only a skeleton of metal, tal
l into the sky. Cars be turtlen on their roofs, streets choke with color trash. Be like a goliath wind torn up its every part. Snow puzzle above this havoc like it seeking help to this.
And the city pass behind, we meet the snowing woods again. Is coming middy day, the world stand on its narrow shadows. I try to think, how El Mayor be driven so, to be apostle. Can hope he be joyeuse, riding in an actual car. Then I worry on Driver so, my Sengles, as the snow depart, a perilous sun come to the day.
We start to come to blocking gates. These is clumsy artifacts, set across the road. Got one space, is big enough to fit a normal car. Above this space be always writ: PROHIBIDO EL PASO SIN LICENCIA. This got a rifle guard who stand beside in bitty house. At each gate, Carlos fix his window down and show some card. Rifle guard inspect this, say some courtesy and we go on.
This repeat some dozen times. In this, we come to evac country. These evacs various in suffering. Some places be all broken roofs that float upon a wash of junk. Others is healthy towns, with houses painten fresh and standing fences. One place show a sleeper flag that tumble its stripy flank in wind. Below, a sign be written: DOLL’S AMERICAN CONVENIENCE. Smoke rising somewhere, join its whiteness to the snowing air.
Last gate, be thirty rifle children. They gather to the car, and Carlos get out calling happy. Then these children all be shoving, gaping eyes at me and Pasha. All faces nose toward the window. I feel unliking sick. ‘Damn,’ I say. ‘Herding strangers everywhere. No person going to live.’
Here Soledad look back. ‘Ain’t think like this. They glad to you.’ Face show her joy precaire again.
I make an ugly mouth into the window, but the children laugh. I grin back before I think. One boy make a sign with skewen fingers. I try this for myself, then some five children bending to the window, make skew-finger signs. All laughing pleasure, and this start to mingle in my feeling. ‘Sure,’ I say, ‘they can be bone. Ain’t going to prejudice.’
‘I prejudice for you,’ say Pasha, and Soledad laugh birdish from the front. She say, ‘You narrow, you.’
Then Carlos get back in the car. We drive through the gate, and Soledad sit up bright. Say back, ‘Can see, Marias there.’ She point the forward window.
The Country of Ice Cream Star Page 27
