by Amber Garza
“Julian, you made it.” Mr. Vargas moves around us and sweeps his son into a hug.
Cruz gives me a wary look.
“Dad.” Gabe taps his father on the shoulder “C’mon, let’s go outside and we can all talk in private.” He gives Julian a pointed look.
As Mr. Vargas pulls back, Julian narrows his eyes in irritation. “No. We can talk in here. I have every right to be here. It’s my brother’s wedding.”
Mr. Vargas frowns. I’m sure he’s noticing how high Julian seems. “Of course you’re welcome here, son. But I think maybe Gabe is right. We should go talk outside, just until it’s time to eat. Okay?”
Skepticism passes over Julian’s features, but he nods and plays along. Gabe, Julian and Mr. Vargas head outside. Cruz stands frozen in place.
“You’re not going with them?” I ask gently.
“No way.” He narrows his eyes. “God, I can’t believe that’s why he’s here. For a minute I thought….I mean, I know it’s stupid….but I had hoped that maybe he was here for us. You know, like he actually cared. Like the way he used to be.” He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter, Cruz.” I touch his shoulder. “I know this is hard for you, and I’m sorry.”
Cruz peers up at me, our gazes colliding. “Thanks for being here. It means a lot.”
His words surprise me. “Of course. I wouldn’t miss this wedding for the world. You know that.”
“No. I mean, here, right now. You didn’t have to come over here when you saw Julian.”
I shrug. “Of course. I’m your best friend. I’ll always be here for you.”
Reaching forward, he plucks up one of my hands. “I’m glad. I need you, Sloane.”
There is something oddly intimate about the way he says my name, and a tingle runs up my spine.
“Hey, there you are.” Tara walks up to us. “I’ve been looking everywhere.” Her eyes shift to our hands, and she furrows her brows. “Everything okay?”
I want to tell her to go away. I want to tell her that she’ll never understand what just happened, and that I’m handling it. I’m the one Cruz needs right now. But then I realize how irrational that is. I’m here with Adam. Shit, Adam. I need to find him. Hopefully he hasn’t left yet. I wouldn’t blame him if he did. I’ve been ignoring him ever since we got in here. And Cruz is here with Tara. She should be the one comforting him.
For some reason Cruz doesn’t let go of my hand, so I release my fingers, allowing my arm to fall by my side. “Cruz can fill you in on everything, Tara. I need to go find Adam anyway.”
“Right. Adam,” Cruz says.
I ignore his tense tone. “We’ll talk later, okay?” I say softly to him.
“Yeah. Later.” Without cracking a smile, he turns to Tara. “Let’s go find our seats.”
As they walk off, I go in search of Adam, praying he’s still here. When I find him sitting at a table with my parents drinking a glass of water, shame fills me. I shouldn’t have run off and left him all alone.
“There she is,” Dad says as I approach the table. He and Mom are both smiling, and I pray they won’t fight at all today.
Adam’s head bobs up and he smiles, causing my earlier worry to dissipate a bit.
“Sorry. I had to take care of something.” I slide into the chair next to Adam, smoothing down my skirt.
“I figured it was a woman issue,” Mom says wearing a knowing smile.
This seems to appease Adam, who touches my thigh from under the table. His fingers brush over my skin, causing goose bumps to rise on my flesh. I nod, allowing them to think what they like. Not really a lie, exactly.
All through dinner I’m pleased at how cordial my parents are being to Adam. I had sort of expected Dad to come down hard on him. I’ve never dated anyone before, but I always assumed Dad would be mean to anyone I did. I’m glad I was wrong.
After dinner we watch the couple’s first dance, the father-daughter dance, and the mother-son dance. Then they open up the dance floor to the rest of us. Couples hurry out of their chairs and make their way to the dance floor. In the corner I spot Cruz and Tara dancing.
“Shall we?” Mom leans over, placing a hand on Dad’s arm.
“Sure.” Dad pushes his chair back and stands, taking Mom’s hand in his. A warm feeling descends into the pit of my stomach as I watch them walk hand in hand. Maybe things aren’t that bad between them. Today seems just like old times. Long before they started fighting constantly.
“What about you?” Adam asks. “Want to dance?”
My heart flutters against my rib cage. The thought of being in Adam’s arms causes me to feel dizzy. Unable to speak, I nod slowly.
“Great.” He stands, extending his hand.
I take it in mine and allow him to guide me out onto the dance floor. The song that had been playing winds down, becoming softer and softer until it’s silent. When the next song starts it’s a slow song. Adam moves in close to me, his arms snaking around my waist. My heart pounds in my chest as I loop my arms around his neck. I lock my fingers together to keep my hands from shaking. Our chests are pressed together, and I worry that he’ll be able to tell how fast my heart is racing. The scent of his cologne wafts under my nose, a mixture of spice and mint. Feeling bold, I peer up at him. His hair falls gently over his forehead as he lowers his head to meet my gaze. I’m frozen, my breath captive in my throat.
The music seems so far away, and the other dancers vanish. All I can feel is Adam’s hands on my skin, and all I can hear is the blood rushing through my ears. Afraid I might pass out or something, I lower my head onto his shoulder. His arms tighten around me, holding me steady. For the remainder of the song we stay like that, swaying to the beat of the music.
Disappointment fills me when the song ends and is replaced by a manic, fast beat. I’ve never been a very good dancer. Ask Cruz. He’s teased me about it for years. In fact, as I attempt to move as gracefully as possible, I find Cruz across the room. He dances as if he’s merely an extension of the music. His body moves fluidly, easily, effortlessly. If only I could do that. When I return my attention to Adam, I am relieved that he doesn’t possess Cruz’s dancing skills. In fact, he appears to be struggling as much as I am. So I guess there is one thing he’s not perfect at. Somehow it makes him even more endearing.
“I’m not a very good dancer,” Adam says with an apologetic grin.
“Me either.” I giggle. “But it’s still fun.”
“It is with you.” Adam winks, and my knees soften.
I grab onto his arm to keep from falling. He hooks one arm around my waist and draws me closer. He leans in, his mouth hovering my ear. “Maybe we could just turn every song into a slow one?”
I shudder. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
“May I cut in?” I’m startled at the sound of Cruz’s voice.
Adam releases me. “Sure, man. No problem.”
When he walks away, I frown. “What was that about?”
“I want to dance with my best friend. Is that a problem?”
“No, of course not. It’s just that…” I have no idea how to finish. It’s just that things were getting hot and heavy, and I kind of liked it.
“Besides, I figured you’d like the diversion. I can help detract from your less-than-stellar dancing skills.”
I chuckle. “As a matter of fact, Adam isn’t the best dancer either so he didn’t care.”
“C’mere. I’ll help you just like when we were kids.” Cruz holds out his arms.
I swat him away. “But we’re not kids anymore.”
“C’mon, it’ll be fun.” He grabs my hips and starts swaying me side to side.
Embarrassed, I jerk away. I’m not sure why this is bothering me so much. Normally I think it’s funny when he does this. But lately things feel different between us somehow. “Really, Cruz. I don’t need your help. Besides, shouldn’t you be with your date?”
Darkness flickers in his eyes. “Yeah, probably.”
“No, I am. I like her,” he says, but it’s not convincing. Clearly something is going on.
“You’re still worried about Julian, aren’t you?”
He nods.
“Did he leave after your dad talked to him?” I hadn’t seen him come back in.
“Yeah.”
The song ends and another slow one starts. Cruz reaches for me, and this time I let him. I know he won’t try to make me gyrate this time. Reaching up my arms, I drop them around his shoulders. Together we sway in time.
“Do you know what your dad said to him?”
“Just that he wouldn’t loan him money, so Julian took off.” Anger cuts through his words. I can feel it like the piercing of a knife against my skin.
“I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault.” Cruz shrugs. “I guess I’ll let you get back to Adam. The poor guy looks lost standing over there by himself.”
Smiling, I pull away from Cruz and head over to Adam.
18
cruz
I want to bleach my eyeballs.
Seriously.
Anything to erase what I’m seeing right now.
When I arrived home after Mateo’s wedding, I hopped out of my car, and that’s when I saw Adam and Sloane. They were standing on her front porch, the bright porch light making them impossible to miss. It’s like they had a damn spotlight shining on them.
He had his hand on her cheek, running his fingers all over her skin like a blind man reading braille. And at that moment I wanted to be blind so I wouldn’t have to see any of it. I contemplated yelling out, startling them so they’d stop. But apparently I was too late, because before I could say a word their lips fused together. The sight rendered me speechless, unable to utter a word.
I was hoping it would be a quick kiss goodbye. A fast peck that would be over before it even began. But no. I’m starting to wonder if they’re mouths have actually attached. Like maybe they have superglue on their lips and they can’t physically pry them apart.
If that’s the case, I’d be more than happy to help. I’ll pull that jerk off Sloane. No problemo.
Her hands are in his hair while his fingers dig into her waist. Their bodies move slightly as they practically eat each other’s faces off. It makes me feel physically ill.
Honestly, where is that damn bleach?
For a moment my air is cut off, and I have to loosen my collar in order to gulp some in. Finally they separate and I let out a long exhale. As Adam heads back to his car, I close my eyes willing the images away. But I know it won’t be that easy. Their kiss is seared into my mind, tattooed onto my brain.
Once Adam drives away, I call out to Sloane before she heads inside.
“Sloane.” She flinches slightly. I see her squinting in an effort to see me. It’s dark outside, and I’m sure my black tux isn’t helping things.
“How long have you been standing there?” she asks, bounding down the porch steps. Her purse bounces against her hip with each sexy swagger. Reaching up, she tucks her thumb under the strap to hold it in place.
“Long enough,” I respond sourly.
She walks over the grass and across the street until she’s standing in front of me. Hell, she looks so hot in that sundress, her hair flowing down her shoulders, her cheeks pink. My gaze drops to her lips that are cracked and a little swollen, a line of lip gloss trailing over her cheek. My stomach drops, knowing it wasn’t me who made her look like this.
“So, I guess things are serious with you and Mr. Quarterback.” Regret lodges in my throat, choking me. Why did I let it get this far? Why didn’t I say something sooner? At least I should’ve told her how I felt. It would have given me a fighting chance. Why the hell did I just stand on the sidelines and let her start falling for Adam? Grunting, I run a hand over my head. “God, Sloane, I can’t believe this is happening.”
“What?” Her brow furrows in confusion. “What’s happening?”
“You and Adam.” I shake my head. “I should’ve said something sooner, but I didn’t think it would go this far.”
“What does that mean?”
“I assumed he’d take you out a couple of times and then move on.”
Hurt and anger surfaces in her eyes. “Wow. Glad to know you think so highly of me.”
“No, I do. I really do.” God, I keep screwing this up. I reach for her arm, but she yanks it back. It’s like a slap in the face. “You took that wrong. What I’m trying to say is that--”
“Cruz!” Gabe tears out of the front door, still wearing his tux. His eyes are wild and manic. “Cruz!”
“Yeah. I’m right here.”
“We have to get to the hospital right now!”
“What?” My insides knot. “Why?”
“It’s Julian. He’s hurt. Mom and Dad are already there. They went straight from the church.” Gabriel races toward his car, keys jangling in his palm. “Hurry! C’mon.”
My body goes numb, fear strangling me. I turn back to Sloane, snatching up her hand. “C’mon.”
She stands still, unmoving. “I think he’s just talking to you.”
“I need you, Sloane. I can’t do this by myself. Please?” I plead with her, holding tighter to her fingers. There’s no way I can face this alone. She’s my strength. I know she’s always thought I was the strong one, but she was wrong. It’s always been her. I only wish I’d figured it out sooner. Then maybe none of this would be happening.
“Okay,” she says softly. “I’ll come.”
Sloane texts her mom on the way to the hospital to let her know where she’s going. Gabe drives swiftly, yet cautiously, through the Folsom streets. From the passenger seat I have a clear view of his fingers that are turning white as he grips tightly to the steering wheel. Clasping my hands in my lap, I think about how different Julian used to be. He didn’t treat me like I was an annoying little kid the way Mateo used to. Julian would even let Sloane and I hang out with him sometimes. He’s the reason I love rock music so much. I wonder if he knows that. I wonder if I’ll have the chance to tell him.
Please let him be all right.
I don’t pray often, but hopefully God hears my prayers tonight.
Gabe drops Sloane and me at the entrance of the hospital and then drives off to locate a parking space. The minute we step through the glass doors a sterile scent spins around me. Nurses rush past, their tennis shoes squeaking on the shiny linoleum. It’s loud as voices echo off the walls. The waiting room is packed with people sitting in bright colored chairs or standing against the wall.
In the midst of the crowd, I catch a tuft of black hair, a white collar, the sleeve of a black tux. Swiftly, I weave my way around people to reach Dad.
“How is he?” I ask.
Dad shakes his head, worry etched in the lines of his face, sorrow in his eyes. “I don’t know. Your mom is trying to find out right now. We don’t know anything.”
Gabriel races in, and we wave him over. A couple vacates two chairs near us, and I nod in Sloane’s direction. “Wanna sit, Sloane?”
She nods, her discomfort evident. As I lower into one of the hard chairs, it moans beneath me. Sloane sinks into the one next to it, her back rigid. I lower my head into my hands, doing my best to keep the panic at bay. A hand rests on my back, and I’m grateful for Sloane’s comfort right now.
Names are called over a loudspeaker, a man on a stretcher is pushed past. My shoulders stiffen, the muscles flexing. I’m warm in my tux, a stark reminder of what this day was supposed to be. A celebration, not a disaster. A wedding, not an emergency. Leave it to Julian to mess this all up. Anger boils inside my veins. I don’t want this. Not for my family, and not for Julian. We deserve better.
“I’m going to find Mom,” Gabriel announces before walking away.
“I’ll go too.” Mr. Vargas follows him.
I lift my head, craning my neck in Sloane’s direction. “Thanks for coming.”
“I’m not sure I’m
helping at all. I sort of feel like I’m in the way.” She sighs. “Don’t you want to go with your dad and brother?”
I sit up, resting my back against the chair. As worried as I am about Julian, I want to stay here with Sloane. Maybe it’s denial, like I’m postponing the inevitable, but I don’t want to get up out of this chair. Not right now anyway. “No. I want to stay here with you. When they know something, they’ll tell me.”
She nods, nervously folding her hands in her lap. To her right, a child plays on the ground with a toy car and her gaze lands on him.
“Sloane?” I yank her attention back to me.
She turns to me, her eyes wide and bright. “Yeah?”
I know it’s not the time to bring up her kiss with Adam, but I have to know. “What I saw tonight. It was your first kiss, wasn’t it?”
She nods, each bob of her head like a knife slicing through me.
“So your first kiss was with Adam?”
“Yeah.” She doesn’t look upset like I am. In fact, her eyes are dancing as if she’s elated. It hurts me even more.
I shake my head. “It shouldn’t have been him, Sloane. God, I’m such an idiot.”
She reels back. “What?”
I take a breath, inhaling through my nose and exhaling slowly through my mouth in an attempt to gather courage. It’s time to come clean. Being here in the hospital is proof that life is fleeting. Julian was fine when I saw him earlier today. Yeah, sure, he was high as a kite, but he was intact. He seemed healthy enough. Now he’s in the hospital, and I have no idea if he’s going to make it or not. I have no idea what’s wrong at all. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. What if all I have is today? If that’s the case, I want Sloane to know how I feel. With quivering fingers, I reach over and cover her hand with mine. “It should’ve been--”
“Cruz,” Gabriel interrupts. Where the hell did he come from? When I glance up, his gaze lands on my hand, and his eyebrow lifts slightly. Quickly, I slide my hand off of Sloane’s. “C’mon, we can go see him now.” He throws Sloane an apologetic look. “Sorry, Sloane, family only.”
