“Every single one? There wasn’t one guy that wasn’t an asshole?” Louie asked.
“Well,” I said, my mind flashing back to the charming smile that still resided in a place in my mind I knew it would never vacate. “There was one.”
Louie leaned forward with expectant eyes. “Do tell! Is this ‘The Big One’?” he asked, using his fingers like quotation marks.
“The Big One?” I said back.
“Ya, the one that got away! The one you dream about at night and picture when your current sex partner is doing a lackluster job.”
Heat flushed to my cheeks. There may have been a time or two, or maybe a lot more, when I saw that smile and his face when I was beneath someone else.
“Mine was Billy Jones. Summer camp my senior year,” Louie said, letting his eyes wander off. “I had such a crush on him. I wonder what he’s doing now.”
“Mine was James Elliot,” Nita said, the same nostalgia twinkling in her eye. “Sophomore year of college. He was a real catch. I broke up with him so I could let loose on spring break. Oops.”
Both sets of eyes turned to me. “Who was yours, Ellie? I should know this,” Nita said.
My eyes closed for a moment, but that was all it took for the images in my mind to take over. Tanned skin glistening in the summer sun, ice blue eyes that matched the water we splashed in, and a smile that still sent my stomach tumbling into an uncontrollable spin.
“Liam Jansen.” I barely breathed the words, worried they would set my tongue on fire if I said them too loud.
CHAPTER TWO
Ellie
“Who the hell is Liam...? Oh!” Nita’s face lit up in recognition. “Hot summer guy from Europe! I remember him!”
“Hot summer guy from Europe?” Louie leaned in. “This has all of my interest and there’s this visual in my head that... yep. That’s gonna work for me.”
Nita shook her head. “Whatever you’re picturing in your head, triple the hotness. This guy was stupid hot. Like, ‘if Brad Pitt, Chris Hemsworth, Johnny Depp, and David Beckham could conceive a love child with each other’ hot.”
Louie’s eyes saucered and turned to meet mine. His gaping mouth struggled to form words. “You dated the lovechild of all my boyfriends? You lucky bitch.”
“Stupid hot, Louie. Stupid hot. Whatever happened to him, Ellie?”
I shook my head, memories of our one week together crashed together in my mind like I imagined someone’s life flashes through their eyes before they die. They were still so real I felt like I could hit pause and step back into them, back into his arms and into the world that we inhabited for just a moment in time. Some nights, when I closed my eyes, I could still smell him. He smelled like the beach, fresh air, and a scent I still couldn’t identify, but it would stop me in my tracks anytime I caught a whiff of it even ten years later. Like a desperate bloodhound, I would try to find the source, but just like him, it would be gone, and I was left alone, transported by the smell to a time in my life I would never forget... and a man no other could live up to.
“I don’t know where he is,” I finally said, still reeling from the punch to the gut his memory induced each time it crept up on me. I never knew when it was coming, suddenly his memory would just be there. Laughing, touching, kissing... and each time the air would be drawn from my lungs, leaving me gasping for breath while I struggled to stay in the memory just a second longer before reality stole him from me and snapped me back to the present. “I haven’t seen him since that summer.”
“You are as white as a ghost,” Louie said, concern causing him to reach out and touch me. “He really was The Big One, wasn’t he?”
I nodded before I even processed the question. “Yes. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over him. And I don’t think I’ll ever meet someone who makes me feel that way again. What we had was... magical.”
And it lingers on. And on.
“Tell. Me. Everything.” He squeezed my arm.
“Bruce?” I called. “I’m gonna need a whiskey for this.”
“Coming right up,” he said, then filled our empty glasses.
“I’ll endure another whiskey for this story.” Louie held the glass to his lips and paused, leveling me with a glare. “But seriously. No break-ups after this for a while. My liver isn’t what it used to be when I was twenty-one.”
“Seriously,” Nita agreed. “If we keep up at this pace, my liver is going to be standing on the side of the road, hitch-hiking to get away from me.”
“Deal.” I nodded, realizing it had been over a year since I’d been this drunk. In fact, it was my last breakup that had us on a one-week bender like we were college kids again. “I have no intentions of ever dating again, which means no break-up binge drinking in our future. Cheers.”
“Down the hatch.” He slammed his shot and turned eager eyes back to me. “Okay. Dish. The Big One. Go.”
I downed my own and let the warmth fill up the hole left behind by the man who still haunted me after all these years.
“I was eighteen and I went to Door County for a summer to make money for my freshman year of college. I got a job at Wilson’s Ice Cream Shop in Ephraim. I didn’t know anyone, but there were a lot of other summer kids my age up there all doing the same thing, so I made a few friends pretty quickly. We had an amazing summer. Parties, boating, swimming, sneaking into bars... it was a really fun summer. Around mid-July I saw him. Wilson’s is just across from the Ephraim sailboat rental place. As I walked out from my afternoon shift, I looked across the street and saw this guy, jogging up the dock. No shirt, six-pack, chiseled pecs, tanned skin.”
“Oh my God, like Baywatch.” Louie leaned in closer.
“So much hotter than Baywatch,” Nita interjected before biting her lower lip. “More like... damn.”
I chuckled and went on. “So, I saw him that day. Then the next and the next. He was renting sail boats across the street and giving sailing lessons and I could see him from the window at Wilson’s.”
“You creeper,” Nita teased.
“Straight up stalker!” Louie laughed.
“Shut up, guys.” I shot each of them a silencing glare. “Anyway, one day I’m bent over scooping ice cream behind the counter, and I stand up and there he is right in front of me waiting to order an ice cream. Our eyes locked, and I froze. And by froze, I mean froze. Like, couldn’t move, couldn’t talk, mouth agape, practically drooling kind of froze. We just stood there staring at each other. No one speaking. He’s not ordering; I’m not scooping... just staring. Thank God Jan was working with me and she noticed I’d gone catatonic and stepped in. She took his order, and he had a foreign accent, but I wasn’t sure from where. I’ll never forget how his eyes stayed fixated on mine even when he ordered from her and the entire time he waited for her to get him his ice cream. Our eyes only broke apart when he took his cone and paid. I inhaled what may have been my first breath when he started out the door, but then he turned back, and our eyes locked again. This time he flashed a half-smile... a sexy smirk that could dissolve the panties of anyone lucky enough to be in its vicinity. If he’d held it any longer than the few seconds he did before turning and leaving, I think Jan would have been scooping me up off the floor instead of scooping ice cream into cones.”
“Just thinking about it and my underwear are gone. I’m getting a job at Wilson’s,” Louie said decidedly. “Sorry, go on.”
“The next week I noticed him across the street talking to this guy, Jim, who I’d met at a party a few weeks earlier. I ran into Jim at volleyball that night and decided to find out about my sexy stranger. I asked about the guy from the sailboat place with the foreign accent. He told me his name was Liam Jansen, and he was a soccer player from Amsterdam here for a month on an exchange program.”
“Soccer player?” Louie’s voice jumped several octaves. “You know how I feel about soccer players! How have you never told me this?” He slapped my arm.
Ignoring him, I went on. “Not wanting to sound like a compl
ete stalker, I changed the subject and asked him about himself and what he’d been up to and where he was working for the summer. He told me and then asked me the same. When I said I worked at Wilson’s I swear the color drained out of his face. It was enough to make me question him. After he stood there shocked for a second, he asked me if I was the Wilson’s girl. Not having a clue what he meant, I probably had my mouth hanging open, because then he laughed. Apparently, Liam had asked him if he knew the girl from Wilson’s. Liam had described a girl my height, age, long caramel-colored hair, and blue-green eyes. With a snort, the guy asked me if I knew any other girls at Wilson’s fitting that description.”
“Get out!” Louie slapped the bar.
“It was totally random and crazy. Jim could see the shock on my face and laughed, immediately knowing it was me. He then proceeded to tell me that Liam had a thing for me, too. He rolled with laughter while I stood there stunned. He’d asked about me? He had a thing for me? It was too much to process.”
“Hold the fricking horses.” Louie lifted a hand to stop me. “You’re trying to tell me you both asked the same random dude about each other.”
I nodded. “What are the chances?”
“Zero. The chances are like zero. Are you serious?” He laughed.
“Dead serious. I was as shocked as you are. The fact he even asked about me was shocking, the fact we randomly picked the brain of the same guy was mind-blowing.”
“This is too much! Oh my God, keep going!”
“After Jim stopped laughing, realizing we were both stalking each other, he invited me to a beach bonfire that night, and unbeknownst to me, he invited Liam. When I arrived, Jim met me with a goofy grin and then pointed over to the bonfire surrounded by a few dozen people. The first person I saw was Liam sitting by the fire, red solo cup in his hand, and a smile so white it nearly blinded me reflecting in the flames. He looked up, and something just... happened.”
“What? What happened?” Louie asked impatiently.
“First off, the butterflies,” I sighed. “Every single time I looked at him I felt like butterflies were doing a disco in my stomach. But then I can’t explain it. We locked eyes and something between us just clicked. He stood up and walked straight up to me. I was frozen again, just trapped in this magnetic pull between us. He introduced himself with that super sexy accent, and I introduced myself back. Then he smiled and just took my hand... and I let him. It felt so natural. He led me over to the fire, and we sat down on a log and started talking. We talked and talked and laughed for hours. He was shockingly funny for a guy so hot, and I just felt so relaxed around him. The rest of the party faded away, and we didn’t even notice. It was like we were the only two people there until we really were the only two people there. The sun started to come up, so we sat on the beach and watched it rise. Then, out of nowhere, he leaned in and kissed me. It was like my world got turned upside down the moment our lips touched. I’d never felt anything like it... even to this day. I couldn’t stop kissing him. We made out on the beach for hours, like we needed each other to breathe.”
“I’m so fucking jealous right now.” Louie sighed. “Then what happened?”
“Well, we spent a magical week together. We spent every second we weren’t working together. We went to the beach, we went sailing every night, had picnics under the stars... we just melded together for one incredible week.”
“And he took her virginity on a sailboat if I recall?” Nita raised a playful eyebrow.
The heat raced back to my cheeks. “Yes, he was my first. And yes, it was on a sailboat and yes it was incredible.”
“So, what happened?”
“Life. Life happened. He had to go back to Amsterdam. I had to go to college. A few emails, a couple of phone calls, and then we drifted apart. I met my college boyfriend and he was not keen on me carrying on with some guy across the ocean, understandably, and since there was no chance for Liam and me, we fell out of touch. I made my pros and cons list, and it was only logical to end it. I thought for sure I’d meet someone else amazing someday, but there hasn’t been a single day I don’t think about him. Not one. And not a single guy I don’t compare to him. And they all fail. Every single one. All I have is one picture of us to remember him by... and a life plagued by a hole he left that I don’t think can ever be filled. He broke me. He totally broke me. I probably haven’t crossed his mind since he left, and I’m still sitting over here pining away more than I’d like to admit, even to myself.”
“So that’s it?” Louie asked. “You had one fairytale week with a Euro-hottie, and then nothing?”
Nita blew out a soft sigh. “I only saw the picture, but stupid hot, Louie. Stupid hot. It’s no wonder every man falls short. It’s not even right.”
“It was more than just how hot he was,” I said with an accompanying eye roll. “There was something so deep between us. I can’t explain it. If it hadn’t happened to me, I wouldn’t believe it. But it was there. He told me he loved me the night he left. And I said it back.”
“Wait a minute... I thought you didn’t do the ‘I love you’ thing,” Louie said.
“You never told me that part,” Nita added with an accusatory stare.
He was right. Even though I’d had fairly long past relationships, I’d never said I love you to any of them. Only once. Only to Liam. I realized now, it was no wonder my relationships imploded. I’d never loved any of them, always hidden the best parts of me and I was pretty sure now they knew it. It turns out I’d given my heart away at eighteen and forgot to get it back.
“Oh my God!” Louie exclaimed. “Do you know what we should do?”
“What?” I asked in unison with Nita.
“Let’s social stalk him!” He grabbed my phone and plugged in my passcode he knew by heart.
Chuckling, I shook my head. “I tried a couple years ago. No luck.”
Louie scoffed. “I’m like a social-media detective. If he’s alive, I’ll find him. What’s his name again?”
“Liam Jansen,” I said, confident he would find nothing.
“Give me a minute. Jansen. Amsterdam.” His voice trailed off while he typed away on my phone.
“You really are still in love with him, aren’t you?” Nita asked, the playful tone absent now.
“I don’t know that I would say I’m in love with him. Because that would be sad. And pathetic. And weird. Right?”
“So that’s a yes?” She pursed her lips and that playful look returned.
I wanted to argue back, but if there was one thing I couldn’t do, it was lie to Nita. She knew every time. After years of failed lies about borrowing her clothes, losing her favorite necklace, denting her car, and eating the last of the cereal, I realized it was impossible. That kind of emotional radar made her a formidable lawyer. No one could lie to her and she wouldn’t let up until you finally spit out the truth. Her ability to read people in an instant was remarkable. Rather than lie or admit it, I turned away and took a swig of my drink.
“Found him!” Louie bellowed a triumphant shout.
“What?” I choked on my drink and coughed, sending a spray of liquid across the bar. “Are you serious?”
“Well, I think so.” Louie leaned over with the phone. “His profile is private, and he doesn’t have any pictures of himself that we can see, but it’s his name and it’s a soccer pic for profile. How many soccer playing Liam Jansen’s can there be? Oh shit. Never mind. This one’s in Italy.”
The Facebook profile had the same name, but the profile picture was only a foot up against a soccer ball. Then I saw something in the picture, and I ripped the phone from his hands and gasped.
“Holy fuck. It’s him.” I dropped the phone on the bar like it had scalded my skin.
“Shut up!” Nita grabbed it and looked at the photo of a leg kicking a soccer ball into a goal. “How do you know?”
“The tattoo,” I breathed. “The sun on his calf. It’s the other half of my tattoo. We got them together.”
&nb
sp; The small black outline on his calf was faded, but it was still there. I slid my hand down my jeans and tugged up the bottom, lifting my leg on the bar and revealing the tiny black outline of the crescent moon on my ankle.
“No fucking way,” Nita said, leaning in to examine it. “You never told me the meaning behind this thing, and I guess I never thought much about it. I can’t believe you guys got couples tattoos. I don’t know whether I love that or think it’s the cheesiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“I’m sitting on that same fence,” Louie admitted, studying the simple little design.
“Shut up.” I yanked my leg back down with such force I nearly tumbled back off my stool. “We were eighteen, and at the time it was the most romantic thing ever. We did it the day before he left. I was his sun and he was my moon. Our little ‘star-crossed lovers torn apart by continents and I’ll never forget you’ tribute. Turns out I never did forget him.”
“I guess we’ll go with romantic,” Nita teased, bumping me with an elbow. “There really aren’t any pictures of him? I want to see what he looks like now! Think he’s still stupid hot?”
“Well, if he doesn’t have any face photos prominent, we all know what that means.” Louie sucked the air through his teeth. “He’s a few hundred pounds, covered in hair, with a face like a troll.”
“Impossible!” I laughed and smacked him in the arm. “He was far too beautiful to be ugly now. There’s no way.”
“Oh, haven’t you seen some of those celebrities who were once heartthrobs? Trust me, it’s possible,” he said.
It was strange to even think about him looking any different. For me, he hadn’t aged, and he hadn’t changed. He was frozen in the form of the guy I fell in love with when we were just eighteen, forever burned in my memory where time stops and preserves us just as we were then.
“He’s still hot. I know it.” I glared, refusing to picture that perfect face with any blemishes or that six-pack buried beneath a belly.
“We should message him!” Liam squealed, shoving the phone in my face.
The Big One (Second Chance Romantic Comedy) Page 2
