Ian (O'Connor Brothers #1)

by A. S. Kelly

  “You’re pissing me off now. Just say it, for Christ’s sake!”

  “First, let me ask you something.”

  “Let’s have it.”

  “What’s the deal with you guys?”

  “Are you serious?”

  “I’ve never been more serious about anything, and it’s really hard for me.”

  “Nothing’s going on, Jamie. There never has been. We were friends, you know that, and then things got out of hand. She thought that there could be more between us, and I let her know that wasn’t possible. I hurt her and now she hates me.”

  “Err…”

  “What?” I snap.

  “Let me rephrase the question. Are you in love with her?”

  “You’re crazy.” I jump to my feet.

  “I’ll take that as your answer.”

  “Don’t take it as a fucking thing!”

  “Sit down and try to calm yourself.”

  “You’re really pushing my buttons with all this. Why didn’t I mind my own business this morning? Why the hell did I come here to see how you were doing? I should’ve left you to suffer under Steve’s magical hands.”

  “I’m going to ask you again, and this is the last time, because I want you to be honest with me.”

  I sit down again, shaking my head nervously. It feels like I’m being interrogated here. I rest my elbows on my knees and drop my head into my hands.

  “You want to know the truth, Jamie? The truth is that I don’t have any idea what the hell love is.”

  Jamie leans in towards me, mimicking my position.

  “Well then, let me tell you a story, and maybe, after you’ve heard it, you’ll understand what it means to love someone more than anything else in the world.”

  15

  Riley

  Ray comes to the door. “Er, Riley?”

  I lift my head from my computer and push up my glasses just in time to see Jamie behind Ray’s back.

  “What the hell are you doing here?”

  Jamie comes into my office, leaving Ray in the hallway. He comes over to my desk and rests his hands on it.

  “We have to go, there’s a taxi outside.”

  “Go? Where?”

  “To The Bridge.”

  “Are you kidding?”

  “They’re waiting on us, let’s go.”

  I look at him, confused.

  “You’ve forgotten.”

  “What?”

  “My birthday!” He crosses his arms and flashes me a fake look of disapproval.

  “Your birthday is tomorrow.”

  “The guys organised me an all-nighter; don’t worry, we won’t blow out the candles until it’s midnight.”

  “Jamie…”

  “I won’t take no for an answer.”

  “I’m not coming to the party.”

  “I’ll go…” Ray interrupts, still standing in the door staring. “If they’re all like him…”

  “This is my brother, Jamie.”

  “Oh, shit.” Ray walks into my office and extends his hand to Jamie. “I’m Riley’s best friend.”

  “Really?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

  “I don’t understand how we haven’t run into each other before.” Ray says to Jamie.

  “Simple: Jamie doesn’t set foot into my life and vice versa,” I respond.

  “Well, it’s time to change that.”

  “Are you doing what I think you’re doing?”

  “I’m trying to go celebrate my birthday, and I want my sister to be there.”

  “We can celebrate it, just the two of us, tomorrow.”

  “Riley…” Jamie sighs. “Please? I want you to be there.”

  “I don’t want to see him,” I say under my breath.

  “Him…who?” Ray butts in.

  “He won’t be there. He had other plans.”

  “Are you positive?”

  “Absolutely. Family plans.”

  “I’m sorry, who are we talking about here?” Ray tries again.

  “No one.” I give in and stand up, ending the conversation. I turn off my computer and gather my things.

  “He can come too,” Jamie says, nodding over at Ray.

  “Obviously I’m coming,” Ray answers without a shadow of embarrassment before popping his head out the door and yelling, “Kate, move your arse. We’re going to a party tonight.”

  I shake my head and smile. Ray is always ready to go looking for a wild night. He has a passion for guys who are too tall, too busy, and most of all, dickheads. I’m concerned that my brother has at least two of those qualities.

  We leave the building where a taxi is waiting for us, and after all the necessary introductions, we get in the car, ready for the evening, which will surely be a disaster.

  Kate, Ray, and I work together at the Gate Theatre. It’s a job I’m crazy about. Okay, I’m just a secretary and to be more specific, I’m Kate’s secretary. She manages the organisation of the shows, and Ray is her part-time assistant.

  When I applied for this job, I didn’t think I had a chance. I had a bit of experience, working for a few years in an events agency, but nothing to do with managing shows as professional as these. Kate brushed away all of my doubts; she’s a fantastic person and an excellent boss who’s always believed in me. After a three-month trial period, I signed a contract for a full-time job, which was lucky for me because I don’t know what I would have done otherwise.

  I lost my old job to redundancy, but it’s not a sob story; now, I’m working in this fantastic place with great co-workers.

  A bonus of working at the theatre is that I can see the shows for free. Since working here, I’ve discovered I love Jane Austen’s work and have a real passion for Shakespeare. I haven’t read many books, and I never finished high school, so at the beginning, I felt intimidated by my own ignorance. I wasn’t able to follow them, to understand word choices or vocabulary, but after seeing a show at least five times, I started to feel more comfortable with it, making me feel like I wasn’t in the wrong place and that it’s never too late to learn.

  I lose myself in my thoughts, looking out the window as the taxi leaves the city centre and makes off south towards Ballsbridge where Jamie and most of his teammates live.

  It’s one of the coolest areas in Dublin, right on the sea where the UCD campus is located, and where Leinster has their general headquarters.

  I lived there for a while too when I was at my brother’s house, but I decided it was time for me to get a place of my own and leave Jamie to his life. He’s a grown man and he doesn’t need me.

  I can’t deny it’s an attractive location, but too luxurious for my taste. I prefer having a tiny, private apartment, where I can crawl into my own den and hibernate there in peace, hiding if necessary. Somewhere no one comes looking for me.

  I try not to let myself get weighed down too much in thinking about the past, keeping my nails dug into the present, just hoping that this night will fly by, and I can go home quickly because I’m exhausted, in pain, and not really present.

  I’m completely out of sorts and out of my head.

  Maybe I’m coming down with something. Or maybe it’s something else.

  Ian was at my house, my little safe space. He invaded my privacy, he judged my lifestyle; even if he didn’t say so explicitly, I read his thoughts, his eyes, and his embarrassed silence.

  He sent me a few messages that I decided not to answer. I don’t want to let him throw off my balance and lead me down a one-way street that can only end up hurting me.

  I won’t be fooled again.

  He hasn’t changed and neither have I.

  We’re what we always have been.

  Alone and dangerous.

  Messed-up.

  “Hey, smile, it’s my birthday,” Jamie says, turning around from the front seat to smile at me.

  He’s right. I’m a terrible sister.

  “Ready to celebrate!” I try to sound convincing and pull myself together for him.


  The taxi pulls over, and Ray is the first one out, coming around the other side to open the door for me.

  “This is paradise. I’ve dreamt of coming here for months. You know I’ve got a weak spot for big athletes, especially when they’re tattooed.”

  I laugh despite myself.

  “This place is owned by four guys from Leinster,” Jamie says, taking me under his arm and limping because of his knee injury. “The team meets up here after every game, but we also use it for things like parties, celebrations…so basically, we’re always here. Now you’ve been here too.” Jamie winks at him, and I roll my eyes. I stiffen myself at the entrance, blocking his way too.

  “Riley,” Jamie says in my ear, “everything’s going to be fine. I promise you. I’m your brother, and I want you to have fun tonight.”

  “You’re not trying to manipulate my life, are you?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  I sigh and walk through the door before him, sincerely hoping that Ian won’t be here. I don’t want him to think I’m going after him or that I’m here for some other reason. This little dive into the past was more than enough for me, and I don’t feel like swimming right now.

  We greet the bouncers at the entrance, and they open the doors for us. We walk down the stairs, which are narrow and increasingly dark, leading us to the basement where the place is located. It feels like a cave down here, but it’s actually pretty inviting. I haven’t been here much, maybe two or three times, but the team, the staff, and the fans keep it full around the clock.

  We take a seat at a free table, and Ray doesn’t waste any time searching for someone to ogle as I fix my eyes downward on the table, trying to make myself as small as possible and hoping that no one will notice me.

  “I’m going to go say hi to the guys, okay? Be back in a bit. Order whatever you want. It’s on them tonight,” Jamie says, smiling and walking away but not before passing under Ray’s x-ray vision.

  “You want to stop that?” I threaten him.

  “Did you know your brother…?”

  “Yes, I know full well.”

  Ray huffs and gets up to order us some drinks.

  “Wow, it’s really quite something, isn’t it? Lot of people here tonight,” Kate interrupts. “What else are you hiding from us, Riley?”

  I flash her a forced smile and discreetly raise my gaze. I check out the room, and thankfully, Ian’s not here. It’s highly likely he won’t even find out I came. Another sigh escapes my lips; this time, it isn’t relief.

  Damn it.

  We get our drinks and the first round disappears in no time. I get it, we’re at a party and the idea is to enjoy it. The second round goes down as quickly as the first, and by the third, I start to feel lighter, less weighed down. I take my jacket off and open my blouse a bit to get some relief from the heat building up in there, and Ray lets out with a whistle of approval.

  “Go on, girl,” he hoots, making fun of me, as if he really appreciated what he saw.

  We chat, laugh, and relax – I even begin to calm down almost enough to wish there was music playing that we could dance to. My wish comes true after a few minutes and the place comes alive with a song I love.

  Kate must have read my mind, because she stands up, pulls me from my seat, brings me to the dance floor, and starts moving next to me. I cover my face with my hands, shaking my head because I feel embarrassed; no one around us is dancing, but her drive is contagious and after a few beats, I’m right there with her. It’s the perfect song for two people to dance to.

  Our spontaneous gesture attracts some attention, and the dance floor fills up in a hurry.

  Ray joins us with a guy he just met, where they start to whisper into each other’s ear, smiling and dancing next to us, happy and carefree. I can’t help but feel a little jealousy pierce my stomach.

  Jamie raises a glass in our direction to let me know he likes the fact that I’m letting myself go, at least tonight, and I blow him a kiss from a distance, to thank him for having brought me.

  Kate squeezes herself against me, grabbing my hips, and rubbing against me seductively. She’s undoubtedly drunk, but in the end, who cares? She just wants to have fun, so, I play along and grab her by the waist, and move my body against hers.

  We let ourselves go to the music, to the alcohol flowing inside us, and to life itself, and for a few minutes, I really feel good, like I haven’t felt in a really long time. My muscles loosen up, my head is light, and my thoughts have flown somewhere else.

  A group of guys approaches us, persistent. Apparently, the show has caused an uproar, and they want to get involved. Kate and I try to step away – we weren’t on the hunt tonight – but a guy, about thirty and visibly drunk, doesn’t seem to pick up on our signals.

  He makes his way in between me and Kate and takes control of the situation. He grabs me by the hips and tries to pull me towards him as I push my hands against his chest, trying to break away from him.

  His breath stinks of alcohol, making me nauseous, and his insistence becomes oppressive, but I’m not strong enough to push him away – and he doesn’t have any intention of letting me go.

  Before I can turn my head to look for my brother, someone puts his hands on the drunk guy’s shoulders and slams him to the ground.

  And my heart stops beating.

  16

  Ian

  I pace back and forth at the back of the club with my phone against my ear, chain smoking. I’ve been trying to get hold of Nick all afternoon, but he won’t answer or call me back. I’ve left at least ten messages and I’m starting to get pissed off talking to his answering machine.

  I make one last try before going in to celebrate Jamie’s birthday. I told him I wasn’t going to make it, that I wanted to spend the night at home with my family, but then I thought a distraction might be exactly what I need. We’re a team, on and off the field, and being with my friends will help me keep my mind off what I now know and wish I didn’t. I’m about ready to throw my phone against the wall when that arsehole finally has the decency to pick up.

  “Where the fuck have you been?” I accuse him, not even saying hello. “I’ve been trying to get hold of you for days!”

  “I was busy.”

  “Have you listened to my messages by chance?”

  “Yours and that other dickhead’s.”

  “Don’t start.”

  “Did you tell him to call me?”

  “He’s your brother.”

  “That doesn’t mean he’s not an arsehole.”

  “Jesus, Nick, when are you going to grow up?”

  “Listen, Ian, I understand I haven’t come home much…”

  “How long has it been since you’ve set foot in Dublin?”

  “You know why I can’t.”

  “It’s time now.”

  “You don’t get to make that decision.”

  “You have to.”

  “Excuse me, are you giving me orders? You?”

  “Don’t be an idiot.”

  “I’ve got things to do.”

  “Things to do?” I laugh, making fun of him. “Photo shoots with your arse hanging out?”

  “I’m still on the team.”

  “As what, the mascot?”

  “Fuck you, Ian.”

  “Try not to piss me off, Nick. Move your arse and get back here.”

  “What’s the big rush?”

  “I don’t know how much time’s left.”

  “What the hell are you getting at?” he asks raising his voice.

  “I can’t talk about it on the phone.”

  “No, sorry. Now you’re just going to have to tell me what the hell is going on here.”

  By his tone, I can tell that he’s already anxious.

  “He’s getting worse. He doesn’t recognise me, Nick. Not most of the time.”

  “I don’t understand – you told me it was all under control, that there was still time.”

  “That time is up.”

&n
bsp; “Christ…” I hear him panting on the other end and I realise I may have been too harsh.

  It’s true that Nick’s an idiot, but that doesn’t mean he has no feelings, especially when it comes to his family.

  “How serious is it?” he asks after a few seconds of silence.

  “He’s getting worse quickly.”

  He sighs. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  “I’ll expect you here by this weekend. No later.”

  I hang up feeling a little bit lighter. That was progress, wasn’t it? Trying to reason with a big stubborn ox, nothing to it.

  “Hey Ian. What are you doing here?” John joins me outside. “You better get in there.”

  “What’s happening?”

  “Two girls were putting on a little show and they’ve attracted a bit of a crowd…I don’t know if I’ve explained that very well.”

  “A little show?”

  “In the middle of the dance floor.”

  I raise an eyebrow.

  “Two women, you know. It looked like they were about to get to it right in front of everyone.”

  “What are you, thirteen?”

  Jesus, who am I talking to?

  “You don’t want to miss it.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of it,” I respond sarcastically, opening the door and leading him inside.

  I head down the stairs and glance around. There’s a group of people on the dance floor and everything seems to be fine, but then my eye lands on a corner of the floor aside from the main area, where a man is trying to get with a girl.

  “Don’t you think they’re making a big deal out of it?” I say, observing the scene, which isn’t a big deal per se, but I just hate these kinds of things.

  “Should we go break it up?” Scott says, joining our group.

  Someone has to.

  Dodging around a table, I approach the couple with determined steps, hoping that a talk and a drink might help calm things down without any spilled blood. We’ve already had too many fights this month and it’d be better to keep it out of the press.

  I get to the guy’s shoulders with the intention of politely asking him to knock it off, but then my eyes fall on her.