by A. S. Kelly
When there’s a try, the whole bench jumps to their feet and starts screaming – without expecting it, I find myself doing the same. I sit down again like all the rest of them and the man next to me smiles in satisfaction.
“That’s my boy,” he says and I almost feel faint.
“Yeah, okay. Let’s not get carried away with the enthusiasm. There’s still time for him to get railroaded like he did last time before the game’s up,” says the man sitting next to him.
“You don’t always have to be such an arse, Nick!” another voice calls from a few seats down. I listen in confusion at their conversation as a woman stands up and impatiently changes seats, taking the one to my right.
“You’ll have to excuse them, miss. They’re like children.”
I smile kindly.
“We’re all here to watch Ian play,” she says, pointing to him. “You see him? Number 11?”
I nod nervously.
“That’s our son.”
“You could try to at least pretend he isn’t your favourite,” Nick speaks again.
“Shut up, idiot!” the other one says, standing up threateningly. I recognise one of the faces, partially hidden by his hat.
Oh shit.
“Here we are then,” says the older man, leaning towards me. “This is our family. We’re the O’Connor’s.” he says extending his hand. “Everyone, please say hello to—”
“Riley,” I say in full crisis, ready for a panic attack.
“Riley,” he repeats to himself. “I might have to ask you more than once – don’t take offence, my mind plays tricks on me sometimes.”
“Do you guys want to shut up so we can concentrate on the game here?” the other one says, standing up and looking towards me. “Ah… hey, wait a minute. It’s you.”
Everyone turns to look at me.
“That’s her!” Nick stands up too.
“She, who?” the mother asks, not understanding.
“Hi Riley, I’m Nick”, he extends his hand too, which I accept fearing that I might have lost my mind. “I’m Ian’s brother. We finally get to meet.”
“F-finally?” I stutter, afraid.
“Would you please explain to me what’s going on?” the mother asks looking at each of us for some clarification.
Nick has a sly smile on his face before announcing quite loudly: “That’s her. She’s what happened to Ian.”
54
Ian
The guys celebrate our victory loudly in the changing rooms, and after such a long time, I find myself celebrating with them in my newfound enthusiasm.
“See you later at the club?” Jamie asks, euphorically. “Don’t be a dick, we’ll be there waiting for you.”
“I might stop by.”
“And bring her with you, that’s an order.”
Her.
I hurry to find my phone among my things. I need to hear from her, to share this moment but when I find it, there’s a message from Ryan that puts a stopper on my enthusiasm.
“Get home, it’s urgent.”
I park the bike and jump off it as I search nervously for my keys in my pocket, but as soon as I get to the door, Nick opens it.
“What the hell happened?” I yell, passing him and making my way into the house. I go straight into the living room and her laughter blocks the breath in my chest.
Riley is sitting on my parents’ sofa between my dad and Ryan.
And she’s laughing.
It’s not a smirk or a grin. It’s not a smile. She’s laughing. Seriously.
And I shake.
My legs, my arms and my hands. My whole body is shaking.
My heart is shaking.
I stand at the entrance of the living room, observing the scene with my heart beating out of control and the feeling that, for the first time in my life, I might be in the place where I belong.
Riley lifts her gaze and meets my eyes. The heat that flashes through me the moment her eyes smile at me makes me understand in an instant that I’m hopelessly in love with her, and can’t do without her.
“Relax, arsehole,” Nick whispers in my ear.
“How…?”
“You know what Mum’s like,” he says, shrugging, and goes over to join them on the sofa.
“Honey, you’re home!” I turn to my mother, who is smiling enthusiastically at me. “How come you’ve kept her hidden from us?” she says nodding towards Riley.
“I didn’t—”
“Oh, it’s fine. Luckily your brothers are still good for something,” she says sarcastically, before turning serious again. “It was about time, Ian. I was getting worried it might never happen!” She touches my beard. “Don’t let anyone else manipulate your emotions. Leave them free to breathe and you’ll see that they bring you wonderful things, like this one here,” she says, pointing to Riley.
I nod because I can’t say anything, as she gives me a kiss before joining the others.
Riley stands up and comes towards me. She bites her lip.
I swear I’m going to rip it off this time.
“Hi,” she says shyly. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m here, but your brothers are a little insane, you know? They’ve practically kidnapped me. I’m not sure it’s entirely legal.”
My God.
Riley’s joking around?
I grab her arm and pull her across the living room towards the front door.
“Okay, now you’re scaring me too. You’re not bipolar or something, are you?”
I can barely keep my emotions at bay; they’re trying to suffocate me. I take her face in my hands and draw her to my mouth.
“This. This is your place. Please, don’t leave.”
She looks at me in wonder and surprise.
“Not unless you ask me to,” she whispers before I can pull her lips towards mine again.
I don’t touch them. I don’t suck them. I don’t kiss them.
I love them.
She puts her hands in my hair and I moan into her mouth, pressing my body against hers in the living room.
She doesn’t let herself be kissed by me.
She lets herself be loved.
“Er…guys?” Ryan tries to interrupt us, but we don’t draw apart.
We can’t.
“I just wanted to say…For Christ’s sake, Ian, you could have at least waited to get out the front door!”
We don’t listen to him. We’re not there.
Because now I am hers.
And she is me.
55
Riley
When we sit at the table, I start to feel uncomfortable. I let myself be dragged here by Ian’s brothers, who practically shoved me in a car and brought me here. I wasn’t sure if Ian would appreciate the whole idea – it seemed like such an invasion of his life – but from how he kissed me before and how he’s looking at me now, sitting opposite me, I don’t think he minds.
Ryan and Nick are impossible. Everything they say is inappropriate. They’re constantly goading one another, winding themselves up. They shoot each other dirty looks and never close their mouths, which I guess helps avoid any awkward silences at the table.
Ian’s mother is sitting next to me. She filled my plate to the brim. Meatballs, roast potatoes, broccoli and corn on the cob. There are also Yorkshire puddings on the table, a salad and some salami.
I look desperately at my plate, trying my best but I’m not used to eating this much or being with this many people at dinner. The idea of hiding myself somewhere and making myself invisible starts to take root in my mind. I feel my body starting to get smaller and my hands begin to shake, ready to drop my silverware when a strong, reassuring hand comes down on mine.
“Don’t worry, Riley. Karen’s used to boys, you know. She always goes a bit over-the-top. Just do what I do, one bite of everything and she’ll leave you alone.”
Ian’s dad is disarmingly sweet. A true gentleman, a father who keeps everyone under his protective wing, someone who oozes warmth and safety.
I nod, feeling a sadness growing within me: I don’t know what it means to have a father figure like this.
“So,” Nick says, raising his voice. “What do you do, Riley?”
“Nick,” his father chides.
“What? Can’t I make a bit of conversation? Get to know Ian’s girlfriend?”
At the word girlfriend, my cheeks break out in flames.
Someone must have kicked him under the table because I see Nick jump before cursing.
“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to,” his father says in my ear, and I’m not sure why, but his tone is so respectful and calming that it melts my reservations.
“I work at the Gate Theatre.”
“In town?” asks his mother. “The one on Parnell Street?”
“Exactly.”
“I was there once with a friend. What a fabulous place.”
“Yeah, it really is,” I say with pride, feeling comfortable once again. I can talk about my work without getting nervous.
“And what do you do there?” Ryan asks.
And eventually, between forkfuls of food and good conversation, the time goes by pleasantly and I’m able to clear off almost half my plate.
By the time dessert and coffee comes around, I stand up to help clear the table as Ian and his brothers start talking animatedly about the game. To be more accurate, Nick and Ryan don’t exactly speak to one another. It’s Ian acting as the mediator and the whole thing perplexes me a bit. I’m guessing the other two can’t have a great relationship.
I set the plates down on the counter in the kitchen and stop to admire the pictures on the fridge. Ian’s mum joins me.
“They used to be cute once,” she says, sighing. “Look at them now, insolent pigs looking for a fight.”
I smile, looking at her.
“This is little Ryan,” she says pointing at one of the pictures. “This is Nick. He’s always been a hothead.”
“What about Ian?” I ask, looking at the other pictures which seem to be the same two children I’ve already seen. “No baby pictures of him?”
“Oh honey,” she says, squeezing a hand over her chest. “Ian came to us a long time after these pictures were taken.”
I look at her, not understanding, and by my expression she realises that she’s said too much.
“You didn’t know.”
It’s not a question.
How can he ask me not to leave if he hasn’t even let me in?
56
Ian
When we close the door behind us and walk down the path, I can feel that Riley is no longer with me. Something has changed her mood. I lean against my motorbike, take her hand and pull her to me.
“What is it?”
“Mmm?”
“You’re acting strange. Distant. Did something happen in there?” I move my head in the direction of the house.
“No, I had a good time.”
“Did they embarrass you? Were you feeling uncomfortable?”
“No, Ian. Your family are great,” she says, not looking me in the eyes.
I take her chin in my fingers and she raises her eyes to mine.
“It’s just so hard.”
“What?”
“To understand why some people are like the ones in your family and others…”
I don’t let her finish. I take her in my arms and hold her tightly. She rests her head on my chest and lets herself be help.
“Everything’s fine,” she whispers. “I’m just a little sad, it’ll go away.”
“It doesn’t have to go away,” I tell her as she lifts her head to look at me. “I want you to be yourself. You can be sad when you feel it, happy when you feel it. I want you to tell me everything and trust me.”
At my last words I feel her stiffen.
“Is that the problem? You don’t trust me?”
“Can I?” she asks and I’m not sure I understand where this is coming from. “Can I really trust you?”
My head is telling me to tell her everything now, before it’s too late. Before she hates me and really can’t trust me anymore. But my heart…my heart is scared shitless.
“I’d really like you to,” I tell her, resting my forehead against hers. “I really would.”
Riley sighs against my lips.
“Promise me that you won’t ever lie to me. That you’ll be honest with me and you’ll tell me what you’re feeling even if it hurts me.”
“Do you really want that?”
She nods.
“I want to take you to mine.”
“N-now?” she mutters.
“Right now. I need to have you, Riley. I need to know that you’re mine.”
“Weren’t we supposed to be taking things slowly?”
“I’m willing to wait, to respect your timings. I am, I mean it. But today after seeing you in the stands cheering for me, and then seeing you in that house…”
“You’re pulling out all of your charm to get me into bed?” she smiles maliciously.
“Say yes.”
She lets her hands run through my hair and whispers into my lips: “Take me home with you”.
I open the garage door and park my bike. Riley follows, and waits in the middle of the living room as I close the door. The silence plunges down on us. Silence that means waiting, anxiety and desire.
I approach her and slip her coat off her shoulders. I toss it onto the sofa and brush her hair out of the way, uncovering her neck. I kiss it, and feel her shiver. I pull her to me from behind. My hands slide under her jumper. I caress her hips and then rise up to her breasts. Riley rests her head backwards on to my shoulder and abandons herself to my touch.
I’m scared. Seriously. I’m afraid to have her now, afraid that she really is mine and that I might not be able to hang on to her. That she could wake up tomorrow and tell me it was all a big mistake. That she could leave me during the night and I’d wake to find myself alone in a bed of pain.
“Riley,” I whisper in her ear before taking her earlobe in my teeth. “I want to be everything. I want you to not be able to breathe when I’m not around. I want you to be unable to even imagine a better place than here in my arms. I want to be the centre of your fucking world and if you don’t plan on sticking around, then tell me now before it’s too late.”
I hold her breasts tighter and she moans loudly, making my erection even harder. I play with her nipples through the fabric of her bra and my underpants are about to explode.
“Ian?”
“What?”
“Everything,” she pants. “I want to feel everything.”
I can’t hold back one more second.
I pull my hands back and grab her by the shoulders, spinning her around. I lift her up as she wraps her legs around my waist, squeezing them and I push her up against the wall.
I kiss her.
I breathe her in. I breathe her panting and all of her desire; I breathe her lips and her tongue, that plays sensually with mine. I breathe her in, her body that is burning up under my hands as I run my hands under her jumper again, looking for her breasts.
I torment them, squeeze them, I want them.
I want her. Right now.
I pull away from the wall and take a few steps towards the counter where I sit her down. The memory of our first night together pounds painfully in my head, but the desire to have her again is stronger and more devastating.
I don’t stop. I don’t waste one more second.
I leave her mouth just to pull off her jumper and she frantically takes off my jacket. I grab my shirt and pull it off, throwing it to the floor.
Riley sighs, her eyes full of desire. She bites her lower lip on seeing my bare chest.
Shit. I’m going to devour it.
I take it between my teeth and then suck on it anxiously, searching for the clasp to her bra. I let it slide down and toss it over my shoulder, before leaving her lips and throwing myself onto her chest, hungrily. She arches her back and
puts her hands in my hair as I torment one of her nipples and press my hard erection against her legs.
Riley’s moaning pushes me over the edge.
My hands run down her abdomen and when they arrive at her waist, I undo the button on her jeans, half crazed as she takes off her own shoes. She lifts her buttocks so I can pull the jeans off of her completely.
Seeing her in her wet panties, my need to lose myself in her takes control.
I touch her and she grabs onto my shoulder.
“I want to feel you,” I whisper in her ear. I slide her panties to the side and slide a finger into her.
She stifles another tormented noise.
Her heat surrounds me, making me want more –much more.
“I want to taste you,” I tell her, and I feel her body tingling.
I push her back on the counter so that she’s propping herself up on her elbows. I look into her eyes and I can see a shadow of embarrassment tinging her desire to live in the moment.
“It’s just you and me,” I tell her, touching her skin with my lips. I give her little kisses all the way down until I get to her panties. I gently remove them and toss them to the floor. I caress her legs and rest them on my shoulders.
I can feel her eyes on me the moment my tongue touches her inner thigh.
“I just want to have you. All of you. I want to feel it all.” I exhale against her pussy as my dick pulses between my legs.
I kiss her, slowly feeling her tingle at my touch; I slip my tongue inside her and she arches her back.
“Ian,” my name comes out as a suffering sound and she instinctively tenses her legs.
I raise my eyes and let them do the talking for me. They tell her how much I want her right now, and how impatient I am to give her everything a woman like her deserves. To be the first and only man to make her understand what it means to be loved more than anything else.
And a moment later her taste is in my mouth. My tongue slides over her and I moan into her as her body quivers with desire. My hand runs over her abdomen, inviting her to lay back and just give herself to me completely. I push her legs forward and lift them. She is open before me and her taste is everywhere.
