by A. S. Kelly
Ian nods without replying to me and his mood changes a bit.
“O’Connor!”
We all turn around.
“Jesus, mate. It was about time! I was starting to lose hope.”
“Fuck off, Jamie.”
“Hey! Not in front of my sister.”
Jamie comes over to me, takes me in his arms and lifts me up.
“I’m happy to see you here, even if it took Ian O’Connor to convince you.”
“Don’t be jealous,” I tell him as he sets me down.
“I’m not. Okay, maybe I am a bit. Just promise that when you come to the next match you’ll look at me too.”
“Maybe…”
Jamie exhales deeply before leaning over and whispering in my ear. “You okay?”
I nod.
“Stay calm, it’s just one night. And as long as you stay with Ian, everything’ll be fine. Alright? Enjoy this moment.” He pulls away from me and takes my hands. “You really can’t imagine how amazing it is for me to finally see you here.”
I feel the emotion closing my throat but try to keep it cool.
“I’m about to make a comeback,” Jamie says. “The doctor gave me the green light.”
“Oh Jamie, that’s fantastic!” I hug him tightly.
“I couldn’t stand sitting on the bench any more without kicking their arses.”
“Cut it out, okay?” Ian interrupts.
Jamie smiles again, truly happy.
“Come on, let’s go,” he says to Ian. It’s time for the group photo. I’ll have him back to you in just a few minutes, Riley.”
“No problem, Ian, I’ll take care of her,” Nick puts a hand on my back, inviting me to follow him.
“I’d rather she went with Ryan,” Ian says, glaring at him, coldly.
“Don’t be an idiot, Ian.”
“I’m not. How about you?”
They look at each other a few seconds before Ryan grabs my hand. “Come on Riley, let’s go find a seat.”
I follow him as Ian nods in the direction of a round table with ten people at it. Ryan pulls out the chair for me and helps me to sit down. I look at the table and pick up the little notecard resting next to my glass.
Riley Murray.
It’s my name. I smile spontaneously.
Ryan leans in to my ear. “They’re going to announce the teams soon.”
“W-what?”
“The official draft.”
“I don’t get it.”
“The national team, Riley. Ian got called up to represent Six Nations.”
I sit there with my mouth gaping open, completely incredulous as Ryan grins at me.
“Didn’t he tell you?”
I shake my head.
“He’s an O’Connor,” he says, sipping at the champagne that has just been served. Then he looks at me seriously. “Don’t hurt him, Riley. Okay? Just…don’t do it.”
I open my mouth to reply but someone grabs a microphone, setting the evening off and announcing one by one the names of the players on the team. I sit there with my eyes on the stage waiting to make eye contact with him. I’m short of breath and straining my eyes.
When he sets foot on stage, he looks out towards the banquet hall and I feel a sense of pride together with something else. Something that maybe shouldn’t be there, but is.
Ian stands proudly in his perfectly-fitted tuxedo with a look in his eye, a sexy smile firmly planted on his face that’s enough to make my legs quiver.
And when his eyes find mine, burning me with their warmth, I understand that for the first time in my life I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
60
Ian
When I go to sit down after the official presentation, the group photos, and going through a receiving line shaking hands and patting backs, I find Riley talking animatedly with Ryan.
I stop for a minute to watch them, and hope it might be the first step for him to stop hating the world, for him to maybe start trusting people again – especially the female half of the population.
Riley notices me standing over Ryan’s shoulder, so I join them taking my place next to her on the opposite side.
“Everything okay?” I ask her, touching her hand.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrug. “It wasn’t such a big deal.”
“What? You’re kidding!”
I take a sip of champagne.
“Ian, it’s amazing,” she says, touching my arm. “I’m so proud of you.”
And I don’t know why, but after hearing it from her lips, I start to feel the same way.
The night is long, full of good food, alcohol, conversation and some frustration, seeing as I now have Nick sitting next to me and Ryan three seats down.
They’ve barely exchanged two words all night, and when they did it was to threaten one another. It’s giving me a headache. I wonder if they’ll ever give it a rest.
“So, you’re the oldest,” Riley says to Nick curiously. “Do you play, too?”
“He used to play,” Ryan interrupts, chugging the rest of his drink.
“Doesn’t seem like you’re in a better position than I am.”
“It’s better to be on the bench than not to play at all.”
“Look, I’m still on the team.”
“Sure Nick, let’s go with that.”
Nick gets to his feet, but I gesture for him to stay calm. He sighs and sits back down, throwing back another glass of wine.
My bow tie is starting to choke me, so much that I want to just take it off altogether – along with this bloody tux – because I’ve had just about enough of this dinner, my brothers, people hounding me and not being able to get my hands under Riley’s dress.
The background music starts up, inviting people to dance, taking advantage of a pause between courses. Riley places a hand on mine, waiting for me to lead her to the floor.
“You know I don’t dance.”
In her eyes I see the reflection of the night we met and my stomach starts burning.
“I’ll dance with you, Riley,” Nick interrupts.
“Don’t even think about it.”
“I just asked her to dance, Ian,” Nick replies seriously. “I’m not what you think I am. I’m much more than that.”
Feeling guilty for how I attacked him, I nod as he stands up and offers Riley his hand.
“May I?”
She accepts and stands up, confused by our conversation, and follows him onto the floor. I keep an eye on them to make sure that Nick keeps his hands to himself or I swear I’m going to kill him with my own.
“Are you sure about this?” Ryan asks over my shoulder.
“I think it’s time to trust him a bit, don’t you?”
“Are you serious?”
“Nick made a mistake.”
“A mistake…”
“People screw up, Ryan. But life goes on and we hope to be forgiven.”
“Are you still talking about me and Nick?”
I don’t answer him.
“You’re going to lose her.”
I sigh in resignation. “I know.”
Ryan decides not to push it any further and I decide to let go of the weight I’m carrying for a second and to concentrate only on what’s happening on the dance floor.
Nick takes Riley in his arms and I squeeze my glass tightly in my hands.
Nick puts his hand on her bare back and I feel something dangerous bubbling up in me.
Nick spins her and makes her laugh.
“You’re an idiot,” Ryan says to my shoulders. “What the fuck are you still doing here? You don’t want to make the same mistake twice.”
Fuck, no.
I storm over to the dance floor. Riley freezes when she sees me, while the music keeps going. Nick realises something’s wrong and turns around.
“Listen, I was just—”
“It’s not about you. It’s about me.”
Nick gives me a crooked smile and bows to h
er bending his arm at his waist and giving me her hand.
I take it and pull her in to me, as she slams up against my chest.
“I thought you didn’t dance,” she smiles cheekily, running her hands slowly down my chest.
“I let you go once before. I’m not going to make the same mistake.”
She sighs onto my lips.
“Well, at this point I could say you’ve repaid me your debt.”
“I’ll always be in debt to you.”
I don’t believe that an entire lifetime would be enough for her to forgive me, for me to pay her back and give her what she deserves.
I caress her bare back. “Have I already told you that I don’t like this dress?”
She looks at me with one eyebrow raised.
“Nope. In fact, I think I’m going to take it off as soon as we get home.”
“Home?”
“Do you think I’m letting you go anywhere? Do you think I’d be able to drop you off at your apartment with a goodnight kiss and then go home alone with my dick as hard as marble and a head full of perverse fantasies?”
She stifles a laugh.
“I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. As soon as this song ends, I’m going to take you away from here. I’m going to take this outfit off of you with my teeth and then I’m going to do the same thing with your underwear. I’m going to lay you down in the middle of my bed and I’m going to get between your legs and taste you again.”
I rub her back and touch her earlobe as she quivers under my fingers.
“And then I’m going to have you sit on top of me and you’ll feel very clearly how much I want you. Until you’ve had enough of me.”
She bites her lip.
Jesus Christ.
“And what if I haven’t had enough of you?” she smiles devilishly.
“I was really hoping you wouldn’t.”
The song ends and I do exactly what I told her I would. I take her away from there immediately. I don’t say goodbye to anyone. We get in the car and head home. I don’t let her set her foot down. My mouth is already on her. I take off her outfit with my teeth, and then her bra and panties and I lay her down on my bed. I kiss her, I bite her, I lick her as she pulls my hair begging me for more.
She yells.
Jesus Christ, does she yell.
And then she yells again, as she sits on me and takes what she wants. And then she yells again, when I turn the situation around and I suffocate her with my body. And she keeps yelling in my head when she falls asleep on top of me. Her hair on my chest, our legs entwined and our hearts inside one another’s.
61
Riley
“There’s someone here for you.”
Ray pops his head into the store cupboard while I’m trying to drag out some Christmas decorations.
“For me?” I ask, a big box in my hands.
“She’s waiting for you in your office,” he says mysteriously before disappearing.
I bring the box with me – it had to go to the entrance anyway. It’s almost Christmas, and even though we’ll be closed for a few days, the theatre should be decorated properly. I’m not crazy about Christmas, I don’t have any amazing memories, but people like a holiday atmosphere and I do what I can to keep the place up to expectations.
“Karen?” I look at her in confusion. “What are you doing here?”
“I was in town and thought I’d stop by and say hi.”
“Good, I’m glad.” I set the box on the desk and brush my hands on my jeans. She hugs me affectionately, then lets go.
“Have a seat,” I say, pointing to a chair. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Oh no, thanks, I’m just passing by...”
I sit down across from her.
“I love this place,” she says, looking around.
“I do too.”
“It seems like just the place for you.”
I smile. “Thank you.”
“Do you like what you do?”
“Very much,” I light up. “Sometimes I still can’t believe I work here. I got lucky.”
“I’m sure you deserve it, dear, and even more,”
“That’s kind of you to say.”
“I know what I feel and what I hear. My Ian never would have set eyes on you if it weren’t like that.”
Her words are embarrassing, but at the same time leave me inexplicably happy.
“To be honest with you, I also stopped by to ask you something.”
“Sure thing, what is it?”
“What are you doing for Christmas?”
Her question catches me off guard.
“Er, I really…”
“Will you be spending it with your family?” she asks cautiously.
I take a deep breath. “We’re alone, it’s just me and my brother.”
Compassion shadows her face.
“I’m fine, Karen,” I reassure her. “It happened a long time ago.”
“I’m sorry, dear.”
“It’s in the past.”
“The past never stays in the past. It’s part of us and follows us right until the end.”
I lower my eyes.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You haven’t.”
“So…?”
“I don’t know, Karen. Thank you for the kind offer, but I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do.”
“I’d be really happy to have you with us - and I know Ian would be even happier.” She smiles, knowing she’s said the right thing.
“I’ll think about it.”
“You can bring your brother.”
“He’s not crazy about Christmas. He prefers to just let it go by, unacknowledged.”
“Oh, poor guy.”
“We’ve been doing it that way for years.”
“I understand, but I’d like you to try something different this year. I’d like you to spend it with the family. With us.”
I barely hold back the tears as Karen squeezes my hand tightly.
“I’d better get going.”
“Did you come to town by yourself?”
“Yes, I took the bus in. Nick’s at home with his father so it’s nice to get out. It’s best not to leave him alone. We never know how his days are going to turn out.”
I look at her wrinkling my forehead.
“Well, I’m off – hope to see you at Christmas then.”
I walk her towards the exit. I hug her and then open the door and let her out. I go back to my office, confused by our conversation and with the growing sensation that I hardly know anything about Ian.
This situation is making me very uncomfortable.
“So, will you come?” Ian asks me later, as we’re sitting on my bed.
He came over after training with two shopping bags full of stuff to eat. He cooked for me. Chicken tenders with mushrooms and baked potatoes. And then he brought two slices of lemon cheesecake. I limited myself to preparing the coffee which we’re sipping now, leant against the pillows.
“Would you like me to?” I ask, looking up at him.
“Are you seriously asking me that?”
“I don’t want it to seem like too much.”
“Don’t talk crap.”
“It’s your family, Ian. I have nothing to do with them.”
His jaw tightens.
“You do have something to do with them, Riley, always.”
“Jamie prefers not to celebrate, anyway. I think he’s going to meet up with a few other players who aren’t going home for Christmas.”
“You can’t be alone.”
“I like your family, it’s just that…”
“Come with me, Riley. I want you there.”
I sigh.
“Two days with the O’Connors. We could even stay there and sleep in my old bedroom,” he whispers suggestively in my ear.
“We can’t do it in your parents’ house, Ian.”
“Oh yes we can. Of course we can.”
Oh yes, we can.
Of course we can.
62
Ian
“You’re all wound up.”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Riley…”
“Okay, maybe a bit.”
“But you’ve already been here.”
“I know, it’s stupid of me, but Christmas always puts me in a bad mood.”
I squeeze her hand and kiss her forehead.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
She rests her head on my chest and I inhale deeply through her hair. “It’ll go well, you’ll see.”
The door opens behind us.
“You’re here,” Ryan greets us.
From the look on his face, I can tell he must be in a really bad mood. I break away from her and go inside. Ryan grabs my arm at the door.
“It’s not a good day today.”
I nod, clenching my jaw, and go in the house, taking off my jacket and helping Riley with her coat. We head to the kitchen where my mum is fiddling with the oven.
“Hey guys, it’s great to see you,” she says, hugging Riley. “Both of you.”
“Where’s Dad?” I ask right away, worried about what Ryan said.
Mum looks at me with sad eyes that make me want to put my fist through a wall.
“He’s in the living room.”
I leave Riley to chat with my mum and go through to the living room. Dad is sitting in an armchair, reading the sports pages of the newspaper. When he notices me, he lifts his eyes in confusion. I sit in front of him in silence, waiting to see what kind of turn today’s going to take. He goes back to looking at the newspaper and after a few seconds says: “Do you follow rugby?”
I clench my fists.
“Every now and again.”
“Leinster is doing well this year.”
“Yeah,” I say, smiling bitterly.
“Both in the Pro12 and in the Champions Cup. I think they’ve qualified for—”
“The quarter finals,” I say, helping him.
