GOODBYE to YESTERDAY

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  It was bad enough that Alex’s dad was the way he was, let alone having had a mom who hadn’t stuck around to look out for him and his brother. If there was a God, which he seriously doubted, why then didn’t He save Alex from this kind of life? What had he ever done to deserve all the misery he’d gone through?

  Alex shifted his position as more memories flooded his mind. Back then, he’d longed for a real family—one like most of the other kids at school had. He often wondered what it would be like to have parents who’d paid attention to him and got involved in what he was doing. It was true he had two parents, Fred and Dot Mitchell, but that’s where it ended. They’d held the status of being married, but really they were just two people who seemed to get some kind of enjoyment out of screaming, fighting, and making each other miserable. During the rare times when it seemed his folks might be getting along, they would often turn the tables and start yelling at Alex and Steve, ordering them around and constantly telling them what to do. To make matters worse, they seemed to get even more pleasure from reminding Alex that he never did anything right. Yes, they’d all lived under the same roof, but they were never a real family. When Alex’s mother left, any hope there might have been about them becoming a true family unit vanished, just like the shabby cat that had hightailed it up the alley a few minutes ago.

  Alex grimaced. School had never been fun for him, either. He remembered playing hooky each year on Parent/Teacher Day, when parents were invited to visit the classroom. Alex would leave the house as usual, making it look as if he were going to school, but halfway there, he would turn toward the woods and spend the day hidden among the trees until it was time to go home. No way was he going to invite his mom or dad into school and let them embarrass him in front of his peers. Neither was he going to sit in class being the only one who hadn’t invited his folks. It was easier to avoid the whole scene altogether.

  Alex avoided a lot back then, mostly to hide his bruises. He’d had one good friend for a short while, but that didn’t last because Rudy moved away. After that, Alex didn’t try to make friends. It was easier, because Alex trusted no one. Anyone he ever got close to left anyway, so what was the point? Even Alex’s one and only pet dog had run off.

  It wasn’t great before Mom left, but their household turned from bad to worse afterward, and soon his brother Steve started smoking marijuana. Not long after that, Alex tried it, too. By the time he was sixteen, he was doing more drugs and had dropped out of school. Then, tired of his dad’s abuse and in need of money for his addiction, he’d hightailed it out of there, landed a job, and never gone back. Alex’s obsession with marijuana wasn’t enough, however, and in no time, he was doing the hard stuff—cocaine, heroin, and meth.

  Doing and dealing drugs had been a part of Alex’s life for so many years, he didn’t know any other way to live. Now he was in over his head, just barely holding on. He’d stolen money from a couple of cocaine dealers, spent it on meth, and had no way to repay it. So the dealers were after him, and if he didn’t escape, when they caught him they’d make sure he was dead.

  Alex’s life was in a downhill spiral; he was in a hole he couldn’t crawl out of. What he needed was a break, a chance for freedom, an opportunity to start over in some other place. He doubted, though, that the chance would ever come. And if it did, what kind of a life would he choose?

  As a child, loneliness, heartache, and pain had been all Alex knew. Now as an adult, anger replaced the longings of a little boy. He was suspicious of everybody and trusted no one. He doubted anyone would trust him, either, especially the way he looked. Just like his soiled clothes, he felt dirty. And with the fury behind his eyes and multiple scars and needle marks on his arms, he would make anyone uneasy.

  Alex slowly shook his head. I have no one left. He had no idea where his brother Steve had ended up, either, or if he’d ever see him again. For all he knew, his older brothers and sisters could have disappeared off the face of the earth. Long ago, he’d given up any hope of having someone care about him. At this stage of the game, he’d probably spend the rest of his life alone and on the run—that is, if he lived long enough.

  CHAPTER 6

  Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania

  Meredith glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. It was half past six, and she wasn’t even hungry. It was hard to think about supper when her husband wasn’t here to share the meal with her. It was hard to think about anything other than wondering how Luke was doing on his journey so far. She figured he would be in Philadelphia around eight thirty and would be there until shortly after midnight. The bus would go to Pittsburgh for another transfer and wouldn’t arrive in South Bend, Indiana, until six thirty Wednesday evening. Oh, how she looked forward to Luke’s phone call, letting her know he’d arrived safely.

  Woof! Woof! Woof! Fritz’s frantic barking pulled Meredith’s thoughts aside.

  She glanced out the kitchen window and saw a horse and buggy coming up the lane. As the rig drew closer, she realized it belonged to her parents.

  Meredith hurried to the door and stepped onto the porch just as Dad pulled his horse and buggy up to the hitching rail.

  “Wie geht’s?” Mom called as she made her way through the snow and approached the house.

  “I’m fine but feeling kind of lonely,” Meredith admitted after Mom joined her on the porch. “Luke left for Indiana this afternoon, and I already miss him.”

  Mom gave Meredith a hug. “That’s why your daed and I stopped by—to see if you might come home with us tonight.”

  “I appreciate the offer,” Meredith said as they entered the house, “but I’ll be fine here by myself.” She pointed to the window, where Fritz was jumping at the kennel fencing while frantically barking. “Besides, I have the pup to keep me company.”

  Mom rolled her eyes. “Like Luke’s hund is going to offer you any companionship out there in his dog run.”

  “If I get lonely, I’ll bring him in. Fritz is used to being in the house in the evenings, anyhow. I believe that dog thinks he’s our protector, and frankly, I’m just fine with that, especially now that Luke is gone,” Meredith explained. “So how’s Laurie doing with those dolls she’s been making to sell at the farmers’ market?” Laurie was Meredith’s nineteen-year-old sister, and growing up, they had been close because they were only three years apart.

  “She’s doing okay, but the dolls don’t seem to be selling as well as they did when she first started making them. I guess it’s due to the struggling economy,” Mom said with a sigh.

  “Well, at least she’s keeping busy making the dolls,” Meredith said.

  “That’s true, but she spends a lot of her free time on them, and I worry that she’s missing out on what should be the carefree days of her youth.”

  “It’s good that Laurie’s doing something she likes, and I’m sure she wouldn’t do it if she didn’t really enjoy the work.” Meredith smiled. “So how would you and Dad like to join me for supper? I have some leftover soup in the refrigerator, and I’ll make ham and cheese sandwiches to go with it.”

  “It’s nice of you to invite us,” Mom said, removing her shawl and black outer bonnet, “but Laurie and Kendra are cooking supper tonight, and it should be ready by the time we get home.” She gave Meredith’s arm a gentle squeeze. “We’d hoped you’d be coming home with us and would stay there until Luke gets home.”

  “I can’t do that, Mom. I have things to do here. The horses need tending, and so does Fritz.” Meredith sighed deeply. Why is she bringing this up again? Doesn’t she think I’m capable of staying alone?

  “Your brother can come over to feed and water the horses, and if you like, Fritz can come over to our place with you. The kinner have become attached to him since you and Luke got married—especially the younger ones.” Mom smiled. “And if I know Laurie and Kendra, they’ll probably fix the dog some special treats. Ole Fritzy boy will be one spoiled pooch if you stay at our house.”

  “I’m sure that whatever my sisters fixed woul
d be good,” Meredith said, “but Fritz and I are going to stay here while Luke is gone. I want to be available when he calls and leaves a message letting me know he got to his uncle’s safely.”

  Just then, Dad entered the room. “Are you comin’ home with us?” he asked, looking at Meredith.

  She shook her head. “I appreciate the offer, but I’d prefer to stay here.”

  Dad looked over at Mom and said, “This daughter of ours is an eegesinnisch one, jah?”

  Mom nudged his arm. “And where do you think she gets that stubborn streak from?”

  Dad chuckled. Then he turned back to Meredith and said, “We accept your decision to stay home alone, but if you need anything, don’t be afraid to ask.”

  “I appreciate that.” Meredith gave her parents a hug. “Danki for stopping by. I was glad for the visit.”

  “It wasn’t much of a visit. Least not for me,” Dad said with a wink.

  Meredith smiled. For a man of fifty-four years, her dad was in tip-top health. His arms were still muscular from all the farmwork he’d done over the years, and Meredith found comfort in his warm embrace. Just like when she was little, Meredith felt safe whenever Dad was around.

  “Now don’t you forget,” Mom said, slipping her black bonnet back on her head, “just let us know if you need anything.”

  Meredith smiled. “I will.”

  Once her parents had gone, the house was quiet again, so Meredith busied herself and turned the propane stove on low to slowly heat up the soup. While that was getting warm, she decided to go upstairs and take a quick look at the spare room to see what might need to be done in preparation for a baby.

  Leaning against the doorway, Meredith looked around. It was a nice-sized room, with a smaller closet than hers and Luke’s, but there was plenty of room for baby furniture. In just six short months, this could actually be our baby’s room, she thought, smiling.

  Meredith’s lips compressed. As eager as she was to paint this room, she didn’t want to go against Luke’s wishes, so if she was pregnant, the painting could wait to be done until after he got home. She was sure he’d have no objections once the news was shared with him as to why she was so eager to paint.

  “I guess the first thing I need to do is go through all these boxes and take some things up to the attic,” Meredith said, thinking out loud. “That way, I’ll have more room in here and can plan what we’ll need for the baby and where to put everything.”

  Continuing to look around, she could almost visualize the crib along one wall and the baby’s dresser and a few other things on the other wall. Unless she found another rocking chair at an auction or sale, Meredith would use the one in the living room and maybe ask Luke to bring it up to the baby’s room once the time drew closer for her to deliver. One thing was for sure: the rocker would go right by the window.

  Meredith closed her eyes and could almost feel their tiny baby nestled in her arms and sleeping quietly as she rocked the precious bundle. Placing one hand over her stomach, she wondered if she might be carrying a boy or a girl. That would be the joy Luke and she would share when the baby was born. Meredith knew it was possible to find out before the baby came, whether it was a girl or a boy, but she wanted to be surprised and knew that Luke would most likely agree. As she was sure all parents felt, she didn’t mind what it was as long as the baby was healthy. It seemed good to have a plan, and once she had confirmation from the midwife that she was expecting a baby, Meredith would start clearing out this room.

  Back downstairs, Meredith hummed while she stirred the soup, enjoying the aroma of sweet corn and chicken broth. Meredith was getting hungry, and the hot soup would taste good.

  With the motion of the bus, Luke’s eyes were getting heavier, and his head bobbed each time he caught himself nodding off. If he kept this up, he’d have a stiff neck by the time he got to the City of Brotherly Love. He was already missing Meredith and thinking she had probably finished supper by now.

  I wonder what she made tonight, he thought. Just thinking about a home-cooked meal caused his mouth to water. The bus would be arriving in Philadelphia soon, and when it did, Luke planned to get something to eat.

  Probably should have let Meredith fix me those sandwiches to bring along, he thought with regret. Guess I oughta listen to her more often. One of those delicious ham and cheese sandwiches would sure stop my stomach from rumbling right now.

  Luke’s thoughts were halted when the elderly man across from him began to snore. He sounded like an old bear growling. The fellow’s snoring was louder than Luke’s stomach rumbling. Even some of the other passengers on the bus turned toward the man and snickered.

  Guess I can’t fault him for that. According to Meredith, I snore, too. Luke smiled just thinking about it. Course, I don’t have to listen to myself. He tried not to laugh, but the old man’s nasal rumblings sounded so funny. By now, the snoring had gone up a notch, reminding Luke of a buzz saw. Surely, he thought, watching the man, my snoring can’t be as bad as that. If it is, then I’m sure Meredith would have teased me about it.

  Luke removed his black felt hat and placed it in his lap. Then he leaned his head against the back of the seat and closed his eyes. He figured he may as well get a little sleep while he could, and hopefully he wouldn’t snore. One snoring person on the bus was enough. Since the bus wasn’t full, he was able to stretch out into the empty space beside him.

  Luke couldn’t quit thinking about Meredith. By now, she probably had Fritz inside with her for the night. That gave him some measure of comfort. As the bus rolled toward Philly, the last thing Luke thought about before drifting off to sleep was a prayer for Meredith’s safety while he was gone.

  Meredith had just finished cleaning up the kitchen and was thinking about getting ready for bed when she remembered that she’d forgotten to bring Fritz inside. She hated to go out in the dark, frigid weather, but it wouldn’t be fair to let him stay out in the kennel all night, and she’d never be able to sleep, knowing he was out there in a cold doghouse, while she was warm and comfortable inside. Luke had put plenty of straw inside Fritz’s shelter, but it wasn’t like being in the house where it was warm and more comfortable. Meredith was mad at herself for not bringing Fritz in sooner, or even asking her dad to bring him in when he and Mom were here. But Meredith had so much on her mind, she’d forgotten all about the pup.

  Bundling up in one of Luke’s heavy jackets, Meredith grabbed a flashlight and went out the back door. As the cold air hit her cheeks, she breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of her husband from the coat that encompassed her. Meredith closed her eyes and could almost imagine Luke standing there holding her.

  The wind had begun to blow, and it was snowing again. Meredith was sorry she hadn’t thought to put on her boots. Her feet were soaking wet already and turning colder with each step she took. She shivered and made her way as quickly as possible to Fritz’s dog run.

  Woof! Woof! Fritz wagged his tail when Meredith approached the fence.

  “Are you ready to come into the house, pup?” Meredith asked, opening the gate.

  Woof! Fritz dashed out of the dog run, raced across the yard, leaped onto the porch, and started pawing at the back door.

  Meredith chuckled. “I know just how you feel.”

  After they got inside, she kicked off her shoes and put on a dry pair of socks. Neither she nor the dog wasted any time heading into the living room. Meredith stoked up the fire then went to her rocker and picked up the Bible on the small table beside her. Fritz curled up on the braided rug next to the fireplace.

  Opening her Bible to a place she had marked with a ribbon, Meredith read a verse of scripture she thought was especially meaningful and had underlined some time ago. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” Isaiah 26:3.

  Meredith smiled and felt herself relax. God’s Word always had a way of speaking to her just when she needed it the most. For the moment at least, she felt sure that, despite
all her worries, everything concerning her and Luke would turn out fine.

  CHAPTER 7

  Philadelphia

  Luke was glad to be off the bus for a while. He needed the chance to walk around and stretch his legs. He’d slept most of the way and had ended up with a kink in his neck, just like he’d figured he would.

  Luke felt the side of his head, amazed that there weren’t any bumps. He’d hit the window so many times from his head bobbing around, it was surprising that he’d even been able to get in a few winks.

  He pulled out his pocket watch to check the time. The bus he’d be transferring to in Philadelphia wouldn’t be leaving the station until 12:20 a.m., which meant he had plenty of time to get a bite to eat and buy a newspaper so he’d have something to read. Luke was always interested to see what was going on in the rest of the world and wanted to check for any articles on the weather to see if the storm had reached the areas where he’d be traveling.

  Before putting the watch back in his pocket, he clicked it shut, remembering what a great gift it was that Meredith had given him this past Christmas. How she’d ever found that particular pocket watch was amazing. Etched on the outer lid was a bird dog that looked just like Fritz. It was the perfect gift. Rubbing his thumb over the etching made his heart lurch. He was already homesick—for his wife, his dog, and even his horse. Luke felt like an outsider in this busy place and longed for the simple things of home.

  As Luke stood on the curb looking both ways, he spotted a diner near the bus depot. The place looked inviting, and with his stomach growling and the wonderful aromas coming from the diner, he was drawn in that direction. When he stepped into the restaurant, he found a stack of newspapers on a rack near the door. He took one, paid the cashier, and then found a seat in a booth near the window, with the bus depot still in view. He noticed a tear in the vinyl seat cover, and as he looked around, Luke noticed the café was a bit run down, but the place was clean and crowded. That could only mean one thing: the food must be good.