by Carys Jones
‘Want me to follow in my car?’
‘No.’
‘No?’ Shane repeated dubiously. Her response had been fired off a little too quickly for his liking.
‘I mean,’ Amanda lowered her cup back down and squared her shoulders in an effort to calm down. ‘It would be too suspicious. Too dangerous. I need him to believe that I’m just going there to, you know.’ She gave a brisk shrug.
‘To fuck him.’
‘Christ, Shane. Do you have to be so crude about it?’
‘I’m just telling it like it is, Amanda. How he’ll be seeing it. All the flowers, the pomp, the gesturing, it’s all just to get in your pants.’
‘He could actually just be an old-school romantic for all you know.’
‘Are we really having this conversation? Are you really defending him?’
‘No. Course not. I’m fully aware of the reason I’m supposedly going to his house. I just don’t need reminding about it.’ She looked at Shane, into his green eyes which regarded her a little too keenly. He was scared. His fear radiated off him. He wasn’t the calm, in control Shane that Amanda was used to seeing back home, back where he was a high-ranking officer, who was well regarded by locals. ‘You know you don’t have to look so scared all the time,’ Amanda reached out and playfully nudged his arm. ‘It’s all going to be fine.’
‘The problem is that I know exactly what you’re dealing with. I just don’t think you do.’
‘I’m fine. I’m on top of it all. I have a plan.’
‘A plan?’
With a satisfied grin Amanda spun her laptop around and let Shane look at the screen where she’d been exploring sleeping pills and how to turn them into strong sedatives by combining them with other medicines.
‘Your plan is to take a nice long nap?’ Shane cocked his head at her.
‘Not me. Him. While he sleeps I hack into his mainframe and then get my ass out of there. By the time he wakes up I’ll be long gone and the cops will already be on his doorstep, ready to take him in.’
‘So you’re essentially going to slip the guy a roofie?’
‘Exactly.’
‘And how do you intend to do that?’
‘By distracting him while I lace his drink with it.’
‘Distract him how?’ a hard edge crept into Shane’s voice.
‘That brings me to the second part of my plan,’ Amanda explained brightly. ‘Come on, let’s go.’
‘Go where?’
‘You’ll see.’
*
‘So I need a man’s opinion.’ Amanda nodded at the storefront that was filled with mannequins wearing sexy lingerie.
‘I really don’t know about this.’ Shane had one hand tangled up in his hair as he eyed the shop warily. ‘It’s just…’ he sighed and shoved both hands into his jeans pockets. ‘Shopping. And this kind of…stuff.’ He could barely maintain eye contact with the red balcony bra and French knicker set on display in front of him.
‘It’ll be fine,’ Amanda tugged on his arm and drew him inside the store. ‘Like I said, I need your opinion. I need an outfit that will be distracting.’
‘You’re distracting enough just as you are,’ Shane grumbled as he reluctantly followed her. ‘Just strip off completely, that’ll distract him.’
‘Strip off completely?’ Amanda turned around and saw Shane’s face reddening.
‘No. Shit,’ he squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. ‘Don’t do that. Keep some clothes on. I just meant—’
‘Good to see that shopping still makes you nervous,’ Amanda pulled him deeper into the store, towards the lingerie section. ‘Just don’t hyperventilate when we walk past all the vibrators,’ she teased.
Amanda didn’t own any sexy lingerie. When it came to her undergarments she tended to keep things pragmatic. She had a few pairs of black lace pants, some nice bras. But nothing that actually matched. She’d never felt the need to dress up in stockings and suspenders. With both Shane and Will things had quickly become too comfortable for that. Sex had been an extension of feelings; it was never all that… sexy. At least in terms of her wardrobe.
‘Oh, jeez.’ With her hands on her hips, Amanda admired the impressive array of lingerie on display. There were pants of varying colours, materials and size, from a skimpy thong to a fuller French knicker. There were bras that promised to give the kind of cleavage that a glamour model would envy and then there were bodices and brassieres which could pass as costumes for a burlesque dancer. Amanda had no idea what was deemed sexy. ‘I’m a bit out of my depth here.’ She pulled Shane, who as a distraction had been staring at his phone, to stand beside her and he grumbled as he slid it back into his pocket. ‘What works?’ she gestured at the wall of lingerie.
‘God, Amanda,’ he took a step back, as though one of the bras had reached out and scratched him. ‘You said you just wanted my opinion on what you picked out.’
‘Yes, but,’ she gestured helplessly at the wall.
‘Urgh,’ Shane groaned. ‘Fine.’ He steeled himself and scanned all the lace and silk items. ‘You want to keep it simple yet sexy. I’d go for a black and lace bodice, with full pants and suspenders.’ He clicked his fingers, ‘And stockings. You have to have stockings.’
‘Wow.’ Amanda began gathering together the items he’d suggested. ‘That was surprisingly… specific.’
‘Yeah, well, you asked.’
‘I know, but,’ Amanda was just about to select a pair of stockings. She figured a black pair would be best. ‘I mean when we were together, I never…’ she looked at the assortment of luxury underwear she was holding. ‘I didn’t dress up in this stuff.’
‘Yeah, I know. You kept it simple and that was hot.’
‘So when did you develop a keener appreciation for high-end lingerie?’
Shane sighed and bowed his head, suddenly really interested in his shoes.
‘Oh, right.’ Amanda’s cheeks started to burn. ‘Jayne. Right. Of course.’
‘Some women enjoy dressing up in this stuff,’ he replied defensively.
‘Some women?’ Amanda exclaimed as she strode towards the dressing rooms. ‘God, Shane, how many were there?’
‘You can’t have expected me to be a monk after we broke up,’ he said hotly as he followed after her. ‘I mean, you went and got bloody married.’
Amanda stopped and turned back to look at him, her pile of red and black lace lingerie squashed against her chest. ‘I’m sorry I said anything. Of course I didn’t expect you to be a monk. I’m just,’ she fingered the extravagant fabric of the bodice, ‘I’m scared. This,’ she hugged her bundle tighter, ‘none of this is me.’
‘Just say the word and we go back home right now and figure something else out.’ Shane placed his hands on her shoulders, protectively shielding her not just from the store but from the rest of the world.
‘I have to do this. For Ewan.’ She swallowed against the lump in her throat. ‘For Will.’
‘I understand.’
‘But can I even do this?’ Amanda looked sadly at her gathered garments. ‘I struggle to be sexy.’
‘You really don’t.’
‘Please,’ she scoffed as she pulled away from him and continued towards the changing rooms. ‘I’ve never even worn suspenders before. I’m possibly the least sexy person in the world.’
‘You’re really not.’
Amanda felt Shane’s eyes on her right until she closed the curtain and disappeared into the dressing rooms.
*
‘So are you going to try them on for me?’ Shane teased, kicking at the black and pink stripe bag from where he lay sprawled out on the hotel bed watching television.
‘Nope,’ Amanda replied primly where she sat at her laptop. There was another bag beside the one full of lingerie from the local chemist, filled with sleeping tablets and allergy medicine. She just had to work out a safe combination of the two that would create a strong sedative.
‘But what if it doesn’t look rig
ht?’ Shane pressed.
‘It looks fine.’
‘There might be a button missing at the back that you didn’t spot.’
‘There are no buttons.’
‘You really don’t want me to see you in it? After you dragged me into that bloody shop.’
‘I’m just embarrassed, okay?’ Amanda looked away from her laptop, satisfied that she’d figured out how to create a sedative. The next part of her plan was using the right coding to access the hidden parts of McAllister’s mainframe. She had two USB sticks out on the desk, small and discreet enough to fit in the garter she’d bought. She’d use them to house all the data she pulled from McAllister’s computer. Once she found it. Once he was asleep. She needed an awful lot of things to come together for her plan to go without a hitch. Because things had to go without a hitch. She was too terrified to contemplate an alternative outcome of events.
‘If you’re embarrassed in front of me what about in front of him?’
‘Huh?’
Amanda was distracted by an incoming message from Turtle82.
A simple encryption code will do the trick. You want bank a/c numbers, listing of transactions.
T.
Amanda could create an encryption code in her sleep. She closed the laptop and gave Shane her complete attention.
‘Maybe you should think about getting comfortable in the lingerie,’ he suggested delicately. ‘Because when you wear it for him you want him to believe that you’re… up for it.’
‘You’re right.’ Amanda sighed and stood up, grabbing the striped bag as she headed for the bathroom.
Wearing the lingerie felt strange. The bodice was like a vice around her ribs and it pushed her boobs up so much that they almost met her chin. After she’d carefully pulled up the stockings and attached them to the suspenders she returned to Shane feeling painfully self-conscious. Her entire body itched with the desire to pull on a towelling robe and just hide away.
Shane looked away from the television, his eyes instantly glued to her the second she walked in.
‘Does it look all right?’ Biting her lip, she looked down at her legs, at the garter she’d pulled up her thigh. She hoped it’d be sufficient for housing her USBs.
Shane said nothing. He just stared.
‘Oh, God, it looks awful, doesn’t it? I’m not going to be able to pull this off. I just don’t have it in me to be this kind of weird double agent and pretend to like someone.’ Folding her arms across her chest, she started to double back towards the bathroom when Shane sprang from the bed and reached out for her. He carefully placed a hand against her waist as if he were afraid to touch her.
‘You look stunning. Truly, Amanda. I swear that you’ll distract him, no problem.’
‘You think so?’
‘I know so,’ he tentatively took a step towards her. ‘You look devastatingly sexy.’ He raised his hands to cradle her face in his palms. ‘But even without all the ribbons and lace what makes you beautiful, what makes you sexy, is you. You’re the strongest person I know, Amanda. And the bravest.’
‘Tell me I can do this.’
‘You can do this.’ Shane stepped forward so that their bodies were touching. Amanda was on fire. She remembered how it felt to have his lips pressed against hers, his hands exploring every inch of her. It had always been so natural, so comfortable. And just like riding a bike she’d never forgotten how to do it, how to fit their bodies together in perfect symmetry. The tip of Shane’s nose touched hers. ‘Don’t go.’
He said the plea so breathily that Amanda almost missed it. ‘What?’
‘Don’t… don’t go,’ he repeated, his words gaining strength.
‘Shane, I have to go,’ she stepped away from him.
‘I can’t,’ Shane’s hands became fists at his sides, ‘I can’t handle the thought of him seeing you like this. Hell, if he touches you I think I’m actually going to lose my mind.’
‘He won’t touch me,’ Amanda insisted. ‘He’ll be unconscious before he even realises what’s going on. I searched the darknet for the right recipe. The formula I’ve worked out is odourless and tasteless and will leave him sleeping like a baby for a good twelve hours.’
‘But what if he does touch you? Because, believe me, once he sees you looking like that it’s all he’ll be able to think about.’ Pushing his hands through his hair, Shane stalked over to the window, his body tense.
‘I’ll text you when I’ve managed to get away and meet you at the rendezvous point we picked out in the woods. Remember the one, just beyond the main road?’ Amanda continued pragmatically, keen to keep their focus on the plan.
‘Don’t. Go.’ Shane pressed his palms against the window and dropped his forehead against the glass as he gazed down at the city.
Amanda came and stood beside him, gently placing her hand on his shoulder. Beneath them people surged along the street, caught up in their own dramas, oblivious about what was going on several storeys above their heads.
‘I do this one last thing and this is over.’
‘If he touches you I’ll kill him.’
‘Shane—’
‘I’m not messing around, Amanda. I’ll strangle him with my bare hands if I have to.’
‘You’re not thinking straight.’
‘How can I think straight?’ He drooped against the window. ‘My whole world is upside down right now. You. Me. How did we get thrown so far off course? You were meant to be my forever.’
As teenagers, forever had truly felt like an infinite word. But now, over a decade later, they both understood what forever really meant. That the length of a lifetime was unpredictable, you had to live for the moment rather than planning for a future that might not even exist. At sixteen when you promised someone forever you maybe promised the rest of the summer. But now, forever was a real promise, one you could make good on.
Amanda’s laptop beeped from where it was placed on the desk. She could feel her soul trying to splice itself in half as she glanced over at it. She desperately wanted to stay with Shane, to give in to the ache in her heart. But she owed it to Will to protect his son, to ensure that Ewan could grow up to one day promise someone forever.
‘It’ll be him.’ Amanda withdrew from Shane and went to the desk. Sure enough the email was from McAllister.
My driver will pick you up at 6 from the train station like you asked. I can’t wait to see you xxx
Three kisses. For a man like McAllister that felt like a lot. Amanda checked the time. It was already 5.15. Soon she’d have to leave.
‘I need to be at the station for six,’ she popped open her suitcase as she spoke and rummaged around its contents until she found a dark green shirt dress which she quickly began buttoning up over her black and red bodice.
‘You’re not getting changed?’
‘I fail to see the point.’ Next came her long beige mac and some ballet pumps. ‘This way I’m almost all set to go once I get there.’
Into her handbag went her home-made sedative along with her phone. Then she placed the two USBs discreetly within her lace garter.
‘So what time should I start heading out there?’ Shane asked grimly, his eyes red as if struggling against the pressure of holding in tears.
‘Give it a few hours.’ Amanda untucked her hair from her coat and hurriedly pulled her fingers through it. ‘Maybe eight or so. That should give me enough time to…’ she pursed her lips together, not wanting to finish the sentence.
Enough time to seduce a monster. She was heading out to dance with the devil. She felt like Belle in Beauty and the Beast when she bravely forsakes her freedom to save her father from the ghastly master of the castle. But in that tale there had been a man within the monster.
Amanda smoothed her hands down her coat and tried to steady her anxiously racing heart with a few level breaths. She was going to McAllister’s home. To the scene of the fire which had claimed the lives of his daughters. Erin and Kelly. He couldn’t bear to say their names, but A
manda already knew them, had read about them in newspaper reports.
Was McAllister all man or all monster? She supposed she was about to find out. Her hand was on the door handle, pressing down.
‘Amanda.’
She turned back to look at Shane who remained at the window, looking broken.
‘No matter what happens tonight. No matter what you feel you need to do… I love you. I figured you should know that.’
12
Amanda sat in the back of the chauffer-driven car noting every minute that passed, feeling each mile that opened up between her and Shane. She couldn’t let herself think about what he’d said to her before she left, not now. She needed her mind sharp. If she dwelled on Shane’s admission too much she risked turning her back on the mission and she needed to go through with this, for Ewan. It took less than half an hour to leave the city. Tightly packed rows of houses and colossal stacks of flats gave way to open countryside. Rolling hills tumbled off into the distance, thick with heather. A setting sun turned the sky to rust.
As the car kept moving, the knot in her stomach grew larger, tighter. She sensed that she was getting close to McAllister’s home. It was twilight when the car finally threaded through dense woodland before slowing and stopping at the foot of heavy iron gates. Shadows gathered around the car, momentarily kept at bay by the weakening light of dusk. The car idled for a moment and then the grand gates parted like opening arms, beckoning them inside.
McAllister’s home was a mansion. When the car turned and halted, she was able to take in the immense structure in all its glory. The house surged up out of the land like some gothic edifice. Long leaded windows looked out on the surrounding woodlands and black double doors remained sealed at the entrance.
Climbing out of the car, Amanda craned her neck to take in more of the grandeur. Stone gargoyles peered out from the corners of various edges, giving the grey walls of the mansion a sinister edge. It looked like something out of Grimm’s’ fairy tales. The house stretched away from her, both in height and length. She was unable to take in all of it from where she stood beside the car, its engine still ticking over thanks to the long drive in.
