by S Doyle
Since Bee was Ed’s least favorite topic, despite still referring to himself as her boyfriend, I wanted to change the subject quickly.
“Has anyone heard from Locke?” I asked. “Last time I talked to him he was tracking down some conspiracy theory, which I didn’t necessarily buy. I’m curious if he’s found any new information.”
“Why are you looking at me?” Reen asked me.
“Was I?”
“I don’t know anything,” she said defensively.
“I didn’t say you did. I was asking in general. I’ve promised Locke a favor if he turns anything up.”
“Is that smart?” Beth asked. “Given who your mom is, he could put you in a compromising situation.”
“Trust me I wouldn’t promise him anything that would do that. I figured he might want to borrow my car or something stupid. And it’s only if he puts an end to this whole Freshman Bait List.”
“Or we considered asking all the girls to stop having sex,” Ed said with laugh.
Janie clearly bristled. “Or better idea, we could ask the seventeen-year-old boys to stop trying to seduce fourteen-year-old girls.”
“You know when you say it like that,” Ed said, “it sounds creepy.”
“Maybe because it is creepy,” Janie countered. “Girls that young shouldn’t even be thinking about sex. Forget that it’s illegal, it’s just not right.”
Next to me, Beth shrugged. “Lydia thinks she’s ready. She thinks once a girl is past puberty it’s up to her decide when she is or is not ready. But she’s Lydia, so there is that.”
“I’m not suggesting I know when a girl, any girl, is ready to have sex,” I said. “But I am certain she should be able to do so without the threat of being humiliated by the entire school. Or worse.”
“And if Gigi said she was ready?” Reen asked me.
I smiled. “I would do what any sane older brother would do and lock her in the basement until she’s thirty. Don’t make this personal, Reen.”
She shook her head. “You’re such a hypocrite.”
“I can live with it,” I said, absolutely unashamed.
Lunch ended and we all made our way to our next period class. I held Beth’s hand as we walked down the hall and turned pretty much every head in the school. Upperclassmen and lowerclassmen alike.
I’d never declared myself as someone’s boyfriend before. Mostly I’d hooked up with girls not in this school at all. It made things simpler. Kept my worlds separate. Or at least that’s what I told myself. Looking at everything through my new lens of truth, I think I didn’t want Beth to see me with anyone else. I think I knew this was always going to be the plan. Not something I’d planned consciously, but always there in the back of my mind that this. Us. Was inevitable.
Which meant me walking through the hallways holding a girl’s hand was a departure for me and everyone knew it.
“They’re staring,” Beth whispered next to me. “Like every freaking one of them. You know what they’re all thinking? What’s he doing with her?”
I nodded then bent down so only she could hear. “Maybe I should tell them all how delicious your nipples are. They might better understand my attachment.”
She predictably turned a furious shade of red and punched me in the arm with the hand I wasn’t holding.
We reached her locker, and I took her other hand, my eyes fixed on hers. “Beth, we’ve made an announcement today. People are going to react. I need you to hold up your end of things.”
“You mean play the part of Fitz Darcy’s girlfriend.”
“Exactly.”
She shook her head. “Every girl in this school, with the exception of my friends and sisters, is going to hate me.”
“Yes, and every guy in this school is suddenly going to be way more interested in you. So there is that, too.”
She smiled mischievously. “Do you think so?”
I knew she was only asking to piss me off, but it worked.
“Of course,” I snarled. “There are few guys in this school who don’t want what I have. Now you’ve been added to the list.”
“Good point. Should I wear a football jersey that reads Property of Fitz Darcy?”
“I was thinking more along the lines of a tattoo. Preferably on your ass.”
“Have you been thinking about my ass, Fitz?” she asked cheekily.
Again, I bent down lower so only she would hear. “Why yes, Bennet. I have been thinking about your ass and how eventually I’m going to smack it for every time you’ve caused me an ounce of aggravation.”
She started counting off on her fingers. “One, two, three… ouch.”
“You’re QB One’s girlfriend now,” I reminded her. “Act like it.”
She flipped her hair back over her shoulder and curtsied. “Like this?”
“Four, five, six…” I said, also counting on my fingers as I walked away from her.
Beth
I laughed as Fitz walked away. It was absolutely and entirely ludicrous I was now officially the girlfriend of Fitz Darcy.
Fitz Darcy!
And he wasn’t wrong. Being that person came with a certain responsibility. Forget just school, I was probably going to be interviewed by his parents as well. Fitz went to public events with this family all the time. As his girlfriend, was I going to be expected to show up to things like that?
Holy shit, had I spent any time thinking this through?
Answer: no.
Unfortunately, the alternative was to not be Fitz’s girlfriend and that didn’t necessarily sound right, either. Because I liked him. I really, really liked him.
Maybe that’s the only part I had to play. Be the girl who really, really liked Fitz.
I pulled books out of my locker and headed to my next class. When all the whispering stopped as soon as I stepped inside and all heads turned to look at me, I knew that was not going to be enough.
I needed help. I needed advice. I needed to talk to someone who already knew how to be QB One’s girlfriend.
Good news. That person was my sister.
“Star! Star, wait!” I was running to catch up to her as I knew she was headed to the gym for cheerleading practice. She was already in uniform and looked so preppy I wanted to shoot myself. In my life, I could never pull off that outfit.
Upon hearing her name, she stopped and turned. Her smile, bright as ever, got even larger when she saw me.
“Beth,” she said, walking over to me even as I struggled to catch my breath.
I really needed to consider some form of exercise in the near future. Studying was not a physical activity.
“Let me guess. You forgave Fitz for being—what was that you called him last week?—a total douchebag asshole, and now you two are back together. Chas will be thrilled. He’s been in a mood since being benched with a concussion. We have to set up a double date soon.”
“Yes, we’re officially, together-together now. So dating. The whole thing is on. But I need help.”
“With what?”
“How to do this. How to be the most popular guy at school’s girlfriend. Since Chas has always been that kind of guy, I figured you would know. I mean, do I have to start dressing nicer, maybe wear more makeup?” I bit my bottom lip. “I should probably stop raising my hand in class so much. Maybe play things a little more low key. Right?”
Star didn’t help things by bursting out laughing. That was until she realized I was serious.
“Beth, if you change one thing about you, I will personally take it upon myself to shame you. Like full on, ring the bell, shame, shame, shame you.”
“Star,” I huffed. “You know what this place is like. You know there will be an expectation for me to be like…well, more like you.”
She nodded. “Yeah, and my expectation is for you to tell those people to go to hell because you are not like me. You are way braver than I could ever be, and you prove that every day. Stop even thinking about conforming to the madness of this place and just be you.”
Fact check. “Our mother is literally pawning her jewelry every day so we can conform to the madness of this place.”
Star frowned. “I get it, Beth. This place isn’t easy. And it’s not going get any easier for you when everyone finds out we don’t have any money and that our father is most likely a crook. Which is why, more than ever, you have got to find out who you are and be that. Stake your flag in the ground and hold the line no matter what. If you do that, Fitz’s girlfriend or not, you’ll win.”
“You know I dislike you when you’re being more rational than I am.”
She beamed. “Sorry. Hey, tonight when I get home, we’re going to gossip about how Fitz kisses.”
Divinely.
“No, we are so not.” I started to leave but left her with this. “Please note, you’ve been no help to me.”
“So noted! I’ll have Chas text Fitz and we’ll schedule our double date. Fun!” she said cheerfully and practically skipped off like the Disney princess she was.
19
Friday Night
Fitz
“Yo, Fitz. Hold up.”
I was leaving the stadium and heading to my car when I heard Chas calling my name. “What’s up?”
“Great game tonight,” he offered.
“You know it should be you out there,” I said.
He knocked on his forehead with his knuckles. “Coach says one more week, but I think he’s hoping the doc sidelines me a little longer. You’re better than I am, and he knows it.”
“Nah. You’re QB One,” I said, knowing my role on the team. “I’m just the back up.”
“Right.” Chas frowned.
Then it occurred to me maybe he wasn’t okay with me taking his place. Even if it was temporarily. “Hey, you’re not, like…”
“Jealous? Resentful? Bitter?” he filled in.
“Yeah.”
Chas smiled. “I’m all those things, but I’m also practical. If you keep winning games for us, we might have a chance at a state title. So you keep winning now, then I’ll get to play in the championship game and steal all the glory from you in the final hour.”
I laughed. “Sounds like a plan.”
“You headed to The Woods?”
I was. Beth was working tonight so there was no chance for us making other plans.
“Yep.”
“Can I get a lift?”
“Sure,” I answered before I realized this wasn’t the first time Chas had asked me to pick him up or take him somewhere. “Where is your car by the way?”
“Shop. Something wrong with the engine,” Chas said. “The guys going to be there?”
I nodded. It’s what we did. Played football, got drunk in the woods, and scrambled before the cops came. When had I grown so completely bored with it all?
“Okay, let’s do this” he said, slapping me on the back.
I didn’t think any harder than he normally did, but I couldn’t exactly be sure.
I was agitated. We were standing around the bonfire. I’d passed on a beer, so there was nothing to keep my hands busy while Ed was breaking down some of the game’s highlights for Heath, who hadn’t bothered to show up. Mostly because he could care less about football, which always made it a little funny to watch Ed try to explain it all to him.
“I don’t know what a skinny-post route is, Ed. How many times do I have tell you? I like soccer.”
Ed winced. “Nobody likes soccer, man. That is so weak.”
“I live to disappoint you,” Heath drawled. He lifted his thin cigarette to his lips and took a puff.
“I can’t believe you’re still smoking those. They smell like shit.”
“Cigarillos smell like mini cigars and have an actual flavor. This makes me infinitely cooler than normal smoking assholes.”
Chas laughed at that. “Oh, come on, Heath. You know that’s not what makes you cool. It’s your perpetually foul mood.”
Heath just rolled his eyes then out of nowhere asked, “Fitz, you got condoms in your car? I’m feeling frisky tonight.”
“Glove compartment,” I said. I always had condoms on hand. Not because I was a skank constantly chasing down pussy, but because my dad basically planted condoms on me all the time. In my wallet, in my car. In the drawer of my bedside table at home. He said he wasn’t taking any chances with my future.
I didn’t bother to question Heath about it. I knew this was how he rolled. He’d get an itch, he’d scratch it then move on.
“Who you got your eye on tonight?” Ed asked, looking around to see if he could spot Heath’s target.
“No one in particular,” Heath said. I tossed him my car keys and he caught them out of the air. “Unless Janie gets here. Anyone else think she’s turning into a serious hotty? There’s something alluring about all that feminist shit she’s always spouting. Makes a guy want to put a hard cock in her mouth to shut her up.”
“Hey,” Ed snapped. “You don’t talk about her like that.”
“Really, Ed? Why not?”
Ed seemed to falter over his answer, then he looked at me. “She’s Beth’s best friend. I would think she and Reen are off our trash-talking list. Am I right, Fitz?”
“Absolutely,” I said, humoring him. Mostly because I knew Heath only said what he did to get a rise out of Ed. Ed was one of Heath’s favorite targets just because he had so many vulnerabilities.
There were times I wondered if Heath actually liked Ed. But then that was how Heath treated everyone really. It’s not like Ed was all that different.
“Well, in the absence of Janie, I’ll have to make other arrangements. Wish me luck in my hunting,” Heath said, taking another puff of his cigarillo before crushing it out with his boot. “I’ll leave your keys in the car.”
With that he blended into the woods and I knew it was doubtful we would see him again.
“Why do I let him get to me?” Ed asked me once Heath was out of ear shot. “Every fucking time.”
“Heath makes it his mission to get under people’s skin. Don’t take it personally.”
“You watch. All he’ll have to do is smile at a girl, and she’ll drop her panties for him.”
“It’s because he’s the prettiest of all us,” Chas offered. “That and girls think they can save him from himself. All that damage is like catnip to them. I’m going to find another beer. Since I can’t tell if my dizzy is from the concussion or the booze, I figure I’ll double down. You guys good?”
Both Ed and I nodded.
“Star on her way?” I asked him. He’d been texting with her on the drive over.
He nodded. “Yeah. She was helping her mom with something tonight, but she’s coming to get me soon. So if I don’t see you again tonight, I mean it. Keep winning, Fitz. I really want to steal the trophy right out of your hands.”
“I’ll get on that,” I offered then lifted my chin as I watched him walk farther into the darkness of the woods where we kept the coolers of beer.
“So you don’t think Heath meant that? About Janie,” Ed pressed.
Clearly, we weren’t done with that conversation. “No. I think he was just trying to bust your balls.”
Ed shrugged. “Not that I care.”
“No, of course not.”
“I have a girlfriend,” Ed said as if he was reminding himself.
“You do not have a girlfriend. You have a Bee problem. That’s not the same thing at all.”
“Says the newly minted smug boyfriend. Where is Beth anyway?”
“Working,” I said before thinking better of it.
“Working,” Ed repeated. “Like a job? Why is Beth working?”
“Uh…you know her. Overachiever. She believes it will pad her college résumé to prove she can be academically successful while also holding down a part-time job. It’s more for the experience than the money.”
As lies went it was pretty pathetic. Almost as bad as her telling me she was doing it to learn conversational Spanish because some of the bus boys who
worked at the club were Hispanic.
Wait, did that mean Beth wasn’t actually taking Spanish?
I needed to follow up on that. Sure, we were dating now, but that didn’t mean I didn’t still want to beat her as this year’s Top Academic. I would have way too much fun rubbing that in her face.
Thinking about her face, it made me smile. I took out my phone and saw the time. It was just after nine. When exactly did her shift end? There was only one way to find out.
Me: Hey when do you get done work? I’ll come pick you up.
I put the phone back in my pocket not expecting her to answer right away since she was working. But five minutes later I felt the vibration of a text.
Beth: 11ish. Usually takes some time to clean up.
I could work with that.
Me: I’ll be there.
Beth: Okay. Don’t have fun without me.
Me: I’m not. I promise.
That’s why I was agitated, I realized. It was like standing still for any length of time without seeing her or hearing her voice or even just texting with her made me feel like I was missing something. Like I should be out looking for her and everything else was just killing time.
I did not share that thought with Ed, who probably would tell me to fuck off.
Instead, we hung out. Accepted everyone’s comments about our performances in the game that night. Until I felt as if I’d put enough time in without looking like a desperate puppy who needed to see his girlfriend.
Oh my God. Was I becoming pathetic?
“Darcy!” I looked over at Jeff, who was hanging with this linemen crew. “You need to move your car. You’re blocking me in.”
“Fuck off, I didn’t block anyone in.”
“I did,” Ed said quickly. “Sorry man, I’ll move it.”
Ed jogged off and it had me wondering where he’d gone when he’d excused himself to take a call. I’d known from the expression on his face it had been Bee on the line, so I hadn’t questioned his absence when he’d finally returned to the party.
