“Huh?” She stared, confusion clear on her face.
“Damn. Never mind.”
“Okay.” She turned back to her phone and tapped on the screen a few times. “So, I think that was somewhere around two thousand miles away. Give or take a bit. The point on the map isn’t that precise. I don’t know how we’d have found it without you.”
“I’m useful like that.”
She giggled, and Alys’s stomach dropped out. “That means we were probably going like what, three hundred three-thirty knots? Goddamn. How? I mean, magic, obviously, but, how? Oh, that’s like three fifty to three hundred and eighty miles per hour.”
“Now you’re just showing off.” She was trying to impress them. That was a good sign.
“Yup.” Nodding, Hannah grinned and focused on her phone, her tongue slightly poking out of her mouth as she crunched the numbers. “Probably around ten hours for the trip back? If I’m gonna go straight to work, we can leave at like eleven—so, eight here, or otherwise, we might want to head out around nine—six here? It’s a magic ship, so we can sleep in it and not have to worry about keeping on course. Damn, I’m so glad we have that. That speed isn’t even possible. Sailboats only go, like, thirty knots.”
“I love that you’re such a massive dork.”
“Hey!” She looked so hurt. Alys absolutely didn’t want to brush her hair out of her face, pull her in, and kiss away any pain.
They swallowed their libido back down. “I mean it as a compliment. I’m kind of a nerd. Emily never really geeks out over anything, and it’s really nice getting to hear someone talk like that. Especially someone I can actually be myself around.” They shrugged and very closely studied the sand. “Sorry. It was just nice.”
“Emily says it too. I’m just still not used to that being a nice thing, I guess.”
“My fault.”
“No, it’s not.” As Alys looked up, they could swear Hannah was leaning in for…well obviously not that, right? They moved away, clearing their throat as they stood and let out a nervous chuckle. “So we know when to leave. Like, probably around five, then? Sounds good. Let’s go get to that shopping.”
Hannah stared. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Definitely. Let me spoil you. I already promised I would.”
“I can pay for my own stuff.”
They shook their head. “No. Please. I insist.”
After a very brief moment’s hesitation, she jumped to her feet and grabbed Alys’s hand, sending their heart fluttering. “Let’s go.”
Hannah looked beyond gorgeous in a new little red dress. Alys had gotten to see her try on that, a hula skirt, some jeans—as she insisted that she should totally own jeans only to not get them—and a few other outfits that all looked amazing on her.
Their drink now seemed far too empty for how much they were staring into it. There was so much to process. They were not ready to fall for their best friend’s girlfriend. The last time had only been a minor crush, and the relationship had gone terribly, and Hannah and Emily seemed so much more serious than Emily and Claire ever had been. How could they risk coming between them? They had to resist, to stuff their feelings back down. They’d already betrayed Emily enough.
“Up for another round?” Hannah asked, adding yet another empty beer glass to the table. “And maybe some more nachos?”
“How do you even still want pork when we’ve been living off it?”
“We can get shrimp, then, or fish. I just had to try the kalua pig. That chicken was amazing, though.”
“How about calamari?”
“Isn’t that cannibalism for you?”
They rolled their eyes. “By that standard, everything is cannibalism for me. We can get more nachos if you want.”
“Both?” If she would just stop smiling, Alys would stop giving in to every single thing she said.
“Yeah. Sure.”
“Then we can check out that ice cream place?”
Alys couldn’t help but laugh.
“What?”
“The gods all eat so much, it’s such a huge part of Norse culture and mythology, but I’m the one who’s supposed to be the great eater. And I mean, clearly I am.” They gestured at the massive collection of dirty plates. “But I can’t quite keep up with you. And I’m supposed to be able to eat almost as fast as fire.”
“What?”
“You still haven’t read the copy of the Prose Edda I gave you, have you?”
She huffed. “I tried. I made it through the first few pages. It’s just really dry.”
“You’re an accountant.”
“I know.” Her lip trembled, though Alys suspected it was a ploy. But why? What was she begging for? Just to not make her read? And why look so adorable? Were they just hoping Hannah liked them, or were they trying desperately not to read into obvious signs that she did?
“Please try to read it. You should read the Poetic Edda too.”
“Can’t you tell me the stories instead?”
“Oh.” They couldn’t take their eyes off her. “You really want that? It wouldn’t bore you?”
“No. I mean, yes, I do want that, and, no, it wouldn’t bore me. It sounds funner than reading it. I really like listening to you.” She was definitely blushing this time. They weren’t imagining it. “I just thought it’d be fun.”
Was she making up an excuse to spend more time with them? If she could read through those textbooks, then she could absolutely survive the Prose Edda. Or maybe myth—if they could still call it that, just didn’t do it for her—but then why have Alys tell the stories? There wasn’t an explanation other than wanting that time with them. And maybe even as more than— Alys cut that thought off. “Ice cream sounds great. After another of their local beers and that calamari and nachos.”
“Yes!”
Hannah caught the waitress’s attention, but Alys almost wished the food would never come if it meant they’d be leaving any sooner.
By the time they finished their meal and the dozen or so beers that accompanied it, that nagging feeling would hardly leave Alys’s mind. But they wouldn’t give into it. They would only give into ice cream. “Or maybe a milkshake,” they said as they looked over the menu.
“What’s Hawaiian grilled cheese?” Hannah asked.
Alys managed to hold in a laugh while the clerk at the counter explained it, and Hannah promptly ordered one, along with a sundae. She really was insatiable. Damn it, that thought wasn’t going to help. “I’ll get a chocolate milkshake.”
“Sounds good,” Hannah said. “Can I steal some of yours?”
They nodded. “Yeah. Of course. I’ll grab another straw.”
She shrugged and dragged them to a table. “You have no idea how many looks I got in my sorority for how much I can eat. Especially when I still look like this in the end.” She gestured at her body. Alys had not needed the cue to stare.
“I can imagine.”
“Like, I loved them all, but there were definitely some not so savory rumors.” She stuck her finger in her mouth to indicated what those rumors were. “And I definitely didn’t. Apparently, I’m just magically fit.”
“I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think I’m fit?”
They pinched the bridge of their nose. How hard was it to not accidentally insult her? “No. You definitely are. Insanely so. But in the myths, Thor wasn’t all that fit. He was big and muscular, but there was nothing to suggest fitness. I feel like there was even mention of a belly, but that may have been in some other adaptations. I’m pretty sure that’s just you. You exercise every day and have enough energy that you manage to burn off those calories. Though your godhood definitely helped your metabolism. Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be able to eat this much.”
“Huh.” She sucked her teeth as she took that in, only to run to the counter a moment later when their order was ready. “This looks so good.” She slammed the tray down on the table and threw herself back into her seat. “Hawaiian grilled cheese
. Weird. Want some?”
“Of course.”
As they bit into it, Alys had to admit it was interesting. Not worth going out of the way for, but they would have to try upping their grilled cheese game if they wanted to compete, and they absolutely did.
Hannah started digging into the sundae. “I wish we had more time here.”
“I know. But you don’t want to miss work.” They were never going to get over the idea of Thor being an accountant. But it made Hannah happy, so it was hard to find it ridiculous.
“I would never. Er, never again.”
As they chuckled, Alys caught themself reaching out, wanting to brush back Hannah’s hair. Why did they keep almost doing that? They pulled their hand back and grabbed the milkshake and hoped it would freeze their damn lust. Or crush. Or love. Whatever it was. Ignoring how well they knew the answer, they did their absolute best to think of something as far away from it as possible. “Vigridr was pretty crazy, right? Like, I’d read about it, and Hel told me about it, but I never imagined it as quite that big. I thought a hundred miles was an exaggeration. Hell, most experts did. But pretty sure it was accurate. Though it was supposed to be a field.”
Hannah shrugged. “Maybe it used to be? Hel could’ve moved it.”
“But then how would Modi and Magni have known where it was? I guess they could’ve tracked it with Mimir or something. I don’t know.”
“Maybe we’ll find out.”
They nodded, feeling a small smile tug at their cheeks. “Yeah. I’d love that. Getting to learn about all this stuff is half the fun of being a god.”
Hannah didn’t echo the sentiment, but she did smile back, and that was good enough for Alys. “I’m sorry, though. About Vigridr. The fighting, I mean. I know you were probably expecting me to take care of things. I’m the god of strength and I just—I wouldn’t—I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
“It’s fine. No one’s judging you for that. Fighting is terrifying.”
“It’s not…I guess I was scared but not because of that.”
Was it about the mugger? And the time Alys had mind-controlled her. Goddamn it. How could they even be thinking about falling for Hannah when they were still hiding that? Maybe they really were the villain. So many scholars thought that Loki was only made evil to match the Christian influence spreading at the time, but how could anyone who wasn’t evil do the shit they’d done to the only people they’d cared about? They got rid of their tear ducts. “I get it. I’m sorry—”
Hannah shook her head. “It wasn’t just the mugger. I…” She still had tear ducts, and she was clearly using them. Tears fell into her shake. “I’m sorry I’m so useless.”
What? Alys stared at her. That was what she was upset about? “You’re not useless. We wouldn’t have even made it there without you rowing, and you got Emily the weapon that saved the day. And you carried me when I was exhausted. You don’t have to be some big damn hero. You’re not Thor. You’re Hannah. And I…we don’t mind protecting you.”
She nodded, still sniffling. “I know. Emily says the same thing. But I am Thor. I have the strength, and I can’t even use it. I just couldn’t let myself do that. I can’t.” She was shaking.
What was going through her head? What could they do to help? They wouldn’t use magic for it, not when they already had to live with the guilt of messing with her mind.
“I just can’t do that. I can’t let myself even get close to hurting anyone like that. Not again.”
“Hannah?” they asked. What was she talking about? “If this isn’t about the mugger…”
She stared at her food, pushing the unfinished ice cream away. “I’m not hungry. Do you want to go back to the hotel?”
“Hannah, please, talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“You’re going to think I’m a monster.”
“I had tentacles yesterday and have repeatedly been told to kill you, and I…I really don’t think I’m in any room to judge someone else’s monstrosity.” Great, they were a monster and a coward.
“It’s not the same.” She folded her arms over her chest, curling in on herself in the little metal chair. “I can’t fight. I won’t. I don’t trust myself with it.”
“Why not?”
She cleared her throat. For a moment, it looked like she might run away, but she didn’t quite manage to stand, staring at the ice cream. “It was in high school. I got in a fight with this girl. I don’t even remember why. I think she accused me of trying to steal her boyfriend. Yeah, that’s right. I was too scared to admit that I wouldn’t have been interested in a guy, but she took my hesitation as proof, and set in on me. She hit me and…”
Alys swallowed a lump in their throat. With her strength… It didn’t take much to imagine what happened. They could still vividly see the man Hannah had sent into a wall. The man she’d killed. No wonder she was terrified. If only Alys hadn’t been too busy with their own guilt to see it.
“I kept hitting her until Megan pulled me off. I had assumed it was the adrenaline, and I never let myself do anything like that to anyone else again. She was in the hospital until the next year. She didn’t even graduate in our class. All because I lost control of my temper. I swore I would never do that again. And then I did. You saw that mugger. I nearly killed him. I don’t care if it’s monsters or anything. I can’t do that again. I won’t.”
“Hannah…”
“I won’t let it happen. And my temper cost me my last relationship, and I never even did anything, and I won’t let it hurt anyone else. If I give in and fight someone…I don’t know what would happen.”
“They were Draugr, zombies.”
“I can’t let myself think that it’s okay. No matter what. I can’t fight.”
Alys didn’t even recall standing, but they rounded the table and took Hannah’s hand. “And you don’t have to. I’m sorry for pushing you so far that you had to tell me.”
“You didn’t.”
“I understand what it’s like to not trust yourself. I could tell you again and again that you could fight and then stop from doing anything more, but I know how little that would mean. So let me just say, you’ll never have to. I’ll keep you safe.”
Hannah nodded, pursing her lips. “Thank you.”
“Any time.”
“You really don’t think—”
“You’re not a monster.” Unlike me. “You’re a beautiful, amazing, wonderful woman.” Also unlike them, but they were okay with that part.
Hannah started to lean in again, and Alys widened their eyes, licked their lips, and tried to figure out what to do. Before they could decide, Hannah glanced down at their hands, at Alys sitting on the table in front of them, and then at their lips. “I should go tell Emily the story. Thank you for listening.”
“It was nothing.” They needed to tell her. To confess.
“And for dinner and your boat and everything else. You’re wonderful, Alys. And I know we can trust you. Emily is coming back around to that too.”
That sure killed the mood. Alys nodded. “Thanks.” But they shouldn’t trust them. Not after what they’d done.
“Let’s go back to the hotel. We can grab Emily and head out. There will be time for more when we’re home.”
More what? Alys stared, trying to sort out that last bit but not quite able to bring themself to ask. She hadn’t meant… “Hannah, I…” Just say it.
“Come on.” She tugged on their hand, and they followed obediently. They’d follow her to any of the nine realms or even the roots of Yggdrasil. They had fallen hopelessly.
✥ ✥ ✥
As the three of them all sat in the boat, Hannah kicked the iron sword from the island. “You kept that?”
“I told you, I’m going to be the hero. I’ve got to be able to fight, don’t I?” Emily asked.
“I could buy you a better sword,” Alys said. “One that isn’t all old and rusty.” Always just trying to buy everyone’s love instead of being honest with them. Damn it, t
he guilt was really killing them now. But Emily might throw them overboard if they confessed now, and they’d deserve it. But Alys could make it up to both of them. They just had to talk to Hel and get the information Hannah and Emily needed. Then they could come clean. They just needed something to offer first.
“Hey, this one kept us alive,” Emily said “Besides, Hannah got it for me.”
Hannah’s cheeks reddened as she stared at the sea, watching the island fade behind them as she rowed. Once they were farther out, she unfurled the sail and let the wind carry them.
Emily reclined against the cooler, sipping a beer, her bare feet resting in Hannah’s lap now that she was facing forward again. “It’s going to be weird to be home.”
“We weren’t even gone that long,” Alys said.
Hannah leaned against the side of the ship. “It sure feels like it, though. That adventure in Vigridr and then the trip to Hawaii. It seems like weeks.”
“With a normal sailboat, it would’ve been, but Naglfar is amazing like that.”
“Don’t say that,” Hannah said. “Now I know what it means.”
“This boat is amazing like that?”
“Better,” she grumbled.
“You rested up enough for work?” Emily asked.
Yawning, Hannah shook her head. “Apparently not.”
“Snuggle pile?” Alys asked, wiggling their eyebrows playfully.
Hannah moved Emily’s feet off her and threw herself down onto the deck, resting her head in Emily’s lap. “Sure, if you can figure out how to do it in here.”
Stroking her hair, Emily planted a soft kiss on the top of her head. “Sweet dreams, honey.” They both said I love you, and Hannah drained the rest of her beer before closing her eyes and nuzzling Emily’s thigh. That left Alys and Emily with six hours to talk. Normally, that would sound amazing.
“The snuggle pile thing was a joke, right?” Alys asked.
“I honestly don’t know,” Emily said.
They nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“You’ve said. It’s enough. I forgive you. Just stay on our side.”
“I will.”
“Good, then.”
“Throw me a beer?”
Thor: Daughter of Asgard Page 25
