Not knowing where to go or what else to say, Cal stood in the middle of the darkened living room. In five years of marriage he and Jane had disagreed before, but never like this. He glanced toward their bedroom and knew there’d be hell to pay if he tried to sleep there.
Cal sat in his recliner, raised the footrest and covered himself with the afghan he’d grabbed from the back of the sofa.
Everything would be better in the morning, he told himself.
Cal had left the house by the time Jane awoke. It was what she’d expected. What she wanted, she told herself. Luckily the children had been asleep and hadn’t heard them fighting. She got her robe from the back of the door and slipped it on. Sick at heart, she felt as though she hadn’t slept all night.
The coffee was already made when she wandered into the kitchen. She was just pouring herself a cup when Paul appeared, dragging his favorite blanket.
“Where’s Daddy?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.
“He’s with Uncle Glen.” Jane crouched down to give her son a hug.
Paul pulled away and met her look, his dark eyes sad. “Is Daddy mad at you?”
“No, darling, Daddy and Mommy love each other very much.” She was certain Cal regretted the argument as much as she did. She reached for her son and hugged him again.
Their fight had solved nothing. They’d both said things that should never have been said. The sudden tears that rushed into Jane’s eyes were unexpected, and she didn’t immediately realize she was crying. The children had heard their argument. At least Paul must have, otherwise he wouldn’t be asking these questions.
“Mommy?” Paul touched his fingers to her face, saw her tears, then broke away from her and raced into the other room. He returned a moment later with a box of tissues, which made Jane weep all the more. How could her beautiful son be so thoughtful and sweet, and his father so insensitive, so unreasonable?
After making breakfast for Paul and Mary Ann and getting them dressed, Jane left the house to drive her son to preschool. The truck was parked where she’d left it the night before. Apparently Cal had gone out on Fury, his favorite gelding. He often rode when he needed time to think.
Peering into the truck, Jane saw that the casserole dish was still there. She looked at it for a moment, then removed it and placed it in the car. While Paul was in his preschool class, she’d return it personally to Nicole Nelson. And when she did, Jane planned to let her know how happily married Cal Patterson was.
After dropping Paul off, Jane drove to Tumbleweed Books.
“Hello,” Nicole Nelson called out when Jane walked into the store. Jane recognized her right away. The only previous time she’d seen the other woman had been at the rodeo, and that was from a distance. On closer inspection, she had to admit that Nicole was a beautiful woman. Jane instantly felt dowdy and unkempt. She wished she’d taken more time with her hair and makeup, especially since she’d decided to meet Nicole face-to-face.
“Is there anything I can help you find?” Nicole asked, glancing at Mary Ann in her stroller.
“Is Annie available?” Jane asked, making a sudden decision that when she did confront Nicole, she’d do it when she looked her best.
“I’m sorry, Annie had a doctor’s appointment this morning. I’d be delighted to assist you, if I can.”
So polite and helpful. So insincere. Jane didn’t even know Nicole Nelson, and already she disliked her.
“That’s all right. I’ll come back another time.” Feeling foolish, Jane was eager to leave.
“I don’t believe we’ve met,” Nicole said. “I’m Annie’s new sales assistant, Nicole Nelson.”
Jane had no option but to introduce herself. She straightened and looked directly at Nicole. “I’m Jane Patterson.”
“Cal’s wife,” Nicole said, not missing a beat. A slow knowing smile appeared on her face as she boldly met Jane’s eye.
Standing no more than two feet apart, Jane and Nicole stared hard at each other. In that moment Jane knew the awful truth. Nicole Nelson wanted her husband. Wanted him enough to destroy Jane and ruin her marriage. Wanted him enough to deny his children their father. Cal was a challenge to her, a prize to be won, no matter what the cost.
“I believe I have something of yours,” Jane said.
Nicole’s smile became a bit cocky. “I believe you do.”
“Luckily I brought the casserole dish with me,” Jane returned just as pointedly. She bent down, retrieved it from the stroller and handed it to Nicole.
“Did Cal happen to mention if he liked my taco casserole?” Nicole asked, following Jane to the front of the bookstore.
“Oh,” Jane murmured, ever so sweetly, “he said it was much too spicy for him.”
“I don’t think so,” Nicole said, holding open one of the doors. “I think Cal might just find he prefers a bit of spice compared to the bland taste he’s used to.”
Fuming, Jane pushed Mary Ann’s stroller out the door and discovered, when she reached the car, that her hands were trembling. This was worse than she’d anticipated. Because now she had reason to wonder if her husband had fallen willingly into the other woman’s schemes.
Jane had a knot in her stomach for the rest of the day. She was sliding a roast into the oven as Cal walked into the house shortly after four-thirty—early for him. He paused when he saw her, then lowered his head and walked past, ignoring her.
“I…think we should talk,” she said, closing the oven, then leaning weakly against it. She set the pot holders aside and forced herself to straighten.
“Now?” Cal asked, as though any discussion with her was an unpleasant prospect.
“Paul…heard us last night,” she said. She glanced into the other room, where their son was watching a Barney video. Mary Ann sat next to him, tugging at her shoes and socks.
“It’s not surprising he heard us,” Cal said evenly. “You nearly tore the door off the hinges when you slammed it.”
Cal had slammed the door first, but now didn’t seem to be the time to point that out. “He had his blankey this morning.”
“I thought you threw that thing away,” Cal said, making it sound like an accusation.
“He…found it. Obviously he felt he needed it.”
Cal’s eyes narrowed, and she knew he’d seen through her explanation.
“That isn’t important. What is important, at least to me,” she said, pressing her hand to her heart, “is that we not argue in front of the children.”
“So you’re saying we can go into the barn and shout at each other all we want? Should we call ahead and arrange for a baby-sitter first?”
Jane reached behind her to grab hold of the oven door. The day had been bad enough, and she wanted only to repair the damage that had been done to their relationship. This ongoing dissatisfaction with each other seemed to be getting worse; Jane knew it had to stop.
“I don’t think I slept five minutes last night,” she whispered.
Cal said nothing.
“I…I don’t know what’s going on between you and Nicole Nelson, but—”
Cal started to walk away from her.
“Cal!” she cried, stopping him.
“Nothing, Jane. There’s nothing going on between me and Nicole Nelson. I don’t know how many times I have to say it, and frankly, I’m getting tired of it.”
Jane swallowed hard but tried to remain outwardly calm. “She wants you.”
Cal’s response was a short disbelieving laugh. “That’s crazy.”
Jane shook her head. There’d been no mistaking what she’d read in the other woman’s expression. Nicole had set her sights on Cal and was determined to do whatever she could to get him. Jane had to give her credit. Nicole wasn’t overtly trying to seduce him. That would have gotten her nowhere with Cal, and somehow she knew it. Instead, Nicole had attacked the foundation of their marriage, creating doubt and mistrust between the two of them. She must be pleased with her victory. At this point Jane and Cal were barely talking.
<
br /> “Just a minute,” Cal said, frowning darkly. “Did you purposely seek out Nicole? Again?”
Jane’s shoulders heaved as she expelled a deep sigh. “This is the first time I’ve met her.”
“Where?”
“I went by the bookstore after I dropped Paul off at preschool.”
“To see Annie?”
“No,” she admitted reluctantly. “I decided since I was in town, I’d return the casserole dish.”
Jane watched as Cal’s gaze widened and his jaw went white with the effort to restrain his anger.
“That was wrong?” she blurted.
“Yes, dammit!”
“You wanted to bring it back yourself, is that it?”
He slapped the table so hard that the saltshaker toppled onto its side. “You went in search of Nicole Nelson. Did you ever stop to think that might embarrass me?”
Stunned, she felt her mouth open. “You’re afraid I might have embarrassed you? That’s rich.” Despite herself, Jane’s control began to slip. “How dare you say such a thing to me?” she cried. “What about everything you’ve done to embarrass me? I’m the one who’s been humiliated here. While I’m away dealing with a family crisis, my husband’s seen with another woman. And everyone’s talking about it.”
“I’d hoped you’d be above listening to malicious gossip.”
“Oh, Cal, how can you say that? I was thrust right into the middle of it, and you know what? I didn’t enjoy the experience.”
He shook his head, still frowning. “You had no business confronting Nicole.”
“No business?” she echoed, outraged. “How can you be so callous about my feelings? Don’t you see what she’s doing? Don’t you understand? She wants you, Cal, and she didn’t hide the fact, either. Are you going to let her destroy us? Are you?”
“This isn’t about Nicole!” he shouted. “It’s about trust and commitment.”
“Are you committed to me?” she asked.
The look on his face answered her question. “If you have to ask, that says everything.”
“It does, doesn’t it?” Jane felt shaky, almost light-headed. “I never thought it’d come to this,” she said, swallowing the pain. “Not with us…” She felt disillusioned and broken. Sinking into a chair, she buried her face in her hands.
“Jane.” Cal stood on the other side of the table.
She glanced up.
“Neither of us got much sleep last night.”
“I don’t think—”
The phone rang, and Cal sighed irritably as he walked over and snatched up the receiver. His voice sharp, he said, “Hello,” and then he went still and his face instantly sobered. His gaze shot to her.
“She’s here,” he said. “Yes, yes, I understand.”
Jane didn’t know what to make of this. “Cal?” she said getting to her feet. The phone call seemed to be for her. As she approached, she heard her husband say that he’d tell her. Tell her what?
Slowly Cal replaced the receiver. He put his hands on her shoulders and his eyes searched hers. “That was your uncle Ken,” he said quietly and with obvious reluctance.
“Uncle Ken? Why didn’t he talk to me?” Jane demanded, and then intuition took over and she knew without asking. “What’s wrong with my dad?”
Cal looked away for a moment. “Your father suffered a massive heart attack this afternoon.”
A chill raced through her, a chill of fear and foreboding. Instantly the numbness was replaced by a list of the cardiac specialists she knew in Southern California, doctors her family should contact. Surely her uncle Ken had already reached someone. He was an experienced physician; he’d know what to do, who to call.
“What did he say?”
“Jane—”
“You should’ve let me talk to him.”
“Jane.” His hands gripped her shoulders as he tried to get her attention. “It’s too late. Your father’s gone.”
She froze. Gone? Her father was dead? No! It couldn’t be true. Not her father, not her daddy. Her knees buckled and she was immediately overwhelmed by deep heart-wrenching sobs.
“Honey, I’m so sorry.” Cal pulled her into his arms and held her as she sobbed.
Jane had never experienced pain at this level. She could barely think, barely function. First they thought they’d leave the children with Glen and Ellie; later Jane decided she wanted them with her. While Cal called the airlines and made flight arrangements, she packed suitcases for him and the kids. Only when Cal started to carry the luggage to the car did she realize she hadn’t included anything for herself. The thought of having to choose a dress to wear at her own father’s funeral nearly undid her. Unable to make a decision, she ended up stuffing every decent thing she owned into a suitcase.
“We can leave as soon as Glen and Ellie get here,” Cal said, coming into the house for her bag.
“The roast,” she said, remembering it was still in the oven.
“Don’t worry about it. Glen and Ellie are on their way over. They’ll take care of everything—they’ll look after the place until we’re back.”
“Paul and Mary Ann?” The deep pain and resulting numbness refused to go away, and she was incapable of thinking or acting without being directed by someone else.
“They’re fine, honey. I’ll get them dressed and ready to go.”
She looked at her husband, and to her surprise felt nothing. Only a few minutes earlier she’d been convinced she was about to lose him to another woman. Right now, it didn’t matter. Right now, she couldn’t dredge up a single shred of feeling for Cal. Everything, even the love she felt for her husband, had been overshadowed by the grief she felt at her father’s death.
Cal did everything he could to help Jane, her younger brother and Jane’s mother with the funeral arrangements. Jane was in a stupor most of the first day. Her mother was in even worse shape. The day of the funeral Stephanie Dickinson had to be given a sedative.
Paul had been too young to remember Cal’s mother, and Cal doubted Mary Ann would recall much of grandpa Dickinson, either. All the children knew was that something had happened that made their mother and grandmother cry. They didn’t understand what Cal meant when he explained that their grandfather had died.
The funeral was well attended, as was the reception that followed. Harry Dickinson had been liked and respected. Cal admired the way Jane stepped in and handled the social formalities. Her mother just couldn’t do it, and her brother Derek, seemed trapped in his own private pain and wasn’t much good to anyone.
Only later, after everyone had left, did he find his wife sitting in the darkened kitchen. Cal sat at the table beside her, but when he reached for her, she stiffened. Not wanting to upset her, he removed his hand from her arm.
“You must be exhausted,” he said. “When was the last time you ate?”
“I just buried my father, Cal. I don’t have much of an appetite.”
“Honey—”
“I need a few minutes alone, please.”
Cal nodded, then stood up and left the room. The house was dark, the children asleep, but the thought of going to bed held no appeal. Sedated, his mother-in-law was in her room and his wife sat in the shadows.
The day he’d buried his own mother had been the worst of his life, Cal remembered. Jane had been by his side, his anchor. He didn’t know how he could have survived without her. Yet now, with her father’s death, she’d sent him away, asked for time alone. It felt like a rejection of him and his love, and dammit all, that hurt.
Everyone handled grief differently, he reminded himself. People don’t know how they’ll react until it happens to them, he reasoned. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he mulled over the events of the past few days. They were a blur in his mind.
His arms ached to hold Jane. He loved his wife, loved his children. Their marriage had been going through a rough time, but everything would work out, he was sure. Cal waited for Jane to come to bed, and when she didn’t, he must have fallen asleep
. He awoke around two in the morning and discovered he was alone. Still in his clothes, he got up and went in search of his wife.
She was sitting where he’d left her. “Jane?” he whispered, not wanting to startle her.
“What time is it?” she asked.
“Time for you to come to bed.”
She responded with a shake of her head. “No. I can’t.”
“You’ve haven’t slept in days.”
“I know how long it’s been,” she snapped, showing the first bit of life since that phone call with the terrible news.
“Honey, please! This is crazy, sitting out here like this. You haven’t changed your clothes. This has been a hard day for you….”
She looked away, and in the room’s faint light, he saw tears glistening on her face.
“I want to help you,” he said urgently.
“Do you, Cal? Do you really?”
Her question shocked him. “You’re my wife! Of course I do.”
She started to sob then, and Cal was actually glad to see it. She needed to acknowledge her grief, to express it however she could. Other than when she’d first received the news, Jane had remained dry-eyed and strong. Her mother and brother were emotional wrecks, and her uncle Ken had been badly shaken. It was Jane who’d held them all together, Jane who’d made all the decisions and arrangements, Jane who’d seen to the guests and reassured family and friends. It was time for her to let go, time to grieve.
“Cry, honey. Let it out.” He handed her a clean handkerchief.
She clutched it to her face, and sobbed more loudly.
“May I hold you?”
“No. Just leave me alone.”
Cal squatted down in front of her. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I want to help you,” he said again. “Let me do that, all right?”
She shook her head.
“At least come to bed,” he pleaded. She didn’t resist when he clasped her by the forearms and drew her to her feet. Her legs must have gone numb from sitting there so long because she leaned heavily against him as he led her into the bedroom.
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