by Lee Hollis
Liddy sat up straight on her bar stool, nostrils flaring, and howled, “Hardly! There’s barely an age difference between us!”
Poor Mona had just taken another sip of her beer and couldn’t help herself. She spit it out again. Randy, who had just emerged from the kitchen in a fresh shirt, tossed a white rag at Mona so she could clean up the mess she had just made on the bar, which, to her credit, she did.
Hayley prayed boozy Butch would mercifully withdraw from the conversation as it became obvious he was angering Liddy, but her prayers sadly were not answered. He just plowed ahead, slurring, “Don’t get me wrong. I love dating older women. I get to meet a lot of them on my postal route.”
Butch was a mailman and also fancied himself a ladies’ man. However, with his long, stringy, unwashed hair, glassy eyes, and gaunt frame, she wondered just how much action he really got with any woman, let alone an older woman.
“Thank you for your valuable input, Butch,” Liddy sneered as she swiveled around on her stool, making sure her back was to him in an attempt to give him a hint to stop horning in on their private conversation.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” he muttered.
“Then don’t,” Liddy said curtly.
He didn’t heed her suggestion. “I’m just saying cougars make the best girlfriends because, for one thing . . .”
“Oh no, here we go,” Hayley whispered to Mona.
“. . . they are experienced in the sack and can teach an eager young man a few things under the covers, if you know what I mean . . .” Butch said, holding up a finger. “And two . . .”
“He’s not going to stop,” Hayley said, shaking her head.
“. . . they usually pay for dinner,” he slurred, holding up two fingers. “And three . . .”
He paused, trying hard to think, raised a third finger, and continued. “. . . they have a lot of years of experience in the bedroom . . .”
“You already said that!” Mona barked.
“I did? Wait, and three . . .” He tried hard, but it was apparent nothing immediately popped into his mind, and he finally put his fingers down. “Maybe there were only two.”
Liddy had heard enough. “Please do not compare my Sonny to your disgusting exploits!”
Butch guffawed, nearly toppling over from his bar stool. “Come on, Sonny is much worse than I am! He’s been chasing after older broads for years, ever since we were in high school in Bucksport when he flirted with our geometry teacher, Mrs. Halperin.”
“I’m sure it was just a phase. He was in high school with raging teenage hormones like every other boy his age,” Liddy argued.
“No, seriously, he’s always been like that,” Butch said, trying to focus on her with his bleary eyes. “When he moved here and opened his law practice, he was all over that sweets lady who just kicked the bucket too.”
Except for Cody Johnson singing on the jukebox, the bar fell completely silent.
Liddy fixed her eyes on Butch, who still had no idea how potentially devastating the news he had just delivered was, as casually as dropping a letter in one of the mailboxes on his postal route.
“You don’t mean . . . ?” Liddy asked quietly, her hands suddenly shaking, the ice cubes clattering against the side of her cocktail glass.
“Yeah, the one that was poisoned. Lisa what’sher-name. . .”
No one knew what to say at that moment, so Mona, in her own attempt to defuse the quickly escalating, stressful, nerve-wracking situation, simply offered, “I really think you should go with the blackberry whiskey lemonade.”
Chapter 20
Before Hayley could stop her, Liddy blew past Sonny’s startled secretary, who barely had time to croak out, “He’s in a meeting,” before she burst through the large oak door into Sonny’s office. Hayley could see Sonny jump up from his desk as a startled couple in their late sixties jerked their heads around to see what kind of tornado was at that moment tearing into the room.
“Hi, babe, what are you doing here?” Sonny muttered, knowing full well that whatever had brought Liddy here was nothing good.
“Hello, Ed, hello, Janice, I’m sorry to interrupt your meeting with Sonny!” Liddy screamed at the top of her lungs, and not because poor old Ed was equipped with a hearing aid.
Ed and Janice exchanged a worried look, not sure what to do. Janice finally decided to speak. “Nice to see you, Liddy. We’re just here because Ed and I are suing the company that manufactured his pacemaker. It’s giving him trouble—”
“I’m so sorry to hear that!” Liddy roared so loudly that Ed instinctively covered his ears with his hands.
His doting wife gently put a comforting hand on Ed’s arm. “We’re just trying to keep his stress levels low until we can figure out—”
“That’s probably a wise decision!” Liddy shrieked, completely unaware that she was still yelling at the top of her lungs.
“Liddy, maybe we should wait outside until Sonny is finished talking with Ed and Janice,” Hayley quietly suggested as she hovered in the doorway with Sonny’s curious secretary, Pat—or Penny; Hayley couldn’t remember her name, except that it began with a P—who peered over her shoulder into the room watching the scene unfold.
“Yes, I think that’s a good idea. Patrice can you make a pot of coffee?” Sonny said, his eyes darting from Liddy to Hayley, searching for some kind of indication of what this was all about.
Patrice.
Yes. Of course.
“That won’t be necessary, Patrice. I’m not staying. I just dropped by to tell Sonny the wedding is off!” Liddy dramatically declared.
A silence fell over the room as Liddy took a break from her incessant shouting to let her announcement fully sink in.
“What?” Sonny asked, confused.
“Yes, I’m breaking up with you. We’re done. Finished. Kaput.”
“Why?” Janice gasped, now ignoring her husband, who was rubbing his chest as if he feared he was about to have a heart attack from all the stress and the tension and pressure that had suddenly filled the room.
Liddy turned to Janice. “He dated my cousin behind my back!”
Incensed, Janice spun around and glared at Sonny. “What? How could you?”
“Where did you hear that?” Sonny asked, utterly perplexed.
“At Drinks Like a Fish. Butch Haggerty told me!” Liddy wailed, her eyes now moist with tears as she once again relived the humiliating moment.
“That’s crazy! Butch Haggerty is a clueless lush with a big mouth!” Sonny cried. “What would he know about me?”
Liddy stepped forward, eyes narrowing. “So you’re denying you dated Lisa?”
Sonny plopped down in his chair and ran a shaky hand through his wavy hair, his mind obviously racing as he considered how to honestly but carefully answer Liddy’s question.
“It’s a simple yes-or-no question, Sonny,” Janice sniffed, sitting upright, now firmly planted on Liddy’s side.
“Well, yes. I mean, no. I’m not denying it. We went out a couple of times,” Sonny quietly admitted.
“Sonny, how could you?” Janice huffed, shaking her head.
Ed stood up. His face was pale, and he was still rubbing his chest. “I don’t feel well. I think I’m going to go outside and lie down for a minute.”
Ed stumbled past Hayley and out of the office, and then sprawled out on the couch in the waiting room. Janice, however, didn’t budge. She wanted to see where this was going.
“Lisa and I went out on a couple of dates years ago. It didn’t take me long to figure out she was basically a crazy person, completely unstable. So I stopped calling her. But let me be clear about one thing, Liddy”—Sonny noticed Janice, her arms folded and an accusing look on her face—“and Janice . . . it was months before I even met you!”
He was still looking at Janice. “Liddy, I mean.”
“Oh . . .” Janice groaned, then turned to Liddy, whose face was still flushed and furious. “That’s technically not cheating, Liddy.�
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“But you never told me about it!” Liddy wailed.
“I was embarrassed!” Sonny cried.
“Remember the night we got drunk on wine at my place and we both listed all the people in town we’ve dated in the past? Do you remember that, Sonny?”
“Yes,” Sonny said, chastised, his head bowed like a scolded puppy.
“You conveniently left out Lisa’s name!”
“I knew you’d get upset, and we were having such a fun night,” he whispered.
“Of all the women in town, of all the women in the world . . . how could you have dated that stupid, awful ogre Lisa?” Liddy hollered, throwing her hands up in the air.
“It’s not nice to speak ill of the dead,” Janice admonished.
“Plus, she left you a lot of money,” Hayley added.
Liddy ignored both of them and kept her eyes fixed on Sonny. “Did you sleep with her?”
Janice cranked her head around to get a good look at Sonny’s reaction to Liddy’s very direct question.
Hayley couldn’t help but try to read his face too.
They both were dying to know.
Sonny looked down at the floor, shuffled his feet, and slowly nodded. “Once, yes, if I’m being honest.”
“That’s the problem with you, Sonny. I always get the feeling you’re not being honest with me, that you’re constantly hiding things from me. How do you expect me to marry you when I feel uneasy and suspicious of everything that comes out of your mouth?”
“Can we just put a pin in this until I finish up with Ed and Janice?” Sonny begged. “And then I promise we can sit down and deal with this before things get way out of hand?”
“No, Sonny. It’s too late. You haven’t shown any interest in this wedding, and you’re obviously keeping secrets from me. I’m sorry, but we’re through. This time for real!”
Sonny jumped back up and came around his desk to stop her from leaving. “Babe, please . . .”
But Liddy had already stormed past Hayley and out of the office.
Hayley put a hand up in front of Sonny, who was about to chase after her. “No, let her go and calm down, Sonny. I’ll talk to her.”
Then suddenly, Liddy popped her head back in the office. “You might want to call a doctor. Ed’s not looking too good.”
And then she was gone again, leaving a shattered Sonny behind.
Chapter 21
Gemma pulled a tray of bacon-wrapped Peppadew poppers out of the oven and set it down on the stove top to let them cool.
“Those look delicious,” Liddy commented from the kitchen table before downing the rest of her Cosmo that Hayley had specially made for her hoping it would relax her.
“Martha Stewart swears by them. The best part is they’re stuffed with cream cheese,” Gemma said, joining them at the kitchen table. “They’ll be ready to eat in ten minutes.”
“I’m so proud of my daughter,” Hayley remarked. “She’s going to be a world-famous chef some day.”
“I was just hoping to be a part of designing Liddy’s wedding cake, but I guess that’s off the table now,” Gemma said.
“You’re damn right it is!” Liddy roared. “I’m not going to marry a man who clearly does not deserve me just so you can gain professional experience as a baker!”
“I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make this about me,” Gemma said. “I was just really looking forward to working with Mom.”
Hayley smiled and reached out and touched her daughter’s hand. “When did you get so sweet? It feels like yesterday you were a moody, morose teenager who hated everything that came out of my mouth.”
Gemma chuckled. “I grew up.”
Hayley turned to Liddy. “So are you sure you want to cancel the wedding? Maybe tomorrow morning, after a good night’s sleep, you might feel differently.”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life! There’s no point in carrying on with this charade any longer. Sonny and I are not meant to be together, and that’s that,” Liddy huffed.
Hayley shrugged, accepting the fact that there was probably no talking her out of her decision.
The wedding was off.
Again.
“What’s that?” Gemma asked, sitting up straight in her chair.
“What’s what?” Hayley asked.
“That . . . that sound . . .” Gemma said.
Liddy looked around the kitchen. “I don’t hear anything.”
Gemma stood up. “Someone’s playing music.”
“Is it Dustin upstairs?” Hayley asked.
“No, he’s not here. He and his friend Spanky went to see a movie in Bangor,” Gemma said, crossing to the kitchen window. “Where is it coming from?”
Gemma parted the kitchen window curtain and gasped. “Omigod, it’s Sonny!”
Liddy suddenly jumped up from her chair and scurried over to the window. “Sonny? What on earth is he doing here?”
Hayley joined them as well, and the three women peered out the kitchen window at Sonny, wearing a long trench coat and standing in the driveway with one of those old boom boxes raised in the air, blasting Peter Gabriel’s 1980s classic “In Your Eyes.”
“He’s re-creating the scene from Say Anything!” Hayley cooed.
“Say what?” Liddy asked.
“Oh, come on, Say Anything! The movie! It’s a classic! John Cusack tried to win back the love of his life by showing up at her house with a boom box and playing a love song to express his feelings for her!” Hayley said, clapping her hands. “This is so romantic.”
“I never saw it,” Liddy said.
“Of course you did. We rented the DVD when we were in high school one Saturday night! We loved it! How can you not remember it?”
“I remember it, and I’m half your age,” Gemma said.
“You are not half my age!” Liddy barked.
“Yes, I am, I’m twenty-one, and you were born in—”
Hayley begged Gemma with her eyes to stop talking, and her daughter finally got the hint. “No, you’re right, I forgot you were still in your thirties.”
They returned their attention to Sonny, who was still outside gamely doing his best John Cusack impression.
Liddy shook her head and walked back to the kitchen table and picked up her cell phone. “I’m calling the police. He’s disturbing the peace.”
“Liddy, no! Don’t do that! Go outside and talk to him,” Hayley said.
“I absolutely will not! I never want to see or speak with Sonny Lipton ever again!”
Gemma put a hand over her heart as she stared out the window. “He looks so cute, like a puppy dog who knows he’s misbehaved. I’ll marry him!”
“You have a boyfriend in New York,” Hayley reminded her before snatching Liddy’s cell phone out of her hand. “You are not calling the police.”
“Fine, then let him stay out there all night if he wants,” Liddy said, throwing her hands up in the air and marching out of the kitchen into the living room. They heard her turn on the TV to a Turner Classic Movie and raise the volume up until Humphrey Bogart’s voice was drowning out Peter Gabriel’s singing outside in the driveway.
“What should we do?” Gemma asked her mother.
“Why don’t we go out there and give him some of your bacon-wrapped Peppadew poppers before we send him home?” Hayley said as she opened the cupboard to get a plate.
“You’re right,” Gemma said. “No one should beg on an empty stomach.”
Chapter 22
“Liddy, it’s kind of bad around here today,” Hayley said as the phone on her desk rang and rang and her boss Sal blustered about reporters missing their deadlines in the back bull pen of the Island Times office.
“Hayley, the news comes and goes. This is my life we’re talking about,” Liddy wailed, hugging herself, sniffing to keep from crying, as she stood in front of Hayley’s desk.
“Okay, hang on, let me just take this one call,” Hayley said, scooping up the phone receiver.
&
nbsp; It was a reporter on the scene of a kitchen fire at a local restaurant that was under control but causing smoke damage at neighboring businesses.
“Hayley, where the hell is Jim? He should be getting photos of this!”
“Yes, Hank, I know, Jim’s on his way. Just hold on.”
The photographer had been getting a root canal at the dentist, but when he got a text about the restaurant fire, he had apparently discarded his paper bib, and with a mouthful of Novocain, dashed out to his car to race to the scene.
Sal roared into the front office just as the reporter told Hayley, “Never mind! Jim just got here!”
And then he hung up.
“Where the hell is Jim? I just got a text from Hank that he’s MIA!” Sal snarled.
“He’s there! He’s on the scene!” Hayley cried. “It’s handled!”
Sal tried calming down. He grabbed the coffeepot and poured himself a cup. “I’m going to need something stronger than this damn coffee before this day’s over!”
“Hello, Sal,” Liddy said, smiling.
He grunted a reply before brushing past her and stalking back to his office.
Hayley looked at Liddy apologetically. “I’m sorry, Liddy, I just can’t come with you today.”
“Then I’ll wait,” she said, plopping herself down in a metal chair near the coffee station.
“It’ll be another couple of hours before I can get away,” Hayley warned.
“That’s fine. It’s not a problem. I just can’t do this alone.”
Hayley understood why Liddy desperately needed moral support. Today was the day she was scheduled to pick up her wedding dress at a bridal shop in Ellsworth, where they had been painstakingly making alterations in order to meet her exact specifications. Now that the whole wedding had been called off, there was no need for the dress anymore. But since it had already been bought and paid for and could not be returned, like it or not, somebody had to drive up there and get it. Liddy was just too emotionally fragile to do it by herself, so she was pressuring Hayley to accompany her.
The fire story died down about twenty minutes later, and after a burglary call that eventually turned out to be a false alarm, the only pressing story the Island Times had to stay on top of was a town council meeting scheduled to begin at five o’clock.
