Her eyes were still wide, a hand was stroking the fine fur under her jaw. "Did you just make me a Queen?"
"Yes, there can be more than one in a solar system," Ayan said quietly. Then she allowed herself a little smile. "Since no one will let me forget I'm a Queen, and I can't set it aside, I decided I'd like some company. So, should we stay?"
"Yes," Doolth said. "I believe so, yes."
"I agree," Oz added, gently putting his hand on Admiral Doolth's shoulder. Ayan overheard him whisper; "You realize this makes us family, right?"
"I know," the Nafalli whispered back, openly cheerful. "My tribe will demand a celebration, you'll have to be there."
"Bet on it," Oz promised.
"Well, you have your way," Lamonthe said. "I'll be in-system tomorrow. We have a lot of work to do. No one has faith in your automated defence plan, so every station will have to be manned by a pair of trained personnel. I hope the Nafalli are willing to lean into this alliance, we'll need a lot of your people."
"Don't worry about our dedication, Admiral," Doolth replied.
"I hope you understand," Lamonthe intoned more neutrally, "Every major issue requires representation on both sides. I often have the dubious honour of representing the less popular opinion."
"I understand," Doolth said, her long snout bobbing a few times in a nod that was solemn.
His hologram disappeared, leaving the Mergillian Admiral to raise his hands as he said; "That's it? Such a large issue and the decision is taken out of our hands?"
"It was never going to go your way," Oz said. "I hope you'll tell your people that, even though you didn't have anything to do with the liberation of the Haven System, they are welcome to join us here. We'd like you to be a part of this."
The Mergillian Admiral only nodded before filing out with the rest of the people on that side.
Ayan was left thinking about the challenge ahead. Having someone aboard their advanced defence satellites made sense, sure, but her plan was put together assuming they would be unmanned. After a simple software error, a user error, no less, caused the deaths of hundreds, the trust in automated weaponry was gone. There really would have to be hundreds of people trained to work in those defence platforms, then thousands as more people joined the fleet. Until then, every ship they had would be needed to patrol and protect the Haven System. The choice to stay effectively grounded the fleet for months, perhaps years. She thought of Alice and Noah, who were just beginning a mission that could bring more people to the solar system, people who were willing to fight. She hoped Alice was doing well, missed her, and decided to contact her as soon as she could, especially since she'd probably seen the end of the speech she gave to the fleet.
An embrace from Limeen Doolth, whose fur was thick, soft and warm, brought her thoughts back to the instant. "Thank you, this will be a big step forward for the Nafalli here, you've given us real power. I must ask, though; why me?"
"I've spent more hours with you than any of your people. I think you'll be a better Queen than I am."
It was obvious from the Nafalli's expression that she was touched by the compliment, even though Ayan thought it was true, and the idea of having her as a constant partner in overseeing the Haven System was a big relief, she was glad Limeen took it as a compliment. "You'll be a guest of honour when we celebrate you joining the family. You'll have to bring the princess, too. My people adore your little daughter. Do you think Alice might be there as well?"
"I think she might be busy," Ayan said, wishing she could call her back for the occasion.
"Well, maybe that will change. It'll take weeks for my people to get things ready, I have to give them time, you know. We'll have to hold it on Tamber, we'll build a Rowta for it."
"Rowta?" Oz asked.
"Like a community centre," Limeen told him.
There was a growing list of things for Ayan to attend to, so she tried to excuse herself. "I'll be there with Laura, don't worry. I have to get back to the Command Centre."
"I'll go with you," Limeen said.
"I should show my face there, maybe finish the day there too. The Triton's on patrol while they undergo repairs," Oz said.
As the commanders on her side of the room filed out of the circular meeting space, Ayan listened to Limeen begin asking Oz about his parents, then his general lineage going as far back as he knew. Without realizing it, Ayan had put a new family together, and Limeen was pleasantly enthusiastic about learning everything she could about them.
Thirty-Seven
Hanging Off A Star
* * *
The sound of Sol Kin, a singer known for her smooth style of pop music that had just re-emerged from the rubble of the holocaust virus, played quietly in Noah Lucas' room like some kind of reverse lullaby, slowly rousing him. Not because the sound was harsh or discordant, but because he had to know where it was coming from. Had he left something on? Before he was determined enough to open his eyes and solve the mystery, he listened and could make out the lyrics even though they sounded tinny and far away, like it wasn't being played for his ears.
* * *
Holding onto your light,
loving the high burn,
afraid the light is fire,
afraid of the dark.
* * *
I hoooooooooooold…
* * *
Finally opening his eyes and following the music with his gaze, he discovered it was coming from the foot of his bed, where Alice sat in her vacsuit. It was meant only for her ears but was turned up so loud that he could make it out. They'd parted earlier so they could get some rest while they waited for the outcome of the battle in the Haven System. She'd gone back to the Clever Dream, and he was afraid she'd take her ship and her crew back there, to make whatever difference they could. There was no way he could get to sleep at first, and he didn't want to medicate, so he stretched out across his bed, trying not to think. Trying not to wonder what might happen to Traveller, Pixie, or anyone else he knew in the fleet.
Not remember exactly when he nodded off. It must have been sometime after her decided what he'd do if Alice took the Clever Dream and her crew back to the Haven System. He would be right behind her whether she liked it or not. He secretly hoped she would defy orders and go, but there was no way he would be the first to break the white knuckled restraint it took to follow the simple instructions they were given. Simply put, they were told to stay put.
Something must have happened. She was back. That form was not made of light, it wasn't a holographic projection. Noah sat up and gently touched her back. Alice half turned and stopped her music. She regarded him just long enough for him to see that her face was uncharacteristically stony. The shadow of her father was in there, the edge of the grim expression someone caught while he was in command of the Revenge, probably in the middle of a battle somewhere. It was one of the images in the public part of his file.
It wasn't like Noah to back away from bad news. He'd had plenty for as long as he could remember, so he got out from under his blanket and joined her on the end of the bed, sitting, looking at the same patch of the deck she turned her stare to. "The First Light was practically destroyed," Alice said quietly.
You mean the Sunspire, Noah corrected mentally, letting the thought resonate then die without sharing it.
After a moment, Alice went on as she tapped her left command and control unit. There was a picture on the screen there of a stern looking woman with short, light red hair and blue eyes. It was Admiral Rice. "She'd taken it as her flagship. Funny, because it was a rebuilt antique when she sent my parents off in it. I was there when Jonas met her for the first time, watching from his com-con as his artificial intelligence. I remember now. It's a strange memory, not the first time it's come back, but I remember. I was afraid of her."
There were no tears as Alice told the story, but she was quiet, Noah could only just hear her. "Why?" he asked.
"Oh," Alice perked up for a moment. "I thought she'd have me replaced by a militar
y program, or have Jonas put me in storage. I didn't want to get shut down then turned on ten or twenty years later, either by Jonas after he'd lived a whole chunk of life or one of his kids after he passed me on. She didn't though, and I'm grateful, because he didn't have the life I thought he would."
It never occurred to Noah that there was ever an expectation that Jonas Valent would live a long life, have a family, maybe remain in good standing with Freeground Nation. It was obvious that she had dreamt that once, that there was a time Alice was sure she'd be with him through decades. Why not? Going through life expecting that your maker could disappear at any moment seemed cynical, at least for most people. Noah didn't really remember his parents, though, nor did he care to seek them out. His real beginning happened when his second family adopted him, as far as he was concerned. That didn't make what Alice was going through strange to him, though.
Then all his attention was called back to her as she cursed under her breath and said; "I just can't get there. Sad music, old stories, thinking of the good things she's done, I'm just not…" she shook her head.
"Is there anything I can do?"
Alice leaned against him, her shoulder fitting under his as she sighed. It was a tense kind of exhale though, like she was trying to relax but failing. He put his arm around her, feeling her shoulders, which were like stretched cord, muscle bunched tight. "You're doing it. I'm just tired of this. I want to get it all out at once. I should be crying?" it came as a question. "I really barely knew Jessica, Admiral Rice, but she was coming back to the family, accepting my Mom even though she'd treated her like a bad copy of the first Ayan a long time ago, or what feels like a long time ago. She knew she was welcome back, I barely had any time with her. Still, she was family, a part of my past. A past that this war is killing. I mean, there are scientists on the War Forge probably trying to figure out if they can make a perfect copy, but I know better than anyone; that's not the same. Jessica Rice's journey is over. Whatever comes next will be new, even if she seems exactly the same. Yawen's dealing with that right now. Sometimes she feels like the life she has, everything she remembers is borrowed from someone else. I know what that's like, so I help, and Theo's always there for her, but it's complicated. No reason to think anyone else will come out of their machines will feel any different, even a great Admiral." Alice barked a short, scoffing laugh. "I just realized how much she'd probably hate that. Jessica was one of the people who barred Ayan, the one we know now, from inheriting anything the original had. Imagine if she came back? Jessica Version Two-Point-Oh might be a confused mess for a long time." There was a long moment of silence, then Alice asked; "Why don't I give a shit? If nothing else, she's one of the people I've known the longest."
Surging to her feet, she started to pace across the foot of the bed. "Oh, God, I'm so tired of this! Jessica Rice and most of her bridge crew get killed and I have a moment of reflection that turns into a pity party."
Still reeling from one thing she said, that the war was killing her past, Noah watched her. Wordlessly, Alice angrily pulled her hair into a red ponytail, pulled the tie free, unsatisfied with her first attempt, then drew her straight red hair back into a ponytail. A moment later the tie came off again and was flicked onto a shelf. "I'm here. I don't know how much help I can be, but I'm listening."
"Thank you," Alice sighed. "Theodore and Quan came to my room on the Dream and tried to solve me," the last two words; solve me, came as a frustrated growl. "Like I was some kind of puzzle they could put back together. Oh, and Quan was worried I'd let my emotions leak across the whole crew. I told him you helped me with that, that I'd be fine, they'd be fine, and he just gave me this look that said; 'how could Carnie help you with your poor emotional brain?' I didn't feel like explaining."
The funny thing to Noah was that he would like to know how he helped with that too, but it was definitely not the time to ask. "I don't blame you," he said instead.
"I would have told him that everything's been easier since you helped me feel the difference between my emotions and everyone else's. No two people feel the same, it was the most obvious thing, I can't believe Quan missed it. Ever since, it's been easier to keep my chaos to myself."
"I'm good at seeing the obvious stuff," Noah said with a fake bragging sigh, cracking his knuckles. "That's me, 'Mister Obvious.'" It took effort not to ask about 'her chaos.'
Alice laughed a little and shook her head, looking at him, maybe noticing for the first time that he was in the small shorts he wore to bed. "That's not how I meant it. I mean, you really helped, everything is easier now."
"Good," Noah said more earnestly. "I'm still not going to try to fix you right here, right now, though."
"I know, I know," Alice said, resuming her pacing. "I shouldn't have snapped at them. They were just trying to help, but it was too much. I'm not some high-performance racer, I don't need a pit crew."
"That's how the Fleet treats you, though?" Noah asked, realizing for the first time that the analogy fit perfectly.
"Yeah," Alice sighed. "I got my ship back with way more than a new coat of paint, and when it comes down to it I get everything I want. Sure, they rationalize it, but when they realized I wanted to come out here, they made it sound like it was their idea and sent me out, made sure I had a whole crew who were tailored to me."
"But you're in charge," Noah said, hoping that she'd start seeing the bright side. "I mean, I don't know what the hell I'm doing out here aside from the social stuff. Even then, I'm far from perfect. There's a whole pirate band after me, I'm pretty sure and I freaked out because I thought I'd be alone at first."
"Yeah, but that's not my point. I wanted to come after you and the Fleet just rolled over."
"Cool," Noah said with a shrug.
Alice stared at him, her face frozen in a confused, stunned expression. "You're missing the point," she said finally, resuming her pacing.
"Help me hit the target? I know, you probably don't want to explain yourself, but I could use…"
"I mean it's like people are afraid I'll do something crazy if they don't go along with what I want," Alice said.
"Not me," Noah countered. "My door has a lock. If I was afraid you'd do something crazy, I wouldn't put you on the whitelist."
"Okay, but you've followed along with whatever I want, too," Alice said.
"I hate to bring this up, but I broke up with you because I didn't think we'd be seeing each other again for years."
"Then you called me back and patched things up!" Alice retorted.
The conversation was taking a bad turn. He could feel the opportunity to course correct start to pass and decided to do something drastic, surging to his feet and looking her in the eye. If what he said next didn't get them going in the right direction, it would send them spinning apart. Either way, he wanted to shock her out of the weird self-pitying mood she was in, and from the little he knew of her, the truth was the best way to do it. The truth presented as directly as possible. Besides, he was trying to stay calm, but irritation at seeing her try to fault herself and everyone she cared about was rising fast. "If you want people to treat you like anyone else, like any normal soldier, you're going to be disappointed. You're a charming brat who gets her way because none of us want to say no to you. You know what scared me about you? That you were just looking at me like a curiosity, like some bug in your microscope, and that when we finally met you'd be some military brat. That we'd have the chemistry of a cat and a cockroach. Then we clicked, obviously."
"Obviously," she said, her eyes narrowed, jaw tight.
Whatever bad turn their conversation was taking had been interrupted, and Noah was highly aware that the moment was in his hands. It was balancing between good and catastrophic. "I thought I'd be some kinda amusement ride for a little while at best, then you'd get bored and move on. You've got a reputation in the fleet, whether you like it or not. You get what you want, come and go as you please, and don't care who gets pissed about it. If you think your Dad or Mom ar
e intimidating to me? You should take another look at yourself. I know you're trying to figure yourself out, hell, aren't we all? But you're forgetting that you're the woman nothing can put down for long, and can take out an Admiral right in the middle of an impenetrable death machine. You're also the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Put it all together and you're still a brat because you're the last to realize you've got it all. Oh, and I'm still a little overwhelmed because you used all that influence to come out here and save my ass. Add to the list one more person who won't say no to you, brat."
All right, that's weird. Noah thought as he said the last. Alice seemed to bristle, irritation returning when he called her a brat, but then she started to smile. It was like watching a cat notice a mouse in the corner before it was aware of her, like the hunt was on. "So, it all boils down to me getting what I want, like a privileged brat?" Alice asked, one eyebrow raised, almost smiling. There was still something tense behind the exterior. It was as if she was amused and furious at him at the same time.
Noah realized he was leaning back a little and straightened. Her face was tilted up at him, his down to hers, and they were almost nose to nose. She was either teasing him or… "The most charming brat I've ever seen," he replied.
"So, you'd let me do whatever I want?" she asked, her fingers tracing their way up his chest.
"I'm here for you," Noah replied. Now I wish I could read minds, or emotions, or whatever. This lady is bloody complicated. "Whatever you need."
Alice pushed up onto her toes and took his lips with hers. Her arms snaked up around his shoulders. His hands slipped around her waist as he followed her lead, enjoying the passion in her kiss. The moment she broke away to kiss his neck he asked; "So, you're okay?"
In response Alice raised her foot behind his leg and tapped the back of his knee, tripping him onto the bed. The front of her vacsuit was part way open, he noticed as she climbed on top of him. She shook her head and said; "I have no idea," as she dropped down onto him and resumed their passionate kiss.
Spinward Fringe Broadcast 14 Page 31
