by Ella Miles
Maybe if I had met Enzo earlier, I would have dreamed about him in high school. He would have been the dangerous boy that everyone knew they should stay far away from, but secretly pined for at the same time. He would have been every girl’s crush and every boy’s nightmare.
Enzo’s eyes aren’t as forgiving as mine. He doesn’t shy away from staring at my body. And the way he slowly licks his lips lets me know he likes what he sees.
“Moisten your lips, beautiful.”
Beautiful. I focus on the word. Hold onto it. I haven’t heard a compliment like that in forever. But I’m not beautiful. The healing has made me more human but not attractive.
He scowls. “If this is going to work you have to trust me. You promised you would. You have to believe every word I say is true. I won’t lie to you. Not now. You’re beautiful, Kai.”
I moisten my lips, but I’m not sure I believe him.
“Good. Part your lips, run your tongue over your bottom lip slowly. Take your time.”
I hang onto his words, my body responding before I have time to process them. I let my tongue explore my own mouth, running my tongue over my bottom lip slowly, like it’s the most delicious popsicle I want to taste.
“Good girl. You’re so fucking sexy when you do that. I remember how you taste. I’ve never forgotten.”
I raise an eyebrow. Not possible.
“I haven’t. You tasted like the sea. Like salt and cool, refreshing water. You were the most invigorating woman I’ve ever kissed. So eager and yet so in control of your own body.”
Control, I want that back.
“Now, take a deep breath and exhale slowly with me.” He sucks in a breath, and I do the same. We hold our breath for what seems like forever before he steadily lets us exhale. In and out we repeat, until I’m breathing slowly on my own.
“You are so beautiful, so fucking strong and in control.”
Beautiful and in control, I repeat his words in my head.
“Now let your hand fall against your body wherever it wants. Don’t force it anywhere.”
My hand rests against my chest, feeling my speeding heart beneath it.
“Perfect, Kai. Let your fingers dance across your flesh. Let it feel the tingles as you trace the scars, but more importantly, the untouched skin that will heat your body.”
My fingers barely move at first, focusing too much on a scar over my chest on the left side. A knife wound. I thought it would kill me, that I’d bleed out.
“Move your fingers, Kai.”
I do, letting them move to skin that feels good instead of evil. My fingers trip over the point of my nipple.
Enzo sucks in a sharp breath, and his eyes deepen with his own lust. “See that hard nipple? It’s hard because it knows what it wants. It wants to be flicked, stroked, touched. It’s peaked in anticipation of what you will do to your own body.”
I pause over my pointed nipple. How did it get hard?
“Squeeze it between your fingers.”
My thumb and fingers squeeze.
“Ah,” I cry at the unfamiliar sensation.
Enzo grins seductively. “Good girl, see how your body reacts. Your other nipple has hardened. Ready for its turn. Lick your finger this time before you touch it.”
I slowly lick my finger, letting my saliva soak it before dripping it over my nipple. It feels better than the first, as I move my finger in slow circles.
My body arches into my hand as my nipple tenses beneath my touch.
“You’re so beautiful taking control of your body like this, Kai. You’re making me use all of my self-control to not touch you. Because goddammit, I’ve never wanted a woman more than you.”
His words are like my own special chorus singing to me. I want him to want me, even if I never want him to touch me.
“Now what do you want, Kai? What are your fingers eager to touch next? Let them go.”
Down. My fingers slip down.
“Part your legs.”
I let my legs fall to the side, as my fingers slide down my marred stomach.
“Wider.”
I spread my legs as open as I can and realize I’m opening not for my fingers, but for Enzo’s dirty gaze. His tongue licks his lips, and I feel the sensation in my core.
“Fuck,” I jerk at the unexpected sensation even though he didn’t touch me.
He bites his lip in an evil grin.
“Touch yourself, Kai. Show me how you like it.”
“What if I don’t remember?”
He shakes his head. “Trust your body. You do. And if you don’t, I know what you like. How you like to be touched.”
My fingers are between my legs, and I let them move as one, caressing my cunt, taking all of my lower lips in.
“You’re wet,” he says, and I confirm with my touch.
“Yes.”
“Move your hands in big slow circles.”
I do, as I exhale the intensity of the touch and his devouring stare is too much.
I can’t.
I stop and start moving my hand away to give myself a break.
“Don’t you dare. Keep your hands on your pussy. You don’t get to stop until you’ve come all over your delicious fingers.”
I clench my teeth together at the overwhelming sensations I can barely handle.
“You’re ready.”
“For what?”
“To sink your fingers inside. To feel the walls of your pussy.”
I nod. That sounds incredible.
“Start with one finger at your entrance.”
Yes, one finger.
“Now slide it in through your slickness.”
In my finger slides as he growls deeply, and my skin burns. His growl urging me on as if knowing this step was going to be hard for both of us.
My finger stills. It’s just one finger. I can barely even feel it inside me, but its enough to send me into a frenzy of anxiety.
“You got this, beautiful; hold onto my voice.”
But I can’t. A tear burns my eyes. Why is this so difficult? Why can’t I touch myself?
I start panicking. Sweat drenches my body, and I start pulling my finger out.
“Look at me, gorgeous.”
I blink back my tears as I turn my head to Enzo. I failed. I can’t.
“Look at my cock.”
I do, and I gasp.
His hand has his cock firmly in his grasp, and I’ve never seen him so hard. “This is what you do to me. You make my cock hard and thick. You make it ache to thrust inside of you. You make me into a fucking desperate son of a bitch who only bursts for you.”
He strokes himself. God, he’s so big. Bigger than any man I’ve seen. His cock is long, thick, and veiny. It grows the more he strokes it, as he devours me with his wolfish eyes.
“I haven’t had another woman since you arrived. I used to get laid weekly, daily if I wanted it. But not one single woman since you.”
“Why?” I breathe.
“Because of you. All I think about is you. Your naked body. Your fight. You drive. Your tears. I want it all, Kai. Every buried emotion, I want it. To claim and own myself.
“Don’t let me take it. Your emotions and experiences are yours—not mine. No matter how much I want you, only you can give yourself to me. And I don’t deserve you. Take back your body. Take back yourself.”
He continues to stroke himself, and I realize my finger starts sliding in and out of myself the same as his rhythm stroking his cock.
“Add another finger. Stretch that pretty cunt.”
Another finger slides in and out, but I don’t stop at two. I add three.
His heavy growl at my addition drenches my fingers.
My other hand drops lower and begins to circle my clit finding the swollen nub easily now that I’m so turned on.
“Yes, Kai. Touch yourself. Feel how incredible your body feels beneath your fingers.”
“God,” I moan as another surge makes my toes curl. The sensations start coming back
, and I remember how it feels. I remember what to do.
My back arches into my hand as my fingers work. My lips part and my legs spread wider as my fingers sink deeper.
“Beautiful, are you close? I’m so fucking close because of you.” He’s stroking himself so hard I don’t know if he’s pleasuring or punishing his cock for wanting me.
“Take it back, Kai. Take back what is yours.”
I feel my body clenching around my fingers, my body tensing, arching for more. So close, but even though I’m the edge, can I really fall over the cliff? Can I let myself feel the intense joy and feel the peace afterward?
“Let go with me, Kai. Let go. Come on those dirty, filthy fingers. Come because you control your body. No one else, just you.”
I hear his words. And they help. But I also feel myself stirring inside—a voice of my own stepping out of the dark shadows of my heart.
I’m here.
I’m strong.
I’m in control.
I scream as I finally push myself into an orgasm. My muscles squeeze my fingers rhythmically as I come. My body clenches and then releases my orgasm as it bubbles then bursts in tiny explosions throughout my body, releasing all of the darkness of my past and giving me back my body—giving me back.
I gasp as I try to regain my normal breathing, and then I watch Enzo jerk his own beautiful orgasm from his body. His eyes roll back, no longer focused on me, as his cock hardens before the thick, white liquid spills onto the tight muscles of his stomach.
God, what would it feel like for his cock to spill his seed inside me?
I’m not sure I’ve seen anything so breathtakingly attractive as a man coming on himself when he wanted to fuck me instead. He could have. He could have taken me and destroyed me. Fucked me into oblivion. But he didn’t.
He didn’t touch me.
And it’s never made me want a man more. I just came, just experienced that sensation again for the first time in years, but I think I’m already crazier with need than before. I’m horny and lusting after the handsome man lying next to me.
I can never forgive him, but this…giving me back a piece of myself is as close as I will ever get to absolving him.
But right now, I can’t think. The heavy pull of sleep is too much. And I let it consume me.
I wake up to an empty bed.
Enzo is gone.
But I slept in a bed; albeit a hard, cool one.
And I made myself come.
I’m healing, faster than I thought I would heal in a lifetime, and it makes me want to think about a future. What does my future look like?
Will I ever be free? Finish school? Hold a job?
Or will I end up a whore? A slave again?
I climb out of bed, before I realize my legs are woozy from last night.
I smile. I have a new favorite memory. The only way it could have been better would have been to combine the two memories. Kissing while coming would have made it better.
I don’t know what time it is. I fell asleep in the early morning. I pick up my discarded shirt from last night and put it on before I walk over to the curtains and pull them open. The sun is low in the sky. It’s almost sunset. I slept all day, no wonder Enzo left the bed. He’s probably at work.
I don’t hesitate, I push the glass open and step outside. I take a deep breath of salty air, feeling like a new woman as I walk over to the edge of the balcony and lean against the railing. Today is a new start. I don’t need answers to heal anymore. All I need is me.
I can decide my own future. And Enzo will just have to deal with it. He won’t stop me. I’m his kryptonite. I can have anything I want, and he’d give it to me. I just need to figure out what I want.
Him.
Shit, I think.
“You’re entering a brave new world,” Enzo says from behind me in his suit.
I smile. “Thanks to you.”
He frowns. “No, I had nothing to do with it.”
That’s not true. He gave me back myself after being the one who took it in the first place. I feel settled for the first time in years.
“Here,” he says holding out a tall drink with a straw to me.
“What’s this?”
“Try it.”
I take it from him and sip. It’s crisp and sweet and delicious.
He grins, his dimple showing as my eyes light up. “It’s iced coffee with cream and sugar. I know Westcott has been trying to get you to drink coffee or tea when you wake up. But I knew you would enjoy something cold more than hot at the moment.”
“Thank you.”
He sighs. “Stop thanking me.”
“I can’t. You helped me. Why do you keep being so nice to me?”
“Trust me; I’m not nice. If you knew what was going on in my head, you wouldn’t be thinking that way. I have my own devious reasons for helping you. And in the end, you will hate me again. So don’t let yourself like me for a second. Because I will just use it to destroy you.”
I don’t believe him. I misjudged him. He’s my savior.
I step toward him.
Closer.
Closer.
Closer.
My hand outstretched as I hesitantly lay my hand against his chest.
Spark.
Fire.
Fuck.
The sensation of only our touch is more than the explosion I felt last night when I came. His heart squeezes at my touch—his dark, dangerous heart. The one that can be cruel or kind.
“I’m glad you didn’t take my innocence that night. The kiss was enough to survive on.”
He looks pained as I continue to touch his heart.
“Sex with a worthy man was something to look forward to. A goal to get back to.”
He grabs my wrist forcefully. The most forceful touch I’ve felt since I was released.
“Stop looking at me like you see me bringing you chocolates and flowers. I’m not your knight in shining armor. I’m not your savior. I made a mistake all those years ago. One I plan to rectify very soon. I just need you healed before I carry out my plan. Because I’m not so ruthless to destroy a broken girl.”
He releases me and steps back. “You aren’t broken anymore. Now I can ruin you.”
He walks away.
I want to be fucked by a worthy man. Enzo Black isn’t that man. He never will be.
30
Enzo
Kai is no longer afraid.
She can walk in the light.
She dons clothes instead of going bare.
She slept in my bed.
And her body is hers again.
She’s healed. There are still fragile parts, pieces that will take longer to fit back into her body. Pieces that still appear broken and can’t be fixed in a single night. But she doesn’t need me anymore. She’s healing on her own.
There is no denying she isn’t broken. The shattered pieces of her icy cage are being put back up, but this time, she let me in first.
It was the one thing she shouldn’t have done—trust me.
Healing her broke me in ways I wasn’t expecting. She’s no longer shattered, but I am. Because as much as I want to pretend it’s better that she’s healed, it’s not. I know what darkness comes next, even if I don’t want to face it.
The door to my lair at Surrender opens, and Langston walks in, followed by Zeke, Westcott, and Archard, my lawyer.
I motion for all the men to take a seat at the long conference like table I have brought in for meetings like this.
“You all know why I gathered you here for this meeting,” I start.
“The girl,” Langston answers.
I nod.
“She’s the one? Kai? The one you killed six years ago?” Langston continues.
“Yes, one and the same.”
“But how is she alive, if you killed her?” Zeke asks.
All of the men stare at me with bated breath as they wait for my answer.
“Because I didn’t kill her.”
; “Why not?” Zeke asks.
“Because Black’s in love with her,” Langston slumps back in his chair. “I told you that pussy would be what destroyed us. Everything we’ve spent our entire lives working for. All the shit your father put us through will be lost because you want to fucking get laid.”
I slam my fist down on the table. “No, I don’t love the girl.” Truth. “And I sure as hell don’t want to fuck her.” Lies.
“Then what, Mr. Black? Why didn’t you kill her?” Westcott asks this time.
“Because it’s not who I am. It’s not who any of us are. I didn’t want to start my reign by killing someone who didn’t even know what could be hers. It didn’t seem fair.”
The men nod.
“I was a boy. I was stupid. I won’t make the same mistake again.”
“So you’re going to kill her now?” Zeke asks.
“No, I’m going to follow the rules and earn my kingdom the way the contract was written. I’m tired of feeling like a fraud.”
“Kai’s not ready for that. She’s weak. It would be kinder just to kill her,” Langston says. He’s the only one who truly got any insight into who Kai really is. Westcott may have spent time with her, but he doesn’t know her. She never opened up to him.
“She is now,” I say.
“What changed?” Langston asks.
“Everything,” I answer.
I turn my attention to Archard, my lawyer. The real reason I brought all of my most trusted men together. To understand what my next steps are now that I know the last few years have all been a lie.
“So tell me what happens now,” I say to Archard.
He thumbs the papers. “Well, the contract you signed three years ago is void now that we know the conditions haven’t been met.”
I nod, I knew they would be. But everyone else in the room gasps, realizing what it means.
“What are my choices now? What are the conditions for me to regain everything I just lost?” I ask.
Archard looks concerned as he pulls the paper and slides it over to me. The paper I haven’t seen in over twenty years. One I only faintly recognize. I skim quickly, already realizing what I have to do.
It’s the same choice as before. Save her or save myself. Never both.
I’m used to surviving. I don’t know how not to survive. I don’t know how to lose.
