“Well, you’re my best friend. We are in a secret club—of only two.” I wanted so much more for us, but could never say it out loud.
Josh flipped the notebook open as he settled back into his seat on the couch. “Damn right, Cupcake. Just us.”
“Brianna.” Scott’s voice pulled me out of my memory. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blow it off. If it seemed like I did—”
“No, no. It’s fine. And you’re probably right. Just forget about it.”
“So how’s Josh? Did he settle back in okay?” As busy as Scott was, he never forgot to ask about Josh. It was out of curiosity more than concern, but if an old best friend who happened to be a woman breezed into Scott’s life, I’d have been curious, too.
“Good. He’s getting used to being back. And his shop seems to be taking off, too. I’m happy.” Getting used to having him back, in the flesh and not on paper was a little taxing for me—in mostly a good way. We were adults now so I tried to ignore any residual effects of my childhood crush.
Scott nodded and bit his lip. “He’s lucky to have a friend like you to stick by him through . . . you know . . . all he did back then.”
I said nothing in reply as I swished my wine around in the glass. I was lucky, too. I knew what it was to have someone’s unconditional support. That was why I never took mine away from Josh—no matter how much he insisted. We still had a club, and there was still no room for anyone else.
Chapter 4
Brianna
“God, this place didn’t change at all.” Josh craned his head around the Freedom Diner. It was barely two tables more than coffee shop size, but they had gravy fries and extra cheese in their omelets. When we were kids, it was our favorite place.
“Yeah, Spiro still owns it.” I nodded in the direction of the portly man at the register. He hadn’t changed much either, and still eyed Josh up and down as though he was up to no good.
“We should eat before he calls the cops on me, like the last time I was here.” Josh let out a chuckle as he perused the menu. He’d cleaned up his life, but every inch of him still looked the part of bad boy. Tattoos lined both of his forearms and peeked out of the sleeves of his leather jacket. His hair was buzzed short, and he always sported at least three days’ worth of stubble. But he had the same twinkling eyes and crooked smile as the five-year-old boy that stole my heart.
“Screw him. I just came for gravy fries with my best friend. His good eye can stare at us all it wants.” I glared right back at Spiro as I closed the menu and set it down in front of me.
Josh raised his eyebrows. “I’m still your best friend?”
I sat back and narrowed my eyes at him. “Of course you are. Why, I’m not yours?” In the blink of an eye, we regressed from thirty to thirteen.
“Well, yeah of course. But I figured you’d have done better as far as friends went after I was gone.” Josh laughed with a sad smile. “I wasn’t exactly nice to you before I left.”
I shrugged. “You never scared me, Falco. I had friends, yes. More in college than high school. I was itching to get out, too.”
Josh frowned as he rested his elbows onto the table. “I didn’t want that. You went to the prom at least, right?”
“I’m assuming you want gravy fries. It’s probably a little late in the day for omelets—”
“Bri . . .” Josh growled as his jaw ticked.
“Fine,” I huffed. “No. And I didn’t care. I didn’t want to buy a stupid dress for a night with stupid people I didn’t like. I went to my college formal if that makes you feel better and it was lovely. Happy?”
“No.” Josh leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “When it got really tough, the only thing that gave me the slightest bit of comfort was that you were happy here—without me. Not always sticking up for me and the latest fight I was in, or going after people whispering behind my back. I wanted you to have a good, normal life.”
I inhaled a deep breath and folded my hands in front of me. I lifted my gaze to meet his. He wanted me to move on and not get caught up in the trouble he always seemed to stir up. But good? Happy?
“What I was, Josh, was miserable. You and I were best friends. Since kindergarten. I did feel a little relief knowing you were okay, and not worrying about a drug deal going bad or someone beating you up to the point you’d have to go into the hospital. Seeing you here, like this. The way you and I used to be before things got—” My nose burned as I blinked back tears. “That’s what makes me good and happy.”
I wiped a tear away with the back of my hand. It was so many years ago, but talking about life with Josh as kids, and losing him, picked off a very painful scab.
“I finished it by the way. The book.”
My stomach twisted as I tried to read the expression on his face. Having someone read my story, even if it was Josh, was like standing naked in the middle of Times Square—which was why I finished it five years ago and never did a damn thing with it. There was so much of me on those pages. And the happy-go-lucky story Josh remembered took on a dark tone toward the middle and end.
“And . . .” I squawked out.
He burst out laughing. “It’s good, Bri.” A wide grin split his mouth. “Really good. It deserves more than just me reading it. Promise me you’ll do something with it.”
My cheeks heated as my eyes darted from his. “We’ll see.” I shrugged, my cheeks hurting from the big smile he brought to my face. “Thank you for reading it.”
“Anytime, Cupcake.”
Cupcake. I loved that nickname and hated it at the same time. The week after Josh left for boot camp, I burst into tears in the Hostess aisle at Target.
Josh’s eyes dropped to the table as he took my hand and laced our fingers together. “How about we make up for lost best friend time? Make sure I hold onto my title.” My heart fluttered as he squeezed my hand. Holding hands was probably outside of the best friends’ realm but like everything else between us, it was natural and easy—even if not all that appropriate.
“I’d like that.” The smile on my face faded as our eyes locked. He had another title back then, one I never could admit to out loud. Can you recognize the love of your life as a teenager, or is it impossible to decipher against adolescent puppy love? The butterflies that took off in my stomach didn’t seem to know the difference.
Chapter 5
Brianna
I wasn’t sure when I lost the morning each day. If I had to guess, I’d probably say around seven-forty-five-ish. The meticulous care I took with my hair and makeup became a race against time I was always losing.
Today was the season’s first snowstorm. Snow in New York is supposed to be fun and magical —especially in December. When you commuted in from Queens to Manhattan for work, it was nothing more than a ginormous pain in the ass. Today’s snowfall was predicted at six to eight inches. Not enough to shut down the subways so I could stay home in fluffy slippers and sip coffee all morning, but enough to slow everything down to a glacier’s pace and made the short walk to the train station treacherous, especially with my tendency to slip and fall on dry concrete.
By some miracle, I traipsed out of my building at my usual time of eight a.m. However, the snow was now mixed with ice. My ugly snow boots, with heels guaranteed by the store to not slip on ice, didn’t stop me from skidding into a tree. I latched onto the icy trunk and managed to break my fall. A drop of sweat fell from my brow under my wool hat as panic and fear set in. I hated fucking snow.
“Hey, Cupcake! Need a ride?” I peeked out of the top flap of my hood at the large black monstrosity with obnoxious, over-sized tires pulling up to the curb. I crept over to the truck, saying a Hail Mary with every step that I didn’t wipe out into one of the growing snow drifts along the sidewalk.
Josh stepped out and trudged to where I was stranded, extending his hand. He tsked. “You never could walk in the snow.”
My face twisted in a scowl as he shook his knit cap covere
d head.
“This is snow and ice, and shut up.” I gingerly stepped into the patches of fresh snow that had more traction. Josh snickered as he held my hand and grabbed my arm. He’d only been back for three months and it was as though he’d never left. The long talks, the teasing, the comfort being in each other’s presence—all of it was exactly the same.
“Remember when we were kids how I had to carry you over ice patches before you started to cry? I bet five more minutes and you would have teared up. I think what you meant to say was, ‘Thank you, Josh. You’re my hero.’” He lifted an eyebrow as I jumped in, well, as much as I could jump into a truck several feet off the ground. And he was right, smug bastard that he was.
The warmth of the heat through the vents and the soft leather seats brought out a long, relieved breath. I could live another day without cracking my head open on the ice—or at least another ten minutes until I arrived at the subway station.
“Thank you. You’re a lifesaver.” I leaned over to kiss his cheek, but stiffened right after. Such a natural gesture between friends suddenly seemed too intimate and wrong. Especially when you may be attracted to said friend but already had a boyfriend.
Josh didn’t seem to mind my inappropriate gesture, though, as a wide grin spread across his face. “That’s much better. You know, if you got up just a little earlier . . . You used to get to school with seconds to spare. Still like to make it interesting, I see.”
“Nice truck. What happened, they didn’t have the big tires? Is that why you moved back, just to bust my chops?” I rolled my eyes as he laughed harder.
“No, but that was an added perk, for sure. I have a potential new client near your office, and I knew, as usual you’d be running late so I timed it perfectly. How about a ride all the way into the city?”
Josh’s truck was better suited for snow than one of the sanitation trucks that we trailed along the main road. “What would I do without you?”
“Probably take a face plant into the snow, but someone would dig you out eventually.” Josh winked at me and despite my best attempts to narrow my eyes at him, that wink made my insides melt like the snow dripping off the shoulders of my down coat.
I did like to keep it interesting, and lately, dangerous.
**
“I love snow days!” Tanya chirped as she leaned back in her chair and stretched her arms over her head. We were assigned to work together when I first started at the agency. She was design, I was copy, but we formed a fast friendship that turned into a great partnership. Clients now asked for us specifically, which felt pretty awesome.
“Yeah, sure.” I scoffed. “We’re one of four idiots who showed up at work today.”
“Five.” Scott appeared at my door with a Chipotle paper bag and a smile. My face dropped at the sight of him. He used to love to pop into my office since his accounting firm was only a couple of blocks away, but for the past few months was too busy to even return a text during work hours.
“Hey, babe!” I rose from my chair to give him a hello kiss. “Burrito bowl?”
“Of course.” He kissed my forehead. “I know my girl.” His lips curved into a smile as he squeezed my hand. A pang of guilt assaulted my gut as I squeezed back. I gazed into his hopeful baby blues and couldn’t help the grin across my cheeks. My thoughts and attention should be on him, not a specter from the past.
“We can have a private lunch since hardly anyone is here. Wimps stayed home for the most part.” I led Scott to our tiny break room and grabbed the bag from his hand.
“I’m actually surprised you didn’t play the work from home card today. Ice terrifies you.” Scott laughed as he reached into the bag and set our food on the table. “Plus they never shovel the subway steps in your neighborhood. You aren’t usually this brave.” Scott winked as he handed me a fork.
“I got a ride all the way in today, so it wasn’t so bad.”
“You actually got a cab in this weather? That’s impressive.” Scott’s eyes widened as he took a chomp out of his burrito.
“I didn’t call a cab. Josh gave me a ride.”
“You called him?” Scott’s nostrils flared as he set his lunch down on the paper container.
Shit. Taking a ride from Josh didn’t seem like a big deal, but I should’ve known better. Scott didn’t like how much time I spent with Josh. He never came out and said it, but whenever I mentioned Josh he nodded and closed off. It was my job to reassure him, but the more time I spent with my best friend, the more he became . . . more than that. My guilty conscience didn’t want to acknowledge the fire I was playing with.
“No, he was passing by this morning and offered me a ride.”
Scott stopped chewing as his brow pinched. “At eight o’clock in the morning, Josh just happened to be in front of your building.” Scott gulped his food as he shook his head.
The air thickened between us as Scott’s mouth flattened into a hard line.
“He was seeing a client in the city and thought I’d want a ride. Don’t make it into a bigger deal than it is.”
Scott threw his napkin on the table and folded his arms as he sat back. “A client in Manhattan wanted to talk about getting a custom motorcycle during a snowstorm?” His eyes narrowed to slits as he leveled his gaze on mine.
“What are you saying?” I huffed as I chucked my fork on the table.
His chest heaved as he leaned closer. “He’s been back three months and he’s everywhere. Texting you all the time, stopping by, and you eat it up. Same way you did with all those letters he sent you. Your fucking eyes lit up for a piece of paper more than they ever did for me.” His words trailed off as he broke his gaze from mine.
This wasn’t like Scott. He was mellow and easygoing to the point of grating on my nerves. The Josh in the letters was out of sight, but never out of my mind. I hurt Scott even then, before Josh came back and complicated everything with his presence.
To see Scott this unglued and upset made my insides twist with guilt—even though I’d only held Josh’s hand and kissed his cheek. There was more between us—all along— and I wasn’t the only one who noticed. And whatever game of ping-pong my heart was doing between them, Scott didn’t deserve this.
“That’s not true, Scott. He’s my best friend, that’s it.”
Scott took in a deep breath and brought his gaze back to mine. His glossy eyes made me stumble even more. “I bet you don’t realize that when he’s around, you don’t notice anything or anyone else. He has a history with you that I . . . can’t seem to compete with. So tell me, did I lose you, or were you never really mine to begin with?”
My eyes clouded as I bit my lip. What was I doing? Josh and I were always like this. We were together and the rest of the world faded out. But that was then, and Scott was now, right? His dejected expression as his gaze fell to the floor made tears prick my eyelids.
“Scott, I—”
Scott scooted his chair closer to me. He took my face in his hands and gave me a soft kiss. “I love you. I really do. I know I’ve been a jerk the past few months getting this company started, but things will be different. I promise.” He threaded his fingers through my hair. “Don’t throw us away, Bri.” He rested his forehead against mine. “Let me make up for my mistakes.”
“I’d never throw us away,” I pressed a kiss to his lips. He exhaled a long sigh and pulled me into his arms. They tightened around me as he buried his face into my neck. I love you, too was the right thing to say, but the words jumbled in my mouth, not feeling right.
My past was colliding with my present, and now I had no clue what to do with my future. Scott was a good man, and I did love him. But I didn’t ‘feel’ him enter a room and he didn’t know my thoughts before I did. Scott was a successful, gorgeous man who wanted to give me everything. He had it all, except one thing.
He wasn’t Josh.
Chapter 6
Josh
“This place is amazing, Josh.”
/> My chest swelled with pride as Brianna’s widened eyes darted around the shop. Maybe it wasn’t really my place, but Uncle Billy trusted me enough to run it on my own. I hired the employees, handled the books, and met with customers. He depended on me instead of waiting for me to fuck up. I wasn’t the bad kid anymore, but being back in New York City catapulted me back a decade in time. The local troublemaker came back and made good, but that wasn’t such an easy sell for everyone. Good thing I didn’t give a shit about everyone. The only opinion that ever mattered craned her head and beamed at me.
My mouth split in a wide grin. “Thanks. It’s getting there. Hoping things pick up a little after the holidays. No one wants a new bike when there’s an inch of ice on the ground.” I laughed until Brianna’s face fell.
“Can I ask you something?” She slid into the chair in my office as her brows pinched.
“Of course.” I leaned my hip against the edge of my desk and crossed my arms. “What’s up, Cupcake?”
“Did . . . did you really have a new client in Manhattan last week, when you drove me to work?”
I took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Why would you ask that?”
“Scott and I—” She shook her head and held up her hand. “It’s nothing. Don’t mind me.”
“No.” I nudged her ankle with my foot. “Let me guess. Scott isn’t too happy about me hanging around so much.” I raised an eyebrow.
Brianna reluctantly nodded. “It’s a guy thing, I guess.” She chuckled to herself. “They get territorial if someone else tries to play with their toys.” She laughed until she realized what she said and then covered her mouth with her eyes huge. She was so fucking cute I couldn’t stand it. “I didn’t mean play, I meant . . .” She dropped her head into her hands and I couldn’t hold in a laugh anymore.
“C’mon, Bri. I’m dying to know.” I peeled her fingers away from her face and crouched in front of her. “What did you mean? Scott thinks I want to play with you? Don’t tell him about the GI Joe and Barbie castle we made when we were kids. He’ll flip the fuck out.” Her cheeks flushed as she nudged my shoulder.
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