by Becky Norman
He spun to face Lori again. “Little shapeshifter,” he greeted her once more.
“I don’t understand why you keep calling me that,” she said shyly, licking her lips in nervousness.
“Do you not?” B’alam asked, his image turning back and forth between jaguar and Mayan steadily now, fading like a powerful, dangerous Cheshire cat, returning like a ghostly apparition in the room. “Have we so easily forgotten the research? The stories of the pari?” he prompted.
Lori’s eyes had drifted to look at Noel; with that, she snapped her attention back on B’alam with a sharp intake of breath.
“Snow leopards?” she whispered.
B’alam almost purred in acknowledgement. “Yes, and horses, too.”
He looked intently at her. “They are not just stories, Lori. They can be, if you believe.”
A jaguar’s ears appeared at the top of B’alam’s head and he laughed. Trying to focus on his ever-changing face was disconcerting.
“You may find...in future...that changing your shape is beneficial.”
Lori’s eyebrows drew down in doubt. “That’s not possible,” she stated softly.
B’alam gave her a lazy-lidded smile. “Only you can limit yourself. Only you, the being of vapour-water-matter-electricity. Which will you be? Which will serve you best?”
“Wait,” Jeret said forcefully, trying to get a handle on the conversation. “Are you saying she can change into a horse?”
B’alam swung his jaguar head in Jeret’s direction but looked at him through human eyes. “Do you still doubt? Can you not see it is possible? Am I not proving it to you...right now?”
And he dropped to all fours, becoming a jaguar completely between one heartbeat and the next. Then he leapt to the tabletop and landed there as a human, crouched in front of the make-up mirror. He slid off with a delighted laugh, his tail poking out from under his poncho.
“Your thoughts create your reality,” he said sharply, suddenly sobering. “How many times must Nahuel say this to all of you? What do you think?” he asked, tapping his temple with an aged finger. “What...do...you...think? For that is what you will become.”
He looked acutely at Lori. “This I say to you: you will do this thing when the need is upon you...and when you allow yourself to believe.”
B’alam turned to look at Noel, then, and Lori saw a long, deep conversation go on between the two men, with no words spoken.
“How many more will join us?” Noel finally asked, for the rest of the group to hear.
“Two more,” B’alam responded promptly. “One male, one female. Yin and yang. Balance...always balance,” he said, almost to himself.
Then he looked up at Jeret. “And you must trust them. Do not let one experience mould all the rest of your experiences. You do yourself no service when you see the world based on what happened before.”
“You mean they won’t be like Iftakar,” Jeret said bluntly.
B’alam smiled with derision. “I did not say that. Do not worry about them – and what they are ‘like’. I advise you not to let your past taint your future.”
“Then what?” Noel interrupted, clearly seeking more information about what lied ahead. “Once we’re all together...then what?”
B’alam sidled over to Noel’s side and elongated his jaguar head and neck until it was inches from Noel’s face. “You need instruction,” he said. “To seek it, you must visit others. And there is one who will draw your attention. Follow him,” B’alam advised.
“Can you not teach us?” Lynta asked out of curiosity. “You seem to know us so well.”
B’alam looked at her and slowly shook his head. “I have other work to do.”
“The hunting?” Jeret asked.
A small smile played across the Mayan’s lips. “Yes, the hunting. Preparations need to be made.”
Lori sighed in frustration. “For what?” she asked, surprising herself with her boldness. “What is going to happen?”
B’alam’s eyes twinkled as he smiled at her. “Whatever you think is going to happen.”
**********
“But now, my dear ones,” B’alam said with a regretful tilt of his head, “I must ask you to excuse us. Nahuel and I must speak alone. There are...things...to be communicated.”
Noel felt his heart squeeze slightly in his chest, as though it, too, were altering shape. He turned and nodded at Jeret and Lynta, acknowledging his agreement with B’alam’s request, but he couldn’t meet Lori’s concerned stare. Instead he gave her a half-hug, pressing his lips against her snow-leopard hair for a moment in farewell.
“It will be alright,” he murmured. “I’ll join you soon.”
They and their cats left - as reverential as subjects taking their leave of their king - and Noel turned to face B’alam when the door shut behind them.
“They are not ready to hear what needs to be said,” B’alam provided, waving a hand at the doorway.
Noel gave him a small smile. “Am I?”
B’alam stopped, peering at him in concern. “Do you have doubts?”
Noel shook his head, the smile remaining on his face. “No, not really. And yet...”
B’alam paused, an eyebrow cocked as he waited for Noel to finish.
“...you are a powerful force, Jaguar. Nothing to be trifled with.”
B’alam tipped his head in acknowledgement.
“It must be done,” he said – not in defence, but as a reminder.
“Oh, I know,” Noel replied. “To each their own way, on their own path.”
“This is true,” B’alam conceded. “I have no regrets over my ways of service or the path that naturally follows. And yours – it is not so bad, is it?” B’alam asked.
Noel gave him another clever smile. “It is what it is. Only by making a judgement do I create it into something good or bad.”
B’alam laughed at that. “Follow your own words. I don’t think you believe them yet.”
Noel shrugged a shoulder. “Maybe someday I will. But I think the day will have to arrive before I will be able to say for certain.”
B’alam threw an arm around Noel’s waist, his poncho spreading like an eagle’s wing around his body. “Come sit,” he offered, steering him towards a couch along the wall. “Do you know the stories of my people and the jaguar?” he asked.
Noel sank onto the butter-soft leather and eased himself back. “Only that you create quite a lot of turmoil wherever you go,” he offered.
B’alam sank onto the seat next to him, propping a foot on top of the other knee, apparently content to stay in human form for the moment.
“An unfortunate hazard of the job,” the Mayan said. “The truth makes some uncomfortable.”
Noel looked down at his hands in his lap, played with a hangnail on his left thumb.
“They say that many thousands of years ago,” B’alam continued, “a Great Creator came from the heavens,” he said, pointing up at the ceiling. “This Skygod came to help us, to provide instruction on how to live a truly blessed life. He talked about integrity...and living a life of service – one of purpose, hey? – where forgiveness, understanding...and unconditional love were the norm. He said we must give of ourselves – we must sacrifice our material things, our talents and abilities – for the greater good not only of the individual, but for the All.”
Noel pulled off the hangnail and looked up at B’alam.
“We are all one,” Noel said softly in confirmation. “What I give to you, I give to myself.”
B’alam nodded, his headpiece moving softly in the breeze he created. “There were some who misunderstood, back then. They thought Skygod meant the sacrifice was literal – a sacrificing of the body, rather than the self – and there is a difference, aye?”
He laughed when Noel nodded with an ironic grin on his face.
“They took the idea too far,” B’alam continued. “They started sacrificing people,
offering up their hearts to the Skygod’s priests – the jaguars – as a negotiation tool. ‘You leave us alone and don’t cause the sky to fall...and we’ll give you the hearts of several carefully-chosen victims.’”
“Well, it must have worked – at least in part,” Noel pointed out. “If it hadn’t, they wouldn’t have kept doing it.”
B’alam clucked his tongue. “Nonsense. When the sky did fall, they just sacrificed more, thinking they hadn’t done enough. They replaced logic with ritual – an exceptionally foolish thing to do.”
Noel looked off towards the door, thinking about what B’alam had said. “Why are you telling me this?” he asked finally. “Do you think the Skygod is going to return?”
It was B’alam’s turn to shrug. “Anything is possible,” he conceded. “But it’s more to make the point, Nahuel, that a sacrificial heart is a noble thing. But it’s not what some think it is. It doesn’t have to be some tragic martyrdom. The original intent was simply to give your best to the All.”
Noel looked down at his thumb and noticed the cuticle was bleeding. He smiled at the irony.
“And where do the jaguars come in? My dream of them hunting?”
B’alam grew somehow colder, sitting next to Noel. “So many in societies have it wrong,” he said stonily. “They think killing each other and offering it up as a so-called sacrifice is the way to heaven. When in fact, it’s the exact opposite. They have become cruel, have no regard for the sacredness of life. That way of thinking must be eradicated if the Truth is to be understood.”
His profile changed as Noel looked at him from the corner of his eye, the longer muzzle of the jaguar reinserting itself. “I am asked – required – to search out those who misinterpret and haunt them in dreams until they embrace the correct way, until they transform their lives.”
Noel watched in fascination as a single whisker began to droop from the jaguar’s head. “And if they resist?”
B’alam smiled, exposing his long dagger-like teeth and long pink tongue. “I am relentless,” he promised.
**********
“There are more of you,” Noel mused as their conversation continued. He knew soon he would have to rejoin his group or they would worry, but he had only one chance to speak with this amazing creature and wanted to make the most of it.
“There are,” B’alam agreed. “An entire order. Have you heard of the Jaguar Knights?”
Noel’s eyes grew wider. “The ancient Aztec warriors?”
B’alam nodded slowly. “Well, yes. But they had it wrong, too. To become a member of their class, you had to take a minimum of four enemies alive in battle – to be used in sacrifices later, of course. Those are not the true Jaguar Knights. These are,” he added tipping his head towards the door where B’alam’s “guards” kept watch outside.
“Aztecs?” Noel asked.
B’alam smiled. “Oh, yes. They, too, use whichever body suits them at the time.”
“You are hunting those who are not pure of heart,” Noel stated, recalling his dream.
“We are.”
“What if they’re just confused?”
B’alam turned to look at Noel. “My loving Nahuel...they are all confused – even your Lori is that.”
Noel swallowed thickly. “Will you take her, too?”
B’alam pulled gently on his whisker. “Did I say I was taking the confused? No. They are all confused. I am taking those who feel it is easier to live in the blackness of their hearts than to search for the light. I am setting back on the path those who think it is their right to treat others as though they have no value.”
“We left Iftakar alive,” Noel said, though he knew B’alam had already seen this.
“Yes. But he was correct in what he said – you would have done him a favour by killing him...but I know you could not while he held Lynta. And then afterwards…well, I know you could not. We will ease his way and make his choices easier to see.”
“These Jaguar Knights,” Noel said, returning to their earlier subject, “they will follow you?”
“We travel together, yes.”
“And where do you go next?”
B’alam squinted at him in amusement. “Wherever there is need.”
Noel gave a huff of a laugh. “These days, that feels like the entire planet.”
“There are many of us,” B’alam assured him in complete sincerity.
He looked Noel over. “I sense a sorrow in you tonight, Black Panther. What distresses you?”
Noel shook his head in frustration, shrugging his shoulders as he struggled to articulate.
“Something nags at the back of my mind, but when I turn to look at it...it slips away. But it feels...wrong. Like I have failed in some way.”
“Because of Iftakar?”
“Yes, but not only because of him. I couldn’t protect Lynta, either. And Jeret and Lori are still reacting first from fear and anger – they must be constantly reminded to choose love.”
“And when did the responsibility for all of them fall on your shoulders?” B’alam inquired.
Noel closed his eyes and turned his head away, quietly acknowledging his own weakness. “Since I put it there,” he murmured.
“You love them,” B’alam said with a shrug. “There is your sacrificial heart in action. But Nahuel...it will come of its own accord. They will understand when they understand – all you must do is remind them. Re-mind them. Give them other things to think about. You do not – you cannot – make the choices for them.”
B’alam tapped him gently on the leg. Noel turned to look into his jaguar eyes at the touch. “And put your ego aside, Black Panther. Their speed of learning is never accredited to you – neither for the good or bad. You think their abilities are a reflection of your own abilities and that is not the case. You know you cannot fail in this...for there is no wrong move to be made. By any of us.”
Noel jerked his head in acknowledgement. “You are right,” he said quietly. “But I do feel tired tonight.”
B’alam smiled gently at him. “You have done much today.”
“When will I feel it was enough?”
B’alam stood and offered a hand to Noel. “When you do.”
**********
They said good-bye to one another under the single light bulb at the back-stage door.
“Remember that you go with God, Nahuel. May the Great Creator be a tangible force in your life.”
He reached up and rested his hands on Noel’s head lightly in benediction for a moment then let them slide off.
“And the same with you, heart-brother,” Noel whispered. “Blessings for what you do.”
He turned and walked towards the car, looking back only once. B’alam lifted his head to the sky and seemed to collapse in on himself, falling into his jaguar form with a grace that took Noel’s breath for a moment. Silently, cat after cat appeared around B’alam – the Jaguar Knights were assembling – and with some unuttered signal they turned as one and loped off into the dark on silent cat paws.
Noel hunched his collar up against the cold of the parking lot and saw Lori open her car door and get out. She shut the door gently behind her and walked up to him, her breath steaming in the midnight cold.
“Come here,” she said, opening her arms to him. “You’ve done all you could.”
He felt his eyes grow wide in shock as he realized that she knew exactly what he was thinking: that he was blaming himself for the loss of Iftakar. He had underestimated her – she did understand. And he took her in his arms and wept.
Chapter 27
“Can you stay tonight?” he asked of her.
She nodded. “I can stay.”
“I want us all together.”
“I know.”
They opened the door to the pitch-black apartment and Jeret flipped on the light before tossing his keys onto the kitchen table.
“I’m done in,” he stated.
>
He helped Lynta out of her coat then held out a hand for Noel’s and Lori’s, as well.
“You can throw them on my bed,” Noel told Jeret, fatigue pulling at his vocal cords. “Lori and I will stay out here on the couch, if that’s ok?”
Jeret nodded. “I’ve already told Lynta she’s taking my bed tonight – she needs sleep more than all of us combined after the night she’s had.”
Noel nodded. “Will you stay with her, though? Watch over her?”
Jeret smiled. “Of course.” He guided Lynta down the hallway to his room, while Lori and Noel stood in the living room, listening to the quiet murmurings coming from the other end of the apartment. The simple domestic sounds of a faucet being turned on, a toilet being flushed...the snap of a blanket being shaken out before being added to the bed all held an immense comfort to the two of them.
“I have a sweatshirt and some old pyjama bottoms you could probably fit into,” Noel offered.
Lori nodded. “That would be fine.”
He went off to retrieve them, returning a few moments later, with the clothes and an additional blanket tucked under his arm. He had changed himself into a pair of blue flannel pants but remained bare-chested. She changed in the bathroom then joined him on the couch, though she seemed intimidated by his bare skin. She looked over the Native American tattoos that adorned both upper arms, but said nothing.
They tucked in against one another – the blanket pulled over them – and fed off each other’s heat. He stroked her hair, over and over again, while her head rested just under his chin; she slid her thumb back and forth across his heart.
“You say that was one of your professors at the accident tonight?” Noel asked.
Lori nodded against his chest. “Yes.”
“Did she say why she was there? Was she attending the seminar...or was she one of the protestors?”
Lori paused, thinking, then gave a short laugh. “I never thought to ask her.”
“Mmm. You’ll have to watch that – she might question you about what happened tonight. She might have seen some things she wants explained.”
Lori nodded, stifling a yawn. “Her wound was healing quickly. It will be interesting to hear how quickly she recovers.”
They stayed awake as long as they could, listening to Jeret and Lynta speaking softly in the darkness behind them. Eventually, though, sleep took hold and they drifted off together.
In the deepest part of the night, they both awoke at the same moment as a cold shadow seemed to pass over the room. Lori lifted her head so she could see Noel’s eyes. They were glimmering obsidian in the blackness around them.
