What she had done to that man was … brutal. Yes, the Wendigo race was violent and predatory, but what I had just witnessed….
Did she know it didn’t have to be like this?
Her chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, but I knew she was awake. Her body was curled too tightly, her face too strained to be in the relaxing embrace of sleep.
Crawling to stretch out on the bed beside her, I refrained from touching her since she scooted away from me.
After a long uncomfortable silence I asked, “That is why you limit your shift?” I cleared my throat, still unable to fully comprehend the monster that had been unleashed from within this gentle woman who in one look had ripped out my heart and was carrying it strapped to her heel. She said nothing. I tried again. “Why have you not embraced your Wendiga? It looked as if she was fully in control out there … no one to guide her and to force her to show mercy to the prey. If you did the hunt wouldn’t be that, err, vicious.”
She buried her head deeper into the crook of her arm. I took a deep breath. Maybe I was doing this wrong. Possibly she felt ashamed for revealing this side of herself?
Once again everything I felt was swamped in awe. She had held her Wendiga at bay when she had first met me. I had no doubt had she not I would be dead, as would Cartwright’s entire assemblage. When she had broken into the clearing and I’d glimpsed the hazy, glazed look in her eye I’d been excited. My scent still slung to her powerful body and I could see her attraction to me, even in beast form. She looked fucking incredible. Tall, and strong, and glorious as her hair tossed in the wind, and wrapped around her svelte shape. Then her face had clouded over and her eyes had deadened before lighting with a mad heat that had me checking myself. She’d sniffed me out then bounded over. Immediately I’d released the prey and backed off, knowing I was no longer dealing with my woodland goddess but a feral creature that would see no issue in ripping my head off. She’d all but ignored me and proceeded to gleefully tear the man limb from limb. He was already wounded and bloodied from my own chase, but she eviscerated him yet managed to keep him alive. That alone was enough to boggle the mind, and suggested she had done this before, and frequently. Unable to help myself I had called to her, to Evangeline, needing her to take control again. When the Wendiga was done she would turn to me and it would not be for comfort, more like pudding.
Now, she was shrouded in guilt and despair. She trembled but quickly brought it under control. Her emotions had to be tearing her to pieces for the cold to affect her. I reached to touch her but my hand dropped knowing the feeble gesture was likely to just piss her off. I needed to be careful, measure how far I pushed her. Would she ever be able to trust me enough to explain why she and the Wendiga were so detached? If my sharing would help her share in turn then I would without question. Would that help her open up to me?
Bracing myself for what was to come, I did touch her this time, a gentle stroke that traced the smooth groove of her waist. “You haven’t asked me why those men are hunting me.” No response. I rested my shoulder, pulled it until she fell onto her back, hair spilling across the pillow like a glistening wave. “Why? Why did you save me? You could have killed me or left my body for the hunters. You could have brought me back here and interrogated me. Instead you defend me, fight off my attackers, put a roof over my head and nurse me back to health. You give me your body, your affection….”
She tried to roll away but I twisted and pinned her beneath me so she had to face me. She hesitated before letting her arms wrap around my back and slid her legs around my waist, locking onto me. I growled and rocked my hips against her, feeling her welcome me. Her fingers played with my spine and I nestled into the crook of her shoulder, breathing in her addictive lemon scent.
“I don’t know,” she muttered. Her expression was frank and tired. “There wasn’t even the instinct to kill you. Not like normal.” Her brows furrowed. “I wanted you and I claimed you. Simple.”
“Simple?” I chuckled. ‘You think what is happening here is simple?”
Sensing my aim was to complicate everything she stiffened and tried to pull away. She even managed to shoot me a brief smile, knowing I’d caught the flash of panic flitting across her face before it was ruthlessly crushed by a bland expression. Did she know her eyes transmitted her every thought? Did she realize when I said the words her fingers laced around my wrist to anchor me to her in case I tried to run.
My grip on her tightened as my own panic made my heart beat like a drum over hers. I didn’t want to run from her, but the past was a chokehold I would never be free of unless innocent men….
Sliding my hand into one of hers I interlaced our fingers and slid down her body to rest my torso between her hips. Her breathing sped up and I ignored my own surge of lust. It was time we moved past the silly games and defensive tactics. If we only had a little time with each other I wanted it to be perfect. And it would have been if she weren’t chained up like a fucking rabid dog. Grumbling, I lurched up and got the cabin. It didn’t take me long to find the small, rusty key. After all she’d thrown it out the window and women more often that not didn’t have the strongest throwing arm. Back inside I unshackled her, pushed the chain away with a roll of my eyes sand settled back down, grumbling some more.
“How about we make this easy,” I suggested. “I tell you some of my history, and you tell me yours, and why it’s holding you back? It’ll make this whole sharing thing easier, agreed?”
She said nothing and I ducked my head to graze my teeth across her stomach. Jerking, her lips pressed together, and she kept trying to tug her hand from mine even as she pushed at my head. I growled at her and she stilled. I went back to nibbling on her tummy and smiled when she sighed. I looked up her body into her beautiful face. She honestly looked frightened, but I wouldn’t back down, not now. Regaining her confidence, her chin lifted stubbornly and she shifted her legs trying to knock me off, but my bulk kept her firmly pinned to the bed. Knowing she could not escape me, huffing, she jerked her shoulders and stared at the ceiling. This was a victory of epic proportions, and I allowed myself a grin, which quickly fell. We needed to start talking with our months instead of our bodies.
“I was cast out of my Clan for bringing The People to danger,” I said with a calm I didn’t feel. I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I am an Outcast, I can never go home despite the fact I was meant to be Shaman to my Clan.”
My heart thundered in my chest as I came to terms with the words I had never said aloud before. There was nothing more important to a Wendiga than her Clan, family. It was ingrained in their genetics and though Evangeline may become furious she had to know. I braced myself for the anger to come.
Her gaze slid to mine and there was mainly frustration eased by a trace of sympathy in her expression.
“I’ve heard life in the Clans is hard,” she said. “There are lots of rules and it has its own dangers to be wary of.” Her eyes saddened. “Whatever you’ve done, Luke, I’m certain I have done worse.”
That was it? That was all she had to say to one Outcast by his Clan? My heart gave one final, painful thud before it tripped and started again, pounding even harder against my ribcage. She must of felt it because she smiled. It was quickly snuffed when I squeezed her hand to signal her turn.
I hated to see such a miserable look on her face, and hated it even more that I was the one putting it there.
Her mouth parted and nothing came out for a full five seconds before she spluttered, “My mother abandoned her Clan because she was being forced to sleep with the males.”
The statement was thrown at me like a bowling ball she’d doused in kerosene and set on fire. She watched me with a glint of steel in her eye and a smirk of cruel amusement curling one side of her pink lips.
“She was not becoming pregnant,” I said simply, picking up the gauntlet of her challenge. “Rape for resistant Wendiga’s is not unheard of.”
Her smug expression faltered. Watching me thoughtfully she nodd
ed. “They needed a female babe to trade with another Clan for breeding, but my mother … she wanted the curse of our bloodline to die.”
Finally, she was talking to me. Pushing my luck I asked, “Where does the man pretending to be your father fit into all of this?”
Her head snapped up, eyes blazing. “Care to repeat that?” she asked icily.
Shit, pushed it too far too soon. “No, wait, it’s my turn again isn’t it? I became infatuated with a woman. I killed her and brought her family, in particular her father Grahame Cartwright, down on our heads. The Chieftain cast me out. It did not matter I was to become the Shaman. They expected Cartwright to end me.” I made a small noise of derision at the idea. “I escaped across the water and came here, for peace. But he tracked me, hunted me, and … then you saved me.” My voice took on a note of wonder I didn’t try to hide. “This wild female in the middle of nowhere, thousands of miles from any Clan. A Wendiga who not only cares for herself, but who fights her very nature to preserve human life at her own expense. Impossible, unheard of. I thought I was dreaming. But you are real and here with me.” I nudged her rigid lips with my own. “Your turn.”
She had gone bone white and trembled. Her eyes closed and she bit down hard on her bottom lip. She was quiet for so long I considered backing out of this heart to heart. She was struggling and I didn’t want to see her in pain.
“My parents met and fell in love at first sight,” she said so quietly I had to lean down to hear her. “She told him what she was, showed how monstrous she was and still he loved her.” Her eyes opened as she shook her head at the improbability of such a thing. For a human to look upon a Wendigo form with love. “They ran away together, came here to his homeland and they were happy living in the mountains. But then she fell pregnant with me.” Gathering courage as she spoke she gave wobbly smile. “Typical, huh? That for all those Wendigo’s who forced themselves on my mother my puny human father is the one that got her knocked up.”
My brows mashed together and I opened my mouth to correct her. She sucked in a deep breath, her entire body trembling under the strain of opening up to me. I snapped my jaw shut. It would be best for her to finish before I dropped the proverbial bomb. I thought she had understood when I had said the man was pretending to be her father.
“She could have ripped me out of her,” Evangeline continued, eyes faraway and unfocused. “But she couldn’t kill me. I was part of him, my Da, you see. When I was born she swore that I would never go back to the Clan. Then one winter, when it was so cold your eyes would freeze shut if you blinked too long. Mother and I were out on the mountain range and I–”
Her eyes shot to mine then away again. She blinked rapidly, face hardening in the face of her own unhappiness. I rubbed my face into her stomach, offering silent comfort. Her free hand wound into my hair and gripped it tightly to hold on like she was about to be swept away. It hurt, in fact I think a few strands were ripped from the root, but I would never have asked her to let go.
“I was … overcome with the Hunger,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “I attacked a small encampment, two small families on vacation. I ate a young girl as she wandered into the forest with her dog.” Sadness radiated from her and she let the tears fall this time. “I didn’t mean too, I just wanted to get closer to her. I liked her. The way she looked and moved, the way she dressed. I wanted to be her. Pretty with normal golden blonde hair and brown eyes. A body that was a little too pudgy but would make some man quite happy one day. When she laughed the air didn’t still or nor did the animals hush with bated breath. She was just … normal. I didn’t understand why she fascinated me so much at the time, and afterward I was so confused at how I could kill someone I so admired.”
No longer able to remain quiet I smoothed a hand down her arm. “When the Hunger takes control it has a habit of twisting things. Often we confuse all other thoughts and emotions with the need to eat.”
Scrubbing a hand across her cheek she nodded her acceptance. “I came to that conclusion myself years ago,” she confessed.
“Then why do you let it choke you? There are only so many tears you can cry for the dead.”
She looked away at the words not bothering to explain herself and carried on. “What I didn’t know is that there was a man from an Ojibwe tribe in the camp.” My gaze shot to hers in alarm and her head tilted in acknowledgement. “The Hunger was gone and I became human again. But I just couldn’t bring myself to leave her there. It was so cold and her body was just mauled, broken. So I stayed with her. The men of the family found me with her, and … Christ, Luke, it was horrible. Her younger brother fell to his knees screaming. The father trained his gun on me but was unable to do anything else. He locked up, trembled wildly, his face white and half mad.” She shivered, coming back to herself from the memory. “The Ojibwe looked at me and knew what I was. I looked at him I knew for the first time that there would never be any redemption for what I am and what I have done.”
I cupped her face and peered at her in concern. The Ojibwe people knew of our race and knew how to hunt us. They were rarely successful as the Clans ruthlessly protected their own, but Outcasts were hunted down with alarming efficiency.
“I couldn’t move and so he told them how to kill me.” I winced. It was near impossible to kill us in Wendiga form, a silver blade to cut out our heart then to behead us. “I was going to let them,” she confessed in a tiny voice. She shrugged as if her life was of no consequence. I squashed my anger, not wanting to interrupt her confession, and satisfied myself by grinding my teeth. This was costing her and I needed to let her finish. “I was a monster and I deserved to die. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to no longer be. I’d given up. But my mother … she attacked and distracted them. It was then I woke up to what was happening because they would kill her. I ran home to get my Da. I couldn’t change and I was emotionally exhausted. We rushed back there as fast as we could to try and save her but there … there was nothing left. Just ice and blood.” Her voice was hollow with grief and her nails dug into my skin. The pain didn’t claw at me nearly as much as the look in her eyes. “I lost both my parents that day.”
There was nothing for a longtime but the sound of her tearless sobs and my steady breathing. My mind raced as I watched her mourn the loss of her mother again. How long ago was all this? If the Ojibwe were still alive he would have come back for her already, wouldn’t he? Was she truly safe here? No, that old man was danger enough and the news of the hunter from the Ojibwe tribe just made it worse.
In a voice that barely concealed my rage, I said, “Your father hurts you.”
“My Da is grieving. He looks at me and sees her. He looks at me and sees death, so don’t you dare judge him.”
Biting back a stream of cusses I satisfied myself by channeling my anger into her care. My thumbs rubbed over her cheeks, soothing the skin and soothing me. “Why did he not leave you then? Why does he stay to torment himself and you?”
“When I was born my mother made my Da promise to protect me and to keep me here, hidden, no matter what.” Without realizing it she had turned her head slightly in the direction I knew his cabin was. “He is a man of his word. He has kept me safe.”
“When did she die?” I asked softly.
She pulled my hand from my face. “Please stop that. I don’t want to feel soothed when I speak of her.” She nibbled her lip. “She died eleven years ago this August.”
I tilted my head, nodded once. “A Clan without a female is a sad thing.” There was an accusation in my tone I could not help but voice.
She snorted. “My life is my own. There are other Clans. Our kind will survive my choice.”
“But not the Clan born of your bloodline. Your Clan name will die.” It seemed a travesty to me that her beauty would not be passed on to future generations.
Her shoulders slumped and the legs clamped down on my waist relaxed. I resisted the urge to sigh in relief. Had she squeezed any harder there was a chance she wou
ld have snapped me in half.
“You have no right to judge me, Luke. I didn’t want to know about you and I didn’t want to bring up all this shit about me.” She pressed her eyes closed. “I just wanted us to be for a while. No pain, no fear or the shadows of the past sucking the life from everything. Just us. Why couldn’t you have given me that?”
Letting her legs and arms fall away she slid from beneath me and I let her. Sitting up she crossed her legs, Asian-style, and dragged her hair over her shoulder. She worked her hands through it manically and her gray eyes focused on a spot in the middle distance. She raked her bottom lip with her top teeth the sucked one half into her mouth. If she didn’t stop chewing on that sexy lip soon it would be too sore to kiss. I swept my thumb across it briefly and a warning flared in my eyes. The lip popped out of her mouth and she blushed prettily.
She swatted my hand away. “Your emotional problems threaten to become mine. I can barely cope with my own burdens and now I’m seriously sitting here considering being overwhelmed with yours. I can fight, take a silver blade or two to the flesh when the occasion calls for it, but all of this talk of connection and sharing our feelings instead of….”
“Fucking,” I offered bluntly.
She flushed a deeper pink right up to her hairline; a waxy rose, but sent me a defiant look. “Our kind doesn’t forge relationships that last. You must know this. Why ruin what we have with dreams of what we never will? Why are you making a big deal about why these hunters want you? I don’t care, I’ve already decided to help you.”
“You had to know. You value life and you had to know how I came to be here.” I reached out to grab her chin. She fought me the whole way, tugging her head, but I held firm until she stubbornly met my eyes. “I am predator.” I enunciated the words slowly and carefully. “And I am not ashamed of it.”
Lunar Light Page 9
