by Jerry Boyd
“I’d like to raise the staffing levels, but we can gradually phase that in. You’re not going to find that many people all at once.”
Nikki replied, “Wanna bet?”
Rena said, “You got yourself a firecracker, didn’t ya, Bobby Apples?”
“I did. Nikki, this is my old friend from school, Rena Jackson. Rena, this is my brave and longsuffering wife, Nikki.”
“I see he’s still full of it. Nice to meet you, Nikki.”
“Nice to meet you too, Rena. We’ll have to get together so you can tell me all your stories about this idiot.”
I said, “I’m hosed now.”
In unison, they said, “That you are, Bob.”
I asked, “Dee, John, do you folks have this under control? I’ve got a few other things I need to get to.”
John replied, “I think it’s down to the small aggravations, Bob. Don’t think there’ll be much more excitement.”
I kissed Nikki and headed out.
I stopped by the bank and loaded up on cash. Then I hit the highway to where Topper had found the car transporter for sale. I pulled in and went to the office. “Hi, I’m Bob Wilson. I’m here about the car hauler for sale.”
“Come out back.”
I saw the ad on the internet had an old photo. There was oil on the ground under the truck. I popped the hood and saw a hole in the side of the block. “The ad didn’t say anything about a blown engine. I need something I can drive away. Sorry to waste your time.”
“I can come down on the price.”
“Still wouldn’t be what I need. Thanks anyway.”
He was still trying to get me interested as I climbed in my truck. I drove away with him still talking. I had seen a decent looking restaurant on my way in, so I pulled in to have lunch. I commed Topper before I went inside. “Hey, Topper, that truck had a blown engine. Can you send me your second choice?”
“Sure, Boss. Sorry about that. Nothing I could find mentioned anything about that.”
“He’s trying to get a buyer through the door, thinking he can drop his price and move the truck. I’m sure he was careful to keep any mention of problems off the internet.”
“The second choice has a higher price, and it’s on a car lot. Doesn’t look like as clean a truck, either.”
“We’re not going to be using it that hard, Topper. It should be okay. Besides, you boys can go through it when you run out of projects, bring it up to where you think it needs to be. I’m going to have some lunch, and then I’ll go look at the next one.”
“Sounds good, Boss. See you later.”
“Bye, Topper.”
Lunch rush was in full swing. I was lucky to get a table. I got a glass of tea and the special, figuring that would be quicker than ordering off the menu. Luckily, I was just finishing up when the pushy fellow with the broken down truck came in. I managed to pay and get back to my pickup before he decided to take another run at me. Checking Topper’s message with the next location didn’t seem like the best plan right then. I pulled into a parking lot on the way out of town and looked at it. It was actually closer to home, but the other way from where I was. Good thing I had tunes. I stopped for gas, and my comm rang while I was filling the tank. I let it go, and pulled off to the side of the lot to call back after I finished. It was Micky. “Mr. Wilson, I just wanted to thank you for your help, and apologize again for being a jerk the other day.”
“Don’t worry about it, Mickolec. Some reason you were in a hurry?”
“Ms. Bongwater and I need to get back to work. We’re leaving shortly.”
“Fly safe. Come by and have a beer sometime.”
“Sounds good. I better get going.”
“Bye.”
When I got to the lot, I didn’t see any car hauler. I went in the office and asked. “I saw an ad online about a car hauler you had for sale. Is it already sold?”
“The owner went after a car with it. He should be back soon.”
“Seems like a hauler would be a handy thing to have, for a car lot. Why are you getting rid of it?”
“Costs too much for it to sit around, no more than we use it. It’s cheaper just to take an extra driver and drive them back.”
That sounded fishy, but I let him talk. “So how long do you think it will be?”
He looked at his watch. “Not over 45 minutes, I wouldn’t think.”
“I think I’ll swing back by later on, then. Thanks for your time.”
I pulled into a parking lot and commed Topper. “This one gives me a bad feeling. The lot is actually using it, but the guy said it cost too much to keep it around. I’m thinking something expensive is about to let go on it.”
“Sorry, Boss. It’s hard to tell things like that from just the internet. I have one more possibility, if you’re interested.”
“Why not? I’ve got this much time invested, I’d like to have something to show for it.”
“I sent you the information. Good luck, Boss.”
“Thanks. Later, Topper.”
The next truck was in Springfield, on a heavy equipment dealer’s lot. The price was a lot higher than the other two, but this dealer had a decent reputation. I headed that way, after I found a convenience store where I could change out my old tea and get some fresh. I had a thought, and commed Topper again. “Topper, can you tell how long that hauler has been on their lot? If it’s been there a while, they might be anxious to get rid of it.”
“Hang on, Boss, I’m looking. They’ve had it for not quite a year. Does that help?”
“It should. Thanks.”
I pulled in to the lot. My tired Sonoma didn’t get a salesman’s attention. No dualie, no service, I guess. I found the truck I was interested in on the back row. Tires looked okay, no greasy spots underneath, so far, so good. I popped the hood and found a reasonable amount of good honest grime. Nobody had steam cleaned it to sell. Pedal wear matched the odometer. This truck seemed too good to be true. Finally the manager sent the junior salesman out to see if he could get rid of the riff-raff. I stuck out my hand. “Bob Wilson. How are you today?”
“Mark Blake. I’m fine, Mr. Wilson. What can I do for you today?”
“I’m interested in this car hauler. What do you need out of it?”
He quoted me a price a little higher than had run in their ad. “Well, you’re half right, I was born at night. It was not, however, last night. You’ve had it in your ad for nearly a year at a better price than that. I know he sent you out here to ‘get that raggedy-ass GMC off my lot’, but wouldn’t you rather make a sale?”
He sputtered a little. “What would you be prepared to offer?”
“I’ll need a test drive, of course, but...“ I named a figure about twice as far from their asking price, in the other direction.
“I’d have to clear an offer that low with my manager.”
“Oh, come on, you don’t need another cup of coffee this soon. I’ve had a long frustrating day. I’m ready to go home. Am I going to drive my Sonoma, or carry it on this?”
“I’ll get the keys.”
I could tell the old girl needed some TLC, but she still seemed solid. When we got back, I said, “That was a total price we discussed. No silly add on fees, right?”
He swallowed hard, “Yes, sir.”
“Can you folks issue me some temporary tags for this?”
“Yes.”
“Why don’t you write things up, while I get some insurance set up, and load my truck.”
“How will you be paying, sir?”
“Do you take debit cards?”
“We do. May I have the name of your bank, to assure us you have funds available before I type things up?”
I told him my bank, said he should ask for Mr. Creech.
The insurance company needed ridiculous money, of course. They did have the fax number of the dealership to send me temporary proof of insurance. I pulled the hauler out so I could tip the bed up and load my truck. Once I got it tied down, I went in to get
the papers. The manager met me at the door. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Wilson.”
“Aw, come on, Superman, you sent Jimmy Olsen there out to run me off, and now I’m your buddy?”
“A little misunderstanding, that’s all.”
“So just what did Mr. Creech say? You don’t have anything pricy enough to ding my account?”
“Words to that effect, yes.”
“Is my paperwork ready?”
“It is. Your proof of insurance is with it. Good day, Mr. Wilson.”
“Have a good one.”
I signed my name enough to make me think I was in a penmanship class, and paid up. I made sure the manager was watching, and gave my salesman a big tip. I put on the temporary plates, and headed out. Had to stop for diesel. The fellow at the next pump asked, “Why you hauling that old GMC?”
“That’s my rig. I just bought the hauler.”
He seemed to decide whatever the story was, it was above his pay grade. He went back to his pump.
I made it back in time to annoy the ladies at the license office again. I thought about registering it as a farm truck, but decided I’d probably have to clean the mess when their heads exploded. Finally, I made it back to good old Whammo Ranch. Nobody was home but Snitz and the boys. I unloaded my pickup, and left the hauler down by the shop. Topper sent me the details on the Datsun he had found. I called about it, found it was still available, at a price that seemed reasonable after the day I had. I asked if it would be possible to come by and get the car this evening. I was told as long as I brought my friend Benjamin and his cousins, I could show up whenever I wanted. I got good directions, just in case. I didn’t want to start out too early, unloading the hauler off the freighter in the middle of evening rush didn’t sound good at all. I got a beer and wandered back down to play Frisbee with Snitz and the boys. It got toward supper time, and no one had come back to the house. I called Nikki. “Hi Space Cadet. Are you coming home to eat?”
“Nope. We’re still squaring things away at Shady Oaks. I’ll probably be here till after midnight.”
“Any chance you could do without Dingus for a few hours?”
“I think so. What are you up to?”
“Gotta fetch the boys a Datsun to build up for Joanna.”
“Who’s the boss, and who’s the flunky, Caveman?”
“Even a great honking dog can’t sign papers to buy a car, Space Cadet. You really think Taz walking up to somebody with a wad of cash and saying, ‘I want your car’ is a good idea?”
“Guess not. What have you been doing all day?”
“Had to find a truck to bring that car home on.”
“And you need Dingus because?”
“Somebody has to fly the freighter.”
“Caveman, your plans keep getting more complicated.”
“This one’s Topper’s.”
“Even worse. Be careful.”
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I hung up and commed Dingus. “Hey, Bob, what’s up?”
“Wondered if you’d be available to do a little piloting this evening.”
“I’m not very useful around here, might as well.”
“Could you go by John’s and bring the freighter over?”
“No problem. You eat yet?”
“I haven’t. You want a steak?”
“You sure you can’t read minds?”
“Let’s see. It’s coming in now. It says ‘This Space Available’”
“Asshole. Start the fire, I’ll be there soon.”
“I’ll open the barn. Can you nose in, so I can load the truck I bought?”
“Not a problem. Bye.”
“Bye.”
I started a fire, and opened the barn. The new floor sure was nice. I brought the hauler up so it would be handy to load. The fire got ready, so I put on the food. I did some fries in the oven.
Dingus showed up, and I had him watch supper while I backed the hauler on the freighter.
We ate, and took Snitz down to hang with the boys. Dingus backed out, and I closed the garage. I got aboard, and we headed out. Dingus said, “This road here looks pretty deserted. It’s about the best place to let you off.”
“Do you have someplace handy to hide this rig while I’m gone?”
“I found a cave. We can see if your guano-proofing really works.”
“Can you monitor my comm, without it making noise?”
“I can. You expecting trouble?”
“No. But I’ve had a dayful so far. Don’t see why it would stop now.”
I got the truck started, so I could get out as soon as Dingus landed. I rolled out, and the ramp closed, leaving nothing to see. I got out the directions, and drove to the place. It reminded me of where one of my uncles used to live. I went to the door and knocked. A man came to the door and asked, “Can I help you?”. His eyes were looking beside the door, where country folks keep their shotgun. “I’m Bob Wilson. I called about an old Datsun you had for sale?”
“Oh, Mr. Wilson.” He saw the truck I brought. “Least you didn’t figure to drive it home. I’ll get my pickup and you can follow me back there.”
He climbed in a rig that looked like a Mad Max reject. I followed him to the backside of his place. We climbed out. He said, “It was runnin’, when we parked it, but just barely.” The plates said 2004. At least the tires were holding air. I asked, “You’ve got a good title?”
“I do.”
“I need to get back. If I pay your asking price, will you help me load it?”
“That sounds reasonable.”
We got it on the hauler and fastened down without much trouble. He said, “I left the paperwork at the house.”
I followed him out, till the trail crossed an almost-dry creek. I tried rocking back and forth, but no luck. He said, “I’ll get my tractor. Don’t dig it in any deeper.” He came back on a John Deere older than me. We hooked a chain to the front of the hauler, and after some rocking, it popped out of the creek. I followed him to the house, and we got the papers taken care of. I tried to give him some extra for pulling me out, but he wouldn’t take it. I thanked him and got on my way. I pulled my comm as I neared the spot Dingus had let me off. “Dingus, I need a ride.” He set down a little ways down the road, and dropped the ramp. I drove aboard, the ramp came up, and we left. I shut down the truck and headed to the cockpit. Dingus came on the overhead. “Bob, what do you want to do with that blacksnake that hitched a ride in the Datsun?”
“Will a stunner hurt him?”
“Not if you turn it all the way down. You want me to put down someplace?”
“If it’s not too much trouble. Doubt Snitz wants a snake in his yard. Where is it at in the car?”
“Laying on top of the engine.”
I crawled up on the hauler, and opened the driver’s door to pop the hood. The latch was stiff, but it did open.
Now I had the fun task of opening the safety catch, with a snake waiting inside. Not to mention I had no idea where the catch was. I found it, and brought the hood up, while bringing the stunner into action with my other hand. It worked better than I had any right to expect, and now I had a stunned snake. I called out, “Got him, Dingus!”, and started getting the both of us down to the ramp. When I got there, Dingus dropped the ramp, and I put the snake outside in the grass. He raised the ramp, and we went on our merry way. Dingus let me out when we got back, and I opened the barn. He let down the ramp once he was inside, and I backed the hauler off. My comm rang. Dingus said, “If that’s all you need, Bob, I’ll take this beast back to John’s.”
“Go ahead. You coming back here?”
“Think so. See you in a few minutes.”
I took the Datsun to the boys. I backed in and winched it down off the truck. They liked not having to muscle it around. I called Topper over, “Topper, we have a problem.”
“What’s that, Boss?”
“This bed works nice, but I need it on a truck that can handle goin
g off road. I got hung up bringing the Datsun out of the woods. The fella I bought it from was nice and helped me get it loose. No biggie this time, but if I had been hauling a saucer, it could have put the whole operation in danger.”
Topper zoned a second. “Would you prefer military surplus, or civilian?”
“Which is more capable off road?”
“Military, Boss. In the smaller sizes, it’s possible to do better in civilian vehicles, but anything this big for offroad use is pretty specialized.”
“I’ll need a big winch on the front for when I get it stuck.”
“I’ll see what I can find, Boss.”
“Good enough. Come on, Snitz.”
We walked up to the house, after Snitz made sure that all the other dogs knew the hauler belonged to him.
Dingus came riding up with Lyla on the back. Dingus said, “Look who I found. She’s been stuck with Reggie for company all day.”
“And now she’s got us. Can’t catch a break, can she?”
Lyla asked, “Nobody’s back from Shady Oaks?”
I replied, “I think they wanted to make sure they had people they could trust on all three shifts before they left. Nikki said something about not getting back till after midnight.”
“Joanna’s not home either?”
“Haven’t seen her. Nikki’s vehicle isn’t here, so I guess she’s still in town. Dee said something about getting her to help with paperwork for all the people they hired today.”
Dingus spoke up, “Getting better conditions for those folks is important to those two. I doubt they’re going to get much else done until that place is running smooth.”
“I wish I knew enough to help. I’d probably just say the wrong thing and get the whole operation in trouble.”, Lyla lamented.`
Dingus, Snitz, and I went into the house. Lyla stayed on the porch and commed someone.
She came in a little later. “You were right. Joanna is helping at Shady Oaks. She says she is going to be really busy for the next couple of weeks. I’m going to move her stuff to one of the spare bedrooms and head on back.”
“You need help carrying things?”
“No, thank you. I’ve got a trunk with a grav pallet built in. Makes moving stuff easy.”
She took off to get started. Dingus asked, “That strike you a little strange?”
