She was prettier than me, with long blonde hair and blue eyes that rivalled Ella’s. How the hell did everyone I know end up with blue eyes or variants thereof? All except for me and Dad.
Was this the one he’d been seeing all those months before? Were they serious? Had I wasted my time coming here?
I didn’t realise I was staring until Connor’s gaze caught mine. The broad smile on his face disappeared, a flash of confusion replacing it. And then pain. So much pain.
“Hey.” He mouthed the word, and I looked away. How could we be this far down the track and still have it hurt so bad?
When I looked back, his eyes were on my stomach, where I’d rested my hand without thinking about it. I pulled my hand away, dropping it to my side as I turned toward the church.
As I walked, fingers closed around my wrist, and I looked back over my shoulder to see Connor grasping my arm.
“I didn’t know if you’d come.”
I twisted toward him. “I’m still friends with Jacinda. I wanted to see her big day.”
He smiled that sweet smile I loved so much, and my heart ached for him to hold me again.
“You look good. I’m really glad you’re here.” His tone was soft, caring, made me want to close my eyes and drown in it.
“Are you?”
I licked my lips and swallowed, trying to get some moisture in my suddenly dry mouth. I knew it would be hard to see him again, but I’d been so determined to see today through. I’d been a part of his family for five years. This day was important to me too.
“Since we broke up, all I can think about is you,” he said.
Tears escaped, rolling down my cheeks. I closed my eyes to the memory of the day when I asked Matt if he still loved Ella. He’d kept his distance while she worked through her feelings over her break-up with Sam. He’d told me that he hadn’t stopped thinking about her since they’d met.
Connor and I had started seeing one another around then. Matt was Ella’s, I knew that, but even then I’d envied the answer he gave. To have someone who loved you that much they never stopped thinking about you.
Now Connor had said what I needed to hear.
“I think a lot about you too,” I whispered, wiping my eyes with my fingers.
“Vanessa.” His gaze swept my face.
“Connor, are you coming?” The girl I wanted to fry called out to him.
“You need to go. Your date is waiting.”
He sighed, squeezing my arm. “This isn’t over. I’ll come and find you later.”
I nodded as he let go of me, not that I wanted him to.
To avoid watching them walk away, I took a good look around. When I’d accepted the invitation, I hadn’t thought about just how much family Connor had.
His two brothers stood by the church door with their girlfriends. Part of me yearned to join them, be part of the family as I’d been for so long. This time, I was the outsider, and I had to remember that. I was here to support Jacinda, and if I got a chance to talk with Connor, that would be enough for today. I needed some time with him to explain how I felt.
Slowly, the crowd outside thinned as people made their way into the building, and I tagged along behind.
Once it was full, I ducked in the back of the church, sitting right at the back. No one needed to see me.
The room was noisy, everyone chatting but me. I took some deep breaths, trying to calm my nerves. I had to hold it together.
The music started, and I turned my head just as the rest of the congregation did to see the sight of Molly, Connor’s niece, standing in the door. A very confident five-year-old, she was the daughter of his older brother, Kieran. Would she remember me?
“Nessa,” she shrieked, rushing forward, dropping her basket, her rose petals forgotten.
Horrified, I pressed my finger to my lips. “Shh Molly. You need to walk up there.” I nodded toward the altar.
She giggled, turning on her heel and picking up her basket. All around me was a sea of amused faces, with one standing out. Connor. His grin was a mile wide as our eyes met, and the heat in my cheeks rose as I looked away, unable to keep up eye contact
Crisis over, I sunk into my seat as Molly skipped off, scattering the petals down the aisle as she went.
We all stood as the bridesmaids followed, before Jacinda appeared at the church door. She was beautiful. Being tall ran in their family, and her long, straight gown went right to her ankles. I leaned forward to check out the detailing. The bodice was covered in tiny pearls that caught the light. She wore a halo of brightly coloured flowers around her head, in stark contrast to her short, dark hair. Her hair had that same flop Connor’s did.
As I watched her walk down the aisle toward her groom, I locked gazes with Connor. He had a wistful smile on his face, and I knew exactly what he was thinking as I thought it too. This could have been us.
All the happy times we’d had together, so many days we’d loved and laughed and had eyes only for one another. They’d flown by so quickly only for everything to fall apart.
He turned away to focus his attention on the girl he was with. The one I didn’t know, but already hated.
Thoughts of blasting that hole in her head consumed me as I narrowed my eyes and stared. Nothing happened.
I’d known it wouldn’t, but for just one moment I focused as hard as I could at making my eyes shoot lasers into the back of her head. If only I came from Krypton and not Kerikeri.
Shifting my gaze back to the bride, who should have been my focus in the first place, I let out a smile at the look of joy on Jacinda’s face.
She’d been planning this day since she was thirteen years old, and when I first met her, she already knew exactly what she wanted on her wedding day. Her smile lit up the church, happiness radiating from every fibre of her being. This was most certainly her day.
I didn’t just miss Connor—I missed them all. I’d hidden away from them at a time when maybe I’d needed them the most. Now I was the outsider, and my heart hurt.
Fifteen minutes later, Jacinda came back down the aisle, arm in arm with Nick, and smiled that glowing smile as she came past me. Molly waved, and I winked at the little girl.
Right behind them followed Connor’s parents, who both gave me kind smiles as they passed. I kept my head down as the rest of the family came straight after them. I’d already attracted enough attention
The bright sunlight that hit my face as I exited the church made me smile. Tauranga was putting on a show for Jacinda’s wedding, and although we could get all four seasons in one day back in Auckland, I had a feeling the weather would stay this way for her. It was almost a shame to be going inside for the reception.
“Auntie Nessa,” Molly called, ducking around Jacinda.
I waved my fingers, wishing for the ground to swallow me up as the young girl brought yet more attention to my presence.
Molly ran toward me, her arms outstretched as she laughed. In an instant, one foot tapped the ground, and she went flying forward. I ran to catch her but down she went, falling on her knees as she shrieked.
“Molly?” I reached her first, bending to sit on the ground and pulling her onto my lap. I tugged at the hem of her satin cream dress, pulling it up above her knees so I could inspect her legs.
She wailed in my ear, and everything else disappeared as I focused on the broken skin, blood spotting on the grazes.
“It’s okay. You’re okay. We just have to clean it up and get some Band-Aids on your knees.” I hugged her tight and she leaned into me, nodding as she pouted. The odd sniff told me I’d calmed her, but she was still upset.
“I’ve got a first-aid kit in the car.” Connor stood over us, and I nodded at him before squeezing Molly.
“You were being so speedy. I bet you could beat anyone else here in a race,” I said, kissing her on her temple.
“Thanks, Vanessa,” Kieran said, squatting beside us. “You okay, Molls?”
Molly nodded, still clinging tightly to me.
Molly shook her head. “Nessa is a doctor.”
I laughed. “I am, but I bet your dad is really good at putting Band-Aids on too.”
Connor returned with the first-aid kit, opening it beside us. He pulled out a cotton pad and a small saline sachet. Dousing the pad, he handed it to me, and I prodded gently at Molly’s grazes.
She whimpered, and I rocked her as I wiped her clean, making sure no blood got on the fabric of her clothes. The last thing we all needed was a hysterical five-year-old with a stained dress.
“Better?” I asked.
Molly buried her face in my neck, and I reached for the Band-Aid Connor held out. Our eyes met as I touched his hand, and all I saw on his face was concern for his niece. I melted inside at that look.
“Here we go,” I said, turning my attention back to Molly. I gently applied one Band-Aid before Connor handed me another, and I took care of her second knee. “Are you good now?”
“It hurts.” She pouted.
“It’ll sting for a while, but you’ll be fine.” I kissed the top of her head as she snuggled up tight.
“Come on, Molly. I bet we can find an ice cream on the way to have your photo taken,” Kieran said.
She sat up straight and pushed herself off my lap, wrapping her small arms around his neck. He stood, smiling down at me. “Thanks again, Vanessa.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad Molly’s feeling better.”
“She’s always been such a big fan of yours. It’s good to see you.”
My heart thudded. Molly had become as dear to me as Finn or Georgia. I hadn’t realised just how much I’d missed her until now.
“It’s good to see you too. Maybe we can have a dance later, Molly.”
Molly grinned, leaning her head against her father’s.
“See you at the reception.” Kieran said.
I watched as they walked away. Connor had already disappeared with the first-aid kit and I stood alone, wishing I could join them, angry at myself that some other girl got to be with their group.
Why on earth had I thought this was a good idea? Being so close and yet so far away. Hanging on like an acquaintance instead of a member of their family—the way I used to be.
I wanted to leave, but I’d told Molly we could have a dance at the reception. She’d been so excited to see me; I couldn’t let her down.
My car was parked out on the street and I walked to it, flopping down in the driver’s seat and closing my eyes. I should have waited until the wedding was over, or summoned up the courage to call Connor earlier. He seemed receptive to talking at least, and my heart filled with hope as I opened my eyes and slid the key into the ignition.
The reception was being held in a restaurant nearby, and I drove the five-minute trip in silence. It’d be easy to chicken out, turn the car around and just go home. Instead, I parked close to the restaurant, took a deep breath, and got out of the car.
Inside, the bar was open, and I headed straight for it, ordering a rum and Coke to settle my nerves. I’d take a taxi to the motel if I had to. The alcohol gave me tingles, warming me up and calming me as guests began to arrive. Occasionally, I’d get a curious look; there were relatives there I might have met at some stage during my time with Connor, but whose names I couldn’t place. Curiosity graced their expressions.
I hid myself away in a corner as the room filled, and as I slowly drained my drink, I kept an eye on the door for the arrival of the family, smiling a little as they arrived.
The seating arrangement in the restaurant made things clear. I might have been close to them for all that time, but I was no longer part of the family, and it hurt despite not being a surprise. It had been months. Fighting back tears as I sat about as far away as I could be, I watched as Connor guided his date to the family table and looked around the room. His expression changed from hopeful to confused as he scanned the crowd, and his brows furrowed as he finally laid eyes on me.
Forcing my lips into a smile, I nodded at him. He shook his head, and shot a glare at his mother, sitting by his side. As he leaned over and whispered in her ear, her gaze shifted to me. The sorrow was clear in her eyes, and I looked away, unable to keep watching them. My family had been so small; it had always been just Ella and me with Mum and Dad. To be welcomed into theirs had been one of the best things that had ever happened to me. Now I was an outsider, looking in. It sucked.
The unthinkable happened. Connor’s scowling mother called one of the staff and she shuffled everyone over as they brought an extra chair over to the table. I caught my breath at the sight of another place being laid, and she made her way toward me, placing her hand on my arm.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t know what Jacinda was thinking. Come with me.”
My second mother, the woman I adored almost as much as my own slipped her arm around my shoulders as I made my way to the table. I shook as I sat opposite Connor and his date. This wasn’t uncomfortable at all.
“Hi.”
“It’s so good to see you.” Connor’s father, sitting next to me, squeezed my arm. “How are you?”
I nodded, mindful of the stare coming my way from Connor’s date.
“I’m okay. So glad to be here. Jacinda looks amazing. What a beautiful wedding.” Maybe I should have had two drinks to steady my nerves and stop myself babbling.
Jacinda sat at the top table with her new husband, the best man and groomsman, and her two bridesmaids. She caught my eye, and aside from a small flash of confusion when she spotted me, no one would think anything wasn’t quite as she’d planned it. But she didn’t look annoyed; instead she grinned widely at me, rolling her eyes and tilting her head toward Connor’s date.
I couldn’t stop myself grinning back. She must have tried to do what she’d thought was the right thing, and maybe it was. Sitting at a table with a girl who had come here with my ex wasn’t exactly the most fun thing in the world, but Connor had said he missed me when we stood outside. That gave me the warmest buzz I’d had in weeks.
“It was a beautiful wedding. That’s my only daughter married off—now for the boys.” Connor’s dad’s jaw dropped, along with his voice. “I’m so sorry, Vanessa. I didn’t mean anything …”
“It’s fine.” I patted his arm to reassure him. I knew what he was thinking. At another time he’d thought that Connor and I would end up spending the rest of our lives together, but then again, I’d thought that, too.
I looked across the table at Connor, almost feeling sorry for the girl he was with. His focus was entirely on me, and she sat looking around, lost. This whole screwed up situation wasn’t her fault.
And then she opened her mouth.
“You’re Connor’s ex, aren’t you?”
I flicked a glance at him. “That’s right.”
“I’m surprised to see you here.”
Tension rose in me, but I drew myself up straight and looked down my nose at her
“Vanessa’s good friends with Jacinda. She’s family.”
I turned my head to stare at Connor’s mother before looking around the table. Connor’s brother, Bryce, eyed Connor’s date with a look that could kill. It seemed a bit extreme.
“I work with Danielle. She kindly offered to come to the wedding with me,” Connor spoke, seeming to choose his words carefully. So, she wasn’t a date? It grated that she’d known him before our breakup and had maybe used the opportunity to pounce. Of course, these rogue thoughts might simply be that, and I could have completely the wrong idea. It made me feel better to think of her simply tagging along.
“Vanessa.” Kieran’s voice came from behind me, and I turned to see him approaching with Molly in his arms. His girlfriend, Evie, followed, and grinned as she approached.
“Hi. Hey, Molly. How’s your knee?”
Kieran lowered her to the chair next to mine.
“Better.” Molly grinned. I hadn’t noticed before that she was missing a tooth. When I’d last
seen her, she’d been waiting ever so patiently for her first baby tooth to fall out. I’d missed it. Seeing it gave me pangs of regret.
“I’m glad to hear it.”
Evie sat on the other side of Molly with Kieran beside her. “It’s good to see you, Vanessa. How have you been?”
“Same old. Working. You?”
“Mummy’s having a baby,” Molly announced.
“That’s fantastic, Evie. My sister’s pregnant again too. Babies everywhere.” I genuinely was happy for them, but I ached in the pit of my stomach at the memory of my own brief pregnancy.
The table fell silent, and I was grateful for the arrival of the first course of food. The plates being brought out to the tables were a welcome distraction from the conversation, and the knowledge that across the table sat a woman making eyes at Connor.
I sat through speeches and ate until I could barely move, washing it all down with a glass of bubbly wine. I sipped slowly, still wanting to be able to drive back to the motel afterward.
After the bridal waltz, I took Molly’s hand in mine and we danced around the floor, laughing and giggling like two old friends. She made me think of Finn and Georgia. The three of them together could do some serious damage and would have an absolute ball doing it.
When Molly got too tired to dance, she left with her parents to go home for a nap. Evie’s eyes were closing, and I well remembered the early days of pregnancy, the exhaustion that hit and made simply staying awake a challenge.
“Don’t be a stranger,” she said as she kissed me on the cheek and followed Kieran from the building.
I turned toward Connor’s mother as she nudged my arm. “I hope you’ve had a good time.”
“It’s been great to see everyone.”
“You didn’t mind sitting with us?”
I licked my lips, my mouth dry. No one was left at the table to hear us talk. “Why did you do that for me?”
She gave me a faint smile. “Because such a big part of me still hopes you’ll find your way back to my son.” Her warm, slightly wrinkled hand landed on mine. “If it had been a break-up for any other reason, maybe I wouldn’t feel this way. It’s what happened before you broke up. It breaks my heart to think of the two of you struggling with your miscarriage.”
In a Heartbeat (Lifetime Book 2) Page 14
