When I climbed into the driver’s seat, I paused, sliding my key in the ignition slowly. Taking a deep breath, I smiled as Connor’s warm hand landed on mine.
“Come on, Brown. I’ll be here, no matter what.”
As we drove closer to the pharmacy, my stomach twisted. I didn’t know what would be worse—finding out I was pregnant, or getting a negative result.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” I pulled up outside the store and got out of the car. The tests were near the counter, and I picked them up one by one.
I chose the double pack, just in case something went wrong with the first one. Besides, any result should be double-checked, even if it was negative.
It was now or never, and I took the test to the counter to pay for it.
Time to go home and find out.
“WELL?” he asked, standing over me.
“You have to give it a little time.”
“How much time? It’s been ages.”
“It’s been about thirty seconds.”
I’d peed on the stick and had wrapped it in a piece of toilet paper to avoid looking at it.
“How long does it take?”
I shrugged. “A couple of minutes. The box said results within three.”
Connor snatched the test from my hand and waved it in the air. “I’ve got it now. What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing. You’ve just got my pee on your fingers.”
He screwed up his face, scowling, and I laughed as he examined his hand. “I’m going to look,” he said.
“I thought we were doing this together.”
“Fine.” Connor held out his hand and pulled away the tissue. There were two dark lines on that stick, lines that left me in no doubt of the result.
I gulped. “It’s positive.”
“It’s positive,” he agreed, grinning.
For a moment, we just looked at one another, and I squealed as he hugged me tight.
“Do you want to know something, Vanessa?” he asked.
“What?”
“I just wiped my hands down your back. What are you going to do about that?”
I laughed, planting my lips against his. My man, the father of my child.
As long as things went well this time.
Chapter 25
The first twelve weeks were the worst. I waited for something to happen, relief growing with each week when nothing did. Even the morning sickness was a welcome reminder that my baby was safe and sound.
I had been sure Connor would fly into hyper-protective mode, but he let me get on with it, never giving me a hard time about how many hours I worked, or what I was doing.
Every day I ticked off the calendar was a mini victory, and as I got to the eighty-fourth day, right on twelve weeks, my stomach did a little dance. We could tell people now, but I’d been carrying around my little secret for so long that I didn’t know if I wanted to.
It had been hardest to keep it from Ella. We’d gone to visit them at the eight-week mark, the point when I’d miscarried the first time around. Connor had thought seeing the kids might distract me, but all it did was make me more nervous. Hugging them had made me only want my own child more.
Twelve weeks was supposed to be the safe zone. This had to be okay.
“Are we there yet?” Connor had that stupid grin on his face, the same one he had every morning when he asked me the same question while I looked at the calendar.
“Yes. I just ticked the day off. We’ve successfully completed the first trimester.” I grinned.
He crooked his index finger, beckoning me toward him, and with an equally silly grin on my face I stood and sauntered toward him.
“What do you want?” I asked.
Connor laughed, wrapping his arms around my waist. “You. Only ever you. You should know that by now.”
He pressed his lips to mine and I closed my eyes, relaxing into him. “I do, but I’ll never get sick of hearing it.”
“Just as well I’ll never get sick of saying it then. So …” He leaned back a little, his eyebrows raised as he gazed at me. “Who do we tell first?”
“We’re five minutes past the twelve-week mark and you want to tell the world?”
“Of course I do. I’ve been itching to scream it from the rooftops for weeks.” His grin reflected over his face. I’d never seen a man so happy, and I loved him more than ever.
Sometimes I thought that the break we’d taken had been good for us. Except for the trying-to-move-on-with-other-people bit. Being apart had strengthened our relationship and taught us the importance of working through the tough times. We were now so far removed from those days. Things weren’t always perfect, but we were, and that was all that mattered.
“You can tell whoever you like. I’m calling Ella and my mother. In that order.”
I wriggled out of his grasp and picked up my mobile from the coffee table, heading toward the bedroom. I’d leave him in peace to tell his family, just as I wanted a quiet moment to tell mine. After Ella and Mum, I’d call Ali. Keeping it from her had been the hardest thing of all. She and Will were often at our place, and I’d had to sneak off with morning sickness a handful of times.
Sitting on the bed with my legs crossed, I dialled the first number. Ella would screech down the phone—I just knew it. I was in for an afternoon of being deafened by reactions.
I couldn’t wait.
TWO DAYS LATER, the bleeding started.
It wasn’t much. I’d just finished work and was at home changing when I noticed it. My heart sunk at seeing even the few drops that sat in my panties. This was how it had started before.
I sat on the bed, burying my head in my hands. Pressure built in my chest with the thought of going through this again. How unfair could life be to us?
“You okay?” Connor walked into the room and sat on the bed beside me.
“I’m bleeding,” I said it so quietly it was like my voice wanted to hide it from him.
“Where?”
I turned my head to look at him. He knew where; he was just seeking confirmation. The frustration in his expression was clear.
“What do you want to do?”
“It’s spotting, nothing too much, but it scares the hell out of me.”
Connor pulled me into his arms, rocking me as he kissed the top of my head. “Then we’ll go and see a doctor. Think Will is working tonight?”
“And give him another look at my vagina?” I had to lighten the mood or I’d go mad.
“I trust him with your vagina.”
Raising my head, I stared at Connor’s serious expression. He was playing me at my own game and winning.
His lips slowly curled into a smile. “Let’s go.”
“I don’t even know if it’s serious.”
“Anything to do with this is serious to me.”
I nodded, sliding off the bed. Better to be safe than sorry. I’d go and get checked over, maybe have an ultrasound. That would show the heart beating.
Walking out to the living room, I picked up my bag. Connor trailed behind me, grabbing my hand as we turned toward the door.
It was hard to be optimistic, and I knew that despite trying to keep positive, my deflated demeanour would be obvious to anyone who saw me.
“I’ll drive,” Connor said as we approached my car.
“You think I’m going to let you drive my car?”
Connor stopped, grabbing my arms and placing his hands on my shoulders. I trembled a little, and my eyes searched his for the fear I felt. I thought it would be reflected, but standing in front of me was a stronger man than before, one who fought his fear and seemed to be controlling it.
“When we get home you can do whatever you need to. Right now, I’m going to drive us to the hospital.”
I nodded.
He gave me a small smile, and I handed over the car keys. Ever the gentleman, Connor opened the passenger door for me. It was strange sitting in my own car without driving, but I snuggled back in the s
eat as he climbed into the driver’s side.
The trip was quiet. We were both occupied with our own thoughts—or at least I was. I hadn’t dared to plan anything yet. We hadn’t bought any baby items for fear that we would curse things, and tonight only emphasised how good that decision had been. How on earth would I feel coming home to a house full of baby things with no baby again?
“Are you okay to walk?” Connor slowed as we approached the car park. My staff parking card was in the window, and I directed him toward the emergency parks that were closer to the hospital. While I was perfectly capable of walking, the less I had to the better.
“I’ll be fine. Just need to get inside.”
He held my hand as we walked around the building and in the front door. Right now, we needed each other’s strength, and somehow he seemed to have it in spades, just as mine had failed me.
Catherine Jenkins, who had graduated alongside me and was a perfectly adequate doctor, stood near the reception in the Accident and Emergency department. She smiled as I approached.
“I didn’t know you were working tonight. I’m about to go on a break. Want a coffee before you start?”
“I’m not. I’m a patient.”
Her smile disappeared, and she nodded. “Whatever you need.”
“Go for your break. I’ll speak to the nurse.”
She shook her head. “I was here the night you came in last time. If you hadn’t seen Will, it would have been me. I’ll take care of you.”
“I’ve got spotting. It’s not like my miscarriage. I bled like a stuck pig and had painful cramps.”
“But it’s scary.” Her tone was so soft; it was easy to see why she was so popular with the patients.
I nodded.
“Let’s take a look.”
Connor squeezed my hand as we followed her into an exam room I’d used so many times myself. Everything about this place was familiar, and maybe it helped keep me calm as she checked me over.
I bit down hard on my bottom lip, tasting the coppery blood flavour.
“It’ll be okay, Vanessa.” Connor squeezed my hand.
“Will it?”
“This isn’t like last time. We have to have hope,” he whispered.
I eyed him suspiciously. “What makes you so sure?”
“It’s a little blood, and you’re not in pain.”
I’d known that, but being on a knife’s edge, it hadn’t meant anything. As far as I was concerned, even a drop of blood was grounds for a full on emergency. I wanted this baby so badly, even before I fell pregnant. Losing him or her now would be the cruellest thing that could ever happen to us.
“It looks to me like some spotting, but nothing serious. I’ll send you for an ultrasound to be sure.”
I nodded, swallowing hard. “Yes please.”
“I’ll give them a call now.”
TWENTY MINUTES LATER, I was in tears.
There was our baby on the screen—legs kicking in the air, wriggling about like it was possessed. It would be a while before we could find out whether it was a boy or a girl, but none of that mattered. Our baby was alive.
The technician focused in on the heart. It flashed on the screen, pulsing at a steady pace that left me breathless.
“Connor,” I whispered.
“I’m watching.”
He leaned his head on my arm, and we stared in awe at seeing our baby in all its glory. What I wouldn’t give to hold her or him in my arms.
I closed my eyes as the technician wiped my belly down.
“Thank you,” Connor said, squeezing my hand.
Using my other hand to wipe away the tears that had gathered, I smiled at him as I opened my eyes. “We’re good.”
“We’re good.” The love he had for me was clear in his eyes, and I didn’t think I’d ever felt closer to him. He was the man I’d happily spend the rest of my life with, raise a family with, grow old with.
“Let’s get home.”
I nodded, pulling my shirt down as I sat up. Connor kept holding my hand as I stepped off the bed and linked his fingers in mine as we walked back out the door.
We walked back through the Emergency department, and I waved at Catherine on my way through. “The ultrasound looked fine. Thanks for everything.”
“You’re welcome,” she said, the relief obvious in her voice. I knew that feeling—you could reassure someone all you wanted, but there were some things that were just so far out of your control, all you could do was hope.
As we drew close to the car, Connor paused. “Did you want to drive?”
I shrugged. “You can. You got us here in one piece. I’m sure you can get us home again.”
He let go of my hand, walking to the driver’s side, keys still in hand. “You have so much confidence in me, Ness.”
“Always.” I laughed as I opened the passenger door and sunk into the seat. Truth be told, I had no energy after all the worry and just wanted to get home.
I closed my eyes as we backed out of the car park and drove into the street. Tiredness took over, and the gentle hum of the car helped rock me to sleep.
“VANESSA.” Connor nudged me.
I raised my head, dazed by sleep. We were in the garage at home, the familiar surroundings bringing me immediate comfort.
Nodding, I pushed open my door and stood, aided by leaning on the side of the car. Reaching in, I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder.
Connor had gone ahead, opening the door that led into the house. I traipsed in, dragging my feet, and headed straight for the bedroom. My stomach grumbled, but I ignored it.
He was already there, pulling off his shirt. A pizza box lay in the middle of the bed.
“When did you get that?” I asked.
“I went through the drive thru. Thought we could eat in bed before sleep.”
“You’re so good to me. I’m exhausted,” I said.
“I could tell. You fell asleep in about thirty seconds.”
As I stripped off, Connor climbed into bed and patted my pillow. He leaned against me as I climbed in beside him. “I got your favourite.”
He opened the box, and the scent of cheese floated off the steaming hot pepperoni pizza.
“That smells so good,” I mumbled.
“Bet it tastes better.”
He picked up a slice and held it to my mouth. I might have been tired, but I chuckled and took a bite.
“That’s amazing.”
“I also bet you never thought you’d let me feed you.”
My grin grew looking at him. Always optimistic, he never failed to find the right words to say these days.
I only ate one slice, sinking into the bed and closing my eyes while Connor took the pizza box to the kitchen.
He slipped into bed beside me. “Wake me if it gets worse.”
“Of course.”
Connor reached up, stroking my cheek, and ran his tongue over my lips before kissing me softly. “It’ll be okay, Ness.”
“I know.”
He lay down, and I curled up behind him, being the big spoon for a change. He took hold of my hand and grasped it tight, pulling it in against his chest.
“We’ll be okay. No matter what,” I whispered.
“As if I’d ever let you go again.” His words were slurred as he drew closer to sleep, and I sighed before joining him.
We’d have to see what the night brought us, but we were good, solid—nothing could pull us apart.
All we could do now was wait.
I RAISED my hand to get rid of whatever brushed against my face.
“Ow.” Connor laughed, and I opened my eyes to a squint. His nose was pressed against my cheek, nuzzling the skin.
“Stop that.”
“I love you.”
I let out a loud sigh, opening my eyes farther. How could I be irritated by that? “Love you too. What’s going on?”
“It’s morning. We made it to morning, Ness.”
My heart clenched as I wrapped my arms around
his neck. “So we did.”
“How are you feeling?”
I shrugged. “Fine, I guess. No cramping. I’ll have to check if there’s any more bleeding.”
The look in his eyes softened, and he pecked me on the lips.
“And then I’ll call in sick.”
Connor’s smile grew. “You never call in sick.”
“Today I am. You should too. We can stay in bed all day and cuddle.”
He laughed again, and returned to nuzzling my cheek. “I never thought I’d hear you say those words.”
The sun crept through the small gap in the curtains, casting a long line of light across the bed. It was like the world saying everything would be okay after all.
“Maybe I see the world a little differently now.”
Connor raised his hand to stroke my other cheek with his fingers. “Whatever it is, I like it.”
“I think I’ll have to learn to let go a little once we have this baby.”
He dropped his hand, lowering it to rest on my stomach. “We’re really doing this.”
“As long as the little one stays in there, we are,” I whispered.
After everything we’d been through, all I wanted now was to spend the day in Connor’s arms and pretend the outside world didn’t exist. For the moment, we seemed safe.
Long may that continue.
Chapter 26
As each day, each week, each month passed with no further problems, I began to relax again. When the morning sickness was behind me, I grew out, my bump defining my healthy pregnancy. The discomfort that came later—the awkwardness, the seeming loss of my centre of balance—I loved it all. My baby grew and thrived, and we were really going to do it.
Giving up work was hard, even for a little while. I thought I had my life mapped out, but I couldn’t very well be upset about this derailment. I’d made my choices, and starting a family with Connor was more important than anything else. There was time to return to work later, build on the foundation that we had laid down.
Best of all, we were happy, solid, and looking forward to the future.
“Last patient of the night.” My favourite nurse to work with, Heather, sent the files through to my workstation, and I hung up the phone, raising my eyebrows at the name.
In a Heartbeat (Lifetime Book 2) Page 18
