by Portia Moore
I can’t shake the vision of Rain’s face in the purple light of the bowling alley though, her hair almost glowing under the blacklights, the music making the floor under our feet vibrate a little as I touch her face. I should have kissed her, I think. I should have ran my fingers through her fine hair and pulled her against me.
But I can’t. I don’t know where my life is going, but I don’t think it’s anywhere better than this. I can’t envision a better future than the one I have, anything past the moment, the next day. I’ve been surviving day to day, week to week for my entire life. And if I bring Rain into that as more than just a friend…
If we were together…I don’t know how we could ever not be. It’s more than just the fear of breaking her heart, and it has nothing to do with wanting to experiment or play the field. I’ve been with two girls now, and I’m sure that what I’d have with Rain would be nothing like what it was like with them, that it would be something special, different.
Intimate.
My pulse speeds up as I think of that, of running my hands over Rain’s body, of feeling her skin against mine, kissing her softly…showing her exactly how I feel about her. What we would have together would have nothing to do with lust or just attraction, it would be something else, something I don’t entirely understand and am a little afraid of. I know that if we shared that, we would be bound together even more tightly than we already are, by something stronger than friendship, stronger than anything else in the world.
And how can I tie her to me like that, when I don’t even know who I am? When I’m terrified that my life will crash and burn the way my father’s has? That I’ll grow up bitter and angry. That it will be nothing but curveballs and dead ends. I want Rain to have a better future, not scraping for an existence with me.
I can’t offer her anything other than that.
So as I lie in bed, aching for the first time with the thoughts of all the possibilities that could be between us, I tell myself that those have to stay possibilities. They can’t cross the line into reality. Because I’ve promised one thing in my entire life so far, and I intend to keep that.
I can’t hurt her.
Chapter 13
Rain
Present day
I wake to the smell of bacon and pancakes drifting into the room. The bed next to me is empty, and I feel disappointed that I didn’t wake up before Vincent. I’d wanted to see what he looked like asleep. I’d thought it might give me a glimpse into who this man is when he’s vulnerable and at his simplest.
There’s a flower on the pillow next to me and a note. The flower is beautiful. If I figured a flower would be left, I would have guessed it’d been a rose, but Vincent, of course, isn’t traditional. And the flower is a cross between a pink and reddish color with large pedals. I smile as I inhale its scent, then pick up the note and read it.
Come down the hall for breakfast. There’s a robe in the closet. –Vincent
I get up, feeling every sore muscle in my body complain as I stand. I hadn’t known how many muscles it was possible to use during sex, but it seems that every single one had been strained the night before. There’s also a faint pleasurable soreness between my legs too, reminding me of everything that had happened between Vincent and I. I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever experience anything like it again.
I walk to the closet and see a black silk robe hanging there. I have a moment of jealousy, realizing that he must keep it there for exactly this reason—for women he takes home who don’t have a change of clothes. Did he make breakfast for them, too? Does it happen often?
Of course, I’m not the first.
And I won’t be the last.
But already, I want to be more than just a one-night stand. Already, I want to be special to him. It’s a dangerous trap, and I’m falling right into it. I’ve never felt so naïve…but I can’t stop myself.
I follow the scent of breakfast down the hall, straight into the dining room where I see a vase of the flower on my pillow from earlier in the center of the table, and directly in front of them a place setting. I sit down, knowing without being told what he meant for me to do.
A second later he walks in, balancing a tray. He sets orange juice and coffee in front of me, a plate piled high with pancakes, and a second plate with fluffy scrambled eggs and several strips of bacon. There’s a small glass pitcher of maple syrup, and he sets that down, standing back to survey it with a pleased expression on his face.
“I can’t possibly eat all of this,” I protest.
“Just eat what you like,” he says. “The staff is off today, but I wasn’t about to send you off without breakfast. In fact…” His brow creases slightly, and he slides into the chair next to mine, his face intent. “I don’t want to send you off at all.”
I freeze, a forkful of pancakes halfway to my mouth. “What do you mean?”
His face is earnest as he speaks. “I’ve never met anyone like you, Rain. I want you to stay. I want to take care of you. I can treat you like a princess, a queen. You’ll want for nothing.”
I set my fork down, my heart racing. Is this a joke? If so, it’s too cruel. And if it’s not a joke, it’s insane…right?
“You don’t even know me, Vincent,” I say, panic rising up my throat. This is too good to be true. He’s crazy, of course he is, that’s what’s wrong with him!
“But I do,” he insists. “I know all about you, Rain. I know that your mother is a teacher that isn’t paid what she’s worth, and your dad is an alcoholic. I know that you shoplifted as a teen because your family was poor due to your father’s addiction, and you needed to help them. I know that you’ve lived a difficult life, one far different than what you deserve. I can give you what you deserve, Rain. You don’t have to live like this.”
I stare at him, horrified. “How…how can you possibly know all that? You checked up on me before our date, didn’t you? You looked into me…had someone find out all of that…that’s an invasion of privacy, Vincent! You could have asked me all of that.”
“Would you have told me?”
“I don’t…I don’t know.” I push back from the table. “I need to go home.”
“Wait, Rain.” He stands, too, looking down at me. “Don’t go. I can take care of you. What we did last night…that’s only the beginning. I can show you pleasures you never even imagined, give you everything you could ever want. All you have to do is say that you’ll be mine. Let me take care of you, protect you.”
His.
There is an ominous sound to it, to all of this. “Vincent…” I shake my head. “Vincent, this is wrong. I’m leaving!” I say it as firmly as I can, trying not to sound afraid.
What if he doesn’t let me leave? What if he wants to kidnap me?
I take a step back, and he takes a step towards me. I’m shocked when he leans down and kisses me, his hands burying in my hair. Before I can say another word, he’s picked me up and is carrying me back down the hallway to the bedroom.
Tell him to put you down! Tell him you’re going home!
But I don’t. The kiss has set my blood on fire again, his tongue plunging into my mouth as he’s laying me on the bed, reaching for the ties of the black silk robe.
He spreads it open, his hands running over my breasts and stomach as he kneels on the floor, spreading my legs apart. I shudder as I feel his warm breath on the inside of my thigh, and I know what he is going to do before he lowers his head, his mouth pressing against me as he slides his fingers inside of me.
I’m wet already, my body responding to him instantly, and as he begins to slide his tongue in slow circles, tasting me, savoring me, I arch against him, my hands clutching the duvet as I writhe under his touch.
It’s almost too much to bear. I can’t think like this. His tongue is playing me like a violin, his touch expert, his tongue seeking out every sensitive spot, licking away the soreness until there is only exquisite pleasure. His fingers, curling and pressing against it again and again, rubbing as
he swirls his tongue in endless circles, hot and wet and bringing me higher and higher until I have no choice but to come crashing down.
I fall over the edge, the orgasm sweeping through my body. I grab his hair as I scream his name and ground my hips against his face. The waves continue, not stopping as he moves his fingers and tongue in perfect synchronization, and when I finally stop trembling, my whole body quivers as I pant and try to catch my breath. He’s looking up at me with a pleased expression.
“I’ll do it as much as you want,” he whispers huskily. “Or I can fuck you? Or make love to you. Whatever you want. Do you have any idea how much you turn me on? I’m hard right now, just from the taste of you. I’ll do anything to have you, Rain, give you anything you want.”
My head is spinning. The only thing snapping me out of my haze is the sound of my cell phone. I dive for it, wriggling free of his hands, grateful for the distraction. He doesn’t stop me from reaching for it, so he can’t be trying to keep me here. I’m overreacting, and he’s exaggerating.
“Hello?
“Rain?” It’s Mallory’s voice, clear and concerned, coming over the line. “Rain, are you okay? I haven’t heard from you since you left yesterday night!”
“Yes…yes, I’m fine.” I try to breathe normally, but I know I sound like I’ve been doing burpees or something. “I’m at Vincent’s.”
“Oh my god, you stayed the night?!” Mallory fairly shrieks. This isn’t something I do, so I understand why she’s surprised. Vincent sits in the wing chair by the fire, a smug expression on his face, slouched carelessly with his legs apart so that I can’t miss the clear outline of him. He doesn’t touch himself or do anything other than watch me as I press the phone to my cheek.
“Is he there with you? Did you have sex? How was it?!”
“Yes,” I snapped. “Yes, I know. Mallory, I’m going to have to talk to you later. I’m getting my things together now. I’ll grab an Uber home.” I ignore the irritated expression on Vincent’s face. I can tell he’s a man used to getting his way with everything, but I need to leave and have some time to think.
“Well actually…that’s what I was calling to tell you about,” Mallory says hesitantly.
Oh no. My heart turns over. Has Dena taken off again? Has one of us been fired? A dozen terrible scenarios run through my head, each one worse than the last.
“Well…you know the heatwave we’ve been having lately? Well, I guess running four window units—one in each room and the living room—was too much for the electric and…well, I think we fried a breaker. No one can come out until tomorrow, and the place is sweltering…we can’t use the hot water heater either. At least the stove is gas, but the fridge is off. Good thing I hadn’t gone grocery shopping for us yet, right?” Mallory giggles nervously.
I put one hand over my face and rub my eyes. Could this get any worse? I don’t have the money to go stay in a hotel. I’ve given the landlord everything I have.
“What are you and Dena doing?” I ask, trying to stay calm. “No electricity is an emergency, Mallory. Did you call Jack?”
“He says there’s nothing he can do over a weekend,” she says miserably. “I don’t think he cares, Rain. He said someone will be out Monday. Dena is staying with her boyfriend—or whatever he is—and I’m crashing with Jessica. She said that I can sleep on the couch. But her roommate said just me…I tried to see if you could come too.” I can hear tears threatening in her voice.
“It’s alright,” I say, trying to calm her down. “I’ll figure something out. Just stay on him about it getting fixed Monday, okay? He seems to like you the best out of all of us.”
Mallory sniffs. “Okay, Rain. Are you sure you’ll be alright?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I’m totally not sure, but as always, I’d figure it out.
“Okay,” Mallory says again. “See you Monday.”
“See you.”
I set the phone down with a sigh. Before I can say anything, Vincent gets up and crosses the room to sit on the bed next to me. “What’s happened?” he asks, his brow furrowed.
“Electricity and A/C is out at the apartment. It can’t be fixed until Monday.”
Vincent presses his lips together. “What are you going to do?”
I shrug again. “Deal with it. I’ve spent summers without air conditioning in worse places.”
“That’s dangerous, Rain.” He shakes his head. “There’s an easy solution to this, you know.”
I look at him, almost knowing the answer he’ll give before I even ask. “What’s that?”
“Stay here. You know I want you to.”
In the space of just two days, he’s kept me from being arrested, covered the cost of the items, bought me a dress that could have paid my rent for months, and opened my eyes to exactly how good sex can really be. And now, after one night, wants me to stay in his penthouse apartment, eat his food, and sleep in his bed with no real implication that there is an end in sight?
There has to be a catch. This is ridiculous. A small part of me whispers that I could be walking into something I don’t understand. The rest of me wants desperately to believe that this could be real, that I have somehow bewitched this handsome, powerful man, that he’s fallen so deeply in love and desired me so much since the moment he laid eyes on me that he’ll do anything to have me.
That’s a fairy tale, though, right? That a man can be swept off his feet when he sees the woman he is meant to be with?
I want to believe Vincent is my white knight. Still, I’m not ready to dive in all the way. But I can dip my toe in the water. One more night won’t hurt.
“I’ll stay until Monday if that’s okay,” I say reluctantly.
“Of course,” he says as if I just gave him a winning lottery ticket. “I’m just glad for more time with you, Rain.” He reaches for me, pulling me towards him as he kisses my forehead, my nose, and then, at last, my lips. It’s a soft, sweet kiss, and I feel myself relaxing against him, breathing in the scent of his soap and the faint, lingering hint of his cologne from the night before.
“I wish I could stay here with you today,” he says apologetically when he pulls back. “But even though it’s Saturday, I have meetings. The work is never done.”
“It’s alright,” I say quickly. “I can go out, go to the library or something,”
“Absolutely not,” Vincent says firmly. “There’s no need for you to not be here, Rain. As far as I’m concerned, this is just as much your place to do whatever you like while you’re here. There’s all the television channels, a game console, internet if you want to use the spare laptop. It’s yours to do with as you please. I’ll be back this evening, and I’ll take you out tonight. We’ll have a good time, and you can forget everything you’re worried about.”
I hesitate. “I don’t have anything to wear other than the dress from last night.” Ordinarily, I wouldn’t care about wearing something two nights in a row, especially since the dress had been on my body for only a few hours, and it cost more than I’ve ever spent on a piece of clothing. But it suddenly seems impossible to re-wear something like that around Vincent. Suddenly I feel small and insignificant and very, very poor.
He waves a hand. “I’ll have one of my assistants bring you a new dress, and I’ll have someone come to do your hair and makeup. Be ready by 7:30. I’ll be back by then, and we need to be on time.”
“Shit! I’m sorry, Vincent. I totally forgot I…I’m on the schedule to work tonight. I can’t miss my shift. My boss will be furious.”
“Don’t worry about Benny,” he says easily, and I feel my eyebrow immediately rise.
“You know Benny?” I ask, uneasiness sliding down my spine.
He shrugs. “Let’s just say he uses one of my companies for funding.”
Funding?
A guy like Benny and a guy like Vincent crossing paths seems almost implausible. Benny’s greasy, cheap, and crude. Vincent is charming, polished, and sophisticated. Before I have time to work
out how that relationship’s transpired, Vincent lifts my chin and gives me a breathless kiss. I let out a sigh after our lips part. My brain starts to short-circuit again, and I remember that I have to work tonight. I need all the money I can get.
“Vincent, I need the money. I can’t afford to miss work.”
“I’ll give you double whatever you would’ve made tonight. It doesn’t matter to me. All I want is you here, with me.”
Is he serious? Of course, he’s serious. Money is obviously no object to him.
“Vincent, I…” I try to find the right words. “It’s not that I’m not appreciative, I really am. All this…” I wave a hand around the room, indicating the last day. “But you’re starting to make me feel like a call girl. It’s too much, Vincent. You can’t do this.”
“I can, and I am. I’m sure you’ve dated guys before who bought you gifts and took you out, right?” he says.
“Ugh, sort of, but this is—”
He pulls me close to his chest. “It’s the same thing. I just have more resources to do more,” he says, kissing my neck.
“I know it’s a lot to you, but it’s not. I promise,” he says with a boyish grin.
I think back to my childhood. We barely had enough money for food. My dad was constantly unemployed. Mom took everything she had to pay the bills and keep a roof over our heads. There was rarely anything extra. I was never spoiled. Most of my clothes came from secondhand stores. For my prom, I did my own hair and makeup. Birthdays were maybe a homemade cake and twenty bucks if it could be spared. I never resented my mom. I know she did the best she could, but my dad was so in a drunken stupor he barely acknowledged me and my sister, and when he did, it was usually when he was grumpy and trying to figure out how to get his next drink. There has only ever been one man who ever looked out for me, and he wasn’t much older than myself at the time. He did what he could, and I will always be grateful, but I was never spoiled, nor was I the apple of anyone’s eye.
