by Joan Jonker
‘Oh, my God, will yer look at the state of the house! Even a pig would turn its nose up at that,’ Nellie hissed. ‘The dirty buggers.’
Molly pulled on her mate’s arm. ‘Let’s move on, sunshine, before they spot us. You can tell by just looking at the state of the house that they’re the lowest of the low. Fancy living next door to that. They should be ashamed of themselves. Three grown-ups, and living in filth.’
The pair quickened their steps and didn’t speak until they were on the main road. ‘Well,’ said Molly, ‘we’ve got a few scruffy houses in our street, but they are palaces compared to what we’ve just seen. I feel sick in me tummy now.’
‘Let’s go to the butcher’s first, girl, and tell Tony and Ellen about it. Not that they’ll believe what we tell them about the state of the house, ’cos I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it with me own eyes.’
‘Nellie, we’re doing this to help Corker, and most of all to help Flora. If Corker can prove it was the Blakesley boy, then Flora will feel better. But we must not breathe a word to anyone, not even Ellen or Tony. We’ll just pass the information on to Corker and let him carry on from there.’
‘Yeah, I know ye’re right, girl, but I got a bit carried away there. Too enthusiastic, that’s my trouble. I was so chuffed at seeing Ena again, and getting all we wanted to know from her without spending days walking round asking questions, well, as I say, I got carried away.’
‘And yer had every right to be, sunshine, ’cos yer did a fantastic job.’ Credit where it was due, Molly thought. Her mate had made their success possible, while she herself had done nothing but stand and listen. ‘I didn’t need to lift a finger to help, you did it all by yerself, and I’ll tell Corker so.’
Nellie’s face was pure bliss. That was praise indeed from her best mate. But because Molly was her best mate, she wasn’t going to leave her out. ‘There’s no need to do that, girl, we share and share alike. Sometimes you’re the best detective, sometimes it’s me. But it doesn’t matter really, does it? As long as the baddie is caught, that’s the main thing.’
‘That’s a long speech for you, sunshine, and without one swear word, or any of the words that nobody but you has ever heard before. However, in this case I don’t believe yer should try to hide yer light under a bushel. Praise where praise is due. Yer did an excellent job today, and I’m really proud of yer. If we were a bona fide detective agency making money, then I’d definitely vote yer a good pay rise.’
‘Ay, girl, all this praise is turning me head.’ Nellie transferred her shopping basket to her other arm. ‘Yer’ll be turning me into a snob and I’ll be looking down me nose at people, thinking I’m better than they are.’
‘I can’t see yer turning into a snob, sunshine, ’cos yer’d have to give up too many of the things yer like.’
Nellie’s eyes squinted up at Molly. ‘I wouldn’t have to give anything up, girl, why should I? And as I don’t get many things now, what could I give up?’
Molly was enjoying the changing expressions on Nellie’s chubby face. ‘I can think of only a few off-hand, but I’m sure I can come up with more while we’re doing our shopping. The first to come to mind is swearing, yer’d have to give that up. Next comes fighting. No more boxing matches with Elsie Flanaghan. Then there’s the ladders in yer stockings, they’re a definite no-no.’
‘All right, girl, yer’ve made yer point. Me head will stay the same size as it’s always been and I won’t brag or show off. Life wouldn’t be worth living if I couldn’t swear now and again, or give Elsie Flanaghan a belt once in a while.’ Nellie was fed up keeping a straight face, and she told herself that if God hadn’t intended people to laugh and have fun, then He wouldn’t have invented jokes, would He?
‘What are yer smiling at, sunshine?’ Molly asked. ‘Let me in on the secret, ’cos I could do with a good laugh.’
‘Well, yer see, girl, I was smiling because in me head I’ve sorted out a lot of things. I was brought into this world with eyes to see with, ears to hear with, a heart to keep me alive, and arms and legs to get me around. A face and head to go on top of my voluptuous body, a nose to smell with, and a mouth and tongue. And there were no strings attached to any of these gifts, was there, girl?’
To say Molly was flabbergasted would be an understatement. ‘Of course there were no strings attached, sunshine, but what on earth brought all this on? Are yer feeling all right, or would you like to go home and have a little rest before we start our shopping?’
‘No, I’m fine, girl, now yer’ve confirmed that I can do what I like with any part of me. Like swearing if I feel like it, or telling a joke to make people laugh. Even making up a story to make someone happy. And I’m free to give Elsie Flanaghan a belt if she deserves it.’
‘Okay, okay, sunshine, yer’ve made yer point. There’s no need to make a meal of it. Give yer head a good shake to clear it, then we’ll set about buying food to feed the families.’
Nellie was laughing inside. She was surprised her friend hadn’t shut her up before now. ‘Ready when you are, girl. Like the corporal said to the major, “All shipshape and ready to sail, sir.”’
If Molly didn’t know her mate seldom drank a milk stout unless someone bought it for her, and that was only now and again, she would have thought Nellie was under the influence of drink. ‘Nellie, a major and corporal would be in the army, nothing to do with ships and sails.’
‘Oh, silly me! I meant to say the captain said to the first officer, “Squad ready for inspection, sir.’”
Molly flung out a hand in disbelief, and, unfortunately for her, a woman who was about to pass them was hit in the eye. It was not a hard slap, but the woman was not well pleased. Nor was she a woman who at the best of times had a sunny nature. ‘You stupid woman, you did that deliberately.’ The woman was holding a hand to her eye when the two mates turned. ‘I’ve a good mind to report you to the police.’
Molly was full of apologies. ‘I’m sorry, but I had my back to you. I didn’t see yer coming. Let me have a look at your eye, see if I’ve bruised it.’
The woman pushed her away. ‘Don’t you dare touch me with your dirty hands. Haven’t you done enough damage?’
Nellie didn’t like anyone talking to her mate like that, and she wasn’t going to stand by and not do something. ‘Don’t you talk to my friend like that. She hasn’t got eyes in the back of her head, and she didn’t hit you on purpose. She couldn’t have hurt yer that much, not with the back of her hand. If she’d punched yer in the face, then yer’d have something to moan about.’
‘All right, Nellie, let me sort this out,’ Molly said, before appealing to the woman. ‘Let me see your face, please.’
‘I will not remove my hand.’ The stranger backed away. ‘I would like your name and address, and if you have caused any damage, I will report you to the police.’
Nellie was sharp-witted. ‘Oh, there’s no need for you to bother, missus, I’ll go and fetch a policeman for yer. There’s the station over there.’ She gave Molly’s arm a squeeze. ‘Shall I ask for the inspector, girl? The man in charge? Wasn’t his name Steve? Yeah, I remember, Detective Inspector Steve Willard.’
Nellie had only taken two steps when the woman called her back. ‘There’s no need to bring a policeman, I’m sure my eye will get better after a while. Besides, the police have more to do with their time. Just give me your address in case I need to be financially compensated.’
But Nellie had smelled a rat from the very start, and she wasn’t going to let the woman wriggle out of it. ‘You just keep yer hand over yer eye, missus, until the inspector gets here, and he’ll put it back in its socket. He’s really good at that, and yer won’t feel a thing.’
Nellie was stepping off the pavement when Molly caught hold of her arm, and said softly, ‘Ye’re not really going to the police station, Nellie, are yer? I’d die of shame if the same bobby comes over. He’d think I’m a real troublemaker.’
‘No need to worry yer head, gi
rl,’ Nellie said, stepping back on to the pavement. ‘The bird has flown.’
Molly turned quickly, and sure enough there was no sign of the woman. ‘Where’s she disappeared to? Talk about the Vanishing Lady, she’s certainly one.’
‘She’s vanished right enough, girl, but she’s certainly no lady. I knew from the beginning she was out to take yer for a ride. She was after a few bob, and thought if she kept it up long enough, yer’d be daft enough to give it to her.’
‘Well, I’ll be blowed,’ Molly said. ‘We’ve only been out of the house about three-quarters of an hour, and there’s been more shocks and surprises than we normally get in a whole week. That flaming woman gave me a fright. I really thought I must have hurt her, the way she carried on.’
‘I twigged what she was up to right away, girl, the way she wouldn’t take her hand away from her face. Anyway, it was a bit of excitement, and she’s gone now and taken her eye with her.’ Nellie linked her mate’s arm. ‘It’s a funny old world, isn’t it, girl? Yer never know what’s round the next corner.’
‘Today has been an up and down day, sunshine. I was feeling good when yer old friend in the shop was so forthcoming with information on the Blakesleys. Then I was mad and disgusted when I saw the state of their house, knowing they didn’t do a hand’s turn to earn money, yet they’re living the life of Riley on what they steal from honest, hardworking folk.’ Molly let out a deep sigh. ‘Then to top it off, that mad woman frightened the life out of me. Me tummy is really upset, and it’s not like me to get meself all worked up.’
‘Calm yerself down, girl, and then perhaps yer’ll see the funny side.’
Molly huffed. ‘The funny side! What funny side?’
‘Oh, yer will see things in a different light when yer tummy settles down and yer can think clearly.’ Nellie tapped the side of her temple. ‘There’s a word I want to use, but I can’t think what it is. I’m not as clever with words as you are, but I know this one would help me explain what’s in me mind. D’yer know when a person believes everything she’s told, even though it’s not true? Well, that’s the word I’m looking for. To describe someone a bit simple.’
Molly’s brow furrowed as her brain worked. ‘Is the word ye’re looking for naive, by any chance?’
Nellie stopped in her tracks. ‘That’s the one, girl, and it’s not a long word, so wouldn’t yer think I’d be able to remember it? Still, we can’t all be clever, can we?’
‘No, we can’t, sunshine, that’s true. And now we’ve agreed on that, will yer tell me why the word naive will be of help to yer? It certainly doesn’t apply to you.’
‘Oh, I know that, girl, I’m not daft enough to fall for everything someone tells me. But you are, Molly Bennett, yer’d fall for the bleeding cat, you would.’
They were nearing the greengrocer’s by this time, and Nellie would have walked into the shop if Molly hadn’t pulled her to a halt. ‘Let me get this straight, sunshine. Am I right in thinking you had me puzzling me brains out to try and remember a word to describe someone soft enough to believe everything she was told? Someone a bit simple? Only to be told that it’s meself yer were referring to?’
Nellie moved a step back. ‘I’ll get out of yer way before I answer that. After seeing the way yer belted that woman, I’m keeping out of harm’s way. I didn’t think yer had it in yer. But now I’m out of reach, I’ll admit that I do think ye’re—’ Nellie slapped a chubby palm on her forehead. ‘Bloody hell, I’ve forgotten the word again. But you know what it was, you’re the brainbox. And I mean what I said, ’cos you really believed yer’d done that woman an injury. It never crossed yer mind that she was a con merchant, out to frighten yer into giving her money to shut her up.’
‘I’m not as bad-minded as you, Nellie, I don’t look for wickedness in people. Most people are good, there’s not many bad apples in a barrel, as the saying goes. Besides, I’d hate to go through life distrusting everyone I meet. That would be a miserable existence.’
Nellie moved closer and looked up into Molly’s eyes. ‘Don’t be downhearted, girl, we’ve got each other. And while we might pull each other’s leg in fun, we’d never do anything to hurt each other. Only just remember, next time yer belt someone, make them show yer their injuries before yer start panicking.’
The greengrocer, Billy, came out of his shop and began to carry a box of cabbages inside. Over his shoulder he called, ‘If ye’re coming in, Molly and Nellie, yer better be quick ’cos I’m closing for me dinner hour in ten minutes.’
The information came as a shock. ‘Oh, my God, I had no idea it was that time, sunshine,’ Molly said. ‘Will you get the potatoes and cabbage, while I run to the butcher’s? I’m getting a sheet of bacon ribs. What do you want?’
‘Same as you, girl, same as you. We’ll have to come out again later, for our bread.’
Molly was already heading to the butcher’s shop on the next block. ‘You wait there for me, Nellie. I’ll be as quick as I can.’
The two mates faced each other across the table. They each had a cup of tea in front of them, and a plate with a cheese butty on. Molly sighed. ‘That was one mad dash. The morning gone, and we’d not done a blinking thing except natter.’
‘Oh, come off it, girl!’ Nellie took a bite out of her sandwich and chewed on it for a few seconds before continuing. ‘We’ve got all that information for Corker. I bet a real detective agency would charge a few pound for that. They probably charge by the hour.’
Molly looked amused when she asked, ‘Oh, are yer thinking of charging Corker, then?’
‘Of course not. I was just saying. I mean, if we’d been charging for the detecting jobs we’ve done over the years, we’d be quids in. New clothes instead of Paddy’s market, and getting our hair set every week.’
‘Ay, I’m glad yer mentioned Paddy’s market, sunshine, ’cos we haven’t been for ages. And I’m sure Sadie was due to get married round about this time. I hope we haven’t missed the wedding. We always said we’d be at the church the day she got married.’
‘Ooh, ay, I’d forgotten about that. There’s been so much going on.’ Nellie pushed the plate out of the way so she could rest her bosom on the table. ‘I’d like to see her getting married, girl, she’d make a beautiful bride. Shall we take the tram down to the market tomorrow, and get her news? And see Mary Ann, we always have a laugh with her.’
Molly nodded. ‘Yeah, I’d like that, it would cheer me up. Once we’ve finished the housework, seen how Bobby is and got Doreen’s list of shopping, we can get our shopping at the same time and be ready to go to the market by twelve o’clock. How does that sound, sunshine?’
‘Sounds great, girl, sounds great. And we could take a few bob in case Sadie has some bargains for us.’
‘That’s a good idea. I could look for something for Ruthie’s birthday present while I’m at it. I couldn’t get anything from the second-hand stall for her, ’cos she’ll be a young lady and wanting to show off. Me and Mary have agreed to buy them both the same so there’s no jealousy. New dresses and silver dancing shoes, and they won’t call the Queen their aunt.’
‘What shall I get them, girl? I can’t let their birthdays pass without giving them a present, but I haven’t got a ruddy clue.’
‘Get them a necklace each from Woolies. That would certainly be appreciated, it would be the icing on the cake.’
‘Ay, d’yer know what, girl, I used to have a necklace when I first went dancing. I thought I was the whole cheese when I had that round me neck. But the clasp must have broken one night while I was dancing, ’cos when I got home I didn’t have it. I went back to the dance hall the next day in me dinner break, but there were only two cleaners there, and they said nothing had been handed in. Cried meself to sleep for a week, I did. And called those two cleaners all the bad names I could think of.’
‘That wasn’t fair, sunshine. Yer had no proof they weren’t telling the truth. The poor women could have been as honest as the day is long for all you knew.
’
The last of the cheese butty disappeared into Nellie’s mouth, and she sat swinging her legs, hoping a couple of custard creams would soon be on the way to her plate. She gave Molly a few minutes, and when there was no movement she asked, ‘Aren’t we having any afters, girl? I’m surprised ye’re not offering me a biscuit to finish the meal off. Where’s your heticat, Molly Bennett? Ye’re not half letting the side down. In all the best houses they have afters.’
Molly pretended she’d been deep in thought and hadn’t heard all her mate had said. ‘I’m sorry, sunshine, I had something on me mind, and I was miles away.’
Now that was a dilemma for the little woman. What was her best bet? Two custard creams, or knowing what her mate had on her mind that took her miles away? Oh, why was life so complicated? Why couldn’t Molly just have said, ‘I’m sorry, I was miles away, sunshine, I’ll get the biscuits for yer now. How many would you like?’
‘What did you say, sunshine? I’m sorry, but I wasn’t paying attention.’
‘So yer said, girl. And I’d like to know what yer were thinking about when yer mind was miles away. It must have been bleeding interesting if yer ears were shut to what I was saying. Me, yer best mate, and I’m left sitting talking to meself.’
‘Actually, Nellie, it was you I was thinking of. This picture flashed in me mind, of you dancing with a handsome man, and a shining blue necklace on your slim, lily white neck. Ooh, yer didn’t half look pretty, sunshine, and a little voice in me head asked why yer didn’t buy yerself a necklace from Woolies while ye’re buying two for our Ruthie and Bella? They’re only sixpence, and that wouldn’t skint yer.’
Nellie’s eyes lit up. ‘Ay, that’s a good idea, girl. Why didn’t I think of that meself? I could ask George to pay for it. He won’t mind, he can afford a shilling.’
‘They don’t cost a shilling, Nellie, they’re only sixpence.’
