by Syndi Powell
“I’ll be glad to be home.”
“You’ll need to be careful, though. This infection was a bad one.” April sobered and sat on the bed next to Page and put her arm around her. “I don’t know what I’d do without my best friend.”
“I’m hoping you don’t have to find out for a long time.”
They sat together for a moment, then April sighed and stood. “I’m going to order the wheelchair now because I know how long it can take for them to send one up. Do you need anything else?”
“Just Ruby and my discharge papers.”
April exited and Page got dressed, then finally slumped on the edge of the bed. Putting her clothes on had worn her out, and she still had to get home. She figured she’d probably take a nap once she was settled.
Ruby popped her head into the room and smiled at her. “April said you’re coming home.”
Page held her arms out to the girl, and she walked quickly over and hugged her. “Which means you’re coming home, too, right?”
“I’ve missed you.”
“You won’t believe how much I missed you.” Page put the back of her hand on the girl’s forehead. “How are you feeling?”
Ruby took a step back. “Good. No pains at all. But the baby sure is moving.”
“I bet.” Page put a hand on her rounded belly. “Maybe we can ask April to take us both to your next appointment.” She paused. “Wait. She’ll be on her honeymoon. Maybe Sherri will take us.”
“What did the doctor say about you?”
“I’ll need to take it easy for a few weeks. He won’t let me go back to work right away.”
“More time with me, I guess.” Ruby grinned and nudged her shoulder.
“So what have I missed?”
“I went to another meeting with the other teen moms.”
“How did that go?”
Ruby shrugged. “One of the girls, Lauren, had her baby this past week. She was downstairs in the maternity ward, so I went to visit her.”
Page was touched by Ruby’s kindness. “How’d that go?”
“Kind of emotional.” Ruby looked away. “She decided to give the baby up, she was so sad.”
“It’s got to be hard to let go in a situation like that.”
“Will it be like that for me?” Ruby asked. “I mean, Lauren knew she was doing the right thing for the baby, but it still made her cry. I’m not sure anything I said to her helped.”
“You were sweet to try, though.”
Ruby stretched. “Can we talk about something else?”
“School starts next week. I wonder if we should get you registered.”
Ruby shook her head vigorously. “Can’t you homeschool me or something? I know I brought up that alternative school, but you need me around to make sure you’re okay.”
Page considered it. She didn’t know the first thing about teaching. She probably needed to register something with the state. Maybe Mateo would be able to help her through the process.
April entered and smiled at them both. “The nurse is going to come and unhook your IV, and the wheelchair is on its way. Are you ready to go home?”
Page grinned and nodded. “More than ready.”
* * *
PAGE LEFT ANOTHER message on Mateo’s phone. After she hung up, her cell phone started to buzz. She answered it, hoping it was him. “Mateo?”
“It’s your mother.”
She wanted to groan, but kept it to herself. “I was hoping it was my lawyer.”
“What in the world do you need a lawyer for?”
Page weighed how much to share with her mother. “I’m in the middle of adopting.”
“Oh, Page.” Disappointment dripped through in her voice. “Why in the world would you put yourself through that?”
“Maybe because I always wanted to be a mother.”
“Trust me. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”
Page bit back a comment about her lack of mothering skills being a huge factor in that and concentrated instead on the positives. Ruby had a good home with her. And soon, so might Ruby’s baby. “What do you want, Mother?”
“Can’t I call just to chat?”
That wasn’t like her. “I don’t have time to talk right now. So just say what you want to and get it over with.”
Her mother cleared her throat. “I have an eye-doctor appointment next Wednesday and they’re putting those drops in my eyes so I won’t be able to drive. You need to pick me up at two.”
“No.”
“Why not? Because of the cancer?”
“I just got out of the hospital. I almost died.”
There was pause on the other end. Page waited, wondering what words of discouragement her mother would offer. Her mother huffed. “Fine. Be selfish. I’ll make other arrangements. Goodbye.”
Page stared at the phone, checking to make sure she actually had hung up. Conversations with her mother usually drained her, and this one had been no different. She couldn’t understand why the woman couldn’t be happy for her just once. Couldn’t say something like “Good luck, Page. You’re a strong woman, and I know it will work out for you. You’re going to be fine.” Was it any wonder that Page doubted herself when her own mother didn’t believe in her?
Ruby brought two large glasses of iced tea from the kitchen and handed one to Page. “Who was on the phone?”
“My mother.”
Ruby made a face. “Oh. Sorry.”
Page laughed.
“April told me more about her. We had a lot of time to talk in the waiting room this past week.” Ruby took a sip of her tea and made a face. “I added too much sugar. Sure can’t make sweet tea like my mama could.”
Page tasted her own tea, and her lips puckered. “I guess there’s a learning curve.”
Ruby stood and tried to take her glass away. “I’ll fix it.”
She kept a hold of the glass. “It’s fine. Don’t worry.” She patted the sofa next to her. “Take a seat. We need to talk about something.”
“Uh-oh. I know that look.” But Ruby sat down.
Page put her glass on the coffee table and held out her hand. When the girl put her hand in hers, she tried to think of how to say what she needed to say. “Mateo talked to me. Because of my health, the judge is concerned that I won’t be able to provide the right home for your baby.”
Ruby’s bottom lip protruded. “So you’re not going to adopt it? I thought you wanted it.”
“I do.” Emotion clogged her throat, and she coughed to clear it. “I do, but Mateo wanted to warn me that the adoption won’t be an easy process. We’ve got to prove that I’m well enough to care for an infant.”
“Oh.” Ruby let go of her hand. “But what if it’s what I want? Don’t I get a say in this?”
“You will, and that will help our case. But I want you to be aware of what might happen.”
“Can’t you look on the bright side of things? Maybe you’re worried about nothing. Maybe you need this baby as much as it needs you.” Ruby stood. “I need you to believe, Page. Because I’m scared enough on my own.”
The girl left the room, and Page tried to get to her feet, but lacked the energy. She called Ruby’s name, but she didn’t respond.
She wished she could believe, but her history had proven that good things didn’t come to her. Instead, she got handed more pain, more disease, more loss. Maybe she was Nurse Doom and Gloom, who had a storm cloud following her. Could she be positive for once? Could she believe like Ruby wanted her to?
For Ruby, she would try.
* * *
THE CLOUDY SKY threatened rain as Mateo stepped out of his car at the cemetery. He’d been thinking of his mother quite a bit that week. He scooped up the bouquet of flowers he’d purchased and locked the car. The walk to his mother’s grave site took on
ly a moment.
He stared down at the marker. Lucia Maria Estevez Lopez. Beloved wife and mother. He bent down and removed the leaves and weeds that covered the stone and placed the daisies, her favorite flower, beside it. “Hi, Mom. Miss you.”
He placed his hand on the stone marker. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here more often, but being here only makes me feel the loss of you even more.”
Was he crazy for talking to this stone? For thinking that he could somehow find answers to his troubles by being here? He adjusted the flowers on the grave and patted it before standing and looking down. She’d been so young, only ten years older than he was now. How could her life have been cut so short? It wasn’t fair. She hadn’t deserved it. She should be alive to see Lulu getting married and now, expecting a baby. She’d missed out, and he wanted to kick the stone to prove how unjust it all was.
“I’ve met someone, Mom. I wish you could know her because I think you’d like her.” He thought of Page’s recent stay at the hospital. “I want something to happen with her, but I’m scared. Afraid of losing her like I lost you.”
He rubbed his left eye, which burned. This is why he didn’t come out here. It only made him feel worse. He put his hand again on the gravestone. “Goodbye, Mom.”
He walked back to his car and sat inside, promising himself that he wouldn’t face any more situations that made him feel so lonely and angry. He would fill his life with only good things. Yet he couldn’t avoid pain no matter what he did. Was that the point of life? To be in pain? It didn’t make sense. But then there wasn’t much in his life right now that did make sense.
Maybe you were supposed to find a way to go on through the pain. To find the joy in spite of the tears.
He started the car and drove away.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE IMAGE IN the mirror stared back at Page as she rubbed a hand over her bald head. She could ignore the dark circles under her eyes. In fact, she had makeup that would cover those up. But the glare off the top of her head was hard to pretend wasn’t there.
She’d been bald for most of the last three years. Seemed as soon as she’d finished one round of chemotherapy, she’d grow back stubble then suffer a reoccurrence of cancer and be back to being without hair. She tried to remember the last time she’d been able to run her fingers through it and couldn’t recall.
In her closet on the top shelf, Page had a box, the contents of which might help her out. She used a hanger to reach the box and nudged it toward the edge of the shelf so she could reach it on tiptoe. She placed the box on her bed, opened the lid and stared down into it.
She took out the dark brown wig and fluffed the hair. In a rare moment of nurturing, her mother had bought it for her during her first round of chemo. Page put it on her head now and walked to the mirror. She checked how the wig looked and adjusted it so that the part was in the middle, the length of hair reaching her shoulders. Pulling the strands this way and that, she debated about wearing it. She looked almost normal. Almost healthy. But the image of herself in the mirror didn’t match how she felt inside, or who she really was. Still...
The front door opened, and Page heard Ruby greet April. She nodded and walked down the hall to the living room. April stared at Page while Ruby smothered a snicker. “What in the world are you wearing?” April asked.
Page stopped abruptly and looked down at the soft gray dress she wore. They’d agreed on this one. “Oh, this.” She reached up to touch the wig. Had it slipped? No, it felt like it was in place. “Is it on wrong?”
“The problem is that it’s on at all.” April frowned. “Why are you wearing it?”
“You don’t want a maid of honor with a bald head in your pictures.”
“I do if it’s you. This—” April plucked the wig off her head “—is not you.”
Page sighed. “April, these are pictures that you and Zach are going to be looking at for the rest of your lives. Think about it.” She snatched back the hair. “I’m wearing it.”
“Is it comfortable? Do you feel better about yourself in it?” April rhymed off the questions. Why was she interrogating her? How did she know her so well?
Page bit her lip. The truth was, the wig made her head itch and sweat. She couldn’t stand the sight of the thing, but she knew that the wedding pictures would be prettier if she wore it. But glimpsing her best friend, she couldn’t lie. “No and no.”
April tossed the offending item on the sofa. “Good. Because I don’t like it, either.” She stepped forward and placed her hands on either side of Page’s face. “This is the woman I want to see years from now. If nothing else, we can pull the pictures out and remember what it was like and how far we’ve come.”
“You don’t have to be nice and say that to me.”
“Since when have I ever sugarcoated my words to you?” April smiled. “Now let’s get going before I’m late to my own wedding rehearsal.”
She guessed she’d been told. Ruby winked at Page and followed April out of the house. Page paused and looked at the wig. She knew she should insist on wearing it, but a part of her was grateful that she wouldn’t have to. Stopping to glance in the mirror by the front door, she nodded at herself.
“Kosinski, let’s go!” April called from outside.
Page grabbed her purse and walked out, locking the door behind her.
The rehearsal and subsequent dinner were at the banquet hall where April and Zach would be married the following afternoon. At April’s insistence, Page had sat through most of the rehearsal. She hadn’t wanted her to wear herself out before the big day. Sherri winked at her from the front of the room, where they had placed an arbor lit with twinkling white lights, and waved at her with the makeshift bouquet in her hands.
Ruby sat next to Page with wide eyes. “I’ve never seen something like this.”
“A wedding rehearsal?”
“A wedding.”
Page put an arm around Ruby. “Wait until you see this place tomorrow. It’ll be even louder and more chaotic.”
Sherri, temporarily relieved from her bridesmaid’s duties, took a seat next to Ruby. “Not as chaotic as a wedding in my family. Which is the reason Dez and I got hitched at a justice of the peace. I wanted to get married as quickly as possible, and I was still too sick to handle a big event. Best decision I ever made. Just don’t tell my mother that. She’s still smarting over my refusal to follow tradition.”
Page nodded. “You have to do what’s right for you.”
Ruby looked around the banquet hall at the tables that still needed to be decorated with tablecloths, floral centerpieces and candles. “Is this what’s right for April?”
“She wants to be surrounded by family and friends. So yes. Zach, too.” Page grinned as they watched the couple lean in for a chaste kiss. “They’re going to be happy with tomorrow.”
An older woman approached the couple and spoke to them, then April turned to the group. “Dinner is about to be served, so go ahead and find a seat. Zach’s grandma made us her famous ravioli and Sherri’s mom her chicken enchiladas. There’s plenty, so don’t be shy about asking for more if you want.”
Page whispered in Ruby’s ear, “And trust me. You’ll want to.”
They stood and found their places next to each other at the long dinner table. Meanwhile, Dez walked up to Sherri and kissed her soundly. “You looked amazing up there,” he told her.
“You’re supposed to say that about the bride,” Sherri quipped.
“I only have eyes for you.”
Page wanted to sigh at how Dez looked at her friend. Would she ever find someone to look at her the same way? Or the way that April and Zach gazed at each other? Ruby nudged Page and pointed to the chair. “You need to sit, remember?”
“All right, all right. Who’s taking care of who here anyways?” Page pretended to grouse, but smiled at Ruby.
At the head of the table, Zach stood and tapped a fork against his wineglass. “Before the dinner is brought out, I’d like to thank you all for being a part of our special day tomorrow.” April stood, too, her eyes shining with tears, and put an arm around his waist. “Not everyone is lucky enough to be surrounded by family and friends, and April and I hope you know how much you all mean to the both of us.”
“We love you.” April kissed her fingertips and sent out air kisses to the group before tucking into Zach’s shoulder.
He placed a hand on the back of her head and kissed her forehead. “Get all your tears out tonight because tomorrow will be all about smiles and kisses.”
“These are tears of joy, mister, and you’d better get used to them. Because I plan on being happy every day for the rest of my life.”
They shared a kiss and everyone clapped. Page heard Ruby sigh. “What are you thinking, Ruby?”
“I want to have what they have someday, you know?”
“I do, too.” She’d never had it with Chad, as much as she might have thought she’d been in love those first few years of marriage. But she hadn’t shared with Chad anything like what she saw on display with her friends. He’d been a charmer, using flattery to get her to go along with what he wanted. He’d said words of love when it helped his cause. She’d kept her doubts about his true feelings for her to herself because she hadn’t wanted to say something that might make him leave. She had wanted to be a part of a couple so much that she’d overlooked the flaws and cracks in the relationship. She’d really believed that if she pretended that everything was okay, it would be.
Next time, if there was one, she wanted to be true to herself and have a real marriage. She wasn’t going to settle for less.
* * *
PAGE BROUGHT A mug of coffee into her bedroom and tapped April’s foot with her other hand. “Hey, sleeping beauty. Time to get up. You’re getting married today.”
Her friend opened one eye, but burrowed deeper into the sheets. “Five more minutes.”
“We have to be at the salon in twenty.”
