“I don’t believe that,” I reply, challenging her. “I’d go so far as to say you’re the opposite of that. All you’ve been through and you still manage to put on a happy face and get through each day.”
“Maybe, but there’s a big difference between putting on a mask and actually feeling happy,” she says with a sad smile.
“But you still do it,” I persist. “Do you know how long it took me to accept Tommy was gone?” I let out a laugh. “God, I didn’t leave my room for weeks. Then I rebelled against everyone, including my parents, because the world sucked.”
“You were eighteen. And Aiden isn’t gone,” she points out.
Isn’t he? I bite back the words before they slip out. A knock on the door sounds, indicating our dinner is here. Perfect timing. Kiara jumps up to fetch drinks while I collect the food.
I pay for our dinner, waving at the delivery guy to keep the change. The sweet salty smell of my beef stir-fry hits my senses, making my stomach growl. Back in the living room, Kiara is sitting, two glasses of wine set out on the coffee table.
“Smells so good,” she grins, wetting her lips.
I sit down and unpack our food, handing over her carton of sweet and sour pork. We both dig in, enjoying our food in silence, the heaviness of our earlier conversation forgotten.
We eat our dinner while watching The Hangover on cable. Every time she giggles, I glance over at her and smile. Hell, I spend more time watching her than I do the movie. I love that this is taking her mind off her problems. I wish there were more I could do, but I know other than just being there for her, I can’t do shit.
“Oh, hey, I nearly forgot,” I mutter, reaching for the papers I’d brought with me. “The forms you need to fill out for your new position.”
“I don’t think I even said thank you.” She smiles. “At least not properly. I’m sure the only reason I got the job is because of you.”
“Not true,” I argue. “You got the job because you were best suited.” No point in letting her know that Kelly was against her.
“Really?” She narrows her eyes at me. “Somehow I can’t see Kelly . . . Miss Walker rooting for me.”
“You can call her Kelly,” I chuckle.
“Okay then. Kelly,” she says, making a face.
I laugh and shake my head. I reach over for my glass of wine.
“Sorry, but she rubs me the wrong way.”
“Yeah, me too, but there’s not much I can do about it. She does her job well. I can’t fire someone for being a bitch,” I say. Though sometimes I wish I could.
I glance over at her and smile. She has a tiny smear of sweet and sour sauce on her cheek.
“Uh, you have something…” I touch my own face to let her know where.
She blushes and reaches up, wiping the wrong spot. Laughing, I lean over and gently wipe it away.
“Thanks,” she murmurs, intently staring into my eyes as I wipe my hand on my jeans. I don’t move away. I can’t. I’m frozen on the spot, my finger gently stroking her cheek. My heart begins to thump as I shift closer to her, the tension in the air so thick I could slice through it with a knife. Very slowly, I trail my fingers around the back of her neck. She tilts her head slightly, her sight of her beautiful plump lips consuming me.
Closing the space between our faces, I press my mouth against hers, savoring the kiss. Her taste is intoxicating and the feel of her soft lips against mine is next to nothing. Every part of me reacts to her touch, from the fluttering in my stomach to the rush of desire pulsating through my body.
When her hands graze over my shirt, her fingers rippling along the outline of my muscles, I kiss her with more force. My mouth is on hers, my hands exploring her body, when she begins to resist.
“Stop,” she whispers. Her hands on my chest, she pushes me away, maneuvering herself out from underneath me. Her eyes are troubled and she won’t look at me. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this. You need to leave.”
I stand up, confused but trying to be mindful of her situation and what she’s been through. “Kiara,” I begin.
“No, don’t try and make this okay, Max. I’m not okay, I can’t do this.” Her voice shakes as she squeezes her eyes shut. Her hand rises to cover her eyes. The heaving of her shoulders tells me that she’s crying.
“I’m sorry I did that,” I say, not wanting to leave things like this. “What can I do to make it better?”
“Leave.” She crosses her arms over her chest. The pain visible in her eyes rips through my chest. “I’m sorry, Max. I’m not angry with you, I just need some space, okay? Please?” she adds, her voice pleading.
I nod. Before I leave, I reach for her hand and squeeze it. “Please call me? If there is anything I can do, anything at all, call me.”
Chapter Sixteen
Kiara
I shut the door behind me and lean against it. Why do I mess things up over and over again? That was totally me. I kissed him. Today of all days, after finding out what Heather has planned, I go and do that?
I’m not in the right headspace for anything more than friendship. And even if I were, the timing couldn’t be more off. I feel as if nearly every time we’re together we push things, and our friendship is going to suffer for it.
Sighing, I make myself a cup of tea and grab my laptop. True to his word, Will has e-mailed me the names and contact details of a few lawyers he personally knows and recommends. I enter their names into Google one by one and see what I can discover about them.
The second person on the list, Kaitlin Barrows, stands out. As a single mother herself, I feel like she might understand where I’m coming from. Now I just have to wait until morning so I can call.
I sip my tea and try to distract myself with old movies. I’m halfway through My Fair Lady when my phone beeps. I look at it and see a message from Max. My heart jumps as I press open.
Max: I seem to mess things up every time I see you. I’m sorry. Again. And I’m sorry for next time, because no doubt I’ll do something stupid again then, too.
I smile, realizing just how special this guy is. I stare at the message, contemplating just calling him. I want to clear the air so it’s one less thing I need to worry about. Before I can change my mind, I press dial.
“You can hurl abuse at me,” he says when he answers. “I deserve it.”
“Will you stop?” I say, shaking my head. “I think we both know I kissed you this time.”
“Yes, but I should’ve stopped things from going any further, especially after the day you’ve had.”
“No, it’s completely and utterly on me.” I sigh, nursing my now empty cup between my cold hands. “Max, I don’t want to jerk you around, but I’m not sure I can just be friends with you.” Whether I want to admit it or not, his friendship would never be enough for me.
“Then I’ll take it,” he says. “I want you in my life, Kiara. If it takes you a month or a year to figure out what you want, then that’s fine.” He pauses for a moment. “Do you want me to back off? Working together is going to be hard, regardless of where we’re at with our relationship.”
Do I want him to back off? No. I love his flirty phone calls and the way he makes everything feel better when I’m with him. The thought of not having that at all makes me feel sick. I’ve already lost Aiden. I don’t want to lose him, too.
“It doesn’t matter what I want,” I say, my voice soft.
“Of course it matters,” he scoffs. “At the risk of being completely wrong and making a fool out of myself, can I tell you what I think? You’re terrified of moving on. I think you want to be with me, but that means ending a part of your life that’s consumed everything since you were a teenager.”
I don’t say anything, because if I do I’m going to cry.
“So I’ll wait,” he continues. “Maybe our relationship will end up going nowhere. That’s okay. But I think you’re worth taking a chance on.”
“That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,” I mumble.
“Okay,” I whisper. “I’m good with that too then.”
I toss and turn the whole night, unable to switch my mind off. Even though Tilly is at Ellie’s, I still find myself standing in the kitchen at six a.m. The place feels empty when she’s not here. It’s like a glimpse into what life would be like if they won shared custody. I shiver, the idea making me feel sick.
After a coffee and some toast, I force myself to do some of the paperwork for my new job that Max dropped off last night, thankful that Ellie is dropping Tilly off at school today. Work is the last thing on my mind, but unfortunately I need to be earning a living to support my daughter and myself. I can’t afford to screw up this opportunity. I don’t want to give Heather any more ammunition than she already has.
At eight o’clock, I call Kaitlin. I get through to her receptionist and leave my details. Less than ten minutes later, my phone rings. My hands begin to shake when I realize that it’s her.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Hi, is this Kiara Drummond? This is Kaitlin Barrows, returning your call.”
“Thanks for getting back to me, Kaitlin. I was hoping to be able to see you about a situation. The sooner the better.”
“I just so happen to have had a cancellation for this afternoon. I have a waiting list, but since you’re a friend of Will’s, I’m happy to fit you in if you can be at my office at Six?”
“Great,” I say, relief washing over me. “Thank you so much.”
I smile as I end the call. Something is going right. I text Ellie to ask her if she can look after Tilly until my appointment finishes. I also send a text to Max. He’s been amazing, and I feel lucky to have him in my corner.
Me: Thanks again for your help. I have an appointment this afternoon with a lawyer.
Max: Great news, and I’m glad I could help. Do you need someone to go with you? I’m happy to do what I can.
Me: I couldn’t ask you to do that.
Max: You didn’t. I offered. Tell me where and when.
I text him the time and address, secretly thrilled that he’s coming with me. The thought of going alone is terrifying, and with Ellie looking after Tilly, I don’t have many other options.
I haven’t told Tilly about any of this yet. I don’t want to worry her until I absolutely have to. She’s a bright kid, and I know it won’t be long until she picks up that something is wrong, but I need a plan of attack figured out first.
I glance at the clock and sigh. It’s barely even noon. I’m so tired I’m struggling to keep my eyes open. The thought of doing anything makes me even more exhausted, so I resort to parking my ass on the sofa. With the TV running I lie down, a blanket covering me.
I drift in and out of sleep during the next few hours until it’s almost four. I force myself to get up and shower, convinced the hot water will wake me up. It does, but the three coffees I have afterward do an even better job.
As I’m finishing off the last of the third coffee, I think about Aiden. I really want to go and visit him, but I don’t want to risk running into Heather. I have nothing to say to her and I don’t trust myself to be civil if I do see her. Besides, the last thing I need from her is another lecture about how I’m wronging her son.
It’s 5:45 and I’m standing out the front of the building where Kaitlin’s office is, waiting for Max. I’m so nervous. I feel sick, the nausea increasing when I see Max round the corner. He smiles that sexy, crooked smile, making my heart pound faster.
My hands fidget as he approaches me. I smile at him, confused by the way my heart flutters whenever I see him. These feelings are so new and raw that I’m just not used to them.
“Hey,” he says when he reaches me. He smiles warmly and I grin back. “Shall we go in?”
“I guess so,” I say. I’m so nervous. If Max wasn’t here to go in with me, there is a good chance I would’ve run. What if she does have a case and I could actually lose Tilly?
No. Not going to happen.
Taking a deep breath, I grip the door handle and pull, holding the door open for Max. He walks inside and I follow, my eyes scanning the small foyer. We walk over to the elevators and I find her name on the information list next to the elevator buttons.
“Floor four, 12A,” I mumble. I reach out and press the up button, ignoring how shaky my hands are.
“It’ll be fine, I promise,” Max assures me. The elevator opens and we walk inside. If my mind wasn’t already stressed about Heather, I’d be panicking about being in such a small space with Max. Everything about him is magnified: his musky smell, the way his jaw twitches when he thinks, the intense energy locked in those deep blue eyes…
“Are you coming?”
I snap back to reality and realize the doors have opened and Max has exited the elevator. My face heats as I step out onto the carpeted floor. Thank God he can’t read my mind.
We find Kaitlin’s office and are directed by her assistant to take a seat in the waiting area. We are the only ones there, and I take comfort in the fact that we won’t be waiting too long.
“It shouldn't be too long,” the receptionist assures me, reading my mind. Before I can answer, a woman who looks to be in her mid-thirties walks out, dressed in a dark blue skirt and matching jacket. Her light brown hair is smoothed back into a bun. Her green eyes lock on mine and she smiles.
“You must be Kiara,” she says, her voice warm.
I stand up and take her outstretched hand. It's warm, too, and in a way I find comfort in her gesture.
“Follow me,” she says. Max and I walk behind her and into a conference room consisting of a long table surrounded by oversized leather chairs. She motions for us to sit down, so we do. She sits opposite us, the area in front of her covered with folders and stacks of papers.
“Excuse the mess,” she laughs. “All I need is another fifteen hours in the day and I’ll be fine.”
I chuckle, wishing she’d get to the point. Guilt rushes through me as I remind myself that this woman is going out of her way to help me.
“Okay, enough small talk, let's get down to business,” Kaitlin declares, pushing her papers aside. “First off, is this your boyfriend?” she asks, raising her eyebrows at Max.
My eyes widen and I shake my head.
“I only ask because your current relationship status is likely to come up at some point.”
“He's just a friend offering support,” I reply. I don't look at Max as I say those words because, truth be told, I have no idea what we are. All I know is anything that is going to harm my chances of keeping my daughter will not be happening.
“Okay.” Kaitlin takes a deep breath and leans back in her chair. “I've gone over the case notes and everything you emailed me. I just want to go over it all again to make sure I have my facts straight. I need complete honesty from you, okay?”
I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. While I love how direct she is, she’s also intimidating the hell out of me.
“So, Aiden has been unresponsive in a coma three years?” she asks.
I nod.
“And how long were you together prior to the accident?”
“Four years. Our daughter was two when the accident happened. We had planned to marry years ago—well, before the accident.” I clear my throat, suddenly feeling very hot. “But we never got around to it.”
“And his mother, Heather, is power of attorney?”
“That's correct,” I say. I nod my head again. We never married and he never made a will to clarify his wishes, even though we had spoken about what the other would do if something happened.
“Had you spoken about what would happen if one of you was seriously injured?”
“Not in great detail, but it had come up. What he's doing at the m
oment isn't living, and that's not what he would want. That much I know.”
Kaitlin nods, her brow furrowed. “Why didn’t you ever consider suing for power of attorney? You’d have had a good chance, considering your relationship and that you’re the mother of his child.”
“I thought about it, but then it's not something I wanted to put Tilly through.” I laugh. “Now things are even more fucked up. I don't know what to do. I just want what's best for my daughter and I want what Aiden would want. And I know that's not what's happening, and it kills me.”
My heart begins to pound as I fight the tears threatening to roll down my cheeks. Max reaches over and squeezes my hand. Just knowing he's there next to me is comforting and terrifying the same time. I let out a laugh. Why does everything have to be so confusing?
“Okay, let's focus on this first. If applying for power of attorney is something you want to consider, we can do that later,” Kaitlin mutters as she scribbles down notes on her pad.
For the next few hours, we go over every tiny little detail until she has the perfect picture of mine and Aidan's life over the past three years. We talk about everything, from how many times I'd visit Aiden to Tilly's contact with him and her grandparents. I don't know if I feel better or worse as time goes on.
“Okay. Here's the good news: I don't think they have a case at all.”
I breathe a sigh of relief, unable to even express how amazing that feels. “Great, so what now?”
“Well, this will still probably go to mediation. If mediation fails, it will advance to court. Regardless of whether or not they stand a chance, they still have the right to sue.”
“How do I keep Tilly out of this?” I ask, beginning to panic. All I want is for her to not be affected by this, but I can’t see how that’s possible. “I mean, do I tell her what's going, considering she’s sensing something is up already?”
“Explain to her as much as you feel comfortable with. If she's imagining things, what she's thinking is probably worse than the reality.”
Words Left Unsaid Page 11
