Teddy beamed. "Gotcha!"
Lena tried to stand up. Her knees gave out and her forehead struck one corner of the coffee table. For a moment she thought the warmth trickling down her face was actually sweat. But it wasn't.
"Uh oh," Teddy said. "I'll get some wipes."
He bounded off for the kitchen. Lena focused on her knees. She could stand up, if she just tried. She had her pendant knife. She could... what? Slash him? Threaten him? Threaten a child? She grasped the pendant in her hand. Pulled it off its cord. Unflipped the blade.
When Teddy came back with a cylinder of lemon-scented disinfectant wipes, she pounced. She was awkward and dizzy, but she was bigger than him, and she knocked him over easily. He saw the knife in her hand, gave a little shriek of delight, and bit her arm, hard. Then he shook his little head, like a dog with a chew toy. It hurt enough to make her lose her grip, and he recovered the knife. He held it facing downward, like scissors. He wiped his mouth with the back of his other hand.
"I knew I liked you, Lena," he said. "You're not like the others. You don't really like kids at all, do you? This is just your job. You'd rather be doing something else."
"That's..." Her vision wavered. "That's not true..."
"Yes, it is. And it's okay, because I don't like other kids, either. They're awful. They're mean and stupid and ugly and poor, and I don't want to see them, ever again. I just want to stay home, forever."
Lena heard herself laughing. It was a low, slow laugh. She couldn't remember the last time she had heard it.
"Why are you laughing?" Teddy asked.
"Because you're all the same," she said. "None of you want to go to school!" She laughed again. It was higher this time, and she felt the laugh itself begin to scrape the dusty expanse of the vaulted ceiling, and the glittering chandelier that hung from it. She could feel the crystals trembling in response to her laughter. She had a pang for Jude, who would have absolutely loved whatever shit Teddy had dosed her with.
"I just need someone to create data," Teddy was saying. "I've tried to keep up the streams by myself, but I can't. There are too many sensors. I have to keep sleeping in their bed. I have to keep riding their bikes. Both of them. Do you even know how hard that is?"
Lena couldn't stop laughing. She lay on the floor now, watching her blood seep down into the fibres of the carpet. It was white, and it would stain badly. Maybe Teddy would want her to clean it up. That seemed to be her lot in life – cleaning up other people's messes. But as she watched, Teddy got down on his knees and began to scrub.
"It won't be that bad," he said. "I'll make it nice, for you. All I need is someone to pretend to be my mom, so I can do home-school. I have all her chips, still. I took them while she was still warm, and I kept them in agar jelly from my chemistry set." He winced. "I would have gotten Dad's, too, but he was too fat."
Teddy reached out his hand. "Do you think you can make it to the dining table?"
She let him help her up. "Social Services..."
"You can quit, tomorrow," Teddy said. "Just tell them you can't do it, any more."
"But... My mirror..." Why was she entertaining any of this? Why was she helping him?
"I have a mirror," he said. "Your face is the login, right? You talked to my mirror, the last time you were here. You just don't remember, because you blacked out later."
She turned to him. "This is real?"
He smiled, and squeezed her cold hand in his much warmer and smaller one. "Yes, Lena. It's all real. This is a real house with real deliveries and real media and a real live boy in it. It's not like a haunted house. It was, until you came. But it's your home, now. Your own place, just for you and me."
"For..."
"Forever. For ever and ever and ever."
THE ROAD OF NEEDLES
Caitlín R. Kiernan
Caitlín R. Kiernan (www.caitlinrkiernan) is the author of ten novels, including Daughter of Hounds, The Red Tree, and The Drowning Girl: A Memoir and Blood Oranges (as by Kathleen Tierney), and more than two hundred short stories, many of which have been collected in Tales of Pain and Wonder, From Weird and Distant Shores, To Charles Fort, With Love, Alabaster, A is for Alien, The Ammonite Violin & Others, Two Worlds and In Between, Confessions of a Five-Chambered Heart, and The Ape's Wife and Other Stories. Coming up is new novel Red Delicious. Kiernan has won the Bram Stoker and James Tiptree awards, and has been nominated for the Nebula, World Fantasy Award, British Fantasy, and Shirley Jackson awards. Born in Ireland, she lives in Providence, Rhode Island.
1.
Nix Severn shuts her eyes and takes a very deep breath of the newly minted air filling Isotainer Four, and she cannot help but note the irony at work. This luxury born of mishap. Certainly, no one on earth has breathed air even half this clean in more than two millennia. The Romans, the Greeks, the ancient Chinese, they all set in motion a fouling of the skies that an Industrial Revolution and the two centuries thereafter would hone into a science of indifference. An art of neglect and denial. Not even the meticulously manufactured atmo of Mars is so pure as each mouthful of the air Nix now breathes. The nitrogen, oxygen – four fingers N , a thumb 0 – and the so on and so on traces, 2 etcetera, all of it transforming the rise and fall of her chest into a celebration. Oh, happy day for the pulmonary epithelia bathed in this pristine blend. She shuts her eyes and tries to think. But the air has made her giddy. Not drunk, but certainly giddy. It would be easy to drift down to sleep, leaning against the bole of a Dicksonia antarctica, sheltered from the misting rainfall by the umbrella of the tree fern's fronds, by this tree and all the others that have sprouted and filled the isotainer in the space of less than seventeen hours. She could be a proper Rip Van Winkle, as the Blackbird drifts farther and farther off the lunar-Martian rail line. She could do that fabled narcoleptic one better, pop a few of the phenothiazine capsules in the left hip pouch of her red jumpsuit and never wake up again. The forest would close in around her, and she would feed it. The fungi, insects, the snails and algae, bacteria and tiny vertebrates, all of them would make a banquet of her sleep and then, soon, her death.
…and even all our ancient mother lost
was not enough to keep my cheeks, though washed
with dew, from darkening again with tears.
Even the thought of standing makes her tired.
No, she reminds herself – that part of her brain that isn't yet ready to surrender. It's not the thought of getting to my feet. It's the thought of the five containers remaining between me and the bridge. The thought of the five behind me. That I've only come halfway, and there's the other halfway to go.
Something soft, weighing hardly anything at all, lands on her cheek. Startled, she opens her eyes and brushes it away. It falls into a nearby clump of moss and gazes up with golden eyes. Its body is a harlequin motley of brilliant yellow and a blue so deep as to be almost black.
A frog.
She's seen images of frogs archived in the lattice, and in reader files, but images cannot compare to contact with one alive and breathing. It touched her cheek, and now it's watching her. If Oma were online, Nix would ask for a more specific identification.
But, of course, if Oma were online, I wouldn't be here, would I?
She wipes the rain from her eyes. The droplets are cool against her skin. On her lips, on her tongue, they're nectar. It's easy to romanticize Paradise when you've only ever known Hell and (on a good day) Purgatory. It's hard not to get sentimental; the mind, giddy from clean air, waxes. Nix blinks up at all the shades of green; she squints into the simulated sunlight shining down between the branches.
The sky flickers, dimming for a moment, then quickly returns to its full 600-watt brilliance. The back-up fuel cells are draining faster than they ought. She ticks off possible explanations: there might be a catalyst leak, dinged up cathodes or anodes, a membrane breach impairing ionexchange. Or maybe she's just lost track of time. She checks the counter in her left retina, but maybe it's on the fritz again and can't be trusted. She rubs at
her eye, because sometimes that helps. The readout remains the same. The cells have fallen to forty-eight percent maximum capacity.
I haven't lost track of time. The train's burning through the reserves too fast. It doesn't matter why.
All that matters is that she has less time to reach Oma and try to fix this fuck-up.
Nix Severn stands, but it seems to take her almost forever to do so. She leans against the rough bark of the tree fern and tries to make out the straight line of the catwalk leading to the port 'tainers and the decks beyond. Moving over and through the uneven, ever shifting terrain of the forest is slowing her down, and soon, she knows, soon she'll be forced to abandon it for the cramped maintenance crawls suspended far overhead. She curses herself for not having used them in the first place. But better late than fucking never. They're a straight line to the main AI shaft, and wriggling her way through the empty tubes will help her focus, removing her senses from the Edenic seduction of the terraforming engines' grand wrack-up. If she can just reach the front of this compartment, there will be an access ladder, and cramped or not, the going will surely be easier. She'll quick it double time or better. Nix wipes the rain from her face again, and clambers over the roots of a strangler fig. Once on the slippery, overgrown walkway, she lowers the jumpsuit's visor and quilted silicon hood; the faceplate will efficiently evaporate both the rain and any condensation. She does her best to ignore the forest. She thinks, instead, of making dockside, waiting out quarantine until she's cleared for tumble, earthfall, and of her lover and daughter waiting for her, back in the slums at the edge of the Phoenix shipyards. She keeps walking.
2.
Skycaps launch alone.
Nix closes the antique storybook she found in a curio stall at the Firestone Night Market, and she sets it on the table next to her daughter's bed. The pages are brown and brittle, and minute bits of the paper flake away if she does not handle it with the utmost care (and sometimes when she does). Only twice in Maia's life has she heard a fairy tale read directly from the book. On the first occasion, she was two. And on the second, she was six. It's a long time between lifts and drops, and when you're a mother who's also a runner, your child seems to grow up in jittery stills from a time-lapse. Even with her monthly broadcast allotment, that's how it seems. A moment here, fifteen minutes there, a three-week shore leave, a precious to-and-fro while sailing orbit, the faces and voices trickling through in 22.29 or 3.03 light-minute packages.
"Why did she talk to the wolf?" asks Maia. "Why didn't she ignore him?"
Nix looks up to find Shiloh watching from the doorway, backlit by the glow from the hall. She smiles for the silhouette, then looks back to their daughter. The girl's hair is as fine and pale as corn silk. She's fragile, born too early and born sickly, half crippled, half blind. Maia's eyes are the milky green color of jade.
"Yeah," says Shiloh. "Why is that?"
"I imagine this wolf was a very charming wolf," replies Nix, brushing her fingers through the child's bangs.
Skycaps launch alone.
Sending out more than one warm body, with everything it'll need to stay alive? Why squander the budget? Not when all you need is someone on hand in case of a catastrophic, systems-wide failure.
So, skycaps launch alone.
"Well, I would never talk to a wolf. If there were still wolves," says Maia.
"Makes me feel better hearing that," says Nix. A couple of strands of Maia's hair come away in her fingers.
"If there were still wolves," Maia says again.
"Of course," Nix says. "That's a given."
Her lips move. She reads from the old, old book: "Good day, Little Red Riding Hood," said he. "Thank you kindly, wolf," answered she. "Where are you going so early, Little Red Riding Hood?" "To my grandmother's."
Nix Severn's eyelids flutter, and her lips move. The home-away chamber whispers and hums, manipulating hippocampal and cortical theta rhythms, mining long- and short-term memory, spinning dreams into perceptions far more real than dreams or déjà vu. No outbound leaves the docks without at least one home-away to insure the mental stability of skycaps while they ride the rails.
"You should go to sleep now," Nix tells Maia, but the girl shakes her head.
"I want to hear it again."
"Kiddo, you know it by heart. You could probably recite it word for word."
"She wants to hear you read it, fella," says Shiloh. "I wouldn't mind hearing it again myself, for that matter."
Nix pretends to frown. "Hardly fair, two on one like this." But then she gently turns the pages back to the story's start and begins it over.
The home-away mediates between the limbic regions and the cerebral hemispheres, directing neurotransmitters and receptors, electrochemical activity and cortisol levels.
There was once a sweet little maid…
Shiloh kisses her brow. "Still, hell, I don't know how you do it, love. All alone and relying on make-believe."
"It keeps me grounded. You learn the trick, or you washout fast."
The skycap's best friend! Even better than the real thing! Experience the dream, and you might never want to come home.
The merch co-ops count on it.
"You could look for work other than babysitting EOTs," whispers Shiloh. "You have options. You've got the training. There's good work you could do in the yards, in assembly or rollout."
"I don't want to have this conversation again."
"But with your experience, Nixie, you could make foreman on the quick."
"And get maybe a quarter the grade, grinding day and night."
"We'd see you so much more. That's all. And it scares me more than you'll ever know, you hurtling out there alone with nothing but make-believe and plug and pray for waking company."
Make haste and start before it gets hot, and walk properly and nicely, and don't run, or you might fall.
"The accidents –"
"– the casts hype them, Shiloh. Half what you hear never happened. You know that. I've told you that, how many times now?"
"Going under and never coming up again."
"The odds of psychosis or a flatline are astronomical."
Shiloh rolls over, rolling away. Nix sighs and closes her eyes, because she has prep at six for next week's launch, and she's not going to spend the day sleepwalking because of a fight with Shiloh.
…and don't run, or you might fall.
The emergency alarm screams bloody goddamn murder, and an adrenaline injection jerks her back aboard the Blackbird, back to here and now so violently that she gasps and then screams right back at the alarms. But her eyes are trained to see, even through so sudden a disengage, and Nix is already processing the diagnostics and crisis report streaming past her face before the raggedy hitch releases her.
It's bad this time. It doesn't get much worse.
Oma isn't talking.
"Good day, Little Red Riding Hood…"
3.
Of course, it isn't true that there are no wolves left in the world. Not strictly speaking. Only that, so far as zoologists can tell, they are extinct in the wild. They were declared so more than forty years ago, all across the globe, all thirty-nine or so subspecies. But Maia has a terrible phobia of wolves, despite the fact "Little Red Riding Hood" is her favorite bedtime story. Perhaps it's her favorite because she's afraid of wolves. Anyway, Shiloh and I told her that there were no more wolves when she became convinced a wolf was living under her bed, and she refused to sleep without the light on. We suspect she knows, perfectly well, that we're lying. We suspect she's humoring us, playing along with our lie. She's smart, curious, and has access to every bit of information on the lattice, which includes, I'd think, everything about wolves that's ever been written down.
I have seen wolves. Living wolves.
There are a handful remaining in captivity. I saw a pair when I was younger, still in my twenties. My mother was still alive, and we visited the bio in Chicago. We spent almost an entire day inside the arboretum, strol
ling the meticulously manicured, tree-lined pathways. Here and there, we'd come upon an animal or two, even a couple of small herds – a few varieties of antelope, deer, and so forth – kept inside invisible enclosures by the leashes implanted in their spines. Late in the afternoon, we came upon the wolves, at the end of a cul-de-sac located in a portion of the bio designed to replicate the aspen and conifer forests that once grew along the Yellowstone River. I recall that from a plaque placed somewhere on the trail. There was an owl, an eagle, rabbits, a stuffed bison, and at the very end of the cul-de-sac, the pair of wolves. Of course, they weren't purebloods, but hybrids, watered-down with German shepherd genes, or husky genes, or whatever.
There was a bench there beneath the aspen and pine and spruce cultivars, and my mother and I sat a while watching the wolves. Though I know that the staff of the park was surely taking the best possible care of those precious specimens, both were somewhat thin. Not emaciated, but thin. "Ribsy," my mother said, which I thought was a strange word. One I'd never before heard. Maybe it had been popular when she was young.
"They look like ordinary dogs to me," she said.
They didn't, though. Despite the fact that these animals had never lived outside pens of one sort or another, there was about them an unmistakable wildness. I can't fully explain what I mean by that. But it was there. I recognized it most in their amber eyes. A certain feral desperation. They restlessly paced their enclosure; it was exhausting, just watching them. Watching them set my nerves on edge, though my mother hardly seemed to notice. After her remark, how the wolves seemed to her no different than regular dogs, she lost interest and winked on her Soft-See. She had a glass conversation with someone from her office, and I watched the wolves. And the wolves watched me.
I imagined there was hatred in their amber eyes.
I imagined that they stared out at me, instinctually comprehending the role that my race had played in the destruction of theirs.
The Best Science Fiction and Fantasy of the Year: Volume Eight (Best SF & Fantasy of the Year) Page 55
