by Ella Frank
The sun had finally been replaced by the moon, and as the rain continued to fall on them, he moved around to where Chantel’s head was. Placing his hands beneath the water, he lifted her up so that her head was free of the now rapid current moving quicker with every passing minute. He could feel the water creeping up his body while it lapped above his waist as it covered her entire lower half.
“Phillipe?” she whispered softly.
Looking down, he could see her eyes were open, staring up at him. Battling his tears, he squeezed her head gently as he stood there completely helpless to do anything.
“Yes?” he managed to ask.
“Talk to me,” she requested.
Biting his bottom lip he tipped his head back, feeling the rain fall onto his face. How can I possibly talk to her? What am I supposed to say? She was stuck to the bottom of a river that was fucking rising, and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. A river he had brought her to! A river he had put her in. I am killing her.
“Phillipe?” she murmured again. “What are you thinking?”
Feeling an uncontrollable sob tear from him, he confessed, “I’m thinking that I should never have brought you here.”
She reached back and grasped one of his hands holding her head. She was miraculous. Even in a situation like this, she was comforting him.
“No, don’t do that,” she told him firmly.
He leaned down and pressed an upside-down kiss to her lips. They were cool from her body now having been in the water for so long. As he felt her mouth part softly beneath his own, his tears fell, joining the moisture already on her cheeks.
“I’m cold,” she whispered against his mouth.
Sucking back an anguished sob he straightened his body.
“I know, Beauty,” he acknowledged. “I’m so sorry. God, am I sorry.”
He felt a shiver rack her body as her eyes closed.
“Shhh, don’t do that,” she told him.
The rain continued, and the river rose. There was absolutely nothing he could do but hold her and try to calm her. He was fucking useless.
“Don’t do what?” he asked as clearly as he could.
“Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything.”
He shook his head at the absurdity of that. “I brought you here. I put you in this fucking river, Chantel. Let my guilt take place. Trust me, I deserve it.”
Her small teeth—teeth that had once bitten down on him in moments of pleasure—now bit down on her bottom lip to keep from trembling and crying.
“Guilty? What are you guilty of?”
“Everything,” he confessed as he stroked a hand down her cheek.
“Do you see the lights over there?” she asked.
Closing his eyes, he blocked out what she was telling him.
“You don’t see lights over there, Chantel. You can’t see anything,” he reminded her gently.
“Just like you can’t be guilty,” she pointed out gently.
He watched her wet lips part on a soft sigh.
“Don’t let them make a villain out of you. Don’t let them break you.”
Leaning down, he pressed his lips to hers again, knowing what she was trying to tell him, but the truth was the lights were there. They were coming, and it was his fault.
He raised his mouth from hers and looked into sightless eyes. “You can’t break a man that’s already broken.”
Water swirled around them, and as it moved above his waist, he firmly planted his feet and continued holding her. Her lower body pulled her down as he pulled her up. He refused to let her go. His arms were shaking from the rigid position he had been holding for some time now. Still, she lay there calm, almost resigned, as he felt his heart being torn from his chest, knowing he was watching her being pulled away from him.
He cursed God and pleaded with Him to take him instead, but he knew it was pointless. This could only end one way. As he stood there helpless, he knew that was the cruelest fate of all. He knew how this was going to fucking end, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
She had closed her eyes earlier. He guessed it was around twenty minutes ago. She hadn’t opened them or spoken since. He needed to hear her to reassure himself that she was still there, still fighting this losing battle with him.
“Chantel,” he urged softly. His throat was sore from silently crying as he gripped her head in his hands, praying he was strong enough to hold her. “Chantel.”
He now stood in water chest deep as the rain hit the back of his neck where his wet shirt clung to him. All he felt was numb.
“Wake up,” he whispered. “Come on, Beauty. It’s time to wake up.”
Eyes of gray opened. Eyes that held his soul focused as a small smile touched lips of red.
“You stay with me, okay?” he ordered firmly, trying to keep his voice from trembling.
Those same lips smiled slowly, and he felt his heart crack in two.
“It’s too cold. I can’t feel my feet anymore.”
“That’s just because they’re numb.” He tried to reassure her as a shiver racked her entire body again. Biting his lip hard, he blinked rapidly, trying to clear his vision to see her clearly.
“I’m not scared, Phillipe, not anymore.”
Shaking his head, he finally lost the tight grip he had on his emotions. He let the tears fall down his face as his body shook from the soul-shattering pain it was enduring.
“I’m not scared, not as long as you’re here with me.” She closed her eyes and whispered, “The water is much higher now. I can feel it against my chin.” Suddenly, she cried out, “Diva!”
The name broke free from her cool lips with a surprising burst of force.
“You must take Diva, Phillipe. Don’t let them have her. They don’t understand…” Her voice faded as the eyes that held his soul pleaded with him. “She is me, and I belong to you.”
Swallowing in as much air as he could, he pushed out the only reassurance he could now give. “Don’t you worry. I won’t let Diva go, and I won’t leave you. I’m not going anywhere.”
He tried to hold her higher, but he couldn’t make her move, not even an inch.
The last thing she whispered was, “Neither am I.”
As he stood there for the next thirteen-and-a-half hours, the water rose to his shoulders, far above Chantel’s chin, far above where he was able to hold her. Then, it fell away, leaving him cradling her in water up to his thighs.
She left him in a peaceful river that turned out to be the most deceptive place of all.
***
I am still standing behind him as the final words leave his mouth. Tears are streaming down my face, and I can feel my heart breaking for the agonizing loss he had suffered. As soon as he turns toward me, his face is etched in sorrow and pain, and his eyes are bloodshot from the tears he’s shed while laying his soul bare. I have no words for him, not one. How do you give a tortured man absolution? How do you convince him it was not his fault when he so clearly believes that it was?
As he makes his way to move by me, I reach out and grip his arm. He stops as I turn. Looking up at him, I see an expression so broken that I’m surprised he’s still able to breathe.
I offer him the only thing I am able. “She never did leave here that day.”
As his eyes search my face, his expression never wavers as he moves away from me.
“Neither did I.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight ~ Conclusion
I don’t remember how long I sit there on the riverbank, but as the sun begins to set, I feel as though the darkness is engulfing my very soul. This is it. I knew that at some stage, this would all be over. I just didn’t expect to feel as desolate as I now do, sitting here on the lonely mossy bank.
The river, fluid and seamless as ever, continues to flow silent and strong, breathing life into its inhabitants, yet it remains as a cruel reminder of the life it took away.
Running my hands over my face and through my hair, I make myself stand.
I know I can’t prolong this for much longer. I need to go back. I have to say good-bye.
Staring out into the night, the inky water swirls and shifts around the rocks. As I look up into the stars, I wonder how Chantel really felt that night.
How does one feel, knowing that her time is running out? Terrified? Angry? Or am I projecting my own feelings? Was she peaceful? That’s what I like to believe. I wonder if she felt scared. Did his arms bring her some semblance of comfort? A moment of solace?
Blinking away the brightness of the stars, I look out once more to where the moon now shines over the trees lining the bank opposite me. As I stand there, I feel her come from out of the shadows. However, this time, I’m not scared. This time, as I stand here looking across the wide body of running water, I feel my heart splinter and crack, wishing I could reach out to her. I wish I could be the one to comfort her. Am I insane? Ghosts don’t exist. I know that, but my eyes and the feeling I have deep inside my chest won’t let it go. Although I might be hallucinating, as I stand here on the bank of the Fleuve Sauvage de Fleurs, I can see her.
She is standing by the water, toes touching the cool liquid, as a long white dress flows around her with hair dark as night surrounding her pale beautiful face. As she stares back at me with eyes unseeing, I feel my own heart break for a woman I now love.
***
As Phillipe stands in his room, looking out at the old arbor, he tries to remind himself that what he did earlier was necessary. Reliving old wounds frees one’s soul, right?
Then, why don’t I feel free? Instead, he feels trapped.
Standing down by the river tonight, he felt her there, holding his hand, as he relived the most horrible night of his existence. Once again, she was there comforting him, letting him know that everything would be okay. When Gemma finally let him walk away, he knew that he was leaving them both by the river as broken as he was.
Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath in and runs a hand up through his hair. This is it. The story has been told, and the tale has now ended. He knows Gemma will be leaving soon. Although he has done everything he can to push her away, he still feels her inside of him almost as strongly as he felt her.
When did this story morph? When did it change from a tale of two to a tragedy of three?
Shaking his head at his own selfishness and need to touch another, he berates himself for ever involving Gemma in the first place. When he first decided to grant this glimpse into his private life, he thought he would be smart. He planned to bring in a woman that did not resemble Chantel at all, someone who was the complete opposite of her, so he could look at her and feel nothing. That was not the case.
This independent, curious, and brave woman pushed her way in. She took everything he threw at her and stored it away behind a fierce wall of strength. She listened and shared in his love—his love of art, his love of music, and his love of a woman who was no longer here.
Gemma gave her back to him in ways he couldn’t understand and would never have suspected possible. As a result, she also witnessed and shared in his agonizing heartache.
Turning away from the window, he moves to the locked closet. Opening it, he stares at the clothes still hanging untouched and cold. At the very end, still in the plastic garment bag, he finds what he was looking for. Avoiding all the other clothing, he reaches in and pulls it out.
Maybe if I do this? Maybe if he gave Gemma this, he can send her away, knowing she would be leaving with all of them, and she wouldn’t be alone, like him and, ultimately, her.
***
When I arrive back at the chateau, I go straight up to my room. I am under no illusions that my time here will continue. There are no more journal entries to be read. There are no more tales to be told. The story is over. The problem I’m having is what to do with everything I now knew.
I open the door to the room that has been my sanctuary for the past few weeks. I’m surprised to see that the small bedside lamp is turned on, and my bed is turned back. As I move across the small space, I notice a dress laying out across the bed. Stepping even closer, I spot a small note nestled in the V-neck of the soft material.
Gemma,
I’ll be waiting in the showroom.
Phillipe
Reaching out, I trace my finger over the rose trim of the bodice. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment.
I hadn’t known what to expect when I arrived here all those days ago. As I scoop up the beautiful ivory gown from the bed, I find I still have no expectations of what I will find down in the showroom where Phillipe is waiting. One thing I do know for certain is that nothing will stop me from finding out.
Showering quickly, I style my hair in a regal notch at the nape of my neck, sweeping my blonde bangs across my forehead. Believing this gown calls for elegance, I am determined to do it justice.
Making my way out into the bathroom, I spot heels that were covered by the gown. Beautiful taupe tips adorned with rose-colored jewels peek out from under the bed.
Sitting on the edge of the bed where I slept, dreamed, and fantasized, I slip my feet into the leather-lined shoes and stretched my legs out in front of me, admiring the sparkling jewels as the light hits them. Taking a deep breath, I stand and look myself over in the mirror by the dresser. I’m struck by the woman who is looking back at me.
She is a stranger, she is a woman who has given her heart away, and she is a woman who will never be the same.
She is now me.
***
Phillipe feels her the minute she enters the room.
He’s waiting by the corner in the shadows, wanting to give her the time and space to feel whatever it is she needs to feel.
Once again, the room is dimly lit, except for the spotlights on each of the paintings. As Gemma moves into the space, Phillipe is surprised when he feels that the room is now complete with her presence.
Breathtaking. That’s how she looks as she steps carefully into the low-lit space. The dress he chose for her cloaks her body like candlelight, and with every step she takes, the satin parts and her long, sensuous leg appears through the clouds of fabric. He is mesmerized.
He notices that she has pulled her hair back to the nape of her neck. Smooth and graceful, her elegance calls to him as she moves farther into the room. She stops before the painting, Armor. Watching silently, he is spellbound as she reaches out, and this time, shows no hesitation as she strokes her fingers down Chantel’s arm.
Phillipe steps out from the shadows and takes a step toward her, but he finds himself paralyzed as she moves even closer to the painting. Resting her right palm on Chantel’s shoulder, she inches in as close as possible and turns her head, laying her cheek against Chantel’s breast. Whispering, she asks, “How do I leave him?”
Phillipe holds his breath as she raises her left hand and traces her fingers along Chantel’s naked thigh.
“And how do I leave you?” she pleads, sounding confused and desperate.
Stepping back into the shadows, he gives her a moment to say her good-byes. After all, he knows how hard it is to let go of her.
***
As I stand there, brushing my fingers over her flawless figure, I close my eyes, remembering her words to him. Don’t let them make a villain out of you. Don’t let them break you. It shocks me to my core to know that I am now the them in the equation.
Letting my fingers come to a stop against the curvature of her hip, I make a vow to her. “I will not villainize him. I’ll make sure the whole world knows what happened that night. They will all know that he didn’t leave for help because there was no time to go.” Stepping back from her, I reach out and stroke my fingers down the silent violin that stands stark and strong against her. “That I promise you.”
I turn to look at the door, expecting Phillipe to come through at any moment, but as I stand and wait, he doesn’t appear. So, I turn back and take solace in the knowledge that I am not alone.
As I stand here in a room that once frightened a
nd confused me, I feel calm and comforted. Finally, I understand his need to have her here. She is his peace. She is his sanity. As I gaze upon the six images that torture and sadden the rest of the world, I feel an overwhelming sense of love and acceptance from both the man who painted the images and the woman who posed for them.
Finally, I feel more complete than I ever have before.
***
Phillipe doesn’t know why he chose to put this particular piece on. As soon as he hits play on the system, the sounds filter through to the room Gemma is standing in. He feels his heart tighten and then release, like he is giving himself permission to continue.
Setting it to play repeatedly, he makes his way into the room to face Gemma who is now turned and looking right at him.
Without a word, he crosses the wide space to stand before her. Finally, he allows his eyes to really take in the woman before him, without comparing her to the woman who hangs in silent repose on the walls beyond them. Tracing his eyes over her, he marvels at the creamy texture of skin that is displayed so magnificently by the deep V-cut of the bodice. It is edged in a dusky rose that reminds him of her sensitive nipples after he’s sucked them to a full, pouty point.
Caressing her shoulders are thin straps of satin holding the dress in place. Molding down her sides to tuck in at an extraordinarily narrow waist, the dress bunches on her lower back and falls out into a long flowing train that brushes the ground with each step she takes. His eyes gaze over to the sensuous slit in the gown that runs up the left side of her leg, ending high on her smooth thigh in a peek-a-boo ruffle. It makes him want to reach out and touch her.
In the heels he has given her, she is now almost eye to eye with him, and as she stares wordlessly, he allows himself to care.
Reaching forward, he touches her high cheekbone and closes his eyes. When he opens them, he isn’t sure what he expects to see, but he’s surprised enough to confess that his vision has finally cleared, allowing him to see her.
“Gemma,” he whispers, almost affectionately.
***
Standing before him, I’m dressed in the clothes he laid out for me. I feel an overwhelming need for him to see me. As soon as my name leaves his sensual lips, I take a step closer to him, raising my hand to where his is touching my face.
