by Sarina Dorie
The gesture was intimate for such a public display. Yet for just a moment, I felt as though the room disappeared and it was just Shiromainu and me. We had shared our minds to each other and knew each other more closely than we knew anyone else. I loved him as a grandfather and mentor. I didn’t want to part with him.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I thank Shiromainu Nipa for his kindness and courtesy. I have enjoyed my time among the Tanukijin, but my duty is to stay with the Chiramantepjin. I cannot accept your offer.” It broke my heart to say it, but I think it would have broken my heart more to leave my family. To leave Faith.
“I know,” he said so softly I suspected only I heard.
He released my hand. I folded my hands in my lap and stared at my tattooed wrists.
He cleared his throat. “What of you, Tomomi Sensei? Have you decided to stay among the Chiramantepjin or return to your home? Will you take Taishi Nipa as your permanent husband?”
It surprised me he should add an honorific for “teacher” to her name since he was her elder, yet the title implied she must have taught him something.
Her voice was gruff, and when she spoke her dark blue tattoo moved like a mustache over her mouth. “There are many hardships here, but I feel I am needed in this village more than I am at home. Taishi Nipa and I have discussed this matter and we agree I should stay.”
Shiromainu tilted his head to the side, studying her. Tomomi was a giant and so ugly it was impossible to see my brother with this woman as his wife. A giggle threatened to tickle its way out my mouth.
Her narrow eyes looked Taishi up and down. Her grin revealed crooked teeth. “As handsome as Taishi Nipa is, I cannot become his permanent wife. He already has one.” I didn’t know if she meant Faith, his geari wife, or Felicity, the sister who had been stolen away.
Shiromainu nodded. “I am greatly indebted to Taishi Nipa for allowing such a beautiful flower to grace me with her presence, even if only temporarily. As our parting gifts, let me leave you with something for those who remain.” He looked at me as he said it.
His warriors brought forth packages of food and placed them between the two nipas. I should have known the saddlebags would be full of gifts. They piled up the fruit and dried meat, along with furs. The mountain between the Chiramantepjin and the Tanukijin grew so high, I couldn’t see Michi or the other children anymore.
The elders gasped at Shiromainu’s generosity.
When I tried to return the green and purple tanuki cloak to Shiromainu, he waved it away. “Pana would wish you to keep it. Let it be a gift to remember my tribe by. In six months I will return. I will keep my word if you keep yours.” He winked at me when he said it.
I nodded.
It didn’t take long for those who left to pack up what little they owned. We said our goodbyes inside the warmth of the cave. Shiromainu took me to the side and hugged me one last time. I didn’t expect him to have much to say to Tomomi, but they went outside and spoke in private while everyone waited. They took so long, nearly as long as the formalities lasted. I couldn’t imagine what they could possibly have to say to each other. Perhaps he felt betrayed she wouldn’t return with him.
The Tanukijin took with them families as well as the orphaned children. Ursai and Midori left, convincing the boys who hadn’t wanted to leave that Taishi needed them to go where they would be taken care of. Many of the elderly left with Shiromainu’s party. In the end, there were only ten of us who remained. Two thirds of our tribe were gone. Besides my brother’s family, those too old or weak to make the long journey easily stayed, though I thought they were the ones who would benefit from the warmth and leisure of the Tanukijin village the most.
We had two warriors to protect us now: my brother and Tomomi. I didn’t think that would be enough.
The cave felt empty and too big after all had departed. Wind whistled into the cavern and cold fingers snuck under the hide door covering. A grandmother rebuilt the fire next to the wall.
Taishi invited me to sit beside him. He waved to Faith. “Please, another cup of stew for my sister. She’s trembling with cold and fatigue from the journey.”
She rushed to the stew pot in the corner.
“No, thank you.” I bowed my head. “I’m not hungry.” Just then my stomach grumbled, belying my words. I didn’t want to take more than my share of the watery soup.
Taishi beckoned for her to bring some anyway. He knelt across from me, studying my wrists. “Shiromainu Nipa … he was kind to you?”
I nodded. “Very much so. I couldn’t have asked for a better husband.” Under his eboshi, his eyes crinkled up with concern. I wanted to explain he hadn’t laid with me, but he was my brother and it would be inappropriate for me to say such a thing to a male family member. It was our tradition to talk of such things with other women. That and he was Nipa. It was beneath him to ask about his sister’s first time with a man.
Taishi cleared his throat. “What I mean is… .” He glanced at my tattooed wrists again.
Faith came back with my bowl of soup. She placed her hands over my own as she passed me the bowl, her eyes swimming with tears.
“Faith-san, fetch some more wood from the fire,” my brother said.
She said something sharp in her gaijin tongue, probably one of her bad words, and stomped off. I knew what he was doing, trying to spend time with me and only me, as alone as we could ever be in the middle of our tribe. It was a rarity he bestowed such attention on me. I smiled.
I sipped at my soup in silence, allowing him a moment to collect his thoughts.
“Shiromainu Nipa was kind then. He fed you well and treated you with respect? He was a good husband and a just nipa?”
I nodded more vigorously than before, trying to explain to him without explaining. “He was very, very, very nice. I would have accepted his offer to become his permanent wife, only I couldn’t leave our family. Faith-san needs my help with Michi. And he asked me to… .” I glanced at Faith, throwing more wood on the fire. If only I were alone with Taishi I could tell him what he wanted her to do in six months.
He spoke slowly, each word deliberate and purposeful. His voice was a flat monotone that didn’t give away the slightest hint of what he truly felt. “If you were wise, you would have accepted his offer.”
If I were wise? His words stung more than a slap to the face. That was the welcome home my brother gave me? Not a hug or “we missed you.” I swallowed my tears. I bowed my head and pretended to sip from my bowl of soup.
Grandmother Ami called to me from across the room. “Tell me, child, how was your bridal night? He must have enjoyed you if he is gifting us with this.” She waved a hand at the many presents of food and furs, cackling in delight.
“Did you become a woman while there? Those are fresh tattoos, ne?” one grandmother asked. Grandmothers were always allowed to ask questions no one else did. It never stopped being embarrassing.
Taishi stood and walked across the cave. He nodded to Tomomi as he put on his manto. “This is women’s talk and unfit for my ears. I’m going hunting. Are you coming?”
She snorted. “Just because you can’t listen doesn’t mean I must go as well.” She smiled at me and winked.
Taishi went out alone. I felt bad for my brother then, even if he was mean to me. He was the only man left in the tribe. Now he was sisam.
The grandmothers crowded around me. “Tell us, how do you like pillowing?”
My face flushed with heat despite the chill in the room. “I don’t know.”
“He was a wild beast by the looks of it, a tanuki. Look what he did to her face,” one grandmother said. “Of course he would bring us gifts after the way he treated her. These are geari gifts to atone for his guilt.”
“No, no,” I didn’t want them to think that.
Grandmother Ami was subtler than most. She said, “Sumiko-chan, you must be very clumsy to have acquired such bruises.”
Faith plopped down n
ext to me. “Was he horrible? Did he beat you?” So much for subtlety. Gaijin were as direct as the elderly.
“I already told everyone. He was very kind,” I shouted over all the fussing. “The bruises are from fighting practice. I get bruises here from practice too. That’s all.”
“Thank goodness! I worried so much about you.” Faith tugged me into her arms and leaned my head against her ample bosom. She was soft and squishy, even with how slender she’d grown. It was comforting to be back home in her arms, even if I couldn’t tell her how much it meant to me that she should gift such closeness to me alone.
“Come now. Tell us about your time with the Tanukijin,” a grandmother asked.
I knew I had a long afternoon of stories ahead of me.
Faith kissed my forehead and hugged me so close I thought she would break my ribs. “Yes, tell us all about your adventures.”
At least someone missed me.
Chapter Sixteen
Tired of space station life? Want to break out of the hardships of living on an overpopulated asteroid? The colonies of the United Worlds of America are the lands of opportunities. Immigrate to Planet 157, where the streets are paved with gold and you can make a new life for yourself.
—The Planet of New Louisiana Territories Gazette
The following season was the worst winter we’d seen yet, though I certainly saw worse afterward. I had never known what it was to be this cold. Faith let me huddle up against her to keep warm, and sometimes we kept Michi between us so she wouldn’t freeze. The rocky plain that once had been jungle was invaded by machines that belched out smoke and leveled the earth to make fields for “agriculture.” That was the fancy gaijin word Faith used. They mined the mountains in the distance until they were flat. The sky was thick with dark clouds that blocked out the sun. Game was scarce and the streams became too frozen for fishing.
Every day I worked to improve our situation, whether it was collecting wood or digging for food beneath the layer of snow outside. I had to show my brother I was an asset to our tribe. I wasn’t just another mouth to feed.
“You are changed,” Grandmother Ami said. “You left us as a little girl and returned as a woman, ne?”
“Ei, your praise is too much,” I said, as it was our custom to refuse compliments.
But I knew in my heart she was right. I had seen myself more clearly while observing Petennouk’s behavior. I was a relative of Taishi Nipa. I needed to set a good example. Petennouk had made himself a kind of gaijin, an outsider due to his insistence that he was better than others without earning his worth. I wouldn’t be like him.
Even my brother recognized the difference in me. “Shiromainu Nipa suggested I put you on my counsel. I was dismissive of his suggestion because you are too young for such a responsibility, but I see he was right. You will serve with me and the elders. Yes?”
That meant everyone was on the counsel except Faith and Michi. Even Tomomi was made an elder. Eight elders was a strange balance to the two who were excluded. Michi and Faith sat in the corner quietly facing the wall when we discussed tribal business. It felt wrong to leave Faith out, but she didn’t understand our ways.
The winter stretched on longer than the last one. I could see more than ever how important it was to get Faith to agree to memory exchange so that Shiromainu Nipa would recognize the goodness in her heart. He would learn she was not in collusion with the off-worlders who had destroyed our homes.
That whole winter I tried to impress upon Faith how kind Shiromainu had been. I recounted how he wouldn’t have me on account of being too young. I told her how he had said I could even refuse memory exchange. Faith made me tell her over again, like she didn’t believe me. I told her in my tongue and then English.
With fewer Chiramantepjin now, I could have rested closer to the fire, but Faith didn’t want to move her tent of hides in the back, so I suffered through the chill with her.
Under the warm tanuki manto Shiromainu had given me, I whispered, “It would be the same for you. He wants you for tsuma no koukan, for the memory exchange, not for your body.” The rest of the tribe lay asleep, save for Tomomi because she was on guard duty at the door.
“How do you know that? Did he say those exact words? Did he promise you?” she demanded.
I rolled my eyes at how dense she was. “He doesn’t need to say it. He’s too old for his chin-chin to swell into a tatsu.”
“That’s disgusting, Sumiko!” She covered her ears. “You’re as vulgar as those grandmothers.”
From between the gaps in the curtains Faith constructed, I saw Tomomi sneaking peeks at us from the entrance. I wondered how much of her remaining was out of loyalty to my brother and how much was to serve as Shiromainu’s spy.
I lowered my whisper even more so Tomomi wouldn’t hear. “Shiromainu Nipa is reasonable. Just tell him your conditions. He doesn’t even have to touch you. All you have to do is put your hands on his naked body and—”
“Naked body? You mean to say, you must be naked for memory exchange? My word, no wonder such acts are only done between husbands and wives.”
And lovers. But I didn’t add that, as she was already obsessed by the idea of chastity.
I thought it best to switch to English so Tomomi wouldn’t understand. “Not all memory exchange ends in bedding. Look at Taishi Nipa and Tomomi-san.” Each word was an effort to form and it took time to think to make a sentence, but I liked the idea of a secret language between her and me.
Tomomi grunted. I should have been more careful. She’d heard her name even if she didn’t know what was being said.
In the months that followed, I contrived opportunities to bring up the matter of memory exchange again and again. When hinting didn’t work, I turned to begging. When begging didn’t work, I turned to Taishi. Outside the cave, in the barren snow, I said, “Talk some sense into her. She listens to you. Sometimes.”
“If you cannot convince her, do you expect me to? Faith-chan is the most stubborn woman I know.”
I crossed my arms, keeping my fingers tucked into the warmth of my armpits. “If we can’t change her mind by suggestion, then order her to perform tsuma no koukan when Shiromainu-san returns.”
My brother raised an eyebrow at my informality.
“Shiromainu Nipa,” I corrected.
“You would have me force her to perform memory exchange? What will you have me force women to do next? To bed men they don’t love? You know such things are not done.” He lifted his nose at me like I was a simple child who knew nothing.
Another time as I washed with Faith behind the little curtain of hides she’d constructed for her privacy, I pointed out, “You and I are both naked right now, yet we are not enjoying each other’s bodies like a husband and wife would. Memory exchange is no different.”
In truth, though, I was enjoying her body. Every time her attention was fixed elsewhere I snuck peeks at the ripe tips of her breasts that stood out against the pale moonlight of her flesh. Her hips and bosom contrasted with her slender waist like the shape of banana berries that grew in the summer. I just had a flat stick body. If Shiromainu had her as his wife, surely he would want more than memory moss. If I were him, I would eat her up like a banana berry.
Faith’s attention turned back to me. “Hush, you. I don’t want to hear another word about memory exchange.”
That ended the conversation, but I did try many other occasions without success. Tomomi Sensei, now my fighting teacher when I could spare a moment, often watched Faith out of the corner of her eye during our discussions. She was discreet enough Faith didn’t notice her listening, but I did.
When Tomomi took me outside to fight, she often beckoned to Faith, promising she would teach her defense, but Faith demurred. “A lady does not dirty herself with fighting,” she said.
Tomomi just shook her head in dismay. “How do you expect to protect yourself if more gaijin come and wish to steal you away?”
“I won’t be able to protect myself. And neither will you. Do you expect throwing a stick at them is going to save you? They have laser cannons that will vaporize you before you can even reach for a staff. They will shoot at us from the sky.”
Tomomi grunted and crossed her arms. “Perhaps. But if I encounter one on foot who wishes to do me harm, I’ll have the advantage over him, armed or not.”
During the time for collecting wood, Tomomi accompanied Faith and me. We sang to pass the time, but sometimes Tomomi unexpectedly threw bundles of wood or clumps of frozen dirt at me to test my reaction time batting things away. When she threw balls of snow at Faith, they hit her in her face and then she used her funny, angry words she called swearing.
I tried not to laugh, but it was hard not to.
The winter stretched out into an eternity. Six months from the time I had come home from the Tanukijin palace, the snow receded and the sun came out. Only then did the Tanukijin warriors return. Our little tribe cleared the cooking and bedrolls to make room for Shiromainu Nipa. Tomomi greeted Shiromainu Nipa and they snuck off to the fire, whispering for many minutes as tea was prepared by grandmothers. Tomomi Sensei had been his spy, but Taishi didn’t seem concerned about it. As before, we assembled and offered refreshments. I stared at the dirt, knowing I had failed before the formalities even began.
Shiromainu Nipa said, “I would like to offer the honor of tsuma no koukan to Taishi Nipa’s geari wife.”
Faith snorted and turned her face away. I could have dived under my bedroll and that still wouldn’t have been enough to hide my embarrassment. He had even called her a wife this time instead of a concubine, but she still acted like she was too good for him. Taishi’s face turned red under his chiramantep eboshi. A muscle in Shiromainu Nipa’s jaw twitched and his mouth flattened into a line.
The silence lengthened like a rope about to be used as a noose. “Sumimasen,” I said, bowing to excuse the interruption. I wanted to say that perhaps the idea of being a wife would not be so disdainful if it didn’t entail the consummation of a marriage. Yet if I did, it would shame Shiromainu that I implied he was old and made a pitiful husband. I changed my mind and said the only thing one could say. “If it pleases Shiromainu Nipa, I will serve as wife for tsuma no koukan.”
