by Raathi Chota
“Aww, you got me those pearl bath bombs.” I looked at the bath bombs.
“Yeah, the lady said there’s something inside them,” Benny said as he awkwardly scratched his neck. He pointed to the box where all the bath bombs had a charm in to form a bracelet. “There’s more.”
“Oh.” I put the first box down then took out the other.
“So you’ll look cute when we cuddle,” he said as I examined the mermaid tail blanket.
“Thanks,” I said as my cheeks warmed.
“One last thing.” He sighed and stepped back as I took out a brown package. I raised a brow as I put everything on the table, then looked at the brown bag. It was tied up, so I loosened it. Multiple letters were neatly stacked, and each had a grade on them. I turned to Benny, who leaned against the wall. “Just read one of them, Lana.”
I thought back to a few days ago when his mom told me about the letters. I took a random one and noticed that it was from fourth grade.
Dear...
School wasn’t so bad today. Even though I sat in the back of the class as always, Liam made me laugh. I saw her again. She’s so pretty. I like her eyes and glasses. She always talks to Ethan and says he can do it. She never notices me. But that boy Levi is always with her. I don’t like them. Ethan is good at everything. Everyone loves him. I wish I were like him. Daddy says everyone likes him because he’s rich. It’s true, his birthday party was the best! We all went laser tag. I don’t want to have a birthday party. Nobody would come. I’m a loser.
From Benny
I glanced at him to see that his eyes were shut and his hands stuffed in his pockets. I frowned as I took out another letter. This one was from tenth grade.
Dear whoever gives a fuck,
Today has been one of the worst days ever. I made the basketball team, but Ethan fucking Baxter became captain. He’s even dating this chick, Melissa. He’s popular, tall, muscular, and rich. If it weren’t for his rich ass daddy, he wouldn’t even be where he is now. I bet he got personal trainers or some shit. I deserve to be captain! I’ve wanted to be captain since fifth grade! I worked hard for shit! And then I take my anger out on the person who encouraged him. I hurt her again. I didn’t mean to. She’s so beautiful, and her eyes get bluer every time I see them. Yet I always have to fuck it up and ruin her. I fucking hate myself. Yet someone gives me the punch I deserve. Levi Radcliff. I let him do it. I fucking deserve it. I don’t want to do it anymore. I hurt her then I end up hurting me. Last time I was so close…
From Benny
A lump ached in my throat by the time I finished. I turned to Benny and noticed he had tears.
“B-Benny, what do you mean last time you were so close?” I hugged him. His arm wrapped around my shoulder as the other went around my waist. The hug was tight as he sniffed like he didn’t want to let go.
“You deserve so much better,” he whispered, then raised his sleeve. A tear ran down my face as I stared at the faded scars. It all made sense. He was alone. He was depressed. He hated himself, so he cut.
“Benny, please,” I croaked out and gently placed my hand on his scars. His legs buckled as he slid down the wall. I put the letters on the table and sat next to him. I cupped his cheeks and saw his watery eyes and distressed look. Tears fell as I shook my head. “Please stop. I’d hate myself if you didn’t. Please don’t do it ever again.”
“I stopped the day you forgave me,” he whispered. A sad smile crept up on my face as I took my thumbs and wiped his tears away. “Every day when I got home, I’d beat myself up. I’d do it, thinking how ruined you must be because of me. Then when Levi and Keene came, I’d let them beat me up because I knew that I deserved it,” Benny said as he stared at me. “I fucking hated myself for doing that to you. I don’t deserve you. I mean, what will people say when they see us in school? They’ll obviously thi—”
“I don’t care what people think about us. Yes, we’re not the perfect couple. We’re going through shit, but we’ll get through it together. I care so much about you, Benny. You make me happy, and I don’t want to be the only one happy in this relationship,” I said, then kissed his forehead as I ran my fingers through his hair.
“I’m happy now. You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re my everything, Lana,” he said as we looked straight. He swung his arm around my shoulder as I leaned into his chest. “I wish I could be the perfect boyfriend for you.”
“And I wish I was the perfect girlfriend, but perfect people aren’t real,” I mumbled as my fingertips grazed over his scars. “And real people aren’t perfect.”
Chapter Thirteen
Lana
The next few days were spent with family and the Radcliffs. Griffon came over too, and we’d bond since the Radcliffs were leaving soon.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” Benny asked for what seemed to be the millionth time. After our little talk in the hall on Christmas, we left early, then sat in the car and talked. Well, some of it was talking. It still scared me that he used to cut. I didn’t want it to happen again.
“I’m a hundred percent sure. I got it for you and your friends. Besides, I’ll be busy with my Yale application tomorrow,” I said as we walked hand in hand.
“Okay. It won’t be fun without you, though.” He frowned as we entered the diner.
“If you get bored, you can snapchat the whole thing. I’ll watch.” I chuckled as we slid into a booth.
“Yeah, and then later you can come over…” Benny trailed off as he kissed my neck.
“Not here.” I chuckled, keeping an eye on the old lady who watched us. “I heard you’re throwing a party on New Year’s Eve.”
“Yeah, every year one of the basketball players hosts a party. Liam was supposed to, but he moved into an apartment,” Benny said.
“Where?”
“Somewhere downtown. That’s why he’s always with his skateboard.”
“Oh,” I mumbled, because if Liam lived downtown, he must’ve heard or seen something about the alley. I glanced up from the menu and saw Nick walk toward us. Liam trailed behind, yet I squinted my eyes when I saw him with glasses.
“So you do wear glasses,” I said as they sat opposite us.
“Well, hello to you too, Lana.” He smiled.
“And your eyes are brown?”
“Yeah, I mostly wear blue contacts.” He shrugged as I tilted my head. He looked so different with glasses.
“Brown eyes suit you,” I said.
“Thanks. So what are we here for? If it’s for eating, then I’m your guy,” Liam stated as he took the menu. The waitress came, and the guys ordered while I thought over what Benny said. A few minutes later, she left, and I looked at Liam again.
“You live downtown?” I asked.
“Yeah, now I have to take the freaking bus to school,” he mumbled.
“Do you pass the alley?”
“I don’t skate past that side of town so early in the morning.” He shook his head and nibbled on his stud piercing.
“What is it?” Benny asked as he placed his hand on my thigh and rubbed it for comfort.
“I-I went with my dad to the alley, and we spoke to Detective Kale. There are cameras,” I whispered.
“I never saw one that day,” Nick said as he shook his head.
“Yeah, because we focused on the alley, not what’s around it. There are cameras on the opposite building.”
“Shit,” Benny muttered.
“But they’re not working anymore, and they were wiped, so unless they find a way to get everything back and fix it, we’re good,” I mumbled.
“Damn, we should get new identities and move to Guatemala. I’ll be Lana, Nick will be Benny, Benny can be me, and Lana will be Nick because it’s short for Nicky,” Liam said as we stared at him.
“I think they’ll still catch us, genius.” Nick squinted his eyes at the brunette.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’d make a better Benny,” Liam said, and Benny sighed.
>
“We were just…we panicked,” Nick croaked out. “We’re teenagers. The last thing we wanted was to get into trouble. We were so stupid.”
“Yeah, and now if anyone finds out, we’re in trouble. We don’t even know where the fucking body is.” Benny sighed.
“Man, we should’ve burned the dude and the evidence,” Liam said, and I shook my head.
“No, if we burned the evidence, it would’ve given off plumes of smoke. Plus, we’re in Illinois. It gets windy in the fall. If any embers were blown by the gusty winds, chances were it could’ve ignited tinder or dry leaf litter and set the whole forest ablaze,” I stated.
“Holy shit, then we should’ve watched How to Get Away with Murder,” Liam commented. Nick and Benny glared at him.
“Okay, you have to admit we should’ve done that.” I high-fived Liam.
“We wouldn’t have been in this situation if it wasn’t for you.” Nick pointed at Liam. “We were in the alley staring at the dead body. Then we heard someone coming, so we hid. Yet this idiot decides to hide next to the freaking body!”
“He was behind the dumpster, best hiding place,” Liam stated.
“We could’ve left the body and called Lana’s dad, but no, you decided to touch him to check if he’s dead. I think having his eyes open, having sat there for more than twenty-four hours in dried blood, proved that he’s fucking dead,” Benny said as he glared at Liam. I remembered that day and Benny was quiet while the three of us freaked out.
“I’m sorry, okay? I don’t wanna be in this situation any more than you guys.” Liam frowned.
“Wait, you said ‘behind the dumpster,’ right?” I tilted my head.
“Yeah, that’s where he tried to harass you, right?” Nick asked.
“I remember walking to the alley then spinning around to see him. We never go deep into the alley.”
“Maybe when you hit him, he was trying to walk, but the blood was too much, so he just collapsed on the ground,” Liam suggested. I nodded my head as we sat and thought. I saw the waitress approaching. She placed our food on the table along with our milkshakes then walked away.
“Wait,” Benny said as we ate. “When we saw him, he was propped up against the wall, eyes wide open and holding your other shoe while you had the one you hurt him with.”
“So?” Nick asked.
“He was holding onto it very tight like he was forced to. I’m pretty sure he knew he was going to die, so why keep his eyes open?” Benny asked.
“Maybe that’s all just some big coincidence.” Liam waved off.
“And Liam’s shoes along with the missing body…” Benny trailed off.
“Benny, what are you trying to say?” I asked.
“Assuming…” He trailed off.
“Well, what are you assuming?” Liam asked.
“I get it,” Nick said as he nodded at Benny. “You’re assuming that someone’s trying to frame us.”
***
When I put on my black coat, I turned to my desk. Since Mom was eager to send an application to Yale, I was busy with the rest of it.
“Ready to go?” Levi asked as he leaned against the doorframe.
“Yeah.” I smiled as I grabbed my phone. Benny went to the basketball game, so Levi was going to visit Blake. I decided to tag along since I had to give him his Christmas gift. I walked downstairs, where I saw Jade and Richard in the living room. Their suitcases were placed on the sofa as they packed. I raised a brow as I stared at Levi’s stuff, which was all over the room.
“When are you guys leaving?” I asked.
“Since I must get back to work and it will take three days to drive back to California, we must leave on the first of January,” Richard said.
“Tomorrow’s your last day.” I frowned at Levi.
“We’re leaving around noon, though,” Jade added.
“Yeah, and Levi…” Richard trailed off as he gave his son a look. Levi slowly shook his head, and Richard scoffed. “Whenever you’re ready, son,” Richard said, then walked out of the room. Jade walked up to Levi and put her hand on his cheek.
“Not bit by bit. Everything, Levi Ramone Radcliff,” she said in a serious tone. I watched as she walked out of the room, then turned to Levi. He already had his gaze on me as he bit his lip.
“What was that about?” I asked. He let out a sigh, then approached me. He placed his hands on my arms as I stared into his deep blue eyes.
“Some things in California happened, and I…I’m not ready to tell you, princess.”
“Are they bad things?”
“Awful,” he said, then wrapped his arms around me. I rested my head on his shoulder as we swayed. “But we shouldn’t let that spoil the day. Come on.”
***
We drove in silence at first as I looked out the window to see everything covered in snow. I turned to my left, where Levi was focused on the road.
“Hey, look in the back,” he said after a while. I raised a brow as I looked over my shoulder to where a gift bag was on the seat. I reached over and picked it up. I put it on my lap and oddly stared at it. “Since you already gave me my Christmas gift, here’s yours. It’s a bit late, but I could only get it yesterday.”
I picked up the object and gasped when I saw the vinyl of Bastille I admired at the Winter Wonderland.
“Oh my god. Thank you, Levi,” I said as I took in every detail.
“No problem, princess.” The corner of his mouth rose as he looked at me. I playfully punched his shoulder since I couldn’t hug him. I didn’t think I’d get a gift from Levi; he always joked around and said he was my gift.
After ten minutes, we arrived at the Gunner household. It seemed like everyone was home since there were three vehicles. We got out and walked to the front door. I rang the doorbell and stepped back while Levi stood behind me. A sudden noise came as I looked over my shoulder and saw Scruffy.
“Oh no,” I mumbled as I crept behind Levi.
“Hey, buddy,” Levi greeted as he crouched down and patted Scruffy. The dog turned to me and barked. I yelped from his noise as I slowly backed away. “What the heck did you do, princess?” Levi laughed as he held Scruffy back.
“Nothing!” I exclaimed.
“Ha, watch this,” Levi said as he crouched down and formed a ball from the snow. “You want it?” he asked Scruffy as he threw it up and down. Scruffy jumped as he eyed the snowball. “Go get it!” Levi ordered, then threw the snowball. We watched as Scruffy ran after it. The snowball landed flat in the snow. The dog stopped as he searched for it.
“Shame on you!” I said as we snickered. We watched Scruffy as he spun around and watched us. He let out a growl as we froze.
“Shit,” Levi cussed as I ran to the door and rang the bell again. “Yo, Gunner, open up!” Levi exclaimed as the dog ran over to us. Scruffy continued to bark as I rang the doorbell. It flew open with a confused Mrs. Gunner.
“Axel, come and control your dog!” she yelled, then pulled us in. Axel entered the room with a wide grin spread across his face. He gave us a cheeky wave, then walked out the door.
“Hi, Mrs. Gunner. Hope you had a lovely Christmas.” I smiled as she pulled me in for a hug.
“Nice to see you two again. Oh, we had a lovely Christmas! Always good seeing the Rowleys,” she said as she motioned us to follow her. She continued to talk about Christmas as I tried to listen. Levi tapped my shoulder, and I looked at him. He whipped out her present. He was so eager to get her the gift, which confused me. We barely knew Mrs. Gunner, yet he got her such an expensive gift. “I made Blake’s favorite. He loves red velvet. Want some?”
“Yes please,” Levi said as I nodded. As she took out bowls, Levi placed the envelope next to the cake. I nervously bit my lip as she spun around and stared at it.
“Merry Christmas!” Levi and I said in unison.
“Oh my God,” she breathed out. “Thank you, but you didn’t have to.”
“We wanted to,” Levi said as she slowly opened it. To see her
reaction was priceless. She covered her mouth as her eyes widened.
“Sending me away for the weekend to a beach resort.” Mrs. Gunner wiped moisture from her eyes.
“Yeah,” I stated as she walked around the island and hugged us.
“Oh, thanks, you two!”
“You’re welcome, Mrs. Gunner. We know how hard it is to have a full-time job, be a single parent, and having two beasts to feed,” Levi said as I gave him a strange look.
“Thank you again. I don’t know when I’ll use it, though,” she said.
“You can use it any time before spring break,” Levi said.
“Thanks.” She cut us a piece of cake. We took a seat and ate the delicious red velvet cake.
“Where’s Blake?” I asked.
“He’s in the shower,” Mrs. Gunner replied.
“Hey, pumpkin,” Axel called as he entered the kitchen with a plain box.
“Axel?” his mom asked as he set the box on the table.
“Yeah, Momma?”
“You don’t refer to a woman as ‘pumpkin,’ especially that kind of word,” Mrs. Gunner reprimanded as Levi snorted.
“Wha—she likes it, don’t you?” he asked.
“Err…” I trailed off as I shook my head.
“She even has a boyfriend, Axel. I don’t think he likes that you call his girlfriend a vegetable,” Mrs. Gunner added as I chuckled.
“Momma,” Axel whined.
“Call her by her name,” Mrs. Gunner said in a neutral tone. Axel turned to me with a blank look. He bit his lip and tilted his head.
“Y-you don’t know my name?”
“I do. How could I forget?” He mumbled the last part as he took a quick glance at Levi and his mom. I raised a brow as I watched Mrs. Gunner shift in her seat uncomfortably as Levi turned away. “It’s Lana. Lana Jane Willson,” Axel said as he smiled at me. I gave an awkward smile back as I watched him move the box closer to me. “You forgot your vinyl in my car the other day.”
