“You really need a boyfriend,” she tells me as I sit down opposite her.
I smirk. “Well if I did have a boyfriend it would have made my date last night pretty awkward now, wouldn’t it?”
Her jaw drops. “Did I just hear the word date come out of your mouth?”
“You did.”
“Oh my God, who? Where? How did this happen? Who is he? When can I meet him?”
I take a sip of her coffee. “Calm down.”
“But I have so many questions.”
I laugh. She wouldn’t be August if she didn’t. Between my best friend and my sister, I could spend the rest of my life answering questions.
“It was a blind date, courtesy of Lucy and Emmett.”
“How the hell did they get you to agree to that? I’ve been trying for years.” She pouts at me.
“Does it really matter?”
“I tried to get you to go out with that guy I met in class and you wouldn’t do it.”
I roll my eyes. “Focus, Auggie.”
She’s not really listening to me, she’s picking the information she wants out of my words, while ignoring everything she deems irrelevant.
“Who was the guy?”
She scowls at me when she reaches for her coffee and it’s not there.
I hand the cup back and grab one of the little packets of sugar from the jar in the centre of the table.
I’m nervous, and when I’m nervous I fiddle with things… anything to keep my hands busy.
“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about…”
She must notice that I’m uneasy about it because she puts down her cup and gives me her full attention.
“What did he do?” she demands.
August may be a lot of things, but deep down I know she’d go to the ends of the earth to hunt someone down if they hurt me. Thankfully her services won’t be required today.
“It’s nothing like that.”
“Why don’t you tell me how it is then?” She narrows her eyes at me.
I go back to picking at the label on the sugar packet. “Do you remember back before my transplant when my heart stopped?”
“I think I’m familiar,” she answers, her lips tight.
No one in my family likes talking about that time in my life.
It took me a long time to comprehend just how close they’d come to losing me.
Hearing that my whole family had sat in a waiting room for hours with no clue if I was alive or dead was absolutely heart breaking.
“Do you remember me telling you about what happened… what I saw?”
We haven’t talked about this for four years, so I’m half expecting her to have no recollection of it at all; she is Auggie after all.
“You seriously think I’d forget my little sister’s vision of her future?”
I shrug.
“I remember, Vi. The baby, the guy with the blue eyes…”
“You called him the man of my dreams,” I prompt her.
She looks proud of herself. “I did.”
“I never told you this, but I saw him… in person, he was outside in the hallway when I woke up from my transplant.”
Her eyes widen, and I can tell she’s about to bombard me with questions.
“I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d freak out, and to be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure I didn’t dream the whole thing up,” I explain before she has the chance to speak.
“Why are you telling me this now?”
I don’t answer her right away.
She reaches across the table and pulls the now shredded packet from my hands.
“Spill it, Vi.”
“It was him…my date was with him,” I whisper.
I hear her gasp.
“You’ve got to be shitting me?” She gapes at me in disbelief.
I huff out a little laugh and shake my head. “I shit you not.”
“How? What? I don’t get it…. what? But how? I can’t deal, I just can’t…”
She’s rambling now, and I almost suggest my five, four, three, two, one method to her, but think better of it.
Auggie needs information and she needs it right now.
“He’s a doctor. He works at Royal West with Emmett; so that could explain why he was there in the hallway after my transplant,” I offer.
“Hold the phone. He’s a doctor?” she asks quickly, and I laugh. Just like that, August’s back.
“Yes, he’s a doctor, and yes he’s handsome, tall and he’s a gentleman, before you ask.”
“Holy crap, did you marry him?”
I know she’s joking, but just those words put me right back in the pressure cooker.
I can’t explain why, but all I know is that this is so important, all of it – I can feel it in my bones.
“You’re sure it’s him?”
“I’ve got no doubt. I’d know those eyes anywhere.”
“Well… heck…”
It’s not often in my life that I’ve seen August lost for words, but right now is one of those moments.
“Maybe he was one of your doctors; you said it yourself that he works there… you could have woken up for a while and seen him before they got you back under. That can happen, right?”
It’s not a bad theory, and it’s one I have considered over the past few years, but I’ve always known it’s not what happened.
“He’s an obstetrician, so that’d be a little weird.”
She nods in agreement.
“Okay, so did you tell him?”
She says it as though it’d be as casual as mentioning the weather.
“Of course I didn’t tell him! He’d probably submit me for a psych evaluation.”
“He might be a spiritual guy…” She shrugs.
He’d have to be a little more than spiritual to think this was normal.
“I haven’t told him anything about anything yet. It was just one date, Auggie.”
“Has he called you today?”
I groan. “You sound just like Lucy. No. He hasn’t called yet. Maybe he never will. I probably wouldn’t. I’ve got more baggage than a freaking airplane’s cargo hold.”
She raises her brows at me. “You done with your pity party?”
“I’m not sure.” I pout back at her.
For someone who basically lives in a constant state of self-involvement, August has always been the first to tell me to snap out of it when I’m feeling down on myself.
Whether that’s because she doesn’t like me feeling that way, or because she’d rather I was focusing on her instead of me, I’m not sure, but either way, it’s hard to feel too down in the dumps when she’s around.
“Don’t be such a sad sack. Besides, think of it this way, if he doesn’t call you, you can’t even blame it on your heart, because you didn’t tell him about it.”
“Thanks for that. So if he doesn’t call it’s just due to the fact that I’m terrible company then?”
She winks at me. “Exactly.”
“That makes me feel so much better,” I deadpan.
She smirks at me. “Don’t say I never do anything for you.”
We sit in silence for a moment as the drink I ordered is brought over to our table.
“So, what are you going to do, Vi?”
I don’t have an answer for that. I can’t possibly. I don’t even know if Rylan wants to see me again, and until I do, it’s all a moot point.
It sure seemed like he was interested, but considering I don’t know a single thing about romance with boys, let alone men, I really can’t be sure.
I don’t particularly want to agonise over a decision that may never be required from me at all.
“I think I’m just going to wait and see what happens.”
She nods in acceptance and sips from her cup again.
“I still can’t believe it’s him.” She breathes out a breath of disbelief, and I know exactly how she feels.
I’d felt the same way when I looked into hi
s eyes last night.
“I know you don’t really believe in fate and things that are ‘meant to be’, but it might be time you started to think again.” She says the words quietly, and that’s how I know she means them.
And to be honest, she’s not wrong about it either.
One short evening with Rylan Wilder has made me rethink everything I thought I was sure about.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Rylan
I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel after what I’ve just seen.
I know damn well that most men would run a mile when faced with a woman that lives with the things Violet does every single day.
But then I’ve never really been like ‘most men’.
I’m shaken by what I saw, undoubtedly, but what’s really rattled me most is the fact that Violet is the girl. She’s the one I watched all those years ago, and I don’t know how to process that, or what to make of it.
Strange coincidences happen in the world, and I get that, but this doesn’t feel like one of those times.
I’ve experienced instances in my life where everything has just felt like it’s falling into place – like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
I felt that way when I stood outside her room all those years ago, after my sister died.
It scared me then, and the thought of it still confuses me now.
I felt it again last night, when I held Violet’s hand and kissed her under the moonlight. Only this time, I didn’t feel fear – I felt relief.
I’ve got so much to learn about her, and her, I, but hell, I want to know it all.
She’s probably been put in the too hard basket by people her entire life, and I don’t want to be the guy that does that to her too.
Hell, I’m not even sure if it actually bothers me.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about her situation at all. I don’t have any real idea what her condition is like, or how her heart is responding to whatever treatment she’s received over the years.
There’s no quick fix. There are procedures, surgeries and medication – but the battle she’s facing is a lifelong one. Even a new heart can’t last her forever, if she’s got one, that is.
I desperately want to open her file again and find out her entire medical history, but I can’t.
I like Violet. I respect her, and I’ve already violated her privacy far more than I ever should have.
I vow to myself that I’ll never go behind her back for anything like this ever again. If she wants me to know something – she’ll tell me herself.
I know it’s the right decision, but it’s one that doesn’t help ease my apprehension in the slightest.
I’m scared for her. I don’t know how I couldn’t be.
I felt something for that woman last night, something real, and if I can feel like that after only a few short hours, I can’t even imagine what a whole day with her could do to my head.
I want to find out everything there is to know. I want to spend many more days talking and laughing, but the harsh reality is, I don’t know how many days she’s got. I doubt anyone does.
The doctor in me tries to analyse the situation with rational thought and logic, but already I’m past the point of rational when it comes to Violet.
I know there’s no real choice for me.
I have to see her again.
She evoked emotion in me that I’d long thought was dead and buried, and I need to feel that way again.
I need to see her and her beautiful eyes… and above all else I need to figure out exactly why she already feels so vitally intertwined with my life.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Violet
“Hello?”
My voice comes out breathless and rushed as I answer my phone.
I know it’s him on the other end of the line, and that knowledge makes my heart beat frantically against my rib cage, like it’s trying to make its escape.
“Hey, Violet, it’s Rylan...”
“You called,” I reply stupidly, because frankly, I’d convinced myself that he wasn’t going to.
“Did you really think I wouldn’t?”
I shrug before realising he can’t actually see the action.
I really am terrible at this dating thing.
“I wasn’t sure, but I hoped you would...” More truths – they seem to just fall from my lips where he’s concerned.
“I like that.” I can hear the smile in his voice.
I’m lying on my back across my bed, my legs dangling off the side, and I feel the way I imagine the teenage girl in movies does when she’s talking to the captain of the football team.
My heart is racing and there’s butterflies going crazy in my stomach.
“Well I like that you called,” I reply lamely.
He laughs lightly down the phone.
Neither of us seems to know what to say, and this is beyond awkward, but there’s still nowhere I’d rather be than here, with him on the other end of the phone.
“I had a really good time last night.”
“I heard.” I giggle.
Lucy and Emmett are an unstoppable force of nature. There was never any way that Rylan was going to be able to escape unscathed.
He laughs again, louder this time and it makes my smile grow wider. “Emmett isn’t really one for personal boundaries, is he?”
“Pffft.” I snigger. “You think he’s bad, you should hear what I’ve been dealing with since I walked in the door last night. Lucy’s been asking every five minutes if you’ve called me yet.”
“You’ll have to tell her I’m sorry for keeping her waiting, I ended up at work all day.”
“I’ll be sure to pass that on.” I laugh. “So did you have any deliveries today?”
“Not today… actually I didn’t really need to be at work, but you’ll probably learn that taking time away from the hospital isn’t something I’m very good at.”
I bite down on my lip, my smile so wide I’m a little afraid my face might split in half.
He’s just implied that I will get to know him better, and whether or not he intended for it to come across that way or not, it’s how I’ve taken it.
“You think I’ll get to learn about you?”
“I hope so, Violet. I plan on learning a lot about you.” His voice sounds hoarse, and there’s a sincerity there that I can’t possibly deny.
I can understand in this moment why people are so eager to date and to fall in love. This feeling of excitement and euphoria is like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
For the first time in a long time, I welcome it; I think that maybe I might finally feel ready to put myself out there.
Rylan is like no one I’ve ever met before, and he’s a far cry from the guys I’ve been turned down by in the past.
He’s mature, kind and gentle. He’s not some silly little boy, he’s a man.
“What are you doing right now?”
I glance at the clock next to my bed. It’s seven on Saturday evening, and my plans consist of nothing at all, as do most of my Saturday nights.
“I’m lying on my bed, with not a thing on the agenda.”
There’s silence for a moment, and when he speaks I can hear the smile in his voice.
“Do you want to go for a walk with me?”
I don’t even have to think about it, I’ve never heard a better idea in my life.
***
“This is my favourite spot. I’ve seen a lot of places, but nothing comes close to this.”
He’s right, this is a beautiful sight.
We’re up on a clifftop along the coast, and considering it was only a half-hour walk up here, I don’t know how I’ve never done it before.
I’m a little short of breath, and while it’s frustrating, it’s nothing out of the ordinary for me.
The sun is beginning to lower in the sky; soon it’ll set. The ocean is calm and glistening, and the clean waves are crashing against the sandy shore.
&nbs
p; The smell of the sea air is so relaxing; I close my eyes for a moment and just breathe it in.
That’s one positive about coming so close to death – you learn to appreciate the little things.
I’m not sure I would have ever stopped to smell the flowers, or lie in the long grass, or chat with strangers if not for the condition I’ve lived with for twenty-five years.
I don’t take a single moment for granted anymore, and I certainly wouldn’t dream of taking this particular tick of the clock for anything other than the miracle it is.
I breathe deeply and take a second to acknowledge just how lucky I am to be here, alive and well, and when I open my eyes, Rylan’s looking at me with a stare that asks so many questions, but at the same time, understands so much.
“It’s sort of sobering up here, isn’t it?”
I nod my head and look out at the horizon. “I’ve never felt so small or insignificant.”
Out here in the cool evening air, with no one else around, is so refreshing. It makes me realise what a little part of the universe I really am.
In my world, everything is always about me and my health, my good days and my bad ones; it’s all about my heart.
But not out here… out here I’m just a woman looking at the sea.
Most people wouldn’t like the idea of being a no one, but for the most part I’d be happy to be of little significance.
All my life I’ve felt like some type of experiment. No one ever knew what to expect from one day to the next and it was always a case of trying something out and then waiting to see what happened.
It’s been one big high-risk game of trial and error, where the ideal outcome is that I live, and in the worst case – I die.
“There’s some serious thinking going on in that head of yours.”
He startles me; for a moment I forgot he was right here next to me.
I can feel the weight of his stare on me again and I can’t help but marvel at the fact that when faced with such an incredible view, he’s still choosing to look at me instead.
“I’ve got a lot to think about,” I say as I turn to face him.
“Anything I can help you with?”
Every Last Beat Page 17
