I clap and rush over to the door. Brenna is rubbing her stomach as she smiles at Fisher. His face is pale. He looks like he might pass out. “Everything okay?” I ask.
He trudges toward me and takes my hand, pulling me into my office. He doesn’t notice Fabian, who’s moved to the back wall to look at my book collection. He closes the door.
“You’re pregnant?” His eyes are dark. He’s pissed.
“What? No? Who told you that?” As the words leave my mouth I recall Brenna rubbing her belly and shake my head.
“Why did your assistant just congratulate me then? We’ve had sex, like . . .” He counts on his fingers. “Six times, in two days. You couldn’t possibly be already!”
I gaze behind him at Fabian, who motions for me to keep going.
“This is all a big misunderstanding.”
“Oh really? Because I’m starting to feel really pissed off right now, Greer. Are you pregnant? You said it had been forever since you’d been with anyone. And only your stupid ex. Was that a lie?”
This is embarrassing. Oh shit. Fabian’s recording us on his phone. The things I do for love.
“Listen to me. The other day, or a week or two ago, I don’t remember . . . I was thinking about you and how you gave me butterflies. My stomach was flip-flopping around and it made me happy. I touched my stomach and told the butterflies I loved them and I wanted them to stay. Brenna walked in on me. I felt like an idiot, but . . . when she asked I figured she was joking. I didn’t know she really believed it!”
He steps back and seems to think for a moment. “You have butterflies in your stomach?”
I nod.
“Not a baby that isn’t mine?”
“No. And not yours yet, anyway.”
He smiles and places his hand on my waist. “I give you butterflies?” He’s doing that smoldering thing again and I forget Fabian is in the room.
“Every time I see you, think of you, or touch you.”
“So you have them now?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Have I told you yet today how much I love you?” He lowers his head to mine and kisses the top of my head.
“And cut!” Fabian shouts from behind us.
“What the fuck?” Fisher yells, spinning around.
“That was fabulous. Just fantastic.”
Fisher does a double take at Fabian, then glares at me.
“Patrick Fisher, let me introduce myself. My name is Fabian Confey and I’m on the casting team for Book Boyfriend. Can I just tell you that your pictures don’t do you justice? If I asked you to walk back in and repeat that word for word with the same intensity, could you do it?”
He glares at me. “Did you set me up?”
“Don’t be mad. I just wanted you to meet him. I didn’t know all that was going to happen.”
“Who’s your agent? Do you have a portfolio? Are you coming with us to L.A. tomorrow?”
“Can you excuse us for a moment?”
Fabian nods and gives me the thumbs-up as he leaves my office.
Fisher inhales deeply and crosses his arms.
“He likes you,” I say nervously.
“Did you not hear me when I said I didn’t want to try out for the role?”
“I heard you. I just didn’t listen. How many times did I tell you to stop trying to be Penn? Did you listen? No! And now that I want you to be Penn you won’t even try. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?”
His face softens.
“Is it awful that I want the man I love to stay in town? Is it bad that I’ve watched every single commercial and scene you’ve ever been in on YouTube and that I think you’re incredibly talented? Is it awful that I think my movie would be lucky to have you and that I know women around the globe will love you just as much as I do?”
He brushes a stray hair out of my mouth and tucks it behind my ear. “I guess it could be worse.”
“If you really and truly hate the idea of being Penn then I’ll tell Fabian to forget it.”
He gazes at the ceiling. “Does it mean that much to you?”
I nod.
“Then how can I possibly say no?”
I jump into his arms and he laughs.
Deep in my soul, I know everything is going to be just fine.
Falling back onto my bed in my hotel room, I contemplate taking a long nap. Whoever invented 5:00 a.m. flights should be shot. At least I don’t have to be downstairs for casting for three hours.
My phone pings with a text.
Unknown: Hey, girl, it’s Chloe. I hope you don’t mind my texting you. I was chatting with Fish and he told me you were in my neck of the woods. What time do you get in?
I create a contact for her.
Me: Just got to my hotel room and of course I don’t mind. We should have exchanged numbers sooner.
Chloe: Where are you staying?
Me: JW Marriott
Chloe: No shit. I’m literally down the street. How about I walk over and we grab coffee?
Me: Sure. I’ll meet you in the lobby.
There goes my nap but oh well. Maybe coffee will help me perk up. I brush out my hair, slip on my shoes, and take the elevator to the lobby. She’s already there.
“Hey, girl, hey!”
We hug and she points to a coffee bar in the hotel.
“Perfect,” I say.
I get a pumpkin latte and she gets black coffee with sugar.
“So how have you been? Did you like the gala?” I ask.
“Loved it. I’ve been fine. I started this new job as a receptionist and it blows. Not all of us get regular gigs like Fish.”
“Did he tell you I want him to try out for Penn?”
She waves the air as she sips her coffee. “I’ve been telling him that since the day I heard it was going to be a movie.”
I smile and blow on my cup. It’s too hot to drink.
“Can I just tell you I still fangirl every time I hear your name? I’ve read every single one of your books.”
“You mentioned that.” I snicker. “Really, I’m just a normal person who got lucky.”
“Fish is the one who got lucky. When he told me he literally ran into you when he was in Florida, I about died.”
I laugh. “Yeah, I guess it was even funnier when he found out who I was.”
“He knew the moment he saw you. I talked about you all the time. I tried to get him to read Weeping once. I remember he looked at your picture and said you were cute. Funny how things work out, isn’t it?”
She shakes her head and I feel as if I heard her wrong. I replay her words in my head. “When did he tell you he met me?” I ask for clarification.
“He called me the next day before he went on set. He said, ‘I ran into your favorite author yesterday on the beach.’ I think he followed it up with you being even prettier in person.” She winks at me and laughs as my heart sinks.
“So he knew I was an author the minute he saw me, huh?”
“Oh absolutely. Poor guy heard me talk about you every time a new book came out.”
I stare down at my coffee cup and move it around in my hands to warm me. My blood is suddenly cold.
“When I heard you were making a movie, I told him he should look you up and try out for the part. He finally picked up the book and read it. I only asked him like ten times. I’ve never seen him read a book so intently. When he found out that first part was him, oh Lord, you’d think he won the casting lottery!”
I swallow hard and jump from my seat.
“You okay?” Chloe asks. “What’s wrong?”
“I, uh, I just remembered I was supposed to check in with the director and start reviewing stuff. I’m sorry to cut this short. I have to go.”
I practically run from her without saying goodbye. Hitting the elevator button repeatedly, I pray it opens before I burst into tears in the lobby. He knew it was me? He lied to me. Oh my God. He is an incredible actor. He had me completely fooled. I’ve been played from day one.
I’ve igno
red all his texts and messages for the past two days. I’ve written angry letters to him to figure out exactly what I’m going to say. I’ve gone over every detail of our entire relationship. It’s been one complicated plot after another.
Luna called me three times today. I can’t talk. I somehow managed to get through auditions and only broke down once. I texted Luna to let her know I was fine. She said Fisher was freaking out and wanted me to call him.
I bet he’s freaking out. I wonder If Chloe told him about our conversation. I don’t blame her. She obviously didn’t realize what he was doing or she wouldn’t have said anything.
I haven’t been able to sleep. I was supposed to fly home yesterday, but I canceled my flight. I told Luna I needed a break and I’d be home soon. She begged me to call her, but I just can’t. How do I tell her how badly I fucked up this time?
I knew it was too good to be true. There’s no way he’d ever love someone like me. I should have known better. After Ollie left me I was desperate to feel wanted by someone. Knowing he cheated on me for years with an older woman who was ugly as fuck was a blow to my ego. Didn’t I give him everything I had? It wasn’t enough.
Enter perfect Patrick Fisher. Momma always said, if something seems too good to be true, then it probably is. Or maybe that was Oprah. Regardless, I ignored all my instincts because deep down I wanted a happily ever after. I should know better. There’s no such thing. There’s a reason they call them book boyfriends. It’s because they only exist on paper. They aren’t real.
There’s a knock on my door. Wow, that was fast. I ordered a bottle of wine five minutes ago.
I pull a five out of my wallet and open the door to Fisher. I try to slam the door shut, but he pushes his way inside.
“What the fuck, Greer? Do you know how worried I’ve been? Why won’t you answer my calls?”
“Get out!” I yell, pointing at the door.
“What’s going on? Why are you so angry with me?”
I walk over to him with the full intention of slapping him in the face, but he grabs my hand mid-air. “For fuck’s sake, baby, talk to me.”
I pull my hand out of his grip. “Have you spoken to Chloe?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Did she tell you then?”
“She told me you were talking about the movie, you freaked out, and ran off without saying goodbye. She said you didn’t answer any of her texts either. Did she say something to upset you?”
I huff and pace as the tears flow down my cheeks.
“What’s going on?” He rushes over to me and tries to pull me into a hug. For a moment, I consider letting him, feeling his arms around me one more time. But then I feel sick. Sick with his lies and his games, so I push him away. “You lied to me!”
His eyebrows furrow.
“You told me you didn’t know who I was when we met in Florida, but you knew exactly who I was, didn’t you?”
His face is etched with concern. “Is that what this is about?”
“Answer me! Did you know my name?”
He sighs. “Yes, but—”
“And the reason you read my book was because Chloe told you they were making a movie and you saw your in, right?”
“That’s not exactly true . . . I—”
“And you thought if you showed me you could be Penn, I would fall for you, and maybe even give you the role, right?”
“Okay, wait a minute. I told you I didn’t want anything to do with it. You forced me into considering it.”
I shake my index finger at him repeatedly as I pace. “Oh, you’re good. You’re an even better actor than I ever dreamed.”
“Greer, let me explain!”
“That’s Macy to you!”
He almost seems like he’s going to cry.
“Wow! Crying on demand for a part? That’s pure talent, folks. Pure talent.”
“Can you let me explain?”
“Have at it. Let’s see if your improv skills are any good.”
He shakes his head. “Yes. I did know who you were when I looked down and saw I’d knocked you over. I didn’t knock you down on purpose if that’s what you’re thinking.”
I turn my back to him and gaze out the window, wiping a tear from my cheek.
“I didn’t know what to say. I was worried you were hurt. Everything after that was one hundred percent real, I swear.”
“Even the part where you asked me my name like you didn’t know it?”
“Okay. That wasn’t exactly real. I did know who you were, but then you gave me your real name and I figured you didn’t want me to know you were an author. I went with it.”
“You went with a lot of things.”
“I fell hard for you that night. You were smart and funny. Distant and different. I saw something in your eyes.”
I spin around to face him. “You saw an easy target. Someone who’d been hurt before and was easy prey for a man like you.”
“No.”
“If you were so enamored with me and you knew who I was, then why didn’t you call me? Why not call me and tell me you fell for me? Oh, that’s right. Because I didn’t have a movie role for you yet.”
“Dammit! Stop creating a story where there isn’t one. I called that number because I wanted another shot with you. When I realized you gave me a fake one, my heart sank. I figured a woman like you was used to having guys like me around. I assumed you only wanted that one night and nothing more.”
I roll my eyes and sit on the couch. He walks forward and sits on the coffee table across from me. He tries to touch me and I pull away.
“Chloe talked about reading your books for years. I told her I saw you, but that was it. I never told her anything about what happened between us. It was mine and mine alone.”
“How chivalrous to not kiss and tell.”
“Will you stop? Let me finish. She kept pushing me to read Book Boyfriend and when she mentioned it was becoming a movie, yeah, I’ll admit, it made me interested. But I was in the airport just like I told you when I saw it. I flipped it open and read the first few pages. When I read what you wrote . . . When I realized it was me? Shit, Greer. You have no idea how happy it made me. It made me think I was more than just a night on the beach. That maybe you felt something, too. So I bought the book and read it twice. Then I started reading your other books. It took me a while to try to think how to contact you. When I saw what you made me, Penn, out to be, I was worried I’d disappoint you. So I tried to be who you wanted.”
I stare at the carpet. I refuse to look at him.
“You have to know, it was never about the part. It was always about you. I love you.” He reaches out to touch my cheek and I push his hand away, jumping to my feet.
“Stop! Just stop! Why not tell me this from the start? Why lie?”
“I told you what I thought—”
“What you thought I wanted to hear.”
“No! I told you what I thought would make me look better. You already thought I was a crazy stalker. I didn’t want you to know I was already in love with you from the first page.”
The tears flow down my cheeks. “You knew I’d been hurt before.”
“Yes.”
“And you knew how hard it was for me to trust anyone, much less you.”
He nods and scrubs his hands over his face.
“Yet you lied anyway.”
“I never wanted to hurt you.”
“But you did. I trusted you. I loved you.”
He stands and walks over to me. “Don’t say loved as if it’s past tense. This was a misunderstanding. That’s all. It doesn’t change a thing.”
“No, Fisher. That’s where you’re wrong. It changes everything.”
Dog videos aren’t doing it for me anymore and that’s saying a lot. They were my go-to for happiness and now I don’t even have them anymore.
There’s nothing left to distract me from my thoughts. It’s been a week since I came home. One hundred sixty-eight hours and forty-three minutes sin
ce I broke up with Fisher.
He hasn’t tried to call me. I asked for space and he’s given it to me.
I know Luna’s worried about me and the circles under my eyes. I don’t sleep and I don’t eat. What I do is miss him terribly. I sleep with his stupid shirt and cry all the time. I replay all his words over and over in my head. I want to believe him, but I’m scared that it isn’t real. That he isn’t real.
I live in a world of fiction. My world consists of make-believe stories where good triumphs evil and love always wins. But we all know, good doesn’t always win. Turn on the TV and watch the news. Evil exists. Bad people do bad things and get away with it every single day. People with big hearts try to make up for all the sadness in the world by giving themselves away and then you hear they were murdered while helping a homeless person or stabbed when they gave their lover one more chance. Love doesn’t win. Love scars.
Books have always been my escape. I can leave my life behind and get lost in someone else’s. I can fall in love with a man covered in perfect words and actions. These books are not only my life, they’re also my income.
I know for a fact there are millions of people like me in the world. People who want to believe love—true love—is real. That there are still good men out there somewhere, waiting to be found. Honest men who don’t cheat or lie, searching for us like we’re searching for them.
But then you open your heart. For one moment, you let someone in even though every single part of you is screaming to protect yourself. You don’t listen because the hope for something greater is better than the reality that you’re alone and always will be.
They say time heals all wounds, but all it does is numb the pain. You never heal from a broken heart. You learn to live with whatever you have left. You make it work the best you can. That’s what I’m doing. At this point I’d kill to be numb.
“Sorry to bother you, but Fabian is here. He seems irritated. Luna asked me to get you. She wants you in her office. Her exact word was, ‘Now!’”
Brenna seems afraid. I bolt out of my chair and rush into Luna’s office. Fabian is pacing.
“What’s going on?”
“You! I blame you,” he says, pointing at me.
Book Boyfriend Page 15
