by Ruth Price
Dear God, Isaac prayed, let me find the best way to help my daed understand.
Chapter 9
Judith and Isaac finished eating under Rachel's reproachful gaze, and while they spoke about innocuous things: the weather, their favorite books, and a bit about Isaac's visit to Amos's carpentry shop, their hands stayed clasped.
When they were finished eating, Judith took Isaac and Rachel to the library.
“When will you be back from your work?” Isaac asked. “I'd like to call on you, if I can? But I'll need to speak with my daed first.”
“I don't think your daed likes me,” Judith said, remembering his expression when he'd spoken with her about her brother.
Isaac nodded. “I don't believe so either. He's terrified I'll do as my brother did and leave the community.”
“You don't want to leave, do you?”
“No,” Isaac said. “But I don't want his life either.”
Rachel suggested, “Why don't you have we have you over for dinner and you can explain the situation?”
Wide eyed with surprise and gratitude, Judith looked up at Rachel. “You'd do that! That's a wonderful idea, but I thought--”
“Isaac likes you. I can't change someone's feelings, and I wouldn't want to anyway, not really. Caleb's going to be sore disappointed though, not that he's the only one.” Rachel said, with a glance at Isaac.
“Caleb?” It took a moment for Judith to remember the other boy and his crush. “He's not really--”
Rachel shook her head. “Don't say that, Judith. He's just shy, that's all.”
Judith was brave enough to hug Isaac before leaving for her class. She careful notes in her book, but she hardly remembered a word that had been said. Isaac wanted to court her. Isaac!
The happiness carried her through the week, and when Friday arrived, she arranged for a ride back to her home. “Mamm,” she said, breezing through the door at just before 5pm. “I'm home!”
The smell of herb chicken and baked sweet-potatoes wafted from the kitchen. Esther came down the stairs from the second floor into the living room, carrying an armful of laundry for Saturday's washing. “Judith! Good, you're home. I had company this afternoon.”
Judith asked, “Company?”
The lines around Esther's eyes deepened as she looked up at her daughter. “Yes, Rachel and our guest preacher stopped by with his son Isaac. She wanted to invite us to a going away dinner for the pair of them, and Mr. Graber claims to have serious business to discuss with us in regards to his son. From his expression, he was none too pleased.”
“Rachel didn't explain?” Judith rubbed her cheek with her fingers, her excitement causing her to rock forward onto her toes. “Mamm!” she said, “Isaac--he's asked to court me!”
Esther's eyebrows shot straight up. “Court you! My Lord, is that what you want?”
“He says he doesn't mind my schooling...that he's willing to wait. We just have to explain it to his daed.”
“That's wonderful,” Esther said, but while she smiled, the expression was tense and the light didn't reach her eyes. “That's a lot to ask though. How long, do you think, will you be at this schooling, and what will you do after?”
“I don't know,” Judith said. “I want to do something with Englischer medicine.”
Esther's expression grew even grimmer. “And you think that will be an appropriate pursuit for an Amish wife?”
Judith wiped her palms on the thighs of her jeans. Under her mamm's gaze, she felt exposed and wrong. “I don't know,” she said. “I feel God has called me to learn Englischer medicine and help serve our community that way.”
Esther walked to the sofa and put the clothing on the table beside it. She sat down on the sofa, and tapped her hand at the empty space beside her. “Come here.”
Judith sat. “Mamm...I thought you'd be happy.”
“If you've decided to settle down and become a wife, even if it means that your husband will take you to Ephrata and we won't see each other so often, I am happy, of course. If you decide you want to continue with your Englischer schooling and take on an Englischer profession, I may not understand it, but you're my daughter, and if that's your choice, I will also find joy in it.” Esther sighed, and then taking her daughter's hands said, “But Judith, you can't be an Englischer woman and an Amish woman at the same time. It's not fair to you, and if you care for this boy, it isn't fair to him either.”
Judith couldn't meet her mamm's gaze. It was like a thousand insects were crawling along the inside of her skin. Judith had been so happy, just knowing that maybe she and Isaac might be able to have something, in spite of all realities that spoke otherwise, but her mamm was right. Since Judith had sat with her daed in the field and watched him die, she'd always felt there was something more she should have known, could have done, and that if she struggled and learned, she'd be able to save the next person's life. But what had God called Judith to do, truly? Wasn't He the final arbiter of life and death, and if so, was her desire to learn Englischer medicine an attempt to put herself and her desires above God's? With Isaac, she had been offered love. With Englischer medicine, she'd been offered a chance to right the scales. She couldn't see herself sacrificing either.
“I know this is difficult for you,” Esther said. “And this is a part of why we have Rumspringa, to make our choice.” She stood. “Now, you'll need to iron your best dress for tomorrow. Mr. Graber certainly has strict beliefs about the Ordnung, and if you're thinking to be his daughter-in-law, it's best to make a good second impression.”
“Yes, mamm,” Judith said. Putting her backpack over her shoulder, she went upstairs to change for dinner. Her younger sister Miriam was already there, sitting on the edge of the bed, putting on her socks. Her frizzy brown hair had been tamed into two, unforgiving braids. She looked up in feigned surprise as Judith entered.
“I know you were listening,” Judith said. “Where's Mary?”
“In the bath. Mamm insisted since she got herself covered in mud up to her knees and elbows. She's as happy about it as a drenched kitten.”
Judith laughed.
“But what is it about Isaac Graber courting you? I thought you were going to be an Englischer doctor.”
“I never said anything--”
“Yes, but it's all you talk about, and you work in a hospital, and you've read every one of daed's books at least three times.”
Judith sat down on her bed and started stripping her Englischer clothes. “I like Isaac,” she said. “And he said he would wait until I finished my education.”
“Well, that's good, then, isn't it?” Miriam said with a hesitant smile. “Why do you look so sad?”
“What if I don't finish?” Judith said, pulling her t-shirt over her head. “What if I want to keep going? It takes ten years, first a four year college, and then medical school and hospital training, before you even become a doctor. That's lots of hours, and then I'd still be working. I can't ask Isaac to wait that long, and for what? But if I stay with him, then I'll have to give up my dream.” Judith balled the t-shirt up and threw it at the wall beside her bed. It slid down and landed in a heap of white and red. “There isn't any right answer!”
“Have you asked God? That's what mamm says to do, when you're troubled. You should pray, and see what God wants you to do.”
“I have prayed,” Judith said, “But I haven't received an answer.”
Miriam shrugged, “Well, maybe God's just been waiting for the right time to let you know.”
“I wish He was a bit faster about it,” Judith muttered, and Miriam laughed.
They had dinner, and the next morning was spent, in addition to the usual farm work, with baking and cooking for the dinner that evening.
“Another bath?” Mary had exclaimed when Esther had them start getting changed for the dinner. “But I took one yesterday!” Her voice drew out in an unattractive whine.
Esther's eyes narrowed. “And you'll have another today,” she said. “We're here to sup
port Judith, and we're going to leave the best impression we can. All of us.”
At Esther's expression, Mary took a step back, “Yes, mamm,” she said and scampered up to the stairs. Judith followed, more slowly. She'd pressed her best dress this morning, a dark blue that brought out her eyes. There were also some other small things she could do to make herself beautiful for Isaac. She chose her apron with care, tying it so that it came in at a pleasing way at her waist. There wasn't much else she could do for her hair besides re-braiding it, but she chose her best kapp, the fabric a nice cream color that she felt complimented her skin. She finished in the bathroom, washing her face, brushing her teeth, and putting a puff of baby powder down the inside of her shirt so she'd smell pleasant. She was careful, as always since her class, to remember the CPR mouth shield, which she slipped into the pocket of her apron.
Judith helped her mamm gather the food into cloth bags and place it in the buggy. Normally, Judith rode in the front, helping her brother guide the horses, but today, in the interest of looking more like a proper Amish woman, she rode in the back, the bag of food between her feet. Mary sat across from her, squinting at a crossword puzzle, a half-length chewed pencil between her teeth. In spite of her bath, she still looked a mess, her two wet braids tied off unevenly, and her kapp pulled back so that the straps were behind her ears.
“A large, edible orange root,” Mary mumbled. “That's a carrot! But who's Roger Rabbit?”
Miriam shrugged. “Englischer stuff.”
As the buggy swayed, Judith closed her eyes, and folding her hands together on her lap, prayed, Dear God, I am so confused. I think I could grow to love Isaac, but I also feel called to study Englischer medicine. I never want another family to suffer what mine has when my daed died. Please show me what you want me to do. What's my path? And please give me the courage to face Isaac's daed, that he might see me as a worthy choice for his son, if that is what you want for me.
Judith closed her eyes a while longer, trying to make her mind empty, listening to the clip-clop of the horse's hooves and the rattle of the wheels on the pavement, and while she received no answer, a certain peace settled in her heart. God would give her an answer, she decided, though she might not like it. Emboldened by her prayer, she opened her eyes and let her gaze drift over the fields outside.
When they arrived, a half hour later, she took up the bag of food and started followed her mamm from the wagon. Rachel's younger brother Hezekiah took their horse with a grin. “Gut'en'owen,” he said. Mamm's been cooking since last night, and she'll sure appreciate the extra food.”
“Judith made the corn pudding,” Esther stated with obvious pride.
Judith nodded. Since her daed's death, she'd learned the recipe, and though she'd worked hard to get the flavoring right, the memories made it difficult to swallow. Esther led the way up to the porch, and knocked on the door. To Judith's surprise, Deacon Hilty opened the door. He wished them a good evening, and though the day was a good deal cooler than it had been in recent weeks, his round, cheerful face was flushed, and sweat trickled down his brow and down his neck.
“Good to see you,” he said. “I admit, I was a bit surprised when my Rachel said she wanted to have company, but it's a good thing, considering.” His gaze flitted from Judith to Esther. “Mr. Graber and his son are in the sitting room. Why don't you join them? I'll send Rachel in with some lemonade. It'll be about ten minutes to dinner.”
The smell of roasted chicken and sweet-potatoes suffused the house, making Judith aware of her hunger. “Danki,” Esther said.
Judith found herself a bit concerned at how his breath puffed as he led them into the sitting room. “Are you okay?” she asked as they walked. “Have you seen a doctor?”
“That's sweet of you to ask,” the deacon said with a laugh. “I'm right as rain. The Englischers have me on these pills to take off the swelling in my feet, and I get them most days.”
“You should take them every day,” Judith said.
“Ja, ja,” the deacon said, waving his hand dismissively as they passed through the threshold to the sitting room. “Give me that food, and I'll pass it along to my wife. You'll want to sit with the other youths, I'm sure.” He glanced back, and gave Judith a wink.
Did everyone know about Isaac and her plans to court with him? She wished it didn't embarrass her so. She certainly had nothing for which to be ashamed. Judith wiped her hands on her apron nervously, “Is there anything I can do to help in the kitchen?”
“Nee. There's already too many hands there as it is.”
The room had three large windows, with yellow and red checkered curtains opened wide and rippling in the breeze through the screens. Though the day was a bit overcast as clouds drifted across the sun, the windows were well placed to cast light in all corners of the room. A sofa sat across from two of the windows, beneath it a woven rug incorporating the same colors as the curtains and more besides, rich blues, and a darker green, woven together in patterns of triangles bordered by a frame of wine red. Two kinner, a boy and a girl, were sprawled on the floor playing “On the Farm”, a pair of half-full glasses of lemonade beside them. Mary and Miriam plopped down beside them and asked to join the game. Judith smiled as she remembered her and her brother Samuel's epic childhood battles to acquire the most livestock when they'd played the game as children, but her heart truly took flight when she rested her gaze on Isaac.
He was seated on the sofa beside his daed. Isaac had his palms on his thighs, feet flat on the floor and back straight as a tree as he sat stiffly on the sofa's edge. “Judith!” he said, jumping to his feet when she entered. “And Mrs. Hershberger, Miriam, Mary,” he added. “It's lovely to see you.”
Esther laughed. “Gutt, gutt. Mr. Graber,” she said, giving Jacob a nod, which the man returned, his face as sour as a lemon.
Esther took the sofa across from the window, and Judith followed with a shy smile for Isaac.
They sat in awkward silence, before Isaac ventured to ask, “So, you haven't had any more trouble Mrs. Hershberger, have you, from those men?”
“Nee,” Esther said. “And bless you child, those thugs had the fear of God put in them. I suspect they'll be running until the Englischer police catch up to them or they reach the Pacific Ocean.”
“What exactly happened?” Isaac's daed asked. “It's unclear how a house full of women managed to drive off two criminals.”
Esther laughed. “A house full of women and the good Lord, dear Mr. Graber. I admit, I was in sore quandary about what to do with those men, one dragging poor Sofia off into the cornfield like that. But then I remembered the words of Mark, and he said to them, 'This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer,' and I fell to my knees. I don't know whether it was the old rooster, or the lightening that made them feel the movement of the Almighty, but their spirits were moved, and like the hand of God parted the Red Sea, those evil men were well frightened, and they stepped away.”
On the floor, the children had entirely stopped playing the game and listened with rapt attention.
Isaac's eyes widened. “That is incredible!”
“An incredible tale, indeed,” Isaac's daed said. “Though there is the matter of your oldest son, who from what I've been told, was quite devoted to your guest but who seems to have been absent at the time of the event. It seems unbelievable that he'd simply watch his mamm and sisters as they stepped into harm's way.”
“Oh, Samuel didn't just watch,” Mary said. “He used his gun--”
“Mary!” Esther shouted.
Mary's mouth immediately snapped shut.
“Gun?” Isaac's daed said. “I see the values you've instilled in your kinner. I assume Samuel took the hunting rifle when he fled? How many shots did he fire?”
“He didn't--” Mary started, and then looked up at Esther.
“The firearm was my son's purchase, and while he made an egregious error or judgment bringing it into my home, he didn't fire it.”
“Ja,” Mary s
aid, “And mamm threw him out of the house, right after, for not respecting the Ordnung.”
At that moment, Rachel came in with a tray full of glasses. “I have lemonade. We'll be serving dinner in about ten minutes, so you can just bring your glass with you if you haven't finished.”
Judith stood and helped Rachel distribute the glasses. When she'd finished, she wiped her hand on her apron nervously and asked, “Are you sure there isn't anything you need help with?”
“Nee,” Rachel said. “Mamm's got things well in hand. In fact, she gets irritated if too many people are underfoot with the finishing touches, which is why I'll be loitering here until it's time to serve dinner. Deacon Hilty's in the back yard with my daed, probably having his pipe. He prefers it if we don't notice, even though there's nothing in our Ordnung against it.” Rachel laughed. “It wasn't much to persuade the deacon to stay for dinner, instead of running off in his buggy back to his empty home. His wife and kinner are staying with her sister, since things have been difficult for her, what with preparing for the baby.”
Judith nodded. “I'm a bit worried about him. He seems tired and his breathing isn't good.”
“Well he was out all day in the fields with my daed and Mr. Graber. He's supposed to use the Englischer sunscreen, but he always forgets, my mamm says, and gets sunburns.”
“I lent him some of mine,” Isaac's daed said. “But it was hot.”
They spent the next ten minutes making small talk, after which Rachel's mamm called the group into the dining room.
There were two tables, one in the open space of the kitchen for younger children and another for the adults. The adult table had clearly been used for another purpose as it was too large for the room and had two tablecloths over it beside. Rough wooden benches had been placed along the longer sides, with kitchen chairs, a bit too high for the table, were at the head and foot. Deacon Hilty and Rachel's daed were already seated at the adult table when Judith and the rest arrived.
