“That makes things even more complicated,” he says flatly.
“Why?”
“You’re fertile she-wolf. One who has no claims on her. What were you doing with Fang this whole time?”
“Living my life,” I snap angrily. “Traveling. Seeing the world. Taking classes. Oh yeah, and not being a breeding machine.”
“No one wants you to be a breeding machine. But it would be nice if you took a mate.” He pins me with a glare that’s too grown up and responsible for his age.
“Why don’t you take a mate? Don’t you want to be Alpha?”
His sharp features flinch and his icy eyes flash. “Maybe I have a lot less choice in the matter than you do.”
“You know, part of why I left in the first place is that I don’t want to feel forced into mating with someone out of obligation.”
“What do you mean?”
I eye him warily, and comprehension lights in his eyes.
“You thought I’d force you. So I could become the next Alpha.” He’s taking offense, and it’s making his eyes burn an even brighter blue. “That’s why you left?”
“Not forced, but pressured to do it as my duty. I was the Alpha female,” I say wearily. “You know what they expect.”
He shakes his head, making his dark, glossy hair catch the light in a beautiful way. “I know, but I would have hoped you wouldn’t have thought I expect the same.”
“You’d do anything for the pack,” I say.
“Well, I can’t convince you that I wouldn’t have done it then. But I can assure you that isn’t going to happen now.”
A tiny part of me is disappointed that he can give it up that easily. It just proves he never wanted me that way. “Okay.”
“But what about the other guys? Would you consider them?”
“Lindon and Hawthorne? They never hit on me before. Would they be interested?”
“They weren’t ready to settle down. They weren’t ready to mate. I think you’ll find that’s different now.”
“They seemed the same yesterday,” I say.
He folds his arms, and his muscles bunch in a way that makes me slightly uncomfortable. “You may see Lindon and Hawthorne as childhood friends, but they definitely see you as a she-wolf. A desirable one.”
“I don’t think I’m that desirable.”
He lets out a slow breath and runs his eyes down my body in a way that makes me hot all over. Maybe I am more ready than I thought.
“I don’t think you see yourself the way I do,” he says. “We do.”
“I’m chubby,” I mutter. “Maybe even fat.”
“You’re gorgeous,” he says. “And you always were. If you come to like Lindon or Hawthorne, either would make excellent mates. I think you should give them a chance. It’s…hard. To be alone, I mean.”
“Will they always be alone though?” I ask.
“No, I think once we know the pack has an Alpha, the rest of us can go elsewhere to find mates.” He clears his throat. “Plus, Lindon and Hawthorne would both make excellent pack leaders, should they ascend to Alpha before I do.”
“Is that possible?” I ask.
“Yes,” he says. “If they are mated to an Alpha female first. They are my half brothers, after all. Sons of the Alpha.”
It’s true. Only Rafe was sired through the Alpha, Rowan, and the Alpha female, River. Lindon and Hawthorne through other female wolves that didn’t have mates and went with the Alpha after River died. Though none seemed to ever replace River in Rowan’s heart.
“I can’t imagine someone else as Alpha,” I say softly, tapping my fork on the plate.
Rafe raises an eyebrow at me. “I guess you better hook me up with one of your she-wolf friends, then.”
I smile weakly. It’s a joke, but a bitter one. There are few around. There was one other she wolf in my pack, one that was born into it, but she died. I think she was the one people were planning for Rafe to mate with. The daughter of another pack’s Alpha that came to be with us in preparation. But during one winter, she came down with something and no amount of human medicine could cure her.
I think we all planned on her being the Alpha female, but she never got to the age where we would have been able to see.
It fell to me, as the only female, to be the Alpha female. But I’m only a default Alpha. Not a real one.
When she died it was a huge wound to the pack. I know I caused another one when I left here and ran off with a renegade wolf instead of staying and being mated to the Alpha like a good girl.
But I couldn’t do that. Couldn’t wake up every morning looking into Rafe’s eyes knowing we did it only because it was our duty, and not because we were in love.
Maybe that’s a very romantic notion for a wolf, but I don’t want half a life. I want the whole package.
“What do you think?” Rafe says. “Are you willing to entertain the notion of picking a mate here?”
“What if I’m not?” I ask, meeting his eyes with mine.
He purses full, beautiful lips and blinks long lashes, breaking the contact only to stare at me again, holding me captive with those icy irises. “Then I’ll protect you.”
“What do you mean, protect me?”
Rafe shrugs, and I gulp at the large shoulders and arms that move as he does. He’s truly a powerful presence. Made to be Alpha. “If any attempts are made to claim you, I’ll step in.”
“You’d do that, for me? Even though you want me to take a mate?”
“The mating urge is…strong. Lindon and Hawthorne are good wolves, but their biology is wired to be…persuasive.” A small grin touches his perfect, flushed lips. “Nearly out of control.”
I think of gorgeous Lindon and playful Hawthorne in the thrall of their animal instincts, and I’d be lying if I didn’t think the thought of it is a bit hot. They’re good looking guys. But then again, I’m not ready, and my stomach twists at the thought of being rushed. “You think they’d get out of control with me?”
“Perhaps. Depends on the pheromones you’re emitting.”
“What do you mean?”
“The pheromones you emit now are much stronger than the ones you had when you left.”
“Ah, that would explain why Fang suddenly seemed ready to commit.”
“Yes, even a renegade like Fang would want to claim you when your pheromones reach a certain level. In a way, it’s a good thing that you came back now. In a few months, you might be attracting wolves from other areas.”
“Wait, just with my scent?”
He shrugs. “Yes.”
“And the others, they mentioned this, um, smell?”
“Well, yes. It’s not a smell though. It’s more like a feeling, an urge that comes when you breathe. I can’t explain it, unless you’ve ever felt it.” He studies me with cool blue eyes, and I find myself warming under his gaze.
“Why did no one say anything?” I ask.
“We were talking about it when you went to change. No one wanted undue pressure on you, but the wanting…it will be nearly physically painful.”
“Maybe I should stay with Megan after all. I’m not ready to take a mate.”
“As I said, that’s a bad idea. But if you don’t want to take a mate, I can protect you.”
I raise an eyebrow. “What about you? What about when you’re caught up in mating urges?”
He smiles, a wolfish canine in his lower teeth glinting in the fluorescent light of the kitchen. “I’m not like most wolves. I have better control.”
“I still can’t believe my friends would act like that. I just can’t see it.”
“I don’t want you to see it. That’s why, if you’re going to live here, I want you to promise you’ll be careful. Don’t be alone with any male wolves right now, unless you’re open to being claimed.”
“I’m alone with you now.”
“Like I said, I’m different. If you get alone with another male, even a friend, and things get out of hand, just call for me.”
<
br /> I give him a glare. “I can take care of things.”
“Suit yourself. But the offer stands,” he says. “Scream and I’ll come running. But in the long run, it would be better if you took a mate. You’d stop emitting the pheromones at that point. And who knows, maybe after a while it might not seem so bad to take a mate,” he says, walking to the sink to put his plate in it and start the water running.
Maybe it wouldn’t be, if he was my mate.
Rafe starts washing and dishes clink in the sink, sort of like the discomfort clinking in my stomach at what he said. I watch his lean form as he cleans and rinses each dish, and for a moment, a vision of bliss comes to me. Rafe and I doing the dishes together, Rafe and I sitting down to watch TV, Rafe and I going to bed, and mating…
Perhaps taking a mate wouldn’t be so bad. I can feel a part of me reaching for him, aching for him, a part I didn’t know was even awake. The wolf inside me.
I still want him. Even after two years away, I’m surprised by how powerful that urge still is.
With herculean effort, I stifle the urges and go to stand beside him. I grab a dishrag and put out my hand to ask for a dish.
“Not necessary,” he says.
“Just let me help,” I say, and he hands me a dish.
The kitchen is silent, except for the occasional running water as we wash, and the clink of dishes as we set them in the dry rack. There’s a dishwasher to the side, but he seems content hand washing.
I’ve seen this side of him often, having lived with him when we first got to college before. It was sort of his way of coping with things and getting time to think. He likes to work with his hands and keep busy.
He sets the last dish aside, sparkling clean, and washes his hands. I do the same. I look up at him at the same time he looks down at me, and for a moment we’re frozen there. And then the tension from the other night starts up between us, and I’m that girl wolf from the clearing, and he’s the Alpha’s son and the prince of the pack. And I’m breathless, just being close to his tall, hard body. I blush and I know he can see it.
“Rafe…” I say hesitantly, overcome and not sure what I want to ask him. Are these pheromones? I can feel a tangible wanting between us.
“Yes?” He waits, too close to me but too far still. Just a hand’s reach away. I could touch him…
He looks me over, an unreadable expression in those ice blue eyes, and then the doorbell rings.
“You should probably get that,” he says. He looks up at the door. “I smell human. Probably Megan. As for what we talked about earlier, you can let me know when you’re ready. I’ll be in my room. Take some time to think about it. Until then, I recommend not being alone with either of them.”
“Okay,” I say, not able to look away and break whatever is happening between us.
But he’s obviously not caught by the same spell, because he turns on his heel and strides from the room, breaking the tension and returning me to normal.
I let out a long breath I didn’t know I was holding. Rafe may not be Alpha yet, but he’s definitely emitting the pheromones of one.
Chapter 4
Megan stayed for a while, catching up after not seeing me for a while, and I listened to her as well as I could, but I have to admit that I was still in my own world a little bit.
When she left, I tried to work on homework. But the sun is now setting and I look at my laptop and realize I’m not really getting anything done.
Thanks to Rafe’s computer, it won’t be hard to catch up in school. After a few more classes, I’ll have my art history degree. I could settle down with a mate maybe, have some time to do more of my own art. It wouldn’t be so bad. I rest my chin in my hand and stare out the window dreamily, enjoying the cool night air through my window.
I don’t really believe Rafe about Lindon and Hawthorne. I’ve never seen them quite that way, and I think it’s only the fact that I’m unmated that made me even see them as attractive when I thought about it in the kitchen not long ago.
But the idea of any of them making a move is so foreign.
Damn.
A crack of thunder sounds and rain starts falling outside. I flinch inwardly and stand to look out the window. It’s getting dark and there are huge storm clouds blocking the moon.
I don’t mind rain but I do mind storms, the violent ones. I remember being a small wolf without parents. While the other pups were sheltered, I huddled alone, too young to understand what the loud noises and bright flashes meant, sure I was going to die.
Until Rafe picked up on my fear and came to stay with me when storms happened. And Hawthorne later on.
I guess there’s still a part of that small wolf in me, because when thunder cracks again, I can’t imagine staying here on my bed and waiting it out alone. Plus I’d like to ask Hawthorne about what Rafe said earlier.
I look out into the hallway. The light is off in Rafe’s room. I don’t know if that means he’s asleep or outside. Maybe going for a run on the massive grounds outside the mansion that are perfect for any wolf needing air on his skin.
I wouldn’t want to go to him anyway.
Hawthorne was always there for me. I don’t believe Rafe about being alone with him. I can’t. If he’s the wolf I know, he’ll let me stay with him for the storm without being in any danger. Rafe’s warning not to be alone with anyone fades into the distance as I reassure myself that everything is fine.
I sniff for Hawthorne’s scent, a spicy, cinnamon mix, and walk to the door at the end of the hall that I’m sure is his. There are a ridiculous number of rooms in the mansion, so even though he, Rafe and I are all on the same floor, there are many rooms and a good deal of hallway between all of us.
I knock softly on Hawthorne’s door and wait. A tickle of anticipation runs up my back. Then the door opens and Hawthorne peeks out, chestnut hair mussed and adorable, one lock sexily over his forehead. He gives me confused, but pleased, grin.
“Aspen? What do you—”
“Can I come in?” I ask.
His eyes narrow slightly as he thinks it over. “Aspen…You should probably wait until tomorrow.” There’s an odd expression in his handsome eyes, an odd light in them as he looks me over.
“Why?” I ask.
“I…” He looks to the side, running a hand through his hair, tousling it. His slightly elven features look troubled. “What did you need? I want to help you, I just…”
A crack of thunder sounds and I jump forward, into his arms. For a minute, his hands tighten around me, then he pulls back with a low groan.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
He smiles a painful smile and shakes his head. “Nothing. Come on in. I forgot you hated storms.”
He lets me in and closes the door behind me. “Why didn’t you go to Rafe? You two were the closest.”
“I…things are awkward.”
“You mean because you’re the alpha female and he’s the probable alpha male?”
I shrug. “I’m not a real alpha. Just the default.”
He sniffs the air with his delicate nose. “No. The real deal. Delicious.”
I flush and give him a small shove. “Stop teasing me.”
“Teasing you?” He raises an eyebrow and a wolfish grin spreads across his face.
“You know, like Rafe was talking about. Saying you two would want me, that I shouldn’t be alone with you or Lindon. I mean, it’s ridiculous, right? We’ve been friends for so long…”
Hawthorne sighs and reaches for me unexpectedly. He yanks my arm forward, lightning fast, and before I know it I’m flying forward to land on a soft featherbed. The next second, he’s on top of me. I push up on my elbows, trying to wiggle out, but he pushes me back easily with one hand.
A tingle spreads through me at his closeness, his strength, his dominance. It’s not like what happened with Rafe, it’s something more animal, just having a male so close to me.
“Wait…” I say, trying to take control of the situation before it go
es any further.
“Teasing you?” Hawthorne says, looking down at me with hungry, honey brown eyes. Who’s teasing who, Aspen?” His muscled, lean thighs straddle my hips, making me aware of the difference between his hardness and my softness. The way I’m made to yield to him. Hawthorne pulls off his shirt to reveal perfect abs and a predatory grin. He’s not as tall as Rafe but he’s still impossibly taller than me and it sends a thrill through me.
I feel like I have to be in some sort of dream sequence. Wake up, Aspen. It’s Hawthorne. Hawthorne. But Hawthorne is sexy right now, well muscled and tan, with ripping biceps extending to taut forearms. I can count his abs, and, where his pants ride low I can see the beginnings of ken doll lines.
“You don’t have to prove any point,” I say breathily. “You can get off now.”
“I’m not proving a point, Aspen,” he says. “Except maybe that Rafe was right. This is the way I want you. So when you think I’m teasing you…” He leans forward and runs his tongue along my neck in one tantalizing line that sends a shock down to my hip. “Remember this.”
Panic shoots through me along with arousal. I’m not ready for a mate, I’m not. My need for freedom is much stronger than the temptation of whatever delights Hawthorne or any other male wolf can offer right now. I’m just not ready.
Hawthorne reads my expression. “Is it Rafe?”
My heart does a double thud. “No.”
“Then what is it?” He draws a slow finger down from my ear to my cleavage, and I keep in a sigh. It feels good physically, but emotionally it’s all wrong.
“I’m just not ready,” I say.
“You seem ready.”
“People keep saying that,” I say. “But there’s more than my body to consider, you know.”
“Consider me,” he says. “I could protect you, Aspen. I have a lot to offer.”
“I’m sure.”
“Are you sure it isn’t Rafe?”
“Hawthorne, I never looked at you that way before. I mean, you never seemed to look at me.”
“I thought you were off-limits. I’ve always thought you were beautiful, but I never realized how trapped you felt until you ran. This time I’m going to make it clear that you have options. Rafe isn’t the only one who can be Alpha.”
Ultimate Alpha Boxed Set: A BBW and Wolf Shifter collection Page 3
