“You…you really love him?” Her eyes widened, and she bit her lip.
“Yes, I do. You’re not mad are you?” Even if she were, she knew that she couldn’t let Raven dictate how she lived her life. Raven had obviously moved on, and through her therapy, Rhea hoped that Raven had been honest with herself, realizing she’d never had a romantic relationship with Martin.
“No, I’m not mad. But, Rhea…about Martin.” She paused, chewed on her lower lip. “I’m sorry for slapping you. It was wrong, and mean, and cruel.”
Thank goodness! Raven’s apology was like a splash of cold water on her battered, thirsty soul. She’d thought that Raven would never speak to her again, and now she was apologizing, practically admitting that she had issues which she had to deal with. Perhaps this talk could mark a turning point in their relationship. “I accept your apology.”
“Raven, I also wanted to ask you something else.”
“Yes?”
“Can you admit that you were never dating Martin? It bothers me that he says you were having religious discussions, and you insisted that the two of you were dating.”
Raven dropped her forehead into her hand. “Yes, Rhea, Martin was telling the truth. Our meetings were nothing more than religious discussions. I just hoped that he’d find me attractive and want to take our meetings to another level. But, that never happened.” She sat up, looked at Rhea. “I think you should tell Martin how you feel. I know that he loves you.”
Rhea sat up straighter in her chair. “How do you know that?”
“I just do, okay? You’ve always been an old, mature soul, and I think Martin would be good for you.”
Rhea’s heart thudded. “Are you serious?”
She nodded. “It’ll take some getting used to, seeing the two of you together, but I think I can live with it.”
Rhea pulled her sister into a hug, and Raven melted into her embrace. More tears spilled from Raven’s eyes when Rhea released her. “Why are you crying?”
She shrugged. “Oh, I don’t know. Lots of reasons. Rhea, I’ve been feeling so awful since I slapped you. I’ve picked up the phone to call you so many times, but I always chickened out. I figured you never wanted to speak to me again.” She paused, staring at the napkin dispenser on the table.
“So,” Raven began. “Are you going to tell Martin how you feel?”
Rhea sighed. “I just don’t know. I’m meeting him tomorrow.” After what she’d said to him at the park, she had no idea how he’d react when he saw her again. Perhaps he was giving her one last chance to reveal how she felt, or, he might tell her that he’d be dropping out of her life forever.
Chapter Twenty-six
The following evening, Rhea stood inside the front entrance of the Maple Grove Mall, clutching a large white bakery box. People passed by, toting shopping bags. Her stomach rumbled with turmoil. What would Martin say when he saw her?
She stared at the front door, looking at each person who entered. Had he really ordered the cupcakes just so that he could see her again? Well, if he did, then, she knew she couldn’t flounder anymore. She needed to be straight with him.
Her conversation with Raven had gotten her to thinking. Since Raven had openly gotten help for her issues, then, perhaps it was time for her to do the same thing. Her church offered grief counseling and she’d signed up to go to the next session. She’d tell Martin all about it when he came, letting him know that she was willing to do what she needed to do to move forward in her life.
Perhaps he’d still be willing to give their dating life a chance.
The oblong box, containing the treats, grew heavy in her arms. She continued to stand, clutching the package. She shouldn’t have arrived a half hour early. It was entirely too much time to stand around, building up her anxiety.
Her sleepless night was catching up with her, and to take her mind off of Martin, she walked to the pet store a few feet away. Purebred black-and-white furry puppies scampered in large cages as workers hurried around the shop. One puppy stood apart from the others, gazing at her with sad brown eyes. Her heart melted, and she longed to take the dog home with her. A loud squawk broke her eye contact with the dog, and a multi-colored parrot perched on a stand, looked at her. She laughed as he tipped his head.
“I’m glad to see you’re in a good mood.”
Martin’s deep, alluring voice made her heart skip. She took a deep breath and turned around to face him. What could she say to start their conversation? Their meeting at Monroe Park had turned out horribly, and she wished she could take her angry words back and offer him the love she felt for him in her heart.
They silently stared at one another. Martin sported a white T-shirt, denim shorts, and black sneakers. She took a deep breath, drinking in the scent and sight of him, trying not to stare at his muscular legs. She’d missed him so much! Her heart pounded as he caressed her with his eyes, and his fingers brushed her cheek, making her skin tingle with delight. “H-Hi,” she breathed, finally finding her voice.
“Hi,” he said softly.
Willing her heart to slow down, she pushed the box into his arms. “You didn’t have to buy cupcakes from me as a bribe to meet with you.”
He shook his head, his eyes still locked with hers like two pieces of a puzzle. “It wasn’t a bribe. My sister is having a birthday party tomorrow for her eight-year-old daughter. I told her I’d get the cupcakes for her.”
He could have ordered them from another bakery, but he’d actually chose hers? What a blessing. His unending fountain of kindness continued to amaze her. She met his intense gaze. “Thank you.”
He gave her a short nod. “You’re welcome.”
“Martin, I’m sorry.”
He placed one finger over her lips. “Don’t say anything. I have a lot of things to tell you.” He gestured toward a donut shop a few feet away. “Let’s go in there to talk.”
She longed for him to put his arm around her. However, he kept his hands to himself as they entered the shop.
Ceiling fans blew cool air throughout the room, and they took a seat in the corner. Martin asked her what she wanted, and her stomach grew sour with anticipation. “I’ll just take a cup of hot tea.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Are you sure you don’t want anything else?”
She shook her head. Her tummy tensed with nervous queasiness. She doubted she could keep anything down.
He strolled to the counter and placed their order, returning with two donuts for himself. He placed her tea, lemon slices, and several packets of sugar on the table. “I wasn’t sure how you took your tea, so I brought a little bit of everything.”
“Thanks.” She squeezed the lemon slice and clear juice drizzled into the brown liquid.
“How are things going in your bakery?”
The tightness inside let up with his question about her business. Plus, this small talk could ease the way to the real conversation. “Wonderful. Since yesterday was July fourth, I had lots of customers. I stayed open late because of the crowds in town for the fireworks.” She paused, recalling her wonderful day. “I remember what you told me about having a theme for each holiday. I made a three-layer red, white, and blue cake with whipped cream topping. I sold lots of slices. Several people purchased a whole cake to serve at their cookout.”
“You sound happy about your business. I’m glad things are going well for you.”
“I haven’t forgotten about your fee. We never discussed—”
He touched her hand, spreading heated warmth over her skin. “I don’t want to talk about that now.”
They stared at one another for a few seconds. She had to talk to him, had to tell him how miserable she’d felt.
“I—”
“I—”
Martin smiled. “I guess both of us have a lot to say.”
She opened two packets of sugar and dumped them into her tea. “I guess so. You go first.”
He sighed, running his hand over his head. “I meant what I said in the park.
I really do love you.” He looked into the depths of his coffee cup before meeting her gaze again. “It hurt me…you hurt me a lot when you threw my love back into my face as if it didn’t matter.”
Her heart jumped when he took her hand, squeezing her fingers. She closed her eyes and relished the joy, just sitting here with Martin in the donut shop, holding hands. “I love you, Rhea. I’m not infatuated and this is not some kind of puppy-love, schoolboy crush. What I feel for you is real, and it took a lot of courage for me to tell you that.”
She blinked away her unshed tears, not sure what to say. “I know I told you about my two fiancées, but I never told you what I went through in college. I’ve never had what I’d consider a successful relationship before.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve struggled with relationships in the past. When I was in college, I wasn’t the same person that I am today. My parents raised me and my siblings in a strict Christian household. And, at the time, I didn’t see the benefits of being raised that way.”
Why was he telling her about this?
“I was promiscuous when I first left home. I went to a secular college, against my parents’ wishes, and I didn’t have any rules to follow. I did all kinds of things, but when I got one of my female friends pregnant, I didn’t stick by her like I should have.”
“What happened?”
He looked pensive. “She was pretty far along, about seven months, but she was still in school. I stopped dating her after I found out she was pregnant, but she still pursued me, trying to make me accept that I would be a father. She said we’d be connected forever through our child.”
Rhea gripped his hand. “You have a child?”
“It was spring break,” Martin continued speaking, as if he had not heard her, “and I wanted to go away to the beach for a week-long fraternity and sorority party. I was packing my stuff into my car, and some of her girlfriends came just as I was about to leave. They begged me to come to Serena’s dorm because she was having trouble with her pregnancy. I didn’t believe them. I thought Serena was sending her friends just to stop me from going away to Greek Beach Week. I knew she didn’t want me to go since she knew I’d be hitting on other women.” He paused, and a tear fell down his cheek. “When I returned from Beach Week, I found out that she’d had the baby while I was gone. The baby lived for two days before he died. I was a father for a couple of days, and I didn’t even know it. I was too busy drinking, boozing, and sleeping with women on a spring break trip while I let my son die, my innocent son.”
“Oh, Martin, I’m so sorry.” Tears came to her eyes as she looked at him.
“After that, I wasn’t the same. My parents knew something was going on with me, but they didn’t press me for details. My Uncle Jesse saved the day.”
“What did he do?”
“Although Serena would not talk to me, he made me go to her and ask for forgiveness. He also told me to write her a letter and tell her how sorry I was for my actions.” He continued in a low voice, wiping his eyes. “I dropped out of school and took a year off. During that year, I accepted Christ into my heart.”
She gasped. “You had never accepted Christ as your Savior before then?”
“No. I know it sounds hypocritical—I was raised in a Christian home, my father was a pastor, my mother was the first lady of the church, and I’m now the assistant pastor of a church, but I never accepted Christ as my Savior until college. Uncle Jesse baptized me, and he also did a personal Bible study with me.”
“Is that when you started thinking about becoming a pastor?”
“Yes. The idea occurred to me, but I never felt good enough because of all the mistakes I’d made. My father always seemed so…so…good, and I never imagined he’d made the mistakes that I’d made. So I didn’t do anything to pursue this dream until my father’s church needed somebody to fill in for a few Sundays.”
“Did you return to school after you were baptized?”
“Yes. I transferred to a Christian college to finish my undergraduate degree. I found out through some mutual friends in my fraternity that Serena had returned to school, but I didn’t feel strong enough to face her again.”
“Did she ever forgive you?”
“She never spoke to me again. I’m only hoping that she forgave me eventually.”
He sighed, wiping his tears away. “After my son’s death, that was my wake-up call.” He paused for a few seconds, and she squeezed his hand, silently giving him comfort before he continued. “Because of the turmoil going on in my father’s church caused by Linda Tucker, I’ve been wondering if the Lord’s been telling me that I’m still not good enough to lead my father’s church. My doubts about being a pastor have come back to haunt me, and I’m unsure about what the Lord wants me to do.” He told her about Michael Tucker’s moving sermon earlier that week, and about Pastor Frank’s endorsement. “The congregation loves him, and there was a holy, uplifting mood in the church after he preached. The members will soon vote on whom they want to lead their church.”
“You’d said the vote is up sometime in August, right?”
“Yes, in a few weeks. Michael has to preach a few more sermons just to be sure he can do a good job on a regular basis.”
“I’m sorry, Martin.”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m still not sure if the Lord wants me to be the pastor of Holy Grace Community Church.” He took a deep breath. “Before Trina signed me up as a speaker for the singles retreat, I knew I didn’t want to be involved with anybody.” He sighed, still holding her hand. “But, since I’ve met you, one thing I am sure about is my deep feelings for you. I didn’t want to initially admit it to myself and to others, but I’ve come to realize that I can’t ignore my feelings for you.” He touched her cheek. “You’re special to me. Do you realize my two fiancées didn’t know about my son? My parents and family don’t even know.”
He’d never shared this anyone? He trusted her! His love must be strong if he told her about his son. “Martin…I don’t know what to say. I’m so touched that you shared this with me.”
“Honey, I’ve kept this secret in me for years. The only other person who knows is Uncle Jesse. Uncle Jesse urged me to tell you the truth about everything so that there are no secrets between us.” He paused for a few seconds. “Have I been imagining things over the last several weeks? Do you not have strong feelings for me? Because if I misinterpreted anything you may have felt, then you can set me straight now and I’ll go away and never bother you again.”
The thought of never seeing Martin again made her think of being caught in a vicious dark hole with no light or joy. He continued to hold her hand as she found the courage to tell him how she felt. “I do have strong feelings for you, Martin. You weren’t imagining anything.” Her voice sounded hoarse, so she sipped her tea, hoping the hot sweet liquid would soothe her raw throat. She brought her emotions under control, not wanting to cry in front of him. Silence surrounded them again, as she chewed her lower lip, trying to gather her scattered thoughts.
He looked into her eyes. “I went to Raven’s house earlier this week. Did she tell you that?”
Her mouth dropped open. “My goodness, no!” She continued to stare at him. “She visited my bakery yesterday. We talked about a lot of stuff.” She told him all about Raven’s visit and about her dating Adam. “What did you say to her?”
“It’s not important what I told her. I’m just glad she visited you and that you two are speaking again. I was upset that our dinner date caused a rift in your relationship with your sister.”
“Well, I think the conversation we had yesterday was a start in improving our relationship.”
“Yes, it’s a start.”
“Martin, I’m sorry about what I said in the park. When I’m with you, I’m so happy that it scares me.”
“Baby, you have no reason to be scared.”
“Yes, I do. If things work out the way you want them, then you’ll be a preacher and your l
ife will belong to the church. Your wife and family will always play second fiddle to your congregation.” She thought of something else. “I like how you minister to the homeless, but, I worry. Will you be going out into those bad neighborhoods like Stan did, ministering to the poor and needy?” She couldn’t help the note of sarcasm that had suddenly dripped into her voice.
“Honey, if that’s what I have to do, then I’ll do it.”
“What if you get shot?” Her voice caught, and she struggled to keep her emotions under control.
“Rhea…” He dropped her hand and was soon sitting beside her, holding her. She found such comfort in his arms. How would she deal if Martin found a fate similar to Stan’s? “If we work through…well if we are ever able to work through all of this, I promise I’ll try to never neglect my wife and family.”
She remained silent and closed her eyes, still relishing the feeling of being held by Martin. His deep voice lulled her, making her want to listen to him for a long time.
“Rhea, how deep is your faith? Honey, you need to hand this whole thing over to God. If things are right with God, then everything will fall into place.”
She looked into his dark eyes, and they shimmered with warmth as he gazed at her. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you,” she murmured.
Martin, I love you so much that it hurts.
“Keep your faith in God, Rhea. I love you, and I want to be with you, but I can’t do that if you can’t accept my profession.” He released her, and she thought about his words. “Did you need a few weeks to think about it?”
She mutely nodded. He pulled out his wallet. “Here’s the money for the cupcakes.”
He placed the cash in her hand. He started to walk away, but he stopped and returned to the table. “I’m leaving everything up to you. I want to invite you to my graduation from divinity school.” He mentioned the time and place of the ceremony.
“Your graduation is during the summer?”
He nodded. “The school that I attend holds a separate graduation ceremony for those who finish their degrees after the summer session ends.” He kissed her cheek before leaving.
Raspberry Kisses (The Bakery Romance Series Book 1) Page 26
