That was unnerving. Jonah had been so busy freaking out he hadn’t stopped to consider that maybe something was going on with Evan. Had he been digging in Jonah’s browser history? Or...shit. Jonah shifted his basket around as he dug in his pockets. That list. He’d forgotten to throw it out.
What if—but it was right there in his front pocket under his phone.
“Lose something?” Evan said, striding toward him.
“Couldn’t find my phone for a second. Got everything?”
Three stops later, they pulled into the driveway to see Evan’s cousin April’s bright blue minivan had returned from Boston. Jonah smiled. Evan had enough cousins to start a football team, but Kelly was almost like Evan’s big brother. Last year when Jonah was a little nervous about being introduced to the Murphy clan, Evan had said, “My cousin Kelly’s been bringing his boyfriend Paul home for years.”
Jonah had pointed out that a nephew’s boyfriend was probably easier to take than a son’s, but Evan had countered that after his aunt died, Kelly and his sister April had moved in with Evan’s family. Knowing that someone had already broken the queer ground had helped Jonah to stop his is-it-really-time-to-meet-the-parents panic attack.
April came out of the side door to help them with the bags.
“Where is everyone?” Evan asked as they entered the kitchen.
In contrast to this morning of cartoons and games, the house was surprisingly quiet. April rolled her eyes. “The drive back was a little tense. Your mom and dad took the kids to the Y to let them blow off some steam.” April hoisted her bags onto the counter.
“And Kelly and Paul?” Evan’s voice was mild, but Jonah felt the sudden stiffness as Evan stopped putting stuff into a cabinet.
Last Christmas, April’s kids had been inseparable from Kelly and Paul. Jonah found himself looking through the kitchen windows at the basketball hoop over the garage.
“Paul didn’t come.”
A dozen questions bubbled up in Jonah’s head, but Evan put a hand on Jonah’s back in a warning.
“What happened?” Evan said.
April shrugged. “All Kel would say was that Paul wasn’t coming and he didn’t want to talk about it. Now he’s out in the garage, putting together a bike he had shipped here for Connor.”
“Fuck.” The door slammed shut as Evan shot out of the house.
Evan didn’t swear much. And he didn’t slam doors either. Jonah had been putting stuff randomly on the counters since he didn’t know where anything went.
“I’ll finish it up if you want to go out there too,” April offered.
Jonah wasn’t sure what he was expected to do, but curiosity got the best of him and he trailed after Evan.
“So you can return that little package,” Kelly was saying as he twisted the wrench on the pedal. “Thank God I had you pick it up. I don’t even want to have to look at that. Hey, Jonah.”
Kelly was seven years older than Evan and looked more like his dad than Evan did. The same tall, rangy build and the same coppery-brown hair, though Kelly’s had less gray in it. Same deep-set hazel eyes. Evan’s dark blond hair and warm gold eyes were clearly from his mom, those and his damn-he’s-pretty features.
“I’ll take care of it,” Evan said.
Kelly scowled at the bike. “Whatever. I don’t want to talk about it.”
Evan moved to stand behind his cousin. “All right. Want some help with this?”
“Nah. It’s done. But. I can’t really face everyone right now.” The wrench clanged on the concrete as Kelly dropped it. Evan picked it up and hung it on the Peg-Board.
Jonah stood awkwardly in the doorway. This was like the time he’d gone to the wake for his coworker’s dad and there were all these prayer and rituals. Everyone knew the right words except for him.
Kelly and Paul had been together ten years. They hadn’t come for Thanksgiving, but then again, they lived in St. Louis. But with Facebook and emails, Evan was always in touch with his family. Jonah wanted to know what had happened. How it had happened.
Kelly stood slowly, dusting off his jeans. Abruptly, he spun and kicked a box that went flying. “He just fucking left. Two weeks ago. He sits me down and goes, ‘I don’t think I’m in love with you anymore, Kel.’ What the fuck does that even mean?”
“I don’t know,” Evan said, shooting a glance at Jonah, who wished he had an interpreter. Did that look mean Leave us alone? Help me? I’ll always love you, Jonah?
“How do you wake up and not be in love anymore?” Kelly’s voice was rough.
“Did he cheat, like was there someone else?” Jonah suggested.
“He sure as hell had someplace to go. Was already packed,” Kelly snarled. He looked back at Evan, and in a pleading tone added, “But we could have worked through that, you know? Worked something out.”
Evan nodded.
Did that mean Evan was okay with cheating? Like it was no big deal if occasionally you needed something extra? Sure as hell had never worked that way from what Jonah had seen.
Kelly took a deep breath. “I asked...if he wanted to open things up again, like when we first got together.”
“And?” Evan’s voice was gentle, a murmur that reminded Jonah of middle-of-the-night fucks, half asleep and sloppy with need and hunger for each other. That hadn’t happened in a long time.
Kelly picked up the box he’d kicked and slammed it back into place. “He said that wasn’t the problem so it wouldn’t fix anything.” He turned his back, shoulders hunched up close to his ears.
Evan stepped up and rubbed his hand down Kelly’s back.
Turning with a choking cough, Kelly let himself be pulled into Evan’s arms. “He said he needed to be happy. What made him stop being happy with me?”
There wasn’t any sound, but Jonah could see Kelly’s shoulders shake. Evan lifted his head a fraction and tipped it toward the door. Jonah was only too happy to bolt for anyplace less awkward and complicated.
Dinner conversation struggled under the weight of avoiding the topic of Paul’s absence, as if that prohibition made it impossible to find a safe topic of conversation. Most of the time, the expectation that Jonah’s IT degree meant he was permanently on call to all family and friends drove him nuts, but he leapt at the chance to clean up Evan’s mom’s laptop. Anything to escape the halting sputter around coffee and dessert.
He didn’t have a chance to talk to Evan alone until they were finding a comfortable arrangement of bodies on Evan’s old full-sized mattress. When Jonah turned again and punched at the pillow, Evan tucked him in against his shoulder.
Jonah found Evan’s free hand and laced their fingers together. “What do you think happened?”
“I don’t know. They’ve had some issues over the years but always worked it out.”
“Like that open stuff?”
Jonah felt Evan turning to peer down at him.
“Like that.” Evan’s breath moved through Jonah’s hair. “Though they both agreed to it so I wouldn’t call it an issue.” Evan rubbed his leg along Jonah’s. “Is that something you want to talk about?”
It was the perfect opportunity to tell Evan everything he’d been freaking out about. If they agreed to an open relationship there would be freedom to go find out if there was too much out there Jonah wanted to make that big of a promise. It was all good in theory. He pictured another guy kissing—sucking—Evan. That would be hard enough to take. And what if Evan liked that guy better? If that guy did Evan better. It was easy to say it was just sex in his head, but it had been just sex with Evan at first, too. And now, it meant much more.
Jonah swallowed hard and rubbed his face against Evan’s chest. “I think I wouldn’t like sharing.”
Evan’s soft laugh rumbled under Jonah’s ear as Evan squeezed him. “Good. Because I’m pretty da
mned possessive.”
Jonah moved so he could see Evan’s face in the dark. “So what happened to them? Does it just stop? How?”
Evan’s eyes glittered. “Wish I knew.” He dragged Jonah down into a kiss, cool and fresh with toothpaste.
The chill didn’t last long, melting with the heat of Evan’s tongue stroking inside Jonah’s mouth, his hand clamped hard on the back of Jonah’s head. With a swallowed groan, Jonah slid his hands along the sides of Evan’s head, the silky short hair tickling Jonah’s palms. Evan’s free hand urged Jonah up to straddle Evan’s hips.
They both preferred to sleep nude, so there was nothing but skin between them, hot and hard as Jonah slid his cock alongside Evan’s. Jonah rocked back and shoved forward again, tasting urgency in the way Evan’s tongue thrust inside.
Evan arched his back, and the friction got better, cocks hardening against each other, silky tight skin and hot drops of precome. Evan grabbed Jonah’s ass, guiding his thrusts, moving them until everything narrowed to the feel of Evan’s cock, Evan’s taste.
So good. It was enough.
Jonah rode that build, the tension flooding him, filling his balls until he had to lift his head and grab a few deep breaths.
Evan slid two fingers into Jonah’s mouth and he knew it wasn’t to keep him quiet, knew what Evan had planned. And the good dirty grind wasn’t enough anymore.
Jonah took the first finger in his ass on spit alone, but that burned and he wanted so much more. He leaned down to grunt in Evan’s ear, “Tell me no one has to get up to find lube.”
Evan smiled against Jonah’s cheek and reached alongside the bed, the reassuring snap of the cap making Jonah groan. Evan captured Jonah’s mouth again to swallow the sounds he made as Evan worked Jonah open, slick fingers sliding past each other, palms keeping Jonah’s ass spread wide. It ached in the best way, especially with the friction of Evan’s cock sliding against Jonah’s.
The burn eased, the hard quick fuck of Evan’s fingers giving way to a circling press inside that made Jonah want to whine and beg. As he lifted his head, Evan caught Jonah’s lower lip in his teeth and Jonah slammed his hips forward, grinding into Evan’s cock, a frantic slide.
Evan squeezed Jonah’s ass hard enough to hurt. Released it, squeezed again. And Jonah liked it, arched back for it, sensations crowding under his skin, flooding his nerves. What would a hard blow from Evan’s hand feel like now, with Jonah’s ass hungry for a cock and his dick primed?
Evan grabbed hard again, almost a pinch.
Jonah stared down into his face, wanting to ask. Saying “Spank me” would be tough enough any time, but when he remembered they were in Evan’s parents’ house, the words died in Jonah’s throat.
“What?” Evan whispered. “God, you know I’d do anything for you, babe. What do you want?”
“Ev, I—”
Evan soothed the spot he’d been squeezing with circling pressure from his warm palm. “Tell me.”
Jonah shut his eyes. “Just you in me.”
Because it was enough. It had always been enough. Evan inside, pushing and stretching, then finally filling Jonah on a perfect thrust that made everything right.
Evan grabbed Jonah’s ass and started quick jerks of his hips, a fuck that melted Jonah’s guts and sent heat spiraling through his balls and dick until he had to share it with Evan in a sloppy kiss, panting into his mouth. Each stab of Evan’s cock flooded Jonah with a fresh burst of pleasure to buzz along his nerves until his body tingled with it. Jonah rode him right back, meeting those thrusts, his hands sliding over the hard muscles and crisp hair on Evan’s chest.
He wanted this forever, right here, Evan fucking him, them sharing one breath, one happy shuddering body.
Until he didn’t. Until the climbing tension hurt, and his skin was too tight and hot and his balls started screaming for a way to explode. Jonah reached for his cock, but Evan grabbed Jonah’s wrist.
“No.” Evan breathed the word into Jonah’s mouth.
Jonah shuddered.
Yeah, he usually was the one to go off first, but he never minded Evan finishing hard, post-orgasm. The burn, the ache of his thrusts made the aftershocks in Jonah’s body even sweeter, and the sound of Evan losing it, the look on his face sometimes was enough to get Jonah halfway to ready again.
Evan gripped Jonah’s ass and rolled him under, driving Jonah’s legs up to his shoulders and started a whole different rhythm; deeper, longer, sometimes pulling all the way out and forcing Jonah to open for him again. At first, the urgency backed off, as Jonah’s body adjusted to the new sensation, the feel of Evan taking up more space inside, the way this made Jonah’s legs shake and try to shift down to ease the intensity.
Evan braced his shoulders under Jonah’s knees and kept him riding that edge, a scary balance between the rush of pleasure from being so full and the bright flash of pain at the bottom of Evan’s gut-deep thrusts.
Jonah ran his hands down the ropy muscles in Evan’s locked arms and looked up into Evan’s face, at that look, the one Jonah had seen in the mirror today when Evan told him what would happen if Jonah came too soon. That intense look that had made Jonah feel exactly like this, though Evan had been the one riding Jonah’s cock. Made him feel like he wanted to give everything to Evan, yield every bit of control of his body. Somehow it had been easier before, when it wasn’t dark. When he’d really been able to read Evan’s face. When he hadn’t been forced so open, aching so badly with need.
He tried rubbing his dick against Evan’s abs, but Evan lifted himself out of the way, letting Jonah’s legs drop, but pinning Jonah’s hands over head.
“No. You’re going to come from just my dick.”
The command flushed along Jonah’s skin, making his balls even tighter. “Ev—”
Evan’s jaw was rigid, his grip tight. “Yes, you are.”
Jonah had only managed that three times in his life. Twice with Evan, but Jonah had been extra relaxed on tequila every time. He’d never manage it now, and this feeling was only going to build and build until his balls turned into tight rocks, and his ass went numb from Evan’s cock. With a frantic roll of his hips, Jonah tried to find the right angle.
“Relax, babe.” Evan’s thumbs stroked the insides of Jonah’s wrists. “I’ll get you there. Don’t touch your dick.”
Jonah nodded. Evan arched up, then grabbed Jonah’s thighs, pinning them wide as he tipped Jonah’s hips for him.
Jonah bit his lip to stop the groan as Evan’s cock started rubbing right where Jonah needed him.
“Give me your hands,” Evan whispered.
As Jonah reached down, Evan pinned Jonah’s palms against the insides of his thighs, using the grip on Jonah’s wrists to keep his legs pressed wide open.
Evan started that quick jabbing thrust again, the one that put perfect pressure on Jonah’s gland, that sent sparks shooting from Jonah’s ass to his dick. But the tension kept on building and there was still no place for it to go. He was pinned open and shaking with the need.
It was going to feel so fucking good to come, to finally fall over that edge. The freedom was so close he could taste it, like that warning throb before the rush of come in his mouth when he sucked Evan’s cock. He wanted to beg, promise anything, if Evan would only let go of one wrist so Jonah could touch his dick. Just one touch.
His body strained with it, head flung back, neck tight. Evan leaned in and licked up from collarbone to ear.
“Please, Ev. I’ll do anything. I’ve gotta come.”
“Then do this for me, babe. Come for me. Just like this.”
He couldn’t. No matter how perfect those strokes were. No matter how good his body felt. Tears burned at the corners of his eyes.
“Love you like this, Jonah. Give it to me, babe.”
He still couldn’t. Then Evan
kissed and breathed the words right into Jonah’s ear. “Now. Come.”
And the pressure inside turned dark, then bright, before it flooded him with that first burst that was sweeter than anything his body had ever known. His dick jerked and shot long hot streaks across his chest. He was dimly aware of Evan’s mouth smothering the sounds pouring out of Jonah’s throat, of Evan shaking through his own orgasm, but all his concentration was on riding out every last bit of that sensation, of absolutely flying with it.
When he landed back in his body, he looked down to find Evan licking the come on Jonah’s chest with a wide wet sweep of tongue.
“With me now?” Evan licked his lips.
Jonah managed to nod.
Evan gently bit Jonah’s pec above the nipple. “Fuck, babe, that was awesome.”
“Yeah.” And it was. It was also really kind of scary. Now that all the pleasure had been wrung out, all Jonah had was this empty squirming in his gut.
“I’m going to pull out now, okay?”
Jonah nodded. It hurt a little, but that wasn’t what made the emptiness worse. He pressed the heel of his hand against the base of his dick.
“Sore?” Evan whispered, wrapping Jonah up to spoon against his back.
“No.” Jonah wasn’t sore at all. He was terrified. Because everything that had happened between them today only made him more unsure. Being with Evan had always felt like enough. Then this, this whatever it was that let Evan read Jonah’s kinky brain, made him know that it wasn’t. He still couldn’t picture Evan going in for handcuffs and a riding crop. How was Jonah supposed to know what he needed if there was no one to give it to him?
Jonah pictured Kelly, knew however empty and scared Jonah was feeling, Kelly had it a hundred times worse. Maybe this was what had happened to them, that whatever had been right suddenly wasn’t enough anymore.
Despite Evan being plastered to his back, Jonah was cold, sweat drying on him, sticky sensations of lube and come making him want to jump in the shower.
Wish List Page 4
