What was the likelihood of Hannah being in the train station right when he needed to see her most?
He shook his head and stood, ready to disembark. It couldn’t have been her. The world was not that small. His luck was not that great.
But what if it was? What if she was heading somewhere, had a last-minute job, and he’d missed his chance to talk to her simply because he didn’t check?
Shouldering his duffel bag, he made his way to the door, determination pulsing in his veins.
Please stay where you are. Don’t move. Don’t move. Don’t move.
He sent the chant, his hope, out onto the platform and had to force his hands to his sides in order not to attempt to pry the doors open.
An interminable amount of time passed until Grey found himself ejected on the platform. A sea of people walked in front of him, beside him, around him. He hauled in deep, calming breaths as he fought waves of panic and confusion at being in a strange place, surrounded by so many people. His fingers curled into his palms, the sting of his nails pressing into his skin brought him to his senses. He had to find the mystery woman, the maybe-Hannah.
Grey straightened up and squared his shoulders in the hopes of creating more space around himself and jogged in the direction he’d seen the turquoise case.
Nothing. Zip. Zilch. No suitcase. No Hannah.
Out of the corner of his eye he caught a flash of colour. The suitcase. Being lifted up onto a train…
‘Hannah!’ Grey didn’t care if his bellow turned heads, brought attention to himself. If it was Hannah and she was getting on a train, he had to stop her.
He darted around people as fast as he could, reaching the doors just as they began to close.
Before he could overthink what he was doing, what could happen next, he leaped onto the train and found himself staring into the eyes of the most wonderful, and surprised, woman he’d ever met. Ever loved.
‘Grey?’
Beautiful Hannah. With her wavy hair that frizzed out in humidity. Her luminous eyes that saw everything and betrayed nothing. Her plump, rounded cheeks that were made for cupping…
‘Han.’ Her name came out in a croak. Great. Wonderful. Perfect start. He sounded like a startled frog.
He rubbed the back of his neck and searched for the words he’d practised on the train ride up.
‘Grey? You could’ve hurt yourself jumping through the doors like that! Do Mum and Dad know you’re here? Who’s helping out on the farm? How did you find me? What are you even doing here?’ Hannah’s eyes widened in shock. ‘Not just on the train but here. In London?’ Her lips pressed together, but her gaze didn’t drop. ‘Are you here for a visit? A short break?’ Hannah took in his bulging rucksack. ‘Were you afraid you’d run out of clothes? Or that wherever you were staying wouldn’t have a washing machine or a laundrette close by?’
Grey dropped his head, squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. Hannah thought he was holidaying? That this was a quick visit? He was making a right hash of this. So much for his grand plan to greet her at home, sweep her off her feet, plant a long, lingering kiss on her lips and declare he was hers, no matter where she was. Forever.
That sort of stuff only happened in movies and romance novels, not in real life, where past hurt and trauma and mistakes had to be waded through before the next step could be made. He was crazy to have thought their life could begin any other way.
‘Grey?’ Hannah’s tone was filled with concern. ‘You don’t look well. I’ve water in my bag. Do you want some?’
Grey took a deep breath and opened his eyes, opened his heart. His soul. It was now or never, and never was not an option.
Hannah’s mouth made to open again, no doubt with more questions to be fired in his direction. There was only one thing for it…
Gently, slowly enough that she could stop him if she wanted, he lowered his head and brought his lips to hers. Touched them. Feather-light[HN59].
He waited for the sting of a slap on his cheek, a ‘what do you think you’re doing’?
Relief surged as Hannah’s arms wrapped around his waist and her lips pressed firmly against his. Wanting more. Demanding more.
Grey sunk into the kiss and brought Hannah closer as the train ambled out of the station. He may not be in his cottage or on the farm, but he was in the right place with the right person. With Hannah at his side he had his home.
Even if his ‘home’ was currently the aisle of a packed train that held the scent of burnt coffee and stale takeaways. Where the sole of his shoe was glued to the floor thanks to freshly discarded chewing gum, and was possibly…
‘Get a room, already.’
…definitely, the most unromantic place in the world for a reunion.
Or the best ever. Because, despite the hubbub around him, the unpleasant aromas, the nerves that twisted and tangled and threatened to silence his tongue, his heart was full with love, with joy, with Hannah.
A tut of disgust broke the kiss.
Their gazes connected. His amusement reflected in hers.[E60]
‘Grey—’
Grey held up his hand and shook his head, silencing Hannah. If he wanted to be with Hannah, he had to have his say, even if that meant having dozens of eyes and ears focused on him, on his every word.
‘Han, you’ve got to let me talk. Please.’
Hannah nodded, her arms further loosened around his waist, but didn’t fall away, like she was giving him a safety net, should he need one.
‘The thing is…’ Grey swallowed hard and forced himself to go on. To talk when he’d much rather be silent. Keep his feelings tucked safely away inside. ‘I’ve been stuck. For so long. My whole life, it feels like. And I’m sick of being stuck. Stuck in the same place. Stuck in the same mindset. Afraid to be given a dose of reality or to hear anything negative because it might shake me out of my stuck ways. Mostly, though – and I didn’t know this until very recently, or I didn’t want to admit it – I’m sick of not being stuck with you.’ He sighed and shook his head. Could he have made that sound any less romantic? ‘That came out terribly.’
‘It really did. You’re blowing this, mate.’
Hannah rolled her eyes at the older gentleman sitting to Grey’s left, then gave Grey an encouraging nod. Let him know that he wasn’t blowing it.
Ignoring the snickers of laughter around him, Grey took a deep breath in and found the courage to continue.
‘Thing is, Han, I want to be stuck with you. I want to stick by you. I want us to be us again, but a better version, because I want to be a better me. I want to listen to you, to hear you, to be at your side and be properly supportive in a way I could never be before.’
‘Grey…’
She said his name so tenderly his heart twinged.
If she could say his name like that. Like it meant more to her than anything in this world. Like she wanted to hold it close and never let it go. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope they could sort things out once and for all. That the love that had blossomed all those years ago wouldn’t just blossom once more, but grow. Thrive.
‘Han, I’m not here for a holiday. I’m here for you. To be with you.’ He tightened his arms around her once more. Two halves made whole again. ‘What you said to me back home? About me being scared to try anything new? Being set in my ways? You were right. I’ve been terrified to leave my home, to branch out in any way…’ He shook his head as the hard truth hit him. ‘To acknowledge truly, once and for all, why I am the way I am. I mean, I knew why I liked my security, my routine. It keeps life simple. It keeps life safe. But I never—’
Grey ran his hand through hair, caught a hunk and yanked at it. Wishing he could yank the words he was looking for from his head.
‘We lost so much time because of my fears. Fears that were grounded in being afraid of losing someone I loved. Fears of letting anything negative into my life. Fears of feeling any kind of pain, so I pushed anything painful away. I took those fears and I channelled thos
e fears into the farm, into my job, because I loved the farm.’ He turned his attention to the window. Watched the giant boxes that served as homes pass by. Homes? More like cages. ‘I still love the farm. And I knew that if I put my all into the farm it wouldn’t leave me, wouldn’t cause me pain.’
Grey sighed. He sounded like a right knobhead. He wouldn’t blame Hannah if she cracked up laughing, dumped him at the next train stop and sent him on his way.
‘The way a person – people – did.’ Hannah filled in the silence. ‘Hurt you by leaving like your father did. Your mother. And me – someone who promised you forever. What I did was beyond wrong—’
‘You were just doing what you had to do.’
It was Hannah’s turn to hold up her hand, to have her say, not caring that her words would be heard by all in the pin-drop quiet carriage. ‘You’re doing it again. Backing away from the truth. Ignoring it. Dismissing me.’
Grey blanched, his eyes flashing with guilt. ‘I did. I’m sorry.’
‘We can’t do this.’ The realisation hit her in the gut. They could say they’d try to do better, but unless they made a concerted effort to change. Became more aware, then there was no hope. ‘We can talk, Grey. Talk, talk, talk. We can talk until the end of time about changing. But can we actually change? How easy would it be for you to change a habit of a lifetime? To stop closing your ears to pain in order to save yourself from hurt?’
Hannah bit down on her lip and shook her head, knowing very well how gargantuan the changes she would have to make were. Knowing how easy it would be to slip back into old habits, old behaviours.
‘And what about me?’ Her words came out a whisper. ‘How easy would it be for me to hurt you again? To run if things got tough? Just get on a train and go?’
Grey’s eyes met hers. She saw fear, uncertainty. And quiet determination.
‘I wouldn’t let you. I’d follow you. To the ends of the earth, if you want. Like we planned. I’d force us to talk it out. To open our ears and our hearts. What we have, Han, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing. There’s no one else out there for me. You’re it. You’re the cream to my strawberries.’
‘I’m sour cream. Off cream.’ Hannah wrapped herself in a hug.
‘Off cream makes the best butter, which can be used to make strawberry cake.’
Hannah’s grip loosed on herself as the corners of her lips tilted up. ‘You’re determined to make this happen, aren’t you? To make us happen?’
‘Very.’
Grey took her hands and held them tight. His thumbs stroked her skin, sending tingles through her. Loosening the threads of worry, of uncertainty.
‘Well in that case some big changes are going to have to happen.’ She envisioned herself standing up to her family, forcing them to let her into their lives. Not taking no for an answer.
‘Er, what do you call packing up my life and moving to a big city?’
She let out a soft ‘huh’ of amusement. ‘That’s a huge change, and it means everything to me that you would upend your life like that, for me. But changing your scenery doesn’t mean changing your actions, your reactions. What I mean is that I am going to have to make some big changes. In here.’ She tapped her chest, and then her head. ‘I’m going to have to stop looking for signs that I’m not wanted, that I’m not useful. Stop finding excuses to confirm that belief. Stop blaming everyone around me for things not going the way I want, when the only person I have to blame is myself. It’s me who doesn’t believe in me. Who won’t go into fight for me. I need to be my own champion. Not you. Not Mum or Dad. Not Gran or Grandad. Me. Starting now.’ The train picked up pace and she grinned to herself. Not starting now. Starting ten minutes ago when she’d stepped onto the train, ready to begin her life. Again.
She placed her hands on Grey’s chest, scrunched her fingers into the soft cotton of his bottle-green hoodie and pulled him towards her.
‘I love you, Grey Walker. Which means you’re stuck with me.’
His lips curled up in a heart-melting smile as his head angled closer to her.
‘Good. Because that’s all I ever wanted.’
Their lips met, held. Fused as one.
Happiness warmed her heart as Grey wrapped his arms around her and brought her close in a kiss that left her limbs heavy, her head soporific, her ears deaf to the whooping and clapping that surrounded them as their fellow passengers cheered on the happy couple.
This was it. Everything she’d always wanted, always needed was right here, holding her as tightly as she was holding him. A man with a big heart. A kind soul. And a hot pair of calves. A man who would listen to her, and who would fight for her, even though she no longer needed or wanted him to.
Hannah cupped Grey’s face, broke the kiss, then ran the pad of her thumb along his lush, lower lip. Loving that she could do that without asking permission. Loving that he was hers. And she was his. That they were each other’s.
‘So what happens next?’ Grey’s smile was lazy, his eyes soft. Happy. Content. ‘Where are we off to? I didn’t notice what train I dangerously bounded onto in the hopes of convincing the love of my life to love me back.’
‘Well, we’re on the train to Cornwall.’ Hannah giggled as Grey’s eyes widened in understanding. ‘So what happens next is we go home.’
EPILOGUE
Hannah dipped her brush into a muted brown shade of eyeshadow [HN61]and began to apply it to the lid, back and forth in soft, sweeping motions, diffusing the colour as it blended out. She’d forgotten how much she enjoyed doing bridal makeup. Gently enhancing looks on women who could’ve walked down the aisle bare-faced and still looked beyond beautiful, due to the loved-up glow that emanated from them.
‘Stop looking at me like you’re in love with me. It’s making me feel like I’m marrying the wrong person,’ chuntered Amethyst. ‘Do I need to tell Matt it’s off? Or that it’s on, but with another person?’
‘Only if you’re also willing to break the news to Grey that he’s old news.’ Hannah grinned as Amethyst’s eyes widened in horror.
‘God, no. He’d kill me if I stole the love of his life away.’
‘Indeed. You’d end up strawberry food.’
Amethyst mock-gagged. ‘Revolting. Enough talk of me becoming strawberry food. I’ll never be able to eat one again, and that would not do.’
‘No, it wouldn’t,’ Hannah agreed. ‘Close your eyes, please.’ She added a slightly darker shade of brown to the outer corners of Amethyst’s lids, stopping for a short second to smile at Grey as he entered their bedroom.
Their bedroom. In their cottage.
Her smile widened at the thought. She’d initially planned to keep her flat in London and rent it out, but after a few months decided against it. Even though Grey had insisted she didn’t need to, she’d sold it and bought into Grey’s cottage. Not only erasing the debt he owed to the bank, but erasing any lingering worries he had that she would leave again. Worries he insisted he didn’t have, but worries she insisted on ensuring he’d never have to have.
The leftover money she’d invested in the farm, installing – with her dad’s blessing after she’d presented her findings and told him that no was not an option – polytunnels on one of the farm’s fields in order to extend the growing season. A move that even though it was only early summer, she could see was already paying off, with harvesting starting a month earlier than usual.
‘You haven’t lost your touch.’ Grey came to stand at her side and dropped a kiss on her head. ‘You’re turning this sow’s ear into a silk purse.’
‘Oy, you, shush it.’ Amethyst kicked Grey in the shin and gave him a two-finger salute.
‘I thought brides were meant to be blushing, not boorish?’ Grey ducked back before a second pointy-toed kick met his shin, and turned his attention to Hannah. ‘Are you nearly done? The celebrant’s ready. The guests are here. And the kids are getting fractious.’
‘What? The little cherubs are getting their grumps on?’ Amethyst inhaled
in mock-shock horror. ‘I don’t believe it. They’re darlings. Wouldn’t put a foot wrong.’
Hannah snorted as she applied a layer of mascara to Amethyst’s lashes. ‘You don’t know our kids as well as you think you do, Aunty Ams.’
As if on cue two pairs of feet thumped into the room.
‘Mama! Dada!’
Hannah turned around as two shiny little faces with Grey’s green eyes and her sandy-blonde hair babbled away excitedly.
Her heart swelled, as it did every time she set eyes on her two little ones, and she wondered, for probably the zillionth millionth trillionth time, how she got so lucky. How had her life panned out even better than she could’ve imagined in her wildest dreams?
‘Fractious?’ She looked up at Grey and raised her brows. ‘More like ridiculously excited.’
‘You didn’t see them pushing and shoving each other before. If I hadn’t distracted one with a pot and wooden spoon and the other with a pop-up book, war would’ve broken out.’
Hannah picked up Amethyst’s favourite lipstick – a rosy shade, almost the same colour as Amethyst’s lips but slightly more pigmented – and passed it over to her. ‘You apply this, I’ll tend to these two.’
Amethyst took the lipstick with a nod and Hannah turned and crouched down so she was at the same height as Gill and Eva. Gill named after Jill, Eva after Grey’s mum.
‘Have you been naughty for Daddy?’
Two heads shook back and forth in perfectly timed unison.
‘Are you going to be good for Aunty Amethyst and Uncle Matt today? You’ve got some big jobs to do.’
‘Thish big.’ Eva stretched her arms out wide as they would go.
‘No. This big.’ Gill copied Eva. A straining sound coming from his mouth as he tried to best her.
Hannah shook her head in amusement. ‘How’d we end up so lucky to have you two? You’re far too cute.’
Her words sent them bouncing up and down chanting ‘cute, cute, cute’ over and over again.
‘And far too full of energy.’ She placed her hands on their shoulders to steady them and waited for them to calm down. ‘Now do we remember the very important jobs we have to do today?’
Sunrise at Strawberry Farm: As delightfully delicious as strawberries and cream, this is the perfect summer romance to read in 2020. Page 22
