“I didn’t realize it was you. I felt like I was being watched. And then when I heard a branch snap, I ran.”
His thumb stopped moving for a minute as he cursed under his breath. Her body went rigid. He was mad.
“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you. I just want to go back to camp. Please, Hayden, let me go.” Getting the words out was hard, and the cold was creeping into her bones, making her teeth chatter.
“I’ll take you back.”
When Hayden held her coat out for her, she slipped her arms in and drew the panels closed around her. It was warm but not as warm as snuggling up against Hayden’s body.
They walked in silence for the first few minutes. The snow was already knee-high, spilling in over the top of her boots. Her feet were starting to go numb. She wasn’t a short woman by any means but lifting her legs high enough to clear the snow was tiring her out. Hayden must have sensed her dilemma for he scooped her into his arms. The snow only reached mid-calf on him. Even with her full weight in his arms, he didn’t slow.
She snuggled against his chest as she slipped her arms around his neck. His body warmed her and soon all the fear and tension began melting away. This here felt like home. She didn’t even feel the need to talk. Hayden didn’t either, though he stole a glance down at her here and there. She owed him an explanation.
“I got turned around in the snow, got panicked I guess. My mind was playing tricks on me for some reason.”
“Why were you out here alone? You don’t know these woods and without your wolf to help guide you. . .”
He dropped the subject, but he had made his point. He thought she should have the procedure, to return to the strong shifter he believed her to be. There was merit to restoring her abilities that she had been ignoring this entire time. Had she shifted, she would have navigated the snow easier, not have been as susceptible to the cold, and she could have smelled which direction to go. Or, if all else failed, howled for help. Her wolf’s howl would have carried far in these woods compared to an ordinary scream.
“I was looking for you.”
“Why?” His tone was stiff. Perhaps, she deserved that.
“To apologize.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for.”
“You went out of your way to build a lab for me, and I didn’t even thank you.”
“It’s for Anna, too. And it’s not my doing. Damien approved it.”
“But you conceived it. Made it happen.”
“It’s my job to make sure pack members—and guests in your case—have what they need. That shack you and Anna are working in is unacceptable.”
“Try to hide behind your duties all you want, Hayden. You’re not fooling me. You were watching out for me. For Anna and me. It was sweet and I rebuffed you. I didn’t mean to.”
“That’s exactly what you meant to do. I get it, Mila. Short of dealing with me on a professional level, you don’t want anything to do with me. Which is fine.”
He definitely sounded hurt, wounded, and he had every right to, because that’s exactly how she had been treating him. When she had first met him, he had been in human form and they hadn’t exactly hit it off. She had been scared and with both him and Callen demanding answers when she didn’t know who they were, well, she had gone on the defense. She got rather snarky when she got defensive. Then in the woods, when she saw his wolf—his white wolf—it had shocked and scared her. It only took her a few minutes to kick her brain into gear and remind herself that Hayden had never hurt her and that she couldn’t judge him based on looks.
“I haven’t had the best experience with white wolves,” she blurted out. Already her throat felt as if it were constricting. Images of Vance towering over her, backing her against a wall until she had nowhere to run. She gasped for air.
Hayden set her on her feet, making it easier to breathe. Her knees buckled, but strong arms held her up as if he knew she needed him. Yes, she needed Hayden, in so many ways, but she wasn’t sure she could chance getting to know him better.
* * *
HAYDEN
The anger he had felt when he left camp disappeared as soon as Hayden had Mila in his arms. The way her body molded to his, and the certainty with which she circled her arms around his neck as if she belonged there—which she most definitely did—called to him and his wolf. Being here with her, holding her, was right. Yet she was still hiding from him.
“I haven’t had the best experiences with white wolves,” she said. Fear rolled off of her, pungent and bitter, similar to what he had smelled when he had found her. He hadn’t seen or smelled anyone other than her. She had heard a branch snap, but Hayden hadn’t snapped a single branch. Someone had been watching her.
Hayden placed a finger under her chin, encouraging her to look at him. Without fear, without hesitation, bright green eyes lifted. “I want you, Mila, and I won’t force or rush you. Do you understand?”
Tears began streaming down her face as she stood there, shaking from the cold and whatever she was trying so hard not to tell him.
He lifted her again and resumed walking back toward camp.
“Where are we going?” she asked when they had veered off the path, away from Aloe’s house.
“I think you know.”
“I’m not ready.”
“You think I’m going to throw you down on my bed, strip you bare, and sink my cock into you when you’re cold, wet, and confused?”
Silence.
He inhaled slightly. At least he hadn’t scared her, which meant he had either shocked her or she was considering the idea. Either way, he wouldn’t allow her to return to Aloe’s. He didn’t like the idea of her being in that house alone. Maybe that was just an excuse because he needed to hold her a while longer. He only knew he wasn’t ready to let go of her.
With his foot, Hayden pushed the door to his cabin open, then slammed it shut again. The air inside was nearly as cold as outside. Mila was shivering. He needed to get a fire going.
He set her down on the bed, then found a clean towel and a long-sleeve shirt for her to change into. “Shower’s back there. Get out of those wet clothes and warm up. Your lips are turning blue. I’ll get the fire started.”
She nodded and headed toward the bathroom. His Mila was too quiet. Something was definitely bothering her.
He heard the shower running as he stacked logs and added kindling. The fire was slow starting. Hardly the roaring fire he had hoped to warm up the cabin, but it would have to do. After he spread her wet clothing by the fire to dry, he rooted around his cabinets for coffee or tea. He was low on supplies, as usual.
The girls he dated always seemed to bring their own food, as if they all knew he didn’t have much to offer them, at least not in his kitchen. Strong shifter genes was what they all wanted. Blood-bonding a second was a sure way of climbing the shifter social ladder, even if the shifter was still seen as a traitor.
That’s why the weak ones sought him out, and he accepted. They were willing to look past his history and in turn, he was willing to look past their weak genes. Blood-bonding them would weaken his abilities while raising theirs, but he’d have a mate, if and when he ever accepted one. Only none of them had ever kept his interest long. Now he understood why. None of them had been Mila.
Hayden withdrew the tin of hot chocolate. He boiled water and poured it into a mug with the chocolaty granules. The smooth, clean scent of lilac wafted through the air. Even if he hadn’t scented her approaching, he could feel her standing behind him, just watching him. She wasn’t running from him.
“I know you’re behind me, Mila. I can smell your delicious scent, and my mind is torturing me with the possibilities.”
“What possibilities?”
“That you’re standing there nude, waiting for me to take you.”
“You assume too much,” she said, her voice a curious mixture of annoyance and intrigue, but no fear. No, his Mila didn’t fear him.
“Then you’re in my shirt, weari
ng my scent, a true sign that you’re mine and you’re finally willing to admit it.”
“No,” her raspy voice replied as her breath hitched ever-so-slightly.
Ah, definitely not annoyed.
“Then you’re wearing the towel, like a shifter who stands in the middle of a raging river, not sure which way to jump, which way is safe. Only there is no safe choice with me, Mila. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day soon, I’ll rip that towel from you, pin you up against a wall, and slide into you, fucking you rough and hard while you dig your heels into my ass, begging me for your release. You are mine, Mila, and nothing will prevent me from claiming you.”
The smell of her arousal filled the air. He clamped his hands against the counter, fighting the need to turn around. He knew if he turned around, that he would take her.
A soft hand smoothed down his back, and to his utter surprise, her arms circled his chest as she rested her head against his back. He covered her hand with his own, feeling the change in her as she peeled away that outer layer, so he could see the shifter within. Softness. Compassion. And fear, though not of him, not directly.
“I won’t hurt you,” he said, his words a vow. “No matter what happens, I’ll never hurt you.”
“I know,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “You’re not like him.”
Him? Hayden closed his eyes. This wasn’t about the shifter in the woods who had attacked her. There was another who had hurt her, and that’s why she was reluctant, afraid even.
“I owe you an explanation,” she said, her voice shaky but determined.
She wasn’t ready to share her past, not with the way she was shaking. He turned and captured her mouth with his. He didn’t intend the kiss to be as long as it was, but he needed to show her that he cared, deeply. Then he scooped her up again.
“I-I can’t,” she said, tears in her eyes.
“Nothing more than hot chocolate and sitting by the fire.” He placed her on the sofa in front of the fireplace while he retrieved the hot chocolate from the kitchen. “It’s all I had,” he added hastily before she could ask any questions. He didn’t want her to know he had put a special request in with Greg when the shifter headed into Devil’s Peak for a supply run a few day’s back.
“It’s great. Thanks.” She sipped from the mug as she stared into the fire that had finally come to life.
“You’re staring at me, aren’t you, Hayden.”
“Yup.”
“Any reason why?”
“I think you know why.”
She began shaking again.
“Ah, hell, Mila. Nothing’s going to happen unless you want it.” He ran his left hand up and down her arm. “I was just flirting. I mean, you gotta let a guy have some fun if all he’s allowed to do is look at you, right?”
She chuckled, which quickly turned to tears. He slid the mug from her and set it on the floor as he pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arm around her. His wolf was unsettled, but for once he didn’t have the urge to run off his frustrations. Everything in him said this was where he had to be, even if he had to keep his mouth shut until she felt secure. Her fingers splayed wide over his chest, and to his surprise, glided over his pecs.
“I’d love to ask you what you’re doing, but I’m afraid I’ll scare you. Or worse, that you’ll stop.”
“You don’t scare me, Hayden. Not anymore.”
“That’s good to know. . . I think.”
She laughed as her hand continued moving, this time directly over the scars on his chest. “You tried to hide these from me when we first met. I never saw you without your shirt except when you shifted and then you always turned your back to me, so I wouldn’t see. Why?”
This wasn’t what he wanted to talk about. There was a lot about his past she didn’t know, and discussing his past would not make her feel safe. “Vanity, I guess.”
Her head tilted back. “Liar. You’re not in the least bit vain.”
He released a deep breath. “I left my pack under less than ideal circumstances.”
“You had a fight?”
“Yes, but the scars came afterward. Punishment for my crimes.”
“Benji called you a traitor.”
Her hands stopped tracing the scars and she pulled back slightly, but not completely. He knew he’d have to explain this sooner or later, he just wasn’t expecting it to be so soon when they were still getting to know one another. Defending his honor against the Benjis of the pack was something he had decided he wasn’t going to do a long time ago. Some shifters would never give him a chance, no matter how hard he fought to protect this pack. But Mila knew how to listen, how to weigh the facts and judge for herself, which made this situation so precarious. Telling her the entire truth. . .no, it was too soon.
“You’re right, that most white wolves come from Drake’s pack. Or are related to it. I fought the alpha before Drake—Logan—and won. I believed him to be feral and put him down, per pack law. Drake didn’t see it that way. As Logan’s second and the male designated to take over for Logan, Drake became alpha. Some would think this would have made Drake happy, but it didn’t. He idolized Logan and had no desire to remove him from power. Unfortunately, Logan mentored him, taught Drake everything.”
“I never would have thought Drake capable of that type of camaraderie.”
“Family, not camaraderie. Logan raised Drake as his own. Father and son, essentially, though uncle and nephew in reality. Either way, when I killed Logan, Drake. . .”
Hayden drew another deep breath. He could still feel Drake and his enforcer take him down, sinking their teeth and claws into him. They’d caged him for three days, allowed him to heal, only for Drake to chain him up in the center of the pack and drag his claws down his chest, over and over again for a week until his wolf could no longer heal him.
“Drake lost it. He nearly killed me outright, but that would have been too quick, too easy, not in the style of Logan who’d taught him every sadistic trick in the book.”
She traced over one of his scars and he inadvertently jerked away from her. He suddenly recalled the feel of Drake’s claws raking through his flesh. Eight years later, the memory remained all-too-fresh in his mind.
“I’m sorry,” Mila said as she settled her hand in her lap. “I shouldn’t have asked. It’s too personal.”
“No, you should ask me whatever you want. I want you to know who I am, Mila, and if that means dragging up the past, then so be it.
“I’m sorry, Hayden. I know what it is to be at another’s mercy.”
She gazed into the fire. He wasn’t the only one with secrets. Someone had hurt her. A white wolf, and not Drake, or she would have said so by now.
“I won’t let him hurt you, Mila. You’re safe here with me, with this pack.”
“This pack. Damien’s pack. Do you realize how often you refer to it in any term other than saying ‘my pack’? It’s as if you don’t consider this pack yours, Hayden. And yet you’re here, doing Damien’s work, going where he sends you, watching over everyone, including shifters like Benji who don’t accept you as their own. Why? And why did he call you a traitor?”
“I killed my alpha.”
“Who was feral,” she added.
“That depends on who you ask. My birth pack, Drake. . . none of them thought Logan was feral. Extreme, cruel, harsh, but not feral. And there’s no way to prove otherwise. Not then and certainly, not now”
“They shouldn’t judge you if they weren’t there.”
“Perhaps not, but I made my choice and now I have to live with the consequences.” He felt lighter for having told her. She was easy to talk to, his Mila. Hayden wove his fingers through her hand that rested on his chest. “Thank you. For believing me.”
“I can’t be the only one.”
“No, but you’re the most important one.”
Chapter Eight
MILA
The heat enveloping Mila was just too divine to ignore, let alone leave. She
cracked open one eye to check the mantel clock. Eleven thirty am. If it weren’t for the fact that she needed to check on the cultures in her lab and document the results within the hour, she would stay on Hayden’s sofa with all his muscles and delicious flesh wrapped around her. Falling asleep in his arms had been so natural and easy. Extricating herself without waking him, especially when she wanted to hunker down and never leave, was the hard part.
Lips grazed her ear. So much for not waking him.
“I thought you were asleep,” she said, turning just enough to see that wry grin of his emerge. God, he was better than handsome, he was sinfully enticing.
“I wasn’t tired. Besides, I much preferred watching you sleep.”
“Boring. Maybe even creepy, Hayden.”
He laughed at that. “But not a waste of time. You couldn’t keep my hands from learning your body as you slept.”
She pushed herself. “Tell me you didn’t.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
She wasn’t sure whether he was serious or joking and if she should be mortified, upset, or incredibly turned on.
The way his nostrils flared, it appeared they both had their answer. She was wet and she didn’t have to look at him to know he was hard. His hand sifted through her hair, and then gently, Hayden pulled her toward him. His mouth covered hers, bringing another type of heat to her body as his tongue caressed her lips, waiting for her to open to him. Why did she do as he bid so easily? Why couldn’t she pull herself out of his embrace, away from that strong, silky tongue that had her melting in his arms?
As he held her, flush to him, his free hands slid down her back and over her backside, where it came to rest. No squeezing or kneading her ass, definitely no smacking her to keep her from pulling away or threats if she did. This was Hayden, not Vance. Hayden simply kept his hand there, telling her she was his, if she’d let herself be his. It was tempting, in so many ways, but it wasn’t smart, not given her issues. He’d dump her the moment he found out her secret.
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