Gertrude didn’t respond.
“I know none of us love the guy.” (G also attended the church Lance Pouliot had tried to burn down.) “But I wouldn’t be accusing him of murder to the cops. That could get you into trouble, Gert.”
Gertrude heard him loud and clear, but she didn’t respond. She was too angry.
Eventually, Hale returned. “Can I have your full names and addresses please?”
They gave him the info.
“So, what were you two doing here exactly?”
“I needed to talk to Silas, the owner,” Gertrude said.
“About what?”
“None of your business.”
Hale looked at Gertrude, surprised, then looked at G, and back to Gertrude. “Actually, this is a murder investigation, so it is absolutely my business.”
“I wanted to sell him Girl Scout cookies,” Gertrude said snippily.
Hale sighed. “Ma’am, lying to the police is against the law.”
“No, it’s not,” she said.
Hale chewed on his lower lip. “OK, so you were here to talk to Silas. Then what happened? How did you get in?”
“We used the key.”
“You had a key?”
“No, we found it.”
“She found it,” G said, pointing at Gertrude.
“OK. Found it where?” Hale asked.
“I have a cat named Hail.”
“That’s great. Where did you find the key?”
“In the hide-a-key rock,” Gertrude said matter-of-factly. “Over there.”
Hale looked. Then he looked at Gertrude as if he’d never seen such a thing. Then he wrote something in his notebook.
“Who is she?” Gertrude asked.
“We haven’t made a positive ID yet,” Hale said.
“So you have made an ID?” Gertrude asked.
“What?” Hale snapped, looking genuinely confused.
“You said you hadn’t made a positive ID, which means you’ve made a less-than-positive one. Otherwise, you would have just said you didn’t know.”
G rolled his eyes and took a step back from Gertrude.
Hale sighed. “One of the guys thinks he recognizes her, thinks she’s a local waitress. But we don’t know anything for sure yet, so don’t go telling everyone. Then anyone who knows a waitress will fly into a panic.”
“Private Eyes?” Gertrude asked.
“What?” G said.
“How’d you know?” Hale asked.
“Lucky guess,” Gertrude said. “I know how you cops like to hang out there. G, you need to get me home. Right now.”
“Hang on,” Hale said. “Not so fast. I have some questions for you.”
“What?” Gertrude asked.
“How did you know she worked at Private Eyes?”
“I told you. Lucky guess.”
“OK, so what did you want to see Silas about?”
“I told you. Girl Scout cookies.”
“A-huh.” Hale wrote something down in his notebook. “So you’re the one who found the body?”
“Yep.”
“And what made you look in the house of balls? Did you expect to find Silas in there, inside his locked, closed building?”
“Nope,” Gertrude said, completely missing his sarcasm. “I just like balls.”
Hale stifled a chuckle. “OK then. So you found the body. Then what did you do?”
“I jumped into the balls.”
“You did what?”
“Oh, don’t get all shook up. I didn’t touch anything. I just wanted to make sure she was dead.”
“Did you touch the body?”
“No, of course not. I watch television.”
“So then how did you confirm that she was dead?”
“I could tell once I got close enough.”
“But you didn’t touch anything.”
“I said that already.”
Hale sighed again. Suddenly, he looked exhausted. “So did you see or hear anything suspicious?”
“Nope,” Gertrude said.
“Nothing at all?”
“Nope.”
“OK, well, we may need to fingerprint you later, so we can rule them out when we find them all over our crime scene.”
“Oh yeah, like you’re going to fingerprint an entire house of balls. What would that be, the print of every kid in Somerset County? That was a smart place to murder someone if you ask me,” Gertrude said.
“Except that I didn’t ask you,” Hale said. Then he looked at G. “How about you? You see or hear anything useful?”
“No, sorry, man. Nothing. The place was still, dark, and quiet.”
“And do you know what she wanted with Silas?” Hale asked.
“No, sorry.”
“So you just drive her around?”
“Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I have trouble saying no.”
“OK then,” Hale said and then looked at both of them as if he wasn’t sure what to do next. “You can take her home. Please, you two, don’t talk to anyone about this, especially reporters. And you,” he said, looking at Gertrude, “don’t leave town.”
5
“Can’t you drive any faster?”
“Why are you in such a hurry to get home, Gertrude?” G asked.
“It’s time to feed the cats.”
“Gertrude! The next time you come asking for my help, maybe I’ll just say no!”
Gertrude looked at him, shocked. “Really?”
“Well, yeah. You keep lying to me!”
“No I don’t.”
G sighed as he pulled into the trailer park. “Well, are you at least going to be safe?”
“Yes. Although, do you have any guns?”
G laughed. “Yes, I have guns. And no, you’re not getting anywhere near them. I can’t think of a worse idea than Gertrude with a gun.” He put the truck in park and then looked at her. “What’s going on, Gert? What are you mixed up in?”
“Nothing. I just like guns. Can you help me out of the truck please? I need my crate.”
G looked at her for another moment, as if trying to decide whether or not to let it go. Evidently he decided in favor of getting on with his day because he got out of the truck and circled around to help her out as well. As she climbed out, he looked around the trailer park as if he was looking for signs of danger. Gertrude saw this and felt guilty. “I’ll be OK, G. Really. Thanks for your help.”
“OK,” G said, sounding reluctant. “You have a phone in your trailer?”
Gertrude nodded. “Several.”
“I mean, do you have one hooked up, so you can call if you need help?”
“Yes, I’ll call you if I’m in danger.”
“No. Don’t call me. Call 911.”
“OK, 911. But if I’m in that much danger, all I have to do is pull on this thing.” She reached down her shirt, and G drew back. Then he looked relieved when she pulled out a LifeRescue pendant. “Don’t worry, G. I get into a pickle, I’ll just press this button, and the cavalry will be on the way!”
G laughed then. “The cavalry? You mean an ambulance? You might want to call 911 too, so you get actual police. Just be careful, OK? Go snuggle your cats or organize your bottle cap collection, something safe,” he said as he walked back around to his side of the truck.
“I don’t collect bottle caps, G,” Gertrude said and then muttered, “ridiculous” under her breath. As she watched him drive away, she took a few steps toward her trailer, but as soon as he was out of sight, she hurried to trailer number nine.
Gertrude banged on the trailer door and was surprised to hear an adult male voice call out, “Come in!” She had expected the door to be locked, which is how she’d left it. She opened the door and found a strange man standing over Sophia. He looked as if he was about to pick her up, and Gertrude flew into action. Screaming like a deranged banshee, she picked her walker up, held it out in front of her, and charged at him full speed ahead. Her walker hit him, knocking him off balance. He stagger
ed two steps backward, trying to regain his balance, and ended up pinned against the wall by a walker. She leaned toward him. “Who are you, and what are you doing here?”
She thought she must seem pretty tough, so she wasn’t pleased when the man laughed. He held his hands up. “I’m their dad! I’m their dad! It’s OK.”
Gertrude looked down at wide-eyed Sophia, who nodded her confirmation. Gertrude eased the walker off the man, put it back on the floor, and leaned on it. “Sorry.”
The man stood up straight and smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s OK. I guess. And just who are you?”
Gertrude cleared her throat and announced, “I’m Gertrude,” as if that explained everything.
“She’s our neighbor, Dad,” Sophia said, sidling up to him. “She’s nice … sort of. She’s been looking for our mother.”
“Oh yeah? Did you find her?”
“Yes. She’s dead.”
The man’s jaw dropped. “Wow, you’re big on tact, aren’t you?”
“Not really.”
The man looked down at his daughter. “Sweetie, can you and Carl go pack your things?” Then to Gertrude he said, “I’m Joel.”
Gertrude watched the kids walk down the narrow hallway. “Why aren’t they crying?”
“Would you like to sit?” Joel asked, motioning toward the couch.
Gertrude shook her head.
“They’re not crying because they’re not sad. They hardly know Lori. She’s mentally ill and refuses to stay on her medication, so she keeps getting in trouble with the law. She’s been in and out of jail. I have custody. But a few months ago, Lori picked them up from a birthday party. Sophia says she told them that I didn’t want them anymore and that they had go with her. Anyway, I’ve been looking for—”
“Did you kill her?” Gertrude interrupted. She just wanted to make sure.
“No! Of course not. I’m a mailman. I don’t kill people. … Why? Was she murdered?”
“Yes. But don’t tell anyone. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Cops told me not to.”
“Um, OK. So anyway, I’m going to take them home now. Thanks for trying to help them.”
Joel headed down the hall toward the children, leaving Gertrude to find her own way out. She scooped Tornado off a windowsill and headed toward the door. She was almost there when there was a sharp knock. Hoping it wasn’t the murderer, Gertrude peeked out the window to see a police car.
“Yeah?” Gertrude called.
“Somerset County Sheriff’s Department.”
“Yeah?” Gertrude repeated.
The door opened. “You again,” Hale said.
“Why isn’t anyone ever happy to see me?”
“What are you doing here?”
“I live here.”
“You do?” Hale stepped into the trailer, uninvited.
“Well, yeah, in trailer number three.”
“So what are you doing in this trailer?” Hale asked. Joel and the kids appeared behind her then. Each kid had a stuffed backpack on their shoulder. “And who are you?” Hale asked Joel.
“I’m Joel Hicks. These are my kids, Sophia and Carl.”
“Kids, can you go wait in your rooms, please? I need to talk to the grown-ups,” Hale said.
Sophia rolled her eyes. “We only have one room and we already know someone killed our mother.”
Hale looked at Gertrude. “You know, if I can find a way to throw you in jail, I think I might.”
“Does jail have cable?” Gertrude asked.
“So you knew who the body was back at the water park, and you didn’t tell us?”
“I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t know,” Hale said, incredulous. “So it’s just a coincidence we find you in the dead woman’s trailer?”
“I was looking for my cat.”
Hale looked stupefied. He took a step closer to her and almost growled, “Go home.” Then he looked at the children and softened his voice, “Kids, please go to your room for a few minutes.”
Sophia looked up at her father, who nodded. She rolled her eyes again and walked away. Carl followed like a loyal disciple. Gertrude didn’t move. Neither did Tornado.
“So,” Hale began, ignoring Gertrude as if he hoped that would make her go away. “Lori Hicks is your wife?”
“Sort of. She never actually took my name. Why, was she using my name now?”
“Apparently. Her employer has her as Lori Hicks.”
“Her legal name is Norton. We were married eight years ago, but she left a few years later, shortly after Carl was born. Since then, she’s had very little to do with the kids, but she grabbed ’em a few weeks ago. I’ve only just found them.”
“And how did you?” Hale asked.
“How did I what?”
“Find them?”
“Oh, Lori called me late last night. Said someone had left her threatening notes. Told me to come get the kids. She sounded scared, so I left right away.”
“Did she say who was after her?”
“Nope, and I didn’t ask. Lori is always mixed up in something. I was just thinking about the kids.”
“I understand that. So, do you know if Lori was involved with drugs?”
“Probably.”
“And when you were together, what did she do for a living?”
“She worked in a flower shop.”
“To your knowledge, did she ever do any erotic dancing?”
Joel chuckled dryly. “To my knowledge, no. She wasn’t really much of a dancer.”
“OK. And where do you live?”
“Toledo.”
Hale looked up. “Toledo, Ohio?”
Joel nodded. “Is there another?”
“And your wife, or ex-wife, or whatever, brought her kids to central Maine to hide out?”
Joel shrugged. “She spent part of her childhood in Commack, so I guess she knows the area? I don’t know. Look, most of what she does doesn’t make much sense. I’m sorry that she’s gone, but I’m also not surprised. And I know her death has nothing to do with me and the kids, so I’d just like to get them home. They’ve missed a lot of school.”
Hale nodded. “It’s not that I’m not sympathetic, but we’ll need you to stick around for a few days, just until we get some answers. I’ll keep in touch though. Is it all right with you if we look around this place?”
Joel stepped back to allow Hale and his silent partner into the living room. “Sure, it’s not my place.”
“OK thanks. You might want to get your kids out of here then. I don’t want to scare or upset them.”
“Wait!” Gertrude said.
Hale didn’t even try to hide his annoyance. “What?”
“I’ve already searched the place.”
Hale and his partner laughed. “OK then. Well, we’re going to give it another go. Why don’t you and your cat go on home and take a break? I’m sure you’re exhausted from all this investigating you’ve been doing.” He smirked and walked away from her.
Gertrude stormed out of the trailer and down the wooden steps, all the while muttering under her breath, “Fine. I won’t show you the naughty photos. Fine, I won’t tell you Lori was a blackmailer. Fine, I won’t help you solve this crime. I’ll just do it myself.”
6
Gertrude fed her cats and then made herself a tuna fish sandwich with extra pickles. There was just enough space at the kitchen table for a single plate, and it was there she sat, surrounded by stacks of treasures. She propped the top photo against a pile of L. L. Bean catalogs and stared at it as she chewed. I need to talk to Silas, she thought. I need his alibi. Then I’ll find the guy from the second photo and get his alibi too. But how do I find Silas? I don’t know where he lives. I know! She slapped the table, startling Sleet, who was curled up in a nearby box of scarves. Old Man Crow has one of those computers that’s online. You can look up just about anything on those things.
Gertrude hurriedly finished her sandwich, giving a small piece of tuna to Sle
et as an apology, and then headed for the door. Minutes later, she was pounding on Old Man Crow’s screen door. But no one answered. She pounded again. Oh no, I can’t handle another dead body today. She cupped her hands over the window and peered inside. The inside of the trailer looked pristine. What a weirdo. She pounded again. Then she heard some commotion inside. Soon, the door opened. “What?”
“Why isn’t anyone ever happy to see me?”
“What do you want?”
“Can I use your computer?”
“No,” he said and shut the door in her face.
She pounded on it again. “Please!” she hollered through the door. “It’s a matter of life and death!”
He opened the door again. “What?”
“I said it’s a matter of life and death,” she repeated.
“Whose?”
“Whose what?”
“Whose life or death?”
“Oh, will you just let me in, old man? The sooner you help me, the sooner I’ll be out of your hair.” She looked up at his balding head. “Or what’s left of it anyway.” She pushed past him and headed inside. “Smells good in here. What is that?”
“Hygiene.”
She made a beeline for the small, neat computer desk. When she got there, she sat down with a grunt.
“Get up,” he said. “Don’t touch anything. What do you need? Pay a fine to animal control? I’ll do it for you.”
“OK, OK old man. Don’t get your diaper twisted.” She stood up.
“Who you callin’ old? You’re not exactly a young’un.” He sat down. “Now what’s this emergency?”
“I need an address for Silas LeBlanc.”
Old Man Crow looked at her incredulously. “Silas?”
“Yeah.”
“He’s my great-nephew, on my late wife’s side.”
“Oh great, then you must know where he lives.”
“Ayuh.”
“So can you take me there?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Don’t want to.”
“But I told you it was a matter of life and death!”
“Whose?”
Gertrude put her arms on her walker and leaned forward on them as she rubbed her temples. How can this man be so exasperating? “I need you to take me to Silas so I can talk to him about a dead stripper.”
Gertrude, Gumshoe Cozy Mystery Series Box Set: Books 1, 2, and 3 Page 3
